The Virgin, The Dragon and the Tavern: The Drunken Dragon's Tavern, #1

By Len Streeper

Lilly wanted independence and a home of her own, two things the people of her village believed a woman shouldn't have. When her boss staked her out as a virgin sacrifice to an invading dragon, all hope was lost. Then Cyrano the Dragon started a conversation and she formed a plan.
    Step one, talk the dragon out of his hoard which proved easy enough since Lilly knew the dragon's weakness: beer.
    Step two, create a tavern where the dragon could drink to his hearts content. Again, no problem for a girl with Lilly's smarts.
    Step three, getting the inbred, chauvinistic villagers to allow a woman to run a business. This is where things got tricky. Who would have thought her own villagers were more difficult to handle than a drunken dragon? If she succeeded, she could live her life on her own terms. Considering the problems with any new business, (including a dragon slayer, a goblin, a bridge troll and an over-protective unicorn) it was more likely she'd go down the dragon's gullet.
If you're looking for a light hearted comedy about an underdog and her collection of monstrous friends, you'll love this book.

 

Book One of the Drunken Dragon's Tavern Series

Approximately 85,000 words

• Language: English
• Publisher: Len Streeper
• Release date: May 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393080466

Book preview

Chapter One

Cyrano the Dragon

SCOTT, YOU NEED TO be castrated! Lilly the Virgin slammed the bar door on her way outside as the patrons laughed. She needed to get away from them for a few minutes. She expected a certain amount of groping from some of the customers, it came with being a bar wench. So did breaking a hand with her tray when the hands got a little too friendly. But what Scott just tried to do in the storeroom? That was beyond acceptable. He never would have tried something like that while his wife was around. Ever since she died he treated her less like an employee and more like a thing. He treated her like everything he insisted his wife wasn’t, even though she was, if not by choice. But still, he was supposed to be the hero of the village, not a spoiler of young women.

Lilly managed to save enough in wages and tips to leave this village, but she suspected anywhere she went would be much the same as here. Except here she had friends who helped her when they could. Right now, the only help they could give was suggesting she marry Scott. They insisted that should stop the harassment. But she didn’t want to marry Scott, he was more like a brother. Well a distant cousin, maybe. There had to be more to life than being someone’s wife.

If he corners me in the store room one more time so help me, I’ll . . .I’ll. . . Lilly rolled her eyes heavenward for inspiration on what she could do him. She didn’t get it. What she got was so much worse. It was big and green and it took a few seconds for her to realize what she was looking at. Dragon. Lilly’s mouth dropped open and she blinked rapidly. It started off about the size of a person but as it got closer it got larger. Not even the drunkest storyteller ever described a dragon bigger than a cow. This one was bigger. So much bigger.

Lilly walked into the street to see it land just beyond the village in Bob the Farmer's field. It hit the ground with a noise like a dozen rock slides fighting for destructive supremacy. As the dust settled, the dragon flung itself against Bob’s barn. The barn, only slightly larger than the dragon, stood no chance against the hell spawned beast.

The whole town rushed outside, drawn by the noise. They gathered around Lilly and stared, paralyzed with fear. On the far side of the barn, Lilly saw Bob and his family flee their house and run for cover. I should be doing that, thought Lilly, but the dragon’s fearsome arrival captivated her. Fear and fascination rooted her to the spot.

While stomping the barn to kindling one of the dragon’s feet slipped into the midden. Its sinewy neck arched around to see what trapped it’s foot. The dragon roared in rage and jumped free, shaking its foot fiercely in mid leap. It landed and stared at the villagers with a slit eyed glare. It reared its head back and a great rumble came from its chest. The massive head came down and its neck went straight as a preacher’s spine. The noise had to mean it was about to breathe fiery doom on them all.

Instead of fire, a spray as black as...well as black as a dragon’s heart filled the air. It took a second or two for the wind to carry the foul stench to Lilly and the townsfolk. When the smell of sour beer combined with rotting meat and bile arrived, the villagers covered their faces. Most gagged, some barfed. The dragon curled into a scaly ball and seemed sound asleep before they recovered.

Everyone snuck inside Scott’s Bar and ordered beer. Swell, thought Lilly. Everyone wanted to drink and they were too distracted to tip. She spent the next few minutes working harder than she ever remembered and it felt weird because no one spoke above a whisper. The last time it was this quiet...well, it never got this quiet, not even when they closed for the night.

