Book of Szen

By GARY SZENDERSKI

The Book of Szen is a compilation of stand-alone stories and observations that celebrate the power in each of us to create positive change in our lives, to be what we want to be. Essentially, it is not a "how-to" book, but a "why not" book. It's a down-to-earth collection that includes simple anecdotes and short stories that encourage us to reach our sometimes forgotten voice, a voice that yearns for a better life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: GARY SZENDERSKI
• Release date: Sep 12, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393303329

GARY SZENDERSKI

Gary Szenderski is an author, speaker, teacher, professional leadership coach, and branding specialist, internationally acclaimed as an expert on the subject. He specializes in helping people and organizations to navigate change and frequently speaks and writes about emerging brands, personal branding and companies in transition. Gary is an award-winning writer, often quoted marketing expert and recipient of the Distinguished Instructor Award from the University of California in Irvine where he has been teaching marketing and branding since 2003. He resides in Southern California and welcomes your comments. Email him at [e-mail].

Book preview

Life’s Good

Have you ever had a day when you wake up and just feel great? You know when you just feel happy and alive and wanting to get on with what life brings you. You bounce out of bed, the birds are chirping, no muscles are aching and the smell of freshly brewed coffee permeates the air. You look in the mirror and you say to yourself: life is good. You decide to wear your most flattering outfit and you linger over breakfast, sipping your coffee and reading the morning paper, feeling so darn lucky that you are you, and not one of those unfortunates written about in the news.

After breakfast, you almost bounce out of the chair and head to the car, convinced that traffic will be non-existent and the commute will be painless and entertaining. Walking out to the driveway you hear the giggles of school children getting ready for their day and the flashback to your own 4th grade mornings brings a smile to your face. As you pull out of the drive you turn on the radio to listen to what has transpired the night before and to catch a glimpse of what’s important to the world today. You hear that the weather is going to be perfect; but you already knew that. You hear that your favorite team won, and that’s not a surprise and the stock you just bought was rated as a buy — and better hurry.

Traffic is light and your mood is calm and contented. You feel this sense of satisfaction and competence and you begin to laugh out loud and totally embrace the extraordinary power of the good blessings that have been given to you. Your mind scans the memories of mom and dad and the joy of growing up. You reflect on the days at school and that first kiss by the lockers and you realize that the path you are on could only be meant for you.

As you pull into the company lot, the closest parking spot known to man is open and available. As you emerge from the car you see your co-workers and recognize that the smile you are sending them is turning their day into a positive one. You seem to have energy to help and you spend it wisely on the people that make up your day. The donuts you brought are a big hit. The email you share with the team on the confirmation of the latest contract lifts the spirits of all those around you. The staff meeting takes on an aura of surrealistic winning perspective. Everybody seems to be energized by your presence. The boss and your co-workers are riding a wave of enthusiasm for the future and they are sharing their good feelings with you. It seems as though it’s all about you.

At lunchtime you decide to go to the florist and send some flowers. This will be an unexpected gift, and for no apparent reason, but your heart is so light that giving seems the only logical and natural thing to do. As you wait for your lunch order you search the room and see people bent over their food or reading the paper or gazing into space. You take a little bit longer to cut and to chew and you decide to let the flavor and texture of the food get through to your senses. You are experiencing a moment of total presence and awareness. You are observing but detached. You are there, but this day you are way beyond the normal.

There is some time after lunch and you stroll back to the office on a path and street you rarely take. You notice for the first time, the wonderful architecture and the coolness of the trees that line the sidewalk. You hear yourself begin to whistle and you smile again at the sense of complete calmness that you feel. For whatever reason, you woke up today with a mission and purpose. You are here to appreciate what impact you have on your surroundings and the people that are in your life. You have a sense of destiny and power to change the future, something that you have not felt in a long time. You recognize that this day was created for you and you ponder its power.

The afternoon provides an endless set of insights and perspectives on life. Everything you do is a reflection of the joy you feel inside, and every time you feel that joy, you encounter a person that needs a taste of the energy that is oozing out of your pores. You give it freely and you begin to feel a deeper resonance with the world around you. Somehow, for some reason, you have become a channel of encouragement, giving, and love, and the feeling of being in that perfect state is incredible as it is improbable.

