Rawhide and Crossbones

By Douglas R. Curtis and Michelle D Curtis

Rawhide and Crossbones

A Comedy in Two Acts

Black Jack has stolen the town payroll from the bank and the sheriff is hot on his trail. Meanwhile, the pirates ship is in port for repairs so what else is Black Jack to do but steal their treasure, too! Then he just might have enough money to carry out his plan. Can blood-thirsty pirates and routing tooting cowboys get past the villain's defenses? Can pirates and cowboys even get along?

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Douglas R. Curtis
• Release date: Apr 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393542483

Douglas R. Curtis

Doug lives with his wife (whom he fell in love with in the second grade) and parade of pets somewhere in Minnesota.  He has four daughters, two of which still are at home. Doug has been a graphic designer, a caricature artist, and keeps up two webcomics at Webtoons, Slammer and The Flying Ferret.

Book preview

RAWHIDE & CROSSBONES was produced by the Fergus Falls Funtastics Theatre Troupe and the Wild Hare Players at the Old Town Bar & Grill in Clitherall, Minnesota with dinner theater showings from July 27 through August 18, 2018.  It was written by Doug and Michelle Curtis.  It was co-produced by Laura Johnson, Rick Schara, and Michelle Curtis; directed by Michelle Curtis; sets, props and costumes were done by Laura Johnson and Michelle Curtis; music was by Patty Albertson. The cast was as follows:

BLACK JACK         Bronwynn Touchette

CLIFF           Dan Touchette

SAGE      Samantha Bottko

PETE        Doug Curtis

BRUCE        Kendra Burger

BOO HISS GIRL         Michelle Curtis

If you wish to perform this play, please contact us at [e-mail]. We would like to know what worked for you, what didn’t, and if you made any changes to stage direction, etc. which improved the play. Heck, send us photos or videos to show us what you did! If you’re close enough to us, tell us the date of your performances, and we may even drop in!  By downloading/purchasing this script, you have our permission to perform this play.

RAWHIDE and CROSSBONES

An original melodrama by Doug and Michelle Curtis

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CHARACTERS:

PETE - Pirate Captain with a penchant for harsh punishments and an inability to see his first mate as a girl; his eye patch moves from eye to eye; kind of full of himself but strangely insecure about his captaining abilities

BRUCE – First Mate Captain Pete, long-suffering; can't seem to get her eye patch on either eye; patient with Pete but feisty too; likes to rap rather than shanty

CLIFF – Cowboy Sheriff with a serious attachment to his horse, Champ; also cannot see his co-worker as a girl to be interested in that way; terrified of cats both big and small; discovers hitherto unknown ability to beat box when Bruce raps

SAGE – the only cowgirl in a band of cow punchers; appears very butch but dying for someone to see her feminine side; drawn to the brutish side of Captain Pete

JACK – sinister villain/crook who has the loot from a bank robbery hidden in a cave; he sets progressively bigger cats to guard the cave while he goes after the pirate's treasure

*The role of Jack can be played by either a male or a female. Contact us at [e-mail] for the alternate female role.

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SETTING:

Exterior of The Hook-n-Hoof, a half cowboy half pirate bar in a small coastal western town.  There are two doors on stage – one leading into the bar, the other to other parts of town, a bench at the back and two barrels stacked toward the front.

ACT ONE

AT START:  Jack enters through audience with his bag of loot from the bank heist (a dirty white canvas bag with a dollar sign on it).  He may ad lib with audience on the way to the  stage.  He is wearing dark clothes and is in somewhat of a hurry.

JACK:  (as he climbs to the stage)  Oh, hey there folks.  Beautiful day for a bank heist ... er, a walk, nice day for a walk.  It's lovely days like this that make you want to stop and smell the lovely green money (he raises the bag to sniff the money inside but quickly realizes his mistake) ... er, I mean, smell the lovely flowers, right?  What?  This? (indicating bag)  It could be my laundry, or my lunch, or even a bag of puppies that I decided to take for a walk.  It's nothing for you to be concerned about.  (beat)  Oh, all right!  I just robbed the bank and this here's the loot.  I'm the villain.  And every time I come out this girl over here (indicates boo hiss girl) is going to hold up a sign for you guys to boo and hiss at me.  Well, go ahead.  Boo and hiss as loud and as much as you want.  I can take it.  (shaking his finger at audience so they notice the bracelet on his wrist)  What?  This?  This was my grandmother's kitty charm.  (Feigning sorrow) And it was the last thing she gave me before the distemper took her.  It's very important to me ... Okay, fine. I took it from somebody elses grandmother last week.  I never knew my own grandmother, or my parents either.  The orphanage didn't keep records like that ... Okay, fine.  They're all fine.  They live in Battle Lake (or some other town close by).  (he hears a noise off stage)  Oh, did you hear that?  (starts to leave)  Don't you guys go telling him you saw me.  I'm going this way (indicates door on stage right) and you tell the sheriff I went that way (indicate door on stage left).  Okay? (he exits stage right, making sure to drop the bracelet in front of