Lilly carried her last tray of drinks to the table by the door when Bob the Farmer rushed in.

Did you see-.

Be quiet! You’ll wake it up, hissed the villagers before Bob got another word out.

But a dragon stomped my barn! Bob flung out an arm toward his barn and knocked the last mug off Lilly’s tray, soaking her blouse. All eyes focused on her chest. At least all the male eyes.

Staring at me, won’t get rid of the dragon. Lilly covered herself with her tray. Men are such dogs! A giant dragon slept a stone's throw outside the village, they may have only seconds to live, and the brutes stared at the wet shirt clinging to her curves. I’ll get you another mug, she told Bill the Taylor, and started back to the bar.

She’s right. Hildegard slapped her husband’s shoulder to get his attention. What’re we going to do?

Get Travis the Bully! said one of Travis’ victims. He’s always bragging about how strong he is!

All eyes - except Scott’s, he still stared at Lilly - turned to Travis who took a belligerent stance and glared back at the villagers.

Meanwhile, back at the taps, Scott poured another beer for Bill. Hand me your tray, he told Lilly. A little show will calm everyone down.

Get real. Lilly still used the tray to preserve her modesty. Just because she worked for Scott didn’t make her his possession. She snatched the drink off the bar. I’m not a decoration. Besides, we have more important things to deal with. Scott’s face darkened as Lilly turned her back on him and took the mug to Bill. What was Scott’s deal? Lilly could understand wanting a peak at her charms under normal circumstances, but now? Was he mad?

I’ve got an idea. The mummer of desperate whispers quieted and everyone looked to Scott. Working at this bar, I hear all the stories travelers tell. Everyone who’s ever dealt with a dragon knows they only want two things. One is gold, but there’s none of it around here. So it must want the other thing. He paused for dramatic effect and a smug smile grew on his face. Lilly groaned, this was bound to be bad. A Virgin. And we happen to have one right here. He was mad.

Once again all eyes turned to Lilly. She rolled her eyes and waited for the laughter to start. When it didn’t, she looked around and realized people were considering it. Now wait a minute!

Gold or virgins, Scott shrugged. It’s all dragons want.

Some of the villagers edged closer and Lilly realized she was in real trouble. These people, some of them her friends, wanted to sacrifice her to a dragon! Desperate times called for desperate measures. Lilly tossed the tray aside, put her fists to her hips and thrust out her bosom. Does this look like a virgins body?

If you’re not a virgin, name one man you’ve been with. Scott looked around the tavern to see if anyone backed up her story.

I haven’t been with anyone from the village. Lilly gave Scott a dirty look. If I lowered my standards that much, you’d know about it. You remember the Sherif who came through a couple months ago, right?

Aye, said Brenda the Widow. She had a reputation for enjoying mens company. "I remember him, he stayed up all night!"

Damn! Her lie fell apart if the Sheriff stayed with Brenda.

You see? said Scott. She’s a virgin. Grab her! She’s going for the door! How many people warned her to give Scott what he wanted? Lilly wished she had listened or left, but honesty, how could she know a giant dragon would come to town?

Lilly tried to make it outside but hadn’t seen the danger until too late. Several hands grabbed her. Let me go! Do you think that dragon is out there waiting for a virgin? Use your brains for a change! If a dragon-. a hand holding Lilly slipped and groped her breast. Watch the hands you low-life pervert! She bit at the hand and thought it belonged to Scott but it might be Oscar the Drunk’s. If a dragon wants a virgin it’ll take one, it won’t wait for a bunch of cowardly villagers to hand one over!

Leave her alone! Hildegard, Lilly’s best friend, grabbed Oscar and tried to pull him off Lilly. A few other people jumped in to help.

Hold them back. Scott had Lord Cynric’s authority. Three of his cronies and their people rushed to hold back Lilly’s helpers.

Let me go! Lilly doubled her efforts and screamed in outrage when Travis the Bully shoved Hildegard back and waved a fist at her husband. Travis, you’ll pay for that in ways you can’t even imagine. Oscar! Get your hands off me or I swear I’ll cut them off the next time you pass out!

Gag her. Scott tossed Oscar a bar rag. If she keeps yelling, she’ll wake it up. In a few seconds the barroom buffoons had her hands tied with her own apron and a dirty bar rag stuffed in her mouth. If she got out of this, she’d kill Scott. Slow.

