If Loving You Was a Lonely Story: Volume 1

By Zhenyinfang

If love you is my lonely heart

• Language: English
• Publisher: Funstory
• Release date: Feb 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781648145490

Book preview

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 - RECOLLECTION

CHAPTER 2 - DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

CHAPTER 3 - LOVE LETTER

CHAPTER 4 - THE SONG I WROTE FOR YOU

CHAPTER 5 - WHY DO YOU HATE ME

CHAPTER 6 - LIN ZIXIA THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND

CHAPTER 7 - THE DISAPPEARANCE OF GONG MING

CHAPTER 8 - NO LONGER A FRIEND

CHAPTER 9 - FIRST SNOW

CHAPTER 10 - BROTHERS

CHAPTER 11 - NEW YEAR

CHAPTER 12 - PARTING

CHAPTER 13 - EARTHQUAKE

CHAPTER 14 - FIRST LOVE

CHAPTER 15 - HYPOTHESIS

CHAPTER 16 - CONSIDER

CHAPTER 17 - ISOLATION

CHAPTER 18 - ANAPLASTIC PHASE

CHAPTER 19 - NEW GIRLFRIEND

CHAPTER 20 - EMOTIONAL ACTIVITY

CHAPTER 21 - FIRST KISS

CHAPTER 22 - THE MOST FAMILIAR STRANGER

CHAPTER 23 - CIRCULAR FIELD

CHAPTER 24 - CARDIAC ACID

CHAPTER 25 - NOTHING

CHAPTER 26 - UNRELENTING LOVE

CHAPTER 27 - MAKE UP AGAIN

CHAPTER 28 - SHEN CHUAN'S DROWNING

CHAPTER 29 - BASKETBALL LEAGUE

CHAPTER 30 - THE REAPPEARANCE OF GONGMING

CHAPTER 31 - SU ZIAN'S PHONE CALL

CHAPTER 32 - GONGMING'S DISEASE

CHAPTER 33 - DETENTION OF WANG HAOYU

CHAPTER 34 - BREAK UP AGAIN

CHAPTER 35 - WANG HAOYU'S SUITOR

CHAPTER 36 - DEATH OF GONGMING

CHAPTER 37 - RECITATION COMPETITION FOR THE WHOLE CITY

CHAPTER 38 - WRITING CONTEST

CHAPTER 39 - SHEN CHUAN'S DEPARTURE

CHAPTER 40 - THE RETURN OF SU ZIAN

CHAPTER 41 - UNDERSTAND

CHAPTER 42 - RELAXATION

CHAPTER 43 - WORTHWHILE

CHAPTER 44 - INTERLUDE

CHAPTER 45 - BIRTHDAY

CHAPTER 46 - WAR

CHAPTER 47 - HOSPITAL

CHAPTER 48 - COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAMINATION

CHAPTER 49 - WANG HAOYU FINALLY MOVED LIN ZI XIA

CHAPTER 50 - USED TO MAKE MISTAKES FOR LOVE

CHAPTER 51 - IT'S A PITY THAT YOU DIDN'T ACCOMPANY ME TO THE END

CHAPTER 1 - RECOLLECTION

As for the memories of the Stormy Beauty, he couldn't remember them very well. The bits and pieces of it couldn't be pieced together into a complete story.

Lin Zixia didn't know where they were or what they were doing. Lin Zixia didn't know how to write about Su Zian and what they were doing to make their appearance appear even more deeply in her mind. In the end, Lin Zixia could not tell which part was real and which one was imagination. They were not husband and wife, but they had also gone from vigorous to plain and unremarkable. They had gone through their youth, past their youth, past their confusion, past their adulthood. Sometimes, Lin Zixia would feel very lucky to have met Su Zian at that age, even though his body was covered with wounds, his memories were at least not boring.

In the stories of Lin Zixia, most of them were true stories, stories of real people. When Lin Zixia decided to write, she sent a message to Su Zian, who was in real life, saying that she wanted to reminisce about the past between her and Su Zian, saying that the past was a little old. After all, she and Su Zian were still at the age of 18 or 19, and it might have been too long, so long that I thought Lin Zixia was already old and began to reminisce.

Lin Zixia thought that life was the person who loved him. To give up everything for him, even if he couldn't get anything back, it didn't matter. However, the current Lin Zixia began to laugh at the him of the past. There was no one who did not seek to pay the price.

