A Marriage Manual - A Practical Guide to Sex and Marriage

By H. M. Stone and A. S. Stone

Originally published in the early 1930s this learned work on Sex and Marriage presents in a realistic and practical manner the essential facts of mating and reproduction whilst also dealing with common sexual and marital problems which confront the average couple.Contents Include: Fitness for Marriage The Biology of Marriage The Male Sex Organs The Female Sex Organs Reproduction Problems of Reproduction Prevention of Conception The Art of Marriage Sex Technique and Orgasm Sexual Disharmonies Health in Marriage etc. Illustrated. Many of the earliest books, particularly those dating back to the 1900s and before, are now extremely scarce and increasingly expensive. Home Farm Books are republishing these classic works in affordable, high quality, modern editions, using the original text and artwork.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Home Farm Books
• Release date: Aug 6, 2020
• ISBN: 9781528761413

Book preview

A MARRIAGE MANUAL

A

Marriage Manual

A Practical Guide-Book

to Sex and Marriage

by

HANNAH M. STONE, M.D.

Medical Director of the Birth Control Clinical Research

Bureau and Marriage Consultation Centres, U.S.A.

and

ABRAHAM STONE, M.D.

Surgeon to the Sydenham Hospital and Director of

Marriage Consultation Centres, U.S.A.

English edition edited, and with an Introduction by,

MICHAEL FIELDING

LONDON

VICTOR GOLLANCZ LTD

in association with

JOHN LANE THE BODLEY HEAD

1938

TO

OUR DAUGHTER

GLORIA

First published April 1936

Second impression March 1937

Third impression June 1938

Printed in Great Britain by

The Camelot Press Ltd., London and Southampton

Foreword

In writing this book it has been our object to present in a realistic and concrete manner and in simple, nontechnical language the essential facts of mating and reproduction. For many years we have had the opportunity in lectures and consultations to discuss with men and women their problems of sex and marriage. During the course of our work, we have become familiar with the practical and intimate sexual and marital problems which confront the average individual. This book is based largely upon the results of these experiences, and is an attempt to meet the general need for more adequate information concerning the factors of human sex and reproduction.

A Marriage Manual is written in the form of hypothetical consultations between a physician and a young couple about to be married. In reality it does represent a composite record of many thousands of pre- and post-marital consultations—at Marriage Consultation Centres, the Birth Control Clinical Research Bureau, and elsewhere. We have adopted the dialogue style because we felt that it lent itself more readily to a vivid presentation of the questions and discussions, and because it appeared to be most suitable for a graphic portrayal of the subject matter.

Our aim has been to deal mainly with the individual aspects of sex contact rather than with the social, ethical or moral problems of sex conduct. As such, this volume is offered primarily as a practical guide to sex and marriage. We have dealt at some length and detail with the structure and functions of the human sex organs because we feel that an intelligent union should be based on an understanding of the biological processes involved. We have also emphasised particularly the technique of the sexual relation and the problems of birth control because it has been our experience that an appreciation of the sex factors in marriage and reliable contraceptive information are essential for a well-adjusted and satisfactory marital union.

Though it may appear from the contents that some parts were written by one or the other of us, we have, as a matter of fact, made no attempt to divide the subject between us, but have written all of it jointly. It has been our custom for many years to exchange our medical experiences, impressions and observations and to discuss and analyse the various problems that have come to our attention. Hence all the material included represents the result of the experiences and viewpoints of both of us.

HANNAH M. STONE

ABRAHAM STONE

INTRODUCTION

A FEW MONTHS AGO, in reviewing the American edition of A Marriage Manual, I wrote as follows: "It is a matter for some regret that, when a good book is produced, it does not automatically, by the operation of a law of progressive elimination, supersede all its inferior predecessors in the same field; for the appearance of such a work as A Marriage Manual could then immediately relieve the existing congestion among works designed to guide the general reader through the everyday problems of sex and marriage." Later, when I received the flattering request to prepare an edition for English readers—i.e. where necessary to substitute English for American material on such matters as birth control and eugenics—I was able to confirm this first impression. Not even the incorporation of my amendments and additions can alter the fact that A Marriage Manual is the best Baedeker to matrimony that has ever been published. Let me give very shortly my reasons for this opinion.