We’ve got her, Scott, now what do we do? Tom the Cartwright slapped Oscar’s hand away from Lilly. Stop it, Oscar. We’ve got bigger problems to deal with.

Scott peeked out the door and looked down the road at the dragon. There’s posts for the new fence Archie’s building. We can tie her to one.

Wait a minute. Archibald the Blacksmith dropped Lilly’s feet. I need that fence to hold horses.

I’ll replace the post myself. I’m more worried about what that dragon will do to your shop if it wakes up without a sacrifice.

Good point. Archie picked up Lilly’s feet.

Let her go! Hildegard, her husband, and a few of Lilly’s other friends tried to help, but Scott’s people had them outnumbered.

Lilly kicked and struggled the whole way to no avail. Too many people held her. She still couldn’t believe Scott meant to sacrifice her to a dragon just because she wouldn’t sleep with him. It took them less than five minutes to carry her down the street, tie her to a post and disappear. She spit out the rag. It tasted of stale beer and made her want to vomit. Then she got her first close look at the dragon. It was so big! If it wanted to eat her, she couldn’t stop it. Hell, it didn’t even need to chew.

Heaven knew how long Lilly stared at it in slack-jawed terror before realizing she could escape. Her fellow villagers were too scared to tie her well. The dragons head popped up and whipped around in her direction. Lilly froze. Did she wake it up? Maybe if she stayed still, it would go back to sleep.

It didn’t. The eyes stayed closed but the nostrils twitched like a dog testing the air. Its head swung from side to side like a charmed snake as it zeroed in on her.

Damn, damn, damn! She got her hands free of her apron. The dragons head came too fast. Her fingertips brushed the knot tying her to the post.

The dragons great nostrils centered on her from three feet away. Two feet. One foot! She found the knot holding her to the post but it slipped out of her fingers. The dragons nostrils nuzzled her breasts and the beast inhaled so hard it dried her shirt. She heard a button pop free and her barmaid reflexes kicked in. Without thinking, she slapped the dragon on the snout with all her strength.  Back off!

The dragons eyes popped open and its head reared back until it looked at her from twenty feet in the air. It stared at her for a few seconds then . . . grinned.

Oh no! Lilly’s hand stung from the slap. What did I do?

The dragon put one elbow on the ground then rested its chin on its fist. It looked her in the eye and - if she didn’t see it she wouldn’t believe it - gave her a lopsided grin. Well hellooo beautiful. Then its eyes dropped down to her chest.

Lilly followed its gaze. Her shirt hung open exposing her cleavage. She pulled the shirt closed. Get a good look? she snapped.

Hm? The dragon looked back to her face. Oh! Sorry. I was just wondering about that intoxicating aroma. You smell exquisite! Has anyone ever told you, you smell like fine beer? The dragons head moved closer to her. I’ll make it worth your while if you show me where you got it. It’s crooked grin got a little wider and it winked, winked, at her.

You have got to be kidding me. Lilly shook her head in disbelief. Aren’t you supposed to eat me?

Why? Then he looked at her, really looked. He ruffled his wings and turned his head so only one eye focused on her. You’re a virgin, aren’t you?

So what if I am?

The dragon sighed and, with claws the size of her thighs, snapped the ropes holding her to the post. He was so gentle she didn’t feel a thing. Why is it always virgins? I mean think about it. What do I need a virgin for?

Well what is it you want? I’ve got it on good authority . . . Lilly considered the source and decided good authority was stretching it. "I’ve heard dragons want gold or virgins."

The dragon snorted. I’ve got more gold than I know what to do with and I ask again, what possible use is a virgin to me?

Fine, you don’t want virgins or gold. What do you want?

Beer.

Lilly blinked stupidly. Beer? This whole situation tipped into the surreal. She should be quivering in fear and begging for her life. Instead she felt like she was dealing with a harmless drunk.

Yup, beer.

Let me get this straight. Lilly advanced on the dragon. She had a mind to smack him on the snout again. You plow into Bob’s field and-.

Har! That’s a good one. Plow his field.

And flatten his barn because you’re looking for beer?

I flattened a barn? The dragon followed Lilly’s pointing finger to the demolished structure and winced. Ooo, that’s gonna cost me.