Just then you hear the screech of the alarm. As you turn it off and roll over to see the time, the dream you have just left seems so real. Can dreams come true? Of course they can, and today was made for that very thing. It belongs to you, to do, to be, to experience that perfect day, to be the you that looks in the mirror and says: life’s good.

What’s Your Story?

Image, like the cover of a book, is what each of us projects on the outside so that other people know how to label us and stick us into the appropriate pigeonhole. What you wear or drive, the words you use, the money you have or don’t have, and the overall body language you project, goes into your outward persona. In fact, everything about you creates an impression. And, in addition to the obvious physical projections you make, people pick up on your mood, demeanor, attitude and current frame of mind. People can read you like a book. So what kind of story are they reading and is it the one you want them to know?

We write the stories of our lives and just like any author, everything about you is under your control. You pick the plot line, name the heroes, and set the stage for the action. You can create antagonists, protagonists or even agonists. You can assign them roles and orchestrate how you want to interact with them. The book is all about you, and all you have to do is live the story the way you want it to be read. In other words, be the you, you want to be remembered for, and start acting accordingly.

If you are not up to writing your own story, know that there are lots of people around you who want to assign you a part to play in their lives. They want you to act and/or treat them in a certain way, say certain things, and provide the exact manufactured drama that your role calls for— no more, no less. Actually, we all started as a part of someone else’s story.  Our parents had a dream and we fulfilled it. The essential characters were set in place and some basic attributes for each of us were assigned as part of our own sub-plot. As we grow older, we’re like a sequel.  We have the option of taking the pen in hand and scripting a life’s journey with more characters, more responsibility, and even more opportunity.

The good news is that all you need to start is a willingness to share and openness into the myriad of plot lines available. Most of you have started your story; some people start writing tragedies while others author fantasies. How your story goes, or better said, unfolds, is ultimately up to you. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

You can’t change the past. Whatever stage you are in, is what is. You can’t turn back time, and if you don’t like what is happening, your best bet is to change the present thus impacting your future. Remember that a good story makes the past relevant and interesting. It pulls from that richness of experience to bring what was, into focus, and provides the framework for greatness with an appreciation for your journey so far.

Anything is possible. Just because your story has got you this far, does not mean that it can’t be updated to get you there, wherever that may be. If you choose, you can write a dream-come-true story for yourself and for all of those around you that you love. Just ask yourself, if you knew you wouldn’t fail, what would you do?

Be the story. All great characters and people had faith in themselves and trusted that what they needed in order to reach their dream would be provided. The miracle that you will discover very quickly is that it’s not about the dream; it’s about the journey. By being in the story as it unfolds, you experience the now in a way that gives each moment of your life meaning. And through all of the plot’s twists and turns, you’ll embrace the most important rule for good story telling — authenticity. It’s easy because it’s all about you.

You have the tools, outline, and past to draw from. To begin, all you need now is to know the ending you seek. This will change your story, the image of yourself, and in turn, your life.

The Inside Track

If you read or follow any of the new literature on self-help, you know that much of it centers on first understanding one’s self. This creates a problem for many people that really want to improve, but are looking for a kind of magic wand solution — a quick and easy fix that will make them attractive, rich, and popular.

The process for having lasting and meaningful change seems simple enough, usually. There are five steps to success, or 12 secrets to wealth, or 30 days to find happiness.  Yet, with all of this help available, why are we not a perfect society? Why is it that some people have all of the money and good looks, while others have all of the extra weight? The simple answer is that all of us are different and although all of these great books and the authors make it easy to understand how change is possible, they don’t know us well enough to achieve complete success. Improvement is a process that is unique to each of us.

It’s difficult for people to change. I know this because I have literally made a career out of helping companies and organizations navigate change. In every situation, the very first piece of the puzzle that needs to be addressed is about what’s going on inside. Understanding who is in charge and what they want to be are critical variables in reaching whatever goal or change is desired.

To get there, I usually start with a simple question: If you knew you would not fail, what would you do? Almost always, the answers are less corporate dogma, and more personal introspections into what essentially makes one happy. Knowing the goal is critical, of course, because without a vision, one can’t see one’s destiny. But, just as crucial, is understanding one’s heart by asking, Is it in me to get where I want to be? And just as important, Is it worth it to me?