A Marriage Manual combines, more skilfully than any other work on the subject, scientific objectivity with a specific moral purpose. Drs. H. and A. Stone are not concerned merely to state facts, to answer the questions, quell the anxieties, and anticipate the difficulties of those who have undertaken or are about to undertake the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood. True, they do all these things supremely well. Accurately, with sufficient completeness and yet a delicate regard for the prejudices of the general reader, they survey what in any society which esteemed marital happiness as among the more important values would surely be the minimal curriculum for aspirants to matrimony and parenthood—namely, fitness for marriage, sexual anatomy and physiology, the mechanisms and problems of reproduction, the prevention of conception, the art of marriage, sexual disharmonies and the hygiene of sexual relationships. But though in the information they impart their standards are strictly academic, their aims are undisguisedly propagandist. They believe intensely in the spiritual value of monogamic unions, that there is something of inestimable value in the relation of a man and a woman who love each other with passion, imagination and tenderness, that a lasting union of one man with one woman is still the ideal form of human sex relationship; and in the hypothetical consultations of which this book consists they bend all their gifts of exposition and persuasion to the one purpose of showing Mr. and Mrs. Everyman how to make monogamy a success.

The fact that in this endeavour Drs. H. and A. Stone are aided by an almost unparalleled clinical experience is not without its importance. Everyone who knows the literature in this field must recognise that it includes some admirable works by non-medical authors; but among these there are few which are not marred by a tendency to generalise widely from a very limited body of facts. Such productions are indeed not without value, but chiefly as material for the expert psychologist, who can study them as thinly disguised excerpts from their authors’ autobiographies or even fantasies. A Marriage Manual is autobiographical only in the sense that it summarises some thousands of consultations in which Drs. H. and A. Stone have taken part; it is an exact record of their patients’ difficulties not their own.

Having said so much about the value of A Marriage Manual it is proper to add a word about its limitations. I am not, nor are the authors, among those who believe that sex knowledge is of itself a sufficient safeguard against marital maladjustments. Let those who believe otherwise ask themselves if, among well-educated persons who have nothing to learn about what have been called, a little invidiously, the facts of life, unhappy marriages are altogether unknown. But though knowledge is not a complete safeguard, ignorance is none the less a grave danger. No one engaged in the practice of medicine can fail to have had experience of marriages which have been wrecked through lack of the kind of knowledge that is contained in this book; or of cases of severe nervous disorder which such knowledge might have prevented but only a long course of medical treatment could cure. If the temperamental qualities that make for successful marital adjustment are lacking, sex education may mitigate but cannot wholly prevent marital unhappiness. But the converse is also true; that without sex education such temperamental qualities may not suffice to secure the most satisfactory and enduring marital experience. I do not know any other book in which this indispensable knowledge is imparted so precisely or so decently as in A Marriage Manual.

MICHAEL FIELDING

Table of Contents

CHAPTER I

Fitness for Marriage

The Objects of Marriage: Companionship, Mating, Reproduction. Fitness for Marriage: Economic, Psychological, Physical, Sexual, Procreative, Eugenic. Fertility and Sterility. Parental Health and Hereditary Diseases. Venereal Diseases and Marriage. How Heredity Works: Chromosomes and Genes. Heredity and Environment. Tuberculosis. Cancer. Inherited Physical and Mental Abnormalities. Marriage between Relatives. Individual and Racial Eugenics

CHAPTER II

The Biology of Marriage

The Male Sex Organs

The Rôle of the Male in Reproduction. The Male Pelvis. Urinary and Sexual Organs. The Seminal Fluid and its Contents. The Testes and the Ducts leading from them. The Accessory Sex Glands: the Vesicles and the Prostate. The Penis and the Mechanism of Erection. The Ejaculation. The Spermatozoa. Glands and Hormones. Testicular Hormones and Sexual Characters. Castration, Gland Transplantation, Rejuvenation. The Male Hormone

CHAPTER III

The Biology of Marriage (Continued)