And how exactly is breathing your demon breath at the town going to help you find beer?

Hunh?

Lilly pointed to the big black puddle of steaming . . . something. The dragon saw it and looked away scratching the side of its skull. I had too much to drink and . . . got sick.

I don’t believe it! Lilly grabbed her hair and yanked. You didn’t fly here and attack the town, you crashed because you were too drunk to fly. Then she realized something else. "You fell into the barn because you were too plastered to walk. What kind of dragon are you?"

A drunk one. He gave her a goofy smile. At least I was a while ago and hope to be again real soon.

Knock it off. Lilly took a couple steps forward and shook her finger at it. Do you have any idea how irresponsible you are? You might have crashed into town and killed dozens of people!

Oh come on, the chances of hitting a village way out here are nonexistent.

Well you managed to hit the broad side of a barn. Do you realize you scared everyone so bad they decided to sacrifice me?

Wait a minute. The dragon tilted his snout up preparatory to defending it’s wounded dignity. It’s not easy finding a bar when you’re a dragon. You have to change shape so you don’t scare people half to death. Then when you finally feel the buzz you have to leave to get more money because humans can’t carry enough coinage to get a dragon drunk. You have any idea how far I have to fly to get a cold beer? The journey to my lair sobers me up and I have to start all over again. Not to mention changing forms sobers me up. Its bottom lip stuck out.

Are you pouting?

No, lied the dragon. If I try to keep my buzz and stay in dragon form I have to drink alone ‘cause everyone runs away. Then when I wake up I have terrified virgins to deal with. Do you have any idea what the shrill screams of a virgin does to a hangover? It ain’t pretty.

I can imagine. Lilly shuddered at the thought.

I don’t want to spend all my time flying from one bar to another, but what choice do I have? He looked past Lilly into town. I wonder how much beer I can get for a virgin?

What did you say?

Nothing.

Right. Lilly studied the pouting dragon and her lips stretched into a grin that could only be described as predatory. I’ve got a better idea.

Uh-oh, when a woman gets that look I know I’m in trouble.

Don’t worry. Lilly grinned. You’ll like this idea.

No, I won’t.

MEANWHILE, FROM HER table in the bar Hildegard fumed. We can’t leave Lilly out there to die. Scott and his supporters were staring out the windows and muttering to each other. They sounded worried. They should be, Hildegard intended to make them pay for what they did to Lilly.

I know, whispered her husband. Maybe we can sneak out the back door and get her while they’re looking out the windows. They silently slid their chairs back and started for the back of the bar. Several other people followed them, which heartened Hildegard. Lilly still had friends in the village.

They made it to the street in time to see the dragon clutch Lilly in one massive hand and take to the air.

Chapter Two

Lilly’s Proposal

WE KILLED HER. HILDAGARD took two beers from Scott.

No, we didn’t, said Hildegard’s husband as he took a mug from her and lead them to a table.

You’re right. Hildagard took a chair across the table instead of setting next to him as usual. Scott killed her.

No, I didn’t! Shouted Scott from behind the bar. It’s been three weeks, find something else to talk about.

For Hildegard, there was nothing else to talk about. The last three weeks were filled with guilt and grief. She wanted to stay at home and cry but her husband wouldn’t let her. He insisted it was time for her to start living her life again.

I agree. It isn’t like she put out or anything. Oscar, the Drunk finished his beer and pushed the mug back to Scott for a refill. The smart mouthed wench don’t matter to the village.

That’s a lie you evil old drunk! Hildagard rose from her seat. Don’t think I didn’t see you grope her when you had the chance.

Oscar leered at her. Jealous?

Hildagard’s husband pulled her back into her chair as she sputtered. I’m surprised you didn’t try to sell her for beer money, he said.

I didn’t consider that. Oscar gave Scott a questioning look.

No. A nasty edge crept into Scott’s voice.

You’re all murderers, said Hildagard.

We are not! Scott banged an empty mug on the bar. Listen up everyone. It’s time to put this debate away once and for all. He looked around to make sure he had everyone’s attention. Being mid-day the bar was almost empty so getting it was easy. A dragon attacked our village. Any one here know how to fight a dragon? Didn’t think so. We did an ugly, ugly thing, there’s no denying it, but what else could we do? Fight it? Suicide. Run away? It would have destroyed the village. Giving it Lilly saved our lives, our children’s lives, and our homes.

