Inside Out

By Tyrika Johnson-McQuay

Talia Smith grew up in Tunnock Station, on the other side of the tracks, from the suburbs in Pennsylvania. At five years old, her life was turned upside down, and the family was ripped apart when her father was sentenced to prison for a horrific crime. Shortly after, Talia went through a series of traumatic events from abuse, running away, and even homelessness at one point. None of that stopped Talia as she continued to push forward with a goal to get out of Tunnock Station and never have to de

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781644622933

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Inside Out

Tyrika Johnson-McQuay

Copyright © 2018 Tyrika Johnson-McQuay

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc. 2018

ISBN 978-1-64462-291-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64462-293-3 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Prologue

Ooouch! No, stop. Please. Nika was trying so hard to break free.

Shhh. Stop being loud or you going deeper in here, my father said.

Please, Mr. Roger, please don’t hurt me no more. I don’t want it no more. Please stop it!

I said shut the fuck up! Don’t act like you don’t like it now. You said you wanted to see it, and now that I’m giving it to you, you don’t like it? Shut the fuck up before I really give you something to cry for!

All she could do was lie there in the bathtub and hold her breath. He never even thought to turn around when he heard the door creak. I knew what he was doing wasn’t right, but she said she wanted to see. My daddy wouldn’t do anything to really hurt her anyway. He was probably just playing. His back was to me, and I couldn’t see over his shoulder, but I heard Nika’s painful cry. Then I heard the front door open. Mommy was coming up the stairs and saw me sitting in the hallway.

What’s going on? she muttered to me so that I could read her lips.

I don’t know, I said as I shrugged my shoulders.

Mommy opened the bathroom door and saw Daddy as he jumped up from the side of the tub, zipping up his pants, and moving closer to the toilet as if he was just coming in to use the bathroom. Nika tried hard to wipe her face, which was full of tears at this point; dipping her head under the water would have been convincing if Mom had not already formed her own conclusion. Dad was caught red-handed zipping up his pants, and his face went from his normal caramel complexion to beet red in an instant. At first, Mommy didn’t know what to think, but then she came to reality. Dropping her bags at the door, smoke literally steamed from her dark-brown skin, and you could tell tonight was not going to end well. The only other time I had seen my mother this mad was when I was caught stealing the Lip Smacker lip gloss from the Macy’s store. That night didn’t end well either.

What the fuck do you think you doing in here?

Calm down, D. I was just about to use the bathroom and you scared me, girl! he said, laughing and pushing her out the frame of the bathroom door.

My mother might have been petite, but her strength must have tripled because as much as he pushed her, she never budged. Pushing him further into the bathroom, she continued to scream, Why the fuck would you be using the bathroom with my goddamn daughter in the bathtub? Roger, don’t fucking play with me. What the fuck is going on in here? Nika, get up and get out that goddamn tub.

Immediately, Nika’s tears began to flow, but she never moved. I am not sure if she was scared or embarrassed, but her face looked like she was paralyzed in that very spot, looking from my dad to Mommy and then back at him. Finally, she gazed at me, standing in the hallway, and she never broke that gaze.

She hasn’t even washed up yet. Why the fuck are you so paranoid, Deon? Calm the fuck down. What, I look like a fuckin’ perv to you or something?

My mom got real close in his face, so close that I’m sure he could taste the cigarette she had if he inhaled. Never breaking eye contact, she said, Bitch, if I find out that you been touching my fucking kids, I’mma make sure they cut your dick off and hand it to me before they throw your ass in jail. Play with me if you want to, Roger, and I will make sure! Nika, I said get up and out of that goddamn tub! Go into my room and shut the door. Take your sister with you!

Yes, ma’am. Nika jumped up as if she had been sleeping and was startled suddenly. She never looked back in the bathroom once she ran past Mommy, who had Dad locked in on a standoff in the corner of the bathroom. Nika yanked my arm, and we went into Mom’s room. Because neither of them turned around, they never saw Nika crack the door and sit down to watch what happened next. Daddy stared Mom down for a second, and in the next second, he had his hands wrapped around her throat!

Bitch, I don’t know who you think you are, but if you ever talk to me like that again, I will pop your damn head off your shoulders.

Mom was ready for a fight, though, because in the next instant, she picked up the yellow glass duck on the side of the sink and smacked it on his head.

She kept hitting him with it until he fell to the ground. Then she kicked him in the nuts and ran out the bathroom, but he wasn’t far behind her. He grabbed her by her long dark hair before she got to the stairs and dragged her back to the bathroom. Her waitress skirt was well in the air by now, and she had kicked her shoes off. He picked her up and held her against the wall by her neck so high that her feet were swinging off the ground. Mom fought to her best ability, but she couldn’t do too much three feet off the ground. Her eyes started to roll in the back of her head and her long fingernails, which once clawed at my father’s face, now frantically did the same at his hands on her throat.

Finally, Nika ran out of the room screaming and hitting in a fit of rage. She startled both Dad and Mom, letting them both know that we had been watching all the time. One swift kick to his midsection, and Daddy was back on the ground. Mom fell to her knees, gasping for air and crawling out the bathroom. Nika kicked again, and this time, Daddy topped over, and you could hear him cry out in pain.