The Female Sex Organs

The Rôle of the Female in Reproduction. The Female Pelvis. The Ovaries. Ovulation and Menstruation. The Egg Cell and its Journey from the Ovary. The Tubes and the Uterus. The Mechanism of Menstruation. The Vagina. The External Genitals: the Outer and Inner Labia, the Clitoris, the Hymen. The Female Urinary Passage. The Breasts. Ovarian Hormones. Castration and Transplantation of Ovaries. The Female Hormones

CHAPTER IV

The Mechanism of Reproduction

Asexual and Sexual Reproduction. Insemination: the Deposition of the Sperms in the Vagina and their Entry into the Uterus and Tubes. Fertilisation. The Development of the Embryo. The Formation of the Nourishing Apparatus: The Placenta and Umbilical Cord. Pregnancy: Signs and Symptoms. The Urine Test for Pregnancy. Pre-natal Influences. Maternal Impressions. The Process of Childbirth. Painless Childbirth. Caesarean Operations. Extra-uterine Pregnancies. The Lying-in Period. Lactation. Twins and other Multiple Pregnancies. Sex Prediction and Sex Determination

CHAPTER V

The Prevention of Conception

Sex and Reproduction. Birth Control and Health. Medical Indications for Birth Control. Birth Control and Morality. Primitive Birth Control. The Modern Birth Control Movement. Voluntary Parenthood. The Spacing of Children. Lactation. Continence. The Safe Period. The Biology of Conception and the Methods of Contraception. Methods which Prevent the Formation of the Sex Cells: X-rays, Heat. Methods which Prevent the Transmission of the Sex Cells: Surgical Sterilisation, Coitus Interruptus, Mechanical Contraceptives of the Male. Methods which Prevent the Entrance of the Sperms into the Uterus: Mechanical and Chemical Contraceptives. Biological Immunisation: Spermatoxins and Hormones. The Ideal Contraceptive. The Future of Birth Control

CHAPTER VI

The Problems of Reproduction

Fertility: Factors Influencing Fertility in the Male and the Female. The Childbearing Period of the Woman. Age and Fertility. Sterility: Causes; Diagnosis; Treatment. Artificial Insemination. Artificial Fertilisation. Virgin-Birth. Sterilisation: Social and Medical Aspects; Compulsory and Voluntary Sterilisation. Miscarriages: Causes and Prevention. Abortions: Legal and Medical Aspects; Indications and Contra-indications; Dangers and Extent; Legalisation of Abortions in Soviet Russia; the Combating of Abortions

CHAPTER VII

The Art of Marriage

Sex and Marriage. The Ethics of Sex. The Sex Instinct. Sex Technique. The Nature of the Sex Act. The First Sex Act. The Defloration. Artificial Defloration. The Art of Sex. The Sex Impulse in the Male and the Female. The Prelude to the Sex Act. The Physical and Psychological Manifestations of Sexual Stimulation. Sexual Adjustments. The Climax of the Sex Act: the Orgasm in the Male and in the Female. Duration of the Sex Act. Coital Positions. The Epilogue to Sexual Union

CHAPTER VIII

Sexual Disharmonies

Sexual Adjustments and Maladjustments. Difficulties in the Consummation of Sex Union. Ignorance of Sex Technique. Vaginismus and Genital Spasm. Painful Coitus. Impotence of the Male. Premature Ejaculations. Sexual Frigidity of the Male and of the Female. Orgasm Incapacity. Genital Disproportions. Homosexuality. Masturbation and Its Effects

CHAPTER IX

Health in Marriage

The Hygiene of Reproduction: Planning the First Pregnancy. The First Pregnancy and the Age of the Mother. The Size of the Family. The Use of Contraceptive Measures. The Fear of Pregnancy. Contraception and Sterility. Contraception and Health

The Hygiene of the Sexual Relation: The Frequency of Intercourse in Marriage. Sexual Compatibility of the Husband and Wife. The Rhythm of Sexual Desire. Sexual Desire and Fertility. Intercourse During Menstruation. Intercourse During Pregnancy and after Childbirth. The Sexual Impulse in Later Life. Premarital Continence. Ideal Marriage

Bibliography

Index

Illustrations

FIGURE

1. Male Genital Organs (side view)

2. Female Genital Organs (side view)

3. Internal Female Genital Organs (front view)

4. External Female Genital Organs (front view)

5. Spermatozoa and Ovum in Female Genital Tract

6. Fertilisation

7. Early Divisions of Fertilised Ovum

8. Full-term Pregnancy

CHAPTER I

Fitness for Marriage

"We are about to be married, doctor, and we have come to you for a general consultation. We feel that we ought to obtain some information and advice before our marriage, and we have many questions we’d like to discuss with you."