The price was too high, said Hildagard.

Maybe, said Scott. But it’s been paid and there’s nothing we can do now.

It was wrong, insisted Hildagard, but in a quieter voice, defeated. Her husband patted her hand.

The door to the bar slammed open and two of the Miller’s daughters charged in. The dragon just landed! shouted Beatrice, the Miller’s second oldest daughter.

It landed next to the barn again and it’s coming this way! said Ariadne, the Miller’s oldest daughter.

What about Lilly? Hildagard ran to the two girls. Did you see Lilly?

The two girls looked at each other and shook their heads. She wasn’t there, just the dragon.

Constance, the Baker’s Daughter and Beatrice’s best friend came into the bar, pale and shaking. He’s coming this way, she said. And he changed. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself. He changed into a man.

Stop telling stupid stories. Scott slammed his hand on the bar. Joking about the dragon isn’t funny, especially to Lilly’s friends.

Hildegard didn’t want to believe the dragon came back, let alone turn into a man, but the fear in Constance’s face convinced her it was true.

She’s not lying! Beatrice wrapped an arm around Constance. And you aren’t sacrificing anyone this time, Scott.

Everyone in the bar shouted, trying to tell each other what they needed to do. Scott stared daggers at Beatrice as he came around the bar.

The door opened again and a young man walked in. The shouting and arguing stopped immediately. He had dark wavy hair and brilliant green eyes. Hildagard had to admit he was the most handsome man she ever saw. He waved and smiled then started towards the bar. I need a beer. He slapped a gold - gold - coin on the bar. Hildegard never saw a real gold coin before and wandered if it was real. Give me as much as this will buy then we’ll go from there.

That’s him. Constance’s whisper carried through the bar like a dragon’s roar. That’s the dragon.

Two men dragged their wives out of the bar. Hildegard suspected it had less to do with the possibility the man was a dragon, and more to do with his looks and money. A man that good looking could talk the skirts off any woman, married or otherwise. The people who stayed were mostly women captivated by the gorgeous man; even Beatrice, Constance and Ariadne. The handsome stranger, for his part, grinned at his admirers and straightened his fine cloths. Even Brenda the Widow looked enthralled. Especially Brenda.

Are you the dragon who took Lilly? Hildagard, showing she had more guts than brains pushed her way through the circle of women. What did you do with her? She, looked the man straight in the eye.

The man stopped ogling the women and focused on Hildagard. His charming smile had no effect on her; she was too upset knowing she let her best friend die. I am that dragon. The man spoke in a deep, cultured, voice and his smile turned calculating. He slid his coin off the bar and put it back in his pocket. Scott groaned. I’ll be glad to tell you what I did with Lilly. But it will cost you.

What? demanded Hildagard. Another virgin?

No! shouted the Dragon, disgusted. It’ll cost you a beer.

Hildagard blinked stupidly, not believing she heard right. Then she pursed her lips and snapped her fingers at Scott. Give him a beer. I’ll pay.

Scott filled a mug and passed it to the dragon.

There’s your beer, where’s Lilly?

The man took a long drink then sighed in contentment. Hildagard tapped her foot with impatience. Well?

She mouthed off once too often. The dragon took another long drink leaving the mug a third full. Do you have any idea how she can nag?

Scott snorted. All too well.

Hildagard gave him a dirty look.

She actually tried to tell me where to drink! He finished his beer and passed his mug back to Scott. He looked back at Hildagard and shook his head in disbelief. "She’s a mere human and she had the nerve to tell me, me, Cyrano the Dragon, where to drink! I did what any sensible dragon would do." He turned back to Scott and eyed his mug expectantly.

What happened? demanded Hildagard after a short silence. What did you do to her?

What did I do to her?

Yes, what did you do?

The dragon grinned his lady-killer grin again. That will cost you another beer!

Oh for the love of God. Scott! Give him another beer.

Thanks, said Cyrano. I left her. He guzzled down the whole beer in one gulp.

Left her where?

That will-.

Oh, no, you don’t! You’ve had all the beer you’re getting from me. Start talking, mister.

Cyrano gave her a look that asked what she thought she could do if he didn’t want to talk. Oh all right. He sighed and put his gold coin back on the bar. "Here’s what happened. Lilly the Virgin had some half baked idea but wanted to see how much gold I