She really wanted to hug Su Zian, but unfortunately for her, there were people coming and going between him and her. Su Zian, what do you look like now? Do you even have the smile on your face when you dreamed of that year?

Lin Zixia had once said that she had to walk through many places, had seen many sights, and had met many people who had forgotten Su Zian. Lin Zixia believed that time would dilute everything, but when a familiar voice sounded on the other end of the phone, Lin Zixia would still be the same as she was seven years ago, blushing and her heart would beat faster.

Lin Zixia should be thanking Su Zian for leaving the most beautiful mark on her originally monotonous youth. Although there was pain, cheating, and betrayal, she still had to admit that without Su Zian, she would have thought of him many times.

Watching the boys play basketball on the university field reminded Lin Zixia of Su Zian's running figure, of watching them play their guitars while wearing makeup on the New Year's Party's stage, and of Lin Zixia recalling his smile when he was singing.

In the rainy autumn she thought of Su Zian, and on the last train home she thought of Su Zian. It all seemed like the youth of the summer when Su Zian had never left his life in the forest.

Lin Zixia should have hated Su Zian and almost ruined her life. The darkest thing she had experienced was given to her by Su Zian.

Closing his eyes, he could still feel the cold in the operating room. Lin Zixia desperately struggled as he took the bottle and cut his wrist, swallowing the sleeping pills. All of this was brought to her by you, Su Zian.

There were many things that had yet to be answered by Lin Zixia. She no longer dared to confirm it with Su Zian, because no matter how passionate her heart was, there would be a day when she would be completely cold. The night that Lin Zixia knew that they were together, she understood.

Lin Zixia and Su Zian were no longer together. She had done all the things she thought she would never do for Su Zian, and had also tasted the insults from others. Lin Zixia knew that it wouldn't be able to exchange Su Zian's sincerity.

The westerly wind, how much hatred, blowing does not dissipate the eyebrow. Lin Zixia was still trying his best to live out his despair. Lick and lick all the wounds you have ever suffered until they are healed. Those who could not heal had already formed scabs. In a certain month's dream, there would still be a warm smiling face. Wake up only tears wet quilt horn.

What Lin Zixia admits is that many deep-seated feelings cannot be forgotten over time. But that had long been buried in the hard youth layer by layer. Until the colorful photos turned yellow.

Lin Zixia could no longer remember Su Zian's appearance.

Lin Zixia admitted that someone had given her the dream of youth and taught her the steps of youth. It was no longer her quest.

Eyes closed, the air was icy cold. He covered his eyes with the blanket and let his hair randomly cover his eyes. Lin Zixia's thoughts gradually drifted away. Until now, she had no idea what the song was called. She heard the sound of the rain gradually subside outside.

Sitting alone in the corner. The damp ground seemed as though it could cry at any moment. It was like the uncleared sky, always hiding deep and shallow raindrops. A stormy summer. The slowly approaching rainy season. Those days gradually faded away. Including the Violet Vine. The yellowed love letter. They both stopped making Lin Zixia's heart palpitate. Let Lin Zixia's heart gradually awaken in the pain of the past. Until he met Su Zian …

Maybe.

Once upon a time, Lin Zixia thought love was everything. Once upon a time, she had thought that tolerance could overcome all barriers. In the past, she thought she truly meant it. Once upon a time, Lin Zixia thought that he would be able to make it last forever. But in the end, Lin Zixia was wrong.

Some people never know how to give. They only love themselves.

Some people see your patience as a reason to hurt you. Some people hurt you and always think you owe them. Some people aren't even worth being naive about.

This world is cruel, it is the law of the jungle. Don't ask why he did that to you. If he was determined to leave, he wouldn't care if you had nothing. Lin Zixia will not be naive again.

Lin Zixia's fairy-tale fantasies, his faith in true love, and his yearning for beauty were all torn apart.

The person he wanted to love the most, the person he trusted the most, he had given himself the deepest humiliation, the heaviest injury, and he had shattered my kindness to this world. But Lin Zixia was still unable to resist, unable to do anything.

She hated it, but she couldn't. She was afraid that she would become a girl filled with hatred. This was not what Lin Zixia wanted.

He began to doubt his past self and began to examine his past beliefs and beliefs. Perhaps this was a strong force.