I shall be glad to give you whatever information I can. An understanding of the basic physical and psychological facts of sex and marriage certainly helps to lay a sounder foundation for the marital union. Are there any special problems about which you are concerned?

"No, we have no particular problems, but we would appreciate any information or advice that you think we ought to have."

I presume you have already read some books on the subject.

"Very few. In fact, we were going to ask you to recommend some to us."

As we go along I shall mention many books that might be of interest to you. Before we proceed, however, have you had a physical examination lately?

"No, not for some time, doctor. That is really one of the reasons for our visit. We’d like to find out whether we are fit for marriage."

Very well, I shall arrange for both of you to be examined later. However, if you were seriously interested in the question of your fitness for marriage, you should not have delayed finding out about it until this late date. By now, I presume, all your plans and arrangements have already been made, and it would probably be almost impossible to change them. To determine fitness for marriage it is really necessary to make a rather thorough study of the eugenic background, the past and present health record, and the general physical condition of the individual, and this should preferably be undertaken some time before the final decisions and plans for the marriage are made.

"We realise that it is rather late for us to inquire about our fitness now. We come from pretty good stock, and neither of us has had any serious illness, so we somehow assumed that we were well. Are there any special standards of fitness for marriage, doctor?"

"There really are no absolute norms or tests of suitability for the marital union. In marriage, as in other fields, fitness implies the ability to meet the necessary requirements or purposes. The standards of fitness for marriage, therefore, depend upon what we consider the objects or purposes of marriage to be.

The objects of marriage

Fundamentally, marriage is a personal association between a man and a woman and a biological relationship for mating and reproduction. As a social, legal, and religious institution, marriage has undergone any number of modifications and changes—nevertheless its basic realities remain the same. The permanent, indissoluble, sacramental union of the orthodox differs strikingly from the free, easily severed, and often not even officially registered marriage, let us say, of a modern Russian, and yet both of these marriages have certain underlying elements in common. In both instances the couple seek to make their union stable, they assume the freedom and privilege of a sexual relationship, and normally have as their ultimate aim the establishment of a family

"In our own case, too, we have decided to get married because we have come to feel that only marriage will give us a sense of stability and of completely ‘belonging to each other.’ "

Companionship

"Quite so. A man and a woman who love each other, who feel a deep mutual attraction, who have many interests, tastes, and ideals in common will after a while want to make their association stable and permanent. They will want to live together, to build a home together, to be assured of lasting companionship. Under present social and legal conditions this permanency can be achieved only through marriage.

Mating

"Furthermore, they will also want to live together in a physical sense. Love is a mixture of sensuality and sentiment, and the sexual relation is a fundamental factor in marriage. Where a strong attraction exists there will also be the desire for a close physical intimacy. Under our present code of moral standards sexual relations outside of wedlock are socially and legally forbidden, and marriage therefore serves the purpose of sanctioning the freedom and privilege of a sexual relationship.

Reproduction

Biologically, again, the object of marriage is not to legalise a sexual union, but rather to insure the survival of the species and of the race. From this point of view, marriage is not merely a sexual relationship, but a parental association. It is the union of a male and a female for the production and care of offspring, and reproduction is therefore another fundamental object or purpose of marriage.

"Would you say, then, that marriage should be postponed until a couple are in a position to have children and support a family?"

Economic fitness

"No, not necessarily. It is true that economic ability on the part of the man has always been regarded as one of the most important social standards of fitness for marriage. Even in primitive days, strength, endurance, and the ability to provide for the family were the essential marital qualifications. Westermarck, in his History of Human Marriage, reports that among many early tribes a young man had first to prove his courage and endurance before he was allowed to choose a wife. Among certain natives of South America, for example, no young man was permitted to marry before he had killed some big game, such as a jaguar; and if he killed five jaguars, he had a right to more than one wife. Among certain Eskimo tribes, a young man could have the young lady of his choice only after he had proved by his skill in hunting that he could support not only a wife and children but his parents-in-law as well.