Those that know the true value and worth of the changes they need to make are always the most successful. That’s because they take charge by first looking in the mirror. Change, at least lasting change, is spawned and catalyzed in the moment one admits that where they are now is simply not working. This is not easy to do. It’s painful to admit that everything you have done so far has only gotten you to this point and not to your ultimate destination. Once accepted, however, the doors open wide. The universe conspires to bring you exactly what you need, to get you where you want to go.

This is not my law but rather a truism of human nature. People and collections of people (like the many companies I work with) have the ability to change their world and the world around them by simply recognizing where and who they are now. I should add here that I mean honest recognition and not wishful interpretation. We all know people who believe they are more, or better, or different than they really are. And knowing these types of people, the ones who somehow always find a way to make things seem okay, serves as a reminder that rationalization is alive and well within our culture.

For the rest of us, I’d like to suggest that we ask ourselves to name three aspects of our personality we know are true, and that we’re not willing to change. If you need help, ask your friends or your mate, I’m sure that they’d be willing to tell you. Once armed with these insights, you can choose goals and opportunities that won’t conflict with your essential nature. This makes positive change possible if not downright easy.

I’ll start with my own three to get things going. Of course, each of these particular insights into myself is fodder for more of these stories. First, I prefer to be doing more than one thing at a time (duh, I’m working at least three jobs). Second, I tend to save the best for last (read my Book of Szen on the potato chip). Third, I am loyal to people and sometimes things for inordinate amounts of time (that’s another story).

La Vida es Corta Pero Ancha

Life is Short, But Wide. It’s an expression in Spain that sets their tone and view of life. It’s a life of romance and energy and faith and reflection. They have time set aside for naps and they engage in shared celebration. They prefer to have dinner after dark, and relish every morsel and piece of conversation throughout the evening. It’s a blessed life and one that remains strong in culture and resolve.

It is the simplest interpretation of life and philosophy for living that I have ever found. Its trueness and essence of hope is both exhilarating and profound. If we could all embrace this simple saying we would be able to reap the benefits of two very distinct yet powerful axioms. First, we would be reminded that life is short and sometimes friends, parents, and others, die way too young and often before we can say a proper goodbye. It’s the reminder that we could all go in a blink. Sobering, I know, but true nonetheless.

The complementary piece of this beloved expression is filled with energy and hope and a reminder to all of us that there are aspects of our existence that, at the end of the day, don’t mean too much in the scope of living. Too frequently there are undiscovered regions of our mind and psyche, which sometimes need to be kick started and let out of their contrived cages.

The World is Wide is a call to arms and a battle cry for admonishing mediocrity, instilling in each of us a sense of presence and grounding. It is, in its simplest form, an acknowledgement that wherever we are now and whatever we accept as our fate, is simply not enough. There is more to do and achieve and enjoy than we can see before us. There is a corner to turn and a bridge to cross. A bridge filled with doubt and angst but one that we can overcome, or at least try to overcome.

So, is life wide enough for you? I’m sure it’s short enough, and all of us have considered the brevity of existence and pondered an unexpected end to our life and the impact that it could have on those we love. Yes, things can end — but so many more can begin if we simply pay attention to the bandwidth we’re given on this earth. There really are no boundaries and there are no restrictions to our individual goals and aspirations; there are only perceived obstacles and self-doubt. On the positive side, there are endless options and chances to become what we truly aspire. And the only element we lack in reaching those goals is the simple belief that we deserve to reach them.

Some may call this an arrogant and selfish perspective, but I think that arrogance and selfishness can also be termed confidence and desire. Whatever you may call it, it will determine how far you go in getting to your own raison d’etre. After all, we are all here not only to simply exist, but also to succeed, and the path that we choose should be wide and open for whatever we may attract along the way. 