Lin Zixia will no longer allow himself to be hurt or betrayed. Someone asked Lin Zixia why he had to forgive and why he had to accept.

She just smiled, because she didn't want to be that kind of person.

Even if he forgave her, Lin Zixia would still forgive his ignorance. It had nothing to do with other people. Even if she didn't hate him, she didn't hate herself for being selfish. It had nothing to do with being young.

Yes, all mistakes made because of youth can be forgiven. So don't be curious about her tolerance.

Lin Zixia had only regained his understanding of the world.

Originally, he wanted to write down the story between her and Su Zian. However … Halfway through writing, he suddenly discovered something. It was so boring. There was really nothing left to say.

Maybe Su Zian really hurt Lin Zian too deeply this time. So much so that she really understood.

To be honest, Su Zian was the only person in the world who had lived in the forest and summer for so many years.

Really, so many tears.

But so what?

Thank you for leaving and letting Lin Zixia grow up. Thank you for hurting me so that I can understand that I need to love myself a little more.

Thanks to Su Zian's decisiveness, Lin Zixia was able to see clearly what kind of person Lin Zixia was who was so obstinately determined to betray the world and also wanted to love. This is good too. I will not humbly say that as long as you turn back, I will be there.

No one else will do this for you.

Actually, it had been put down. It's true. No. Because Lin Zixia knew that Su Zian had truly changed.

Lin Zixia thought that Su Zian was still the same person she knew. Actually, it was a relief. It was true. Past. Happiness is real, harm is real. Their paths were different, their lives different. It was good to be separated. Lin Zixia thought that she had transformed. He suddenly realized that this world was so beautiful.

It wasn't that the darkness would disappear without Su Zian. She suddenly realized that Su Zian could do more for Lin Zishan than anyone else.

He suddenly realized that Lin Zixia didn't love Su Zian so much after all.

It's just that memories are too good. If one day Su Zian could see Lin Zixia's words.

Please remember that Lin Zixia really loved you deeply.

Please remember that Lin Zixia does not regret what she has done for you for six years.

Remember, don't come back after you leave. Because Lin Zixia was no longer giving in to his demands.

Please remember to love her. Don't hurt another person who loves you. Thank you for leaving the forest. It gave her more beauty. Dear Su Zian, did Lin Zixia love him right or wrong during those six years?

Su Zian, I'm getting married. I hope you can come. Ten years later, the factory where Su Zian worked received a letter from Lin Zixia. Tears fell with the wind. Fourteen years of memories rushed out like a flood, Su Zian wiped his tears away in an uninhabited corner. Lin Zixia, I thought you would wait for me, wait for me to calm down, wait for me to mature, wait for me to return to you, and then realize the promised future. Then I would run with your hand in the wind.

But now Su Zian is still a mediocre person, living a mediocre life, a person's life. He had done too many wrong things, so Lin Zixia didn't want to look back. Su Zian had hurt her too much, so the person accompanying Lin Zixia wasn't Su Zian either. Su Zian had lied to Lin Zixia too many times, so she didn't believe him anymore.

He wore his only suit, tie and shoes to attend Lin Zixia's wedding. At least seeing her on such a day today wouldn't make Su Zian look so miserable. As he entered, he saw that Lin Zixia's wedding guests had filled the hall with flowers and candles that she liked. Su Zian recalled Lin Zixia saying that he would be happy with your wedding.

Lin Zixia and the groom greeted him with their arms crossed. It was unknown whether Su Zian's clumsy hands should be extended or placed in his pockets. Lin Zixia was making faint makeup, and the rose in her hands was pure and flawless. She smiled and said, You're here.

How could I not come? Even if the person you're marrying isn't me, I still have to personally see you exchange rings and be a wife. "

Everyone was laughing and feeling very happy. Su Zian, who was in the corner, pretended to be very funny. The old classmates no longer remembered him chasing after Lin Zixia's butt all those years ago, nor the tears that Lin Zixia had shed for him.

Lin Zixia said that she loved the wedding in her dreams, so she chose this song as her first song. Su Zian looked at her sweet smile as she slowly walked towards him. Tears started to well up in his eyes, and his breathing became uncontrollable.