At present, of course, no such feats of valour are expected of the young man, nor do parents-in-law expect to be supported by their prospective son-in-law. To-day the combined economic skill of both husband and wife are sometimes necessary to ensure their own support. While economic fitness still constitutes a very important social factor in marriage, it is being realised more and more, I believe, that it is not always advisable to postpone marriage until the man will be able to provide fully for the family. Young people reach physiological maturity long before they can attain economic security; the gap seems to be constantly widening and it is not always wise to wait for complete financial independence. It is better, it seems to me, for a couple to marry even though both may have to contribute to the family budget, rather than to wait until the husband’s income alone will be sufficient for the needs of the home. This whole question, however, lies outside of our present discussion, and perhaps we shall return to it later on.

"But wouldn’t a marriage on such a basis necessitate a delay in the raising of a family? This really applies to our own case, doctor. We are both looking forward to the time when we shall be able to have children but we’d rather not have any until we are in a position to provide for their care and their needs, and this may not be possible for us for at least a year or two."

"This is a problem which confronts most young couples to-day. Our present social and economic conditions frequently compel the postponement of childbearing or the limitation of the size of the family. A large number of young people can marry only on the understanding that the coming of children will be voluntarily delayed until they are ready to plan for a family. Nevertheless, eventually, as you said yourself, you will want children, and this is true of every normal couple.

While particular marriages may, of course, be entered into for any number of other reasons—family pressure, social convenience, financial considerations, and similar motives—basically the prime objects of marriage are companionship, sexual intimacy, and procreation. A man and a woman to be fit for marriage should therefore be emotionally companionable, they should be sexually normal, and they should be fit physically and eugenically to beget offspring.

"I don’t quite understand what you mean by being emotionally companionable. Isn’t that mainly a question of an individual adjustment between two people? Some can get along well and some cannot."

Psychological fitness

What I had in mind is the fact that certain people are unable to make a satisfactory adjustment in any marriage. I am not speaking of individuals who are incompatible with a certain mate, but rather of those who cannot adapt themselves to any marital relationship. Let me tell you, as an instance, about one couple I saw recently. It was the husband’s third marriage. The first two had ended in divorce. In each case there were constant domestic disagreements and an adjustment seemed impossible. New difficulties and dissensions were beginning to develop in the third marriage. After several interviews it became quite evident that the basis of the maladjustment in this case was the man’s exaggerated attachment to his mother, who had always dominated his life, an attachment from which he could not free himself sufficiently to enter fully into a new association. This is one form of emotional unsuitability for marriage; there are many others. There are men and women with psychopathic personalities, with serious emotional derangements, individuals with abnormal sexual tendencies, with conscious or subconscious homosexual inclinations, any of which may form a serious barrier to a harmonious marital adjustment. These are instances where the question of psychological fitness for marriage comes into consideration.

"You mentioned the question of family attachment. Could this prove a hindrance to a satisfactory marriage?"

Normally, not at all. The case I mentioned involved, of course, a very exaggerated form of filial attachment. Ordinarily, family devotion should not interfere in the least with one’s emotional adjustment in marriage. It is necessary, however, that after marriage a new understanding and a new sympathy should enter into the whole family relationship. The new couple should be emotionally free from parental domination and should be able to strike a wholesome balance between their allegiance and relation to each other and their loyalty to their respective families. When a man and woman marry, they should be able to break away from the original unit and build up a new unit of themselves.

"When you spoke of the need of being sexually normal in relation to fitness for marriage, doctor, were you referring to the question of sexual diseases?"

Sexual fitness

No, I was referring mainly to the question of sexual capacity, that is physical ability to enter into the sexual relationship. This is a problem which applies primarily to the man. Sexual disabilities of women are not often related to fitness for marriage, and we shall discuss these at some other time. Lack of sufficient potency on the part of men, however, is not an infrequent condition, and those suffering from this disorder may be unable to consummate the physical union in marriage. It is a serious mistake for anyone who is sexually inadequate to marry without first having his disability corrected, or at least without receiving competent medical advice. As a matter of fact, Hindu lawmakers decreed over a thousand years ago that before marriage ‘a man must undergo an examination with regard to his virility.’ Only after the fact of his virility had been extablished beyond doubt was he privileged to marry.