Mommy was still gasping for air but had managed to stand up and lean on the rail. Nika ran into the bathroom, filled the glass cup with water, and gave it to her. Suddenly, my father jumped up, smacked Nika to the floor and again went for my mother’s throat, this time leaning her over the banister. You could see the fear now lit up in my mother’s eyes as she pleaded with him not to do this in front of me and Nika. Still, he tightened his grip; as if by taking her life, he knew he would be saving his own. Nika never got back up, and I could see she was in pain. Without a thought, I stood up, tears running down my face, but I never made a sound. In an instant, I took the wooden statue that was in the hallway and threw it right at my dad’s head. He fell again, and this time, he crawled closer to the steps. My mother flew into the bedroom and picked up the phone to dial 911. When she came back into the hallway, Daddy was down the stairs and out the door, and I just sat there, watching him.

Chapter 1

Do you love your dad, Talia? The white man with big glasses had the nerve to ask. He wore a light-gray suit with a big, blue bow tie. His pants came right to his ankles, and his brown leather shoes looked as if they had been shined just this morning. Slightly on the tall side, his oversized belly made it hard to take him seriously at times. He reminded me of Santa Claus, but I think he was called the prosecutor, which made me very afraid to laugh at him.

Yes, I replied.

That’s good. Now, I know you love your dad, and I promise you nothing bad will happen to you if you answer my questions, okay?

Okay.

Have you ever seen your dad do bad things to someone?

Objection! Calls for speculation. Your Honor, she is seven years old! my father’s lawyer yelled out.

I’m sure she knows what good and bad is, Counselor. Can you be a little more specific though?

After months of counseling and talks about vaginas and penises, you would think that they wouldn’t try and talk to me like I was five years old at this point. Meanwhile, my dad kept looking at me and smiling. I smiled back. I actually missed him. I hadn’t seen him since the big fight in my house, and with all the talk going around, I wasn’t sure if Uncle Raymond had killed him or Nika’s father had ran him off after pistol-whipping him. Grandma was in the corner crying, and Mommy and Nika are nowhere in the room. I was starting to get scared, but his smile made it all better. I had forgiven him. He didn’t mean any harm. It was all just a big misunderstanding. Why couldn’t everyone see that? After all, Nika did ask to see it.

Talia? Have you ever seen your sister and your father alone together?

Yes . . . yeah, I did one time, I said, knowing exactly what he was talking about now. I remembered why we were all here in the first place.

Do you remember what you saw?

Yes, I said, not wanting to really tell everyone. Why did all these people need to know? I didn’t know any of them.

Well, can you tell me exactly what you saw?

Ummm . . . yeah . . . I mean, yes. We were getting ready for bed one night. One night, when Mommy had to work late, Daddy came over to watch us. Me and Nika.

I’m sorry, and who is Nika? Just for the record.

Oh, ummm . . . that’s my sister. But she had gone upstairs to get ready for bed. Daddy had told her to take a bath. He ran her bath water and um—

I didn’t really want to talk about this anymore. I didn’t want my dad to get in trouble, and I definitely didn’t want him to be mad at me. I looked at him, and he was still smiling at me. I was so confused by what was happening. How could he be happy at a time like this? What about what was going to happen? Nothing about this was a happy moment.

It’s okay, you can tell us. No one will hurt you, the white man said, as he blocked what I would later remember as my last look at my dad.

Nika got undressed and got in the tub, and Dad went in the bathroom behind her. He stood over her and unzipped his pants. And then . . . um . . . Nika asked him what he was doing, so Dad asked her if she wanted to see, and she said yeah.

I’m sorry, Talia, I know this is hard for you. Can you be a little more specific? What did your father ask Nika if she wanted to see?

What was in his pants? His penis. Daddy told me to go to bed, but I told him I wasn’t sleepy. He said I needed to go to bed, so I went to my room. But then I heard a noise. So I came back out, but I was in the hallway. I didn’t go in the bathroom because I didn’t want to get in trouble.

What kind of noises did you hear? the older white man kept insisting.

I wasn’t really sure why I had to tell this whole story all over again. I had said it a million times to the police, the therapist, my family, and now to this same man.

Why do I have to keep telling this story? I don’t want to keep saying this story. Is this going to put my dad in jail? I was getting very scared and angry at the same time. I’m not sure what was happening, but my stomach started knotting up, and I felt like I wanted to vomit.

Talia, the man started, putting his hand up at the judge right before he could speak, I know this is hard for you. But I really need you to tell us the truth about what happened that night. I promise you, everything will be fine. You just need to tell us what happened. Can you do that please?

Nika was crying. She was screaming and telling my dad to please stop. She said she was scared and that she didn’t want to see anymore.

And what did your father do?

He kept going. Told her if she didn’t be quiet, he was going to give her something to cry for.

Could you see what your father was doing to make Nika cry and ask him stop?

"No. His back was to me. But I did see he had his hands in the water, and he was kneeling on the bathtub right in front of her. I backed out of the bathroom