Finally, I’m reminded of the story of a little boy who every night wished that an angel would appear and help him in his quest. He prayed and prayed, and finally his angel came to him. The angel said that he had heard his prayer and was sent to help him reach his goal. The angel also said that he could not simply give the boy what he wanted or merely grant a wish.  Instead, the boy would have to work on his own if he really wanted to manifest his dream. The boy closed his eyes and prayed aloud saying that he knew what he had to do but wasn’t sure how to start the process. The angel smiled and said, You have already begun. The boy then opened his eyes and said, I understand, and then asked, When do I reach my new path and when does my new future begin? The answer from the angel was simple and true for all of us that have dreams to fulfill:  It’s now. It’s always been now.

LIFE IN THE PRESENT Tense

There has been a great deal written about the negative impact of stress. I tried to read about the subject via a few articles and books but could not get through them. By detailing all of life’s opportunities to present stressful encounters, the stories and narrative became self-fulfilling prophecies. It reminds me of a joke by comedian Lewis Black. He said that while on a cross-country flight from Los Angeles to New York he read a 30-page article in TIME magazine about diabetes. He says that he read every word and by the end of the trip he was convinced that he had diabetes. It seems that the mind is pretty powerful and can manufacture any reality we choose or get sucked into. When that reality seems out of our control, the natural by-product is stress.

Life in the present tense seems to be really different for each of us. I meet so many people that seem to be immersed in tension of one kind or another. And just as I write this I can also recall that some people that seem to be oblivious to stress. This latter group shares a common principle and perspective and live their life with a simple understanding and appreciation for letting go. They tend to practice two basic laws of life and these laws serve them well. They are the principles of acceptance and detachment. The former is an appreciation for what is, regardless of its value, and detachment is the ability to separate oneself from all of the trials, tribulations, pain, deadlines, pressure and angst of life because you simply can’t control it all anyway. Application of both of these laws simultaneously allows one to be at ease with what is. While this is easier said than done, it explains why most prayers are about some combination of changing what is, to what we want it to be, then wishing that it would be here pronto.

The fact that we want wishes to come true now, not later, seems pretty logical. I mean what’s the point of the wish being granted or the prayer answered later than you want? Suffice to say that there is an expression that goes like this: God is seldom early but He’s never late. This precept encourages faith and at the end of the day, it’s your faith in God, yourself, and the universe to step up and deliver your dreams. Faith is so powerful it’s the recurring theme in all of life’s wonders. It’s in the Bible, it’s discussed in every single church there is, and it is a lynchpin for transformation. Without it, nothing happens and with it, everything is possible.

To apply faith to the present moment is the ultimate trick to be played on one’s current existence. By believing that it will be okay, it becomes okay, and the more it becomes okay the more it will be okay – you get where this is going. Faith then is a tension and stress reliever. Faith occupies the moment and replaces stress and tension and even despair. Faith leads the way of all virtue and is the core of every belief and religion and personal vision ever devised. Faith can and often does move mountains. Faith not only saves lives it creates them.

Faith is all about acceptance of what is, the detachment from what was, and the belief in what will be. Faith used appropriately in the present tense eliminates tension and stress because it moves the psyche into a position of awaiting its destiny. We’ve all heard coaches and parents and teachers and others tell us that we just have to believe. And all of us have believed in a whole lot of stuff, but not all of the stuff we say we believe in comes to fruition. That’s only because we have not yet detached from the old and freed ourselves for the new.  Also, we have not been accepting of what is delivered in answer to our prayers. When it is all said and done we all get what we want. How fast, and to what degree, is a function of how much we believe we need it, and most importantly, deserve it. A negative axiom on this subject of belief states that if we don’t feel we truly deserve it, we don’t, and thus won’t get it. Get it?

To believe that we deserve anything means that we have the power to deserve everything; it’s only a matter of degree, inspiration, mindset and will. What stops us is the tension of the moment. If we can detach a bit, relax into our own self and be open to whatever, we’ll be able to realize two simple yet powerful and possibly life changing axioms: One, we have the power to change our life; and two, we must use it wisely before it is too late.

Now is the time.

The Next Level

Okay, you have done the right thing, have the right education, know the right people, paid your dues as it were, and now feel that the time is right to make a change. You want to improve your life, take the bull by the horns, and are ready to go to that next level, whatever it may be. However, getting from where you are to where you want to be is often easier said than done.

I’ve been very lucky in that for over 25 years, I have worked almost exclusively with people that want to go to the next level.