"Is there any way of determining whether a man is potent or not before he has had sexual experiences?"

"To some extent, yes. Normally, a man, even though he has never had any actual sexual relations, has probably had some kind of sexual manifestations. He has been stimulated sexually, has reacted in a definite manner, and he is, therefore, as a rule, conscious of his sexual capacities. Every now and then, however, it does happen that a man’s sexual incapacity does not manifest itself until after marriage, or appears only at that time, but this is a chapter in the story of marriage that we shall consider more fully later on.

Reproductive fitness

Now, apart from the question of sexual capacity, fitness for marriage, as I mentioned before, implies also the ability to beget healthy children. The couple should be free from any infirmity which would prevent reproduction. In other words, neither the husband nor the wife should be sterile, or afflicted with any disease which would make procreation physically or eugenically inadvisable.

"But suppose one can’t or shouldn’t have children for one reason or another, should that person never marry?"

No, not necessarily. I have known couples who have married in spite of the fact that they knew beforehand that they could never have children, and such marriages are sometimes quite successful. There are other factors which may decide a man or a woman to marry—factors which even outweigh the inability to beget children. In all such circumstances, however, it is necessary that both should know of the condition beforehand and enter the marriage with such knowledge and understanding in mind.

"Is it possible to know in advance whether a man or a woman will be able to have children?"

Fertility and sterility

Well, it has been calculated that approximately ten per cent of all marriages remain sterile. Of every ten couples, in other words, one couple will not be able to beget offspring. In these instances either the wife, the husband or both may be responsible for the sterility. While it is now possible to determine fairly accurately the fertility of the male, there are no certain means available as yet to establish definitely the fertility of the woman, or whether the two will be fertile with each other. Except, therefore, in those cases where it can be demonstrated that the male is sterile, it is very difficult to tell with any degree of accuracy whether a particular couple will be able to bear children or not.

"Can it be determined before the marriage whether a man is sterile or not?"

"Yes, by a comparatively simple test. All that is necessary is to obtain a fairly fresh specimen of the man’s seminal fluid, and this can then be examined microscopically for the degree of fertility. As a matter of fact, I would say that whenever there is any doubt concerning a man’s fertility, as in the case where there is some congenital abnormality of the reproductive organs, or where there has been some sexual injury or disease, particularly an inflammation of the sex glands following a venereal infection, an examination for fertility should be made prior to marriage.

Eugenic fitness

The other question that comes up in connection with reproduction, is that of eugenics. The man and woman who marry naturally expect that their children will have every chance of being well born, sound in mind and in body. If one suffers from any disease which might be transmitted to the offspring, or if there is any hereditary disorder in one’s family, the possibilities should be carefully considered and competent advice obtained before marriage. Among some of the conditions which might be mentioned in this connection are the venereal diseases, certain forms of mental abnormalities or deficiences, insanity, epilepsy, deaf-mutism. One in whose family, for instance, there are several cases of insanity should not marry without considering seriously the possibility of the hereditary transmission of the mental defect, nor should a man who has had syphilis marry without being definitely certain that he can no longer pass on the disease to his wife and to his offspring.

"Has one’s general health or physical condition any relation to fitness for marriage?"

Health of the husband

"Good health is naturally a desirable asset in all circumstances, and a bad liver may spoil even an ideal romance. Yet, generally speaking, perfect health is not an essential for marriage. Suppose a man had, let us say, scarlet fever in his childhood and this happened to leave him with a chronic kidney condition; or he had rheumatism at one time which had affected his heart—that does not necessarily bear upon his fitness for marriage. It may influence his earning capacities, his prospects for the future, the duration of his life, or even his general disposition and reactions, but it does not make him ineligible for marriage or incapable of making a fine husband. We have seen any number of marriages that were entirely happy and satisfactory in spite of the fact that one or the other of the couple was not in perfect physical condition. The thing to be remembered in this connection, however, is that when a chronic physical handicap does exist, it is well that both the man and his future wife should learn of it beforehand, so that the situation may be clearly understood and voluntarily accepted by