Amidst the cheers of the crowd, Su Zian shouted, Lin Zixia, I love you! But no one could hear them, they were blessing, they were rejoicing, and Su Zian had really left the life of the forest Xia today. She didn't ask Su Zian to stay like before, she didn't see his emotions like that, she didn't hug him, Lin Zixia didn't hold out her hand to hold him, she didn't run away with Su ZiAn as she had imagined, she married someone who wasn't Su Zian.

After so many years, Su Zian had long given up on his own dream. It wasn't that he didn't want to give up, but reality wouldn't allow him to continue. After so many years, Su Zian once again picked up the pen and started writing a song for Lin Zixia. He knew that Lin Zixia wouldn't be as moved as he was before.

He handed the envelope over to the person beside him. Su Zian was afraid that he would run away and be unable to clean up the mess. Su Zian was afraid that he would cry in front of so many people. He was afraid that those memories would drown him.

He did not know where he was going. He did not know where his future lay. It was a form of atonement, a repayment for everything he had done wrong. Lin Zixia, Su Zian left your blessings in this city and brought your memories to the place where I will go. I hope that you will have a good time in the future.

CHAPTER 2 - DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

I always thought that there were some things that needed to wait until the situation changed before I could truly understand them, and that I should learn to put them down. Those unforgettable memories spread, and I would often lick those wounds that were once bloody, deep into the night, and think of me holding Su Zian's hand and begging him to look back at me, and of him and the girls he had been with, and of the stupid things that I had done for him, and now I think of listening to other people's stories. It's not painful, Su Zian. It's been six years, but I don't love you anymore. She closed her diary, stirred her coffee, and looked out the window at the traffic.

She had imagined this small town in the south countless of times, dense with fog, floating with white clouds, small bridges, flowing water, trees, and others. She wore a blue cheongsam, and beside her, there was a gentle young man. Hello, my name is Lin Zixia. With a faint smile, she turned to face the empty seat. That's right, that youth could no longer accompany her and watch the bustling rain and mist of Jiangnan. There was no one else in the depths of the lotus flowers.

Su Zian, who hadn't been in touch for a long time last night, suddenly asked her if she was busy. She stopped writing and replied, It's done. It's hard to feel like talking to people, he said. You're the only one who can listen to what I'm saying. She said, Well, go on, what's the matter? He said, My grandpa is leaving soon. His stomach cancer is in a terminal stage. He had surgery last year, and now it's been a year. He hasn't eaten for a few days, so I'm afraid he won't be able to last much longer … Lin Zixia was fine, and I was fine as well. After thinking about it for a while, she deleted it. All she said was, Don't be too sad, everyone has to go through all of this. Su Zian asked again, Are you still my relative? Lin Zixia stared at those words, thinking back to a few years ago when she hugged Su Zian and said that you would always be my relative.

So she said, Well, yeah. Can you not leave me, I beg you not to leave me! Was it the same trick, Lin Zixia thought with a sneer. She had wanted to tell him that she had already left. Her trembling hand couldn't press down for a long time. After a long while, she only replied with a single word, En. Am I so hateful … Why do you say that? You are my relatives, I am not often by your side. I have hurt you deeply before, shouldn't people like me go to hell … Don't think too much about it, it's over.

I'm sorry, I was such a bastard in the past … Su Zian, ah Su Zian, if I had known better, I would have recorded every word you said … I'm a bastard, I'll let you know how many times you broke your promise.

The phone rang for a long time before Lin Zixia was pulled back from her memories. When she picked up the phone, Wang Haoyu's gentle voice sounded, It's already so late, why aren't you sleeping yet? In and a... Old friends were chatting, but soon you fell asleep. Have you finished writing your thesis? It's going to be soon. I'll take you to Lijiang after I send you the royalties. Didn't you always want to go?

Mm … Alright … Lin Zixia thought for a moment that she could hear a young man from a few years ago telling her in such a firm tone, 'I will not leave you even if I die.' But even so, that young man had still broken her heart time and time again by pulling on someone else's hand. After hanging up the phone, Lin Zixia walked over to the large french window. Starlight flickered in the distance, very much like that night …

Su Zian, tell me, who is that girl! I still have work to do tomorrow … The phone's busy voice seemed to be announcing Lin Zixia's death sentence. She crazily logged into Su Zian's account code, her words stabbing into her eyes, My wife, are you asleep yet? My wife, I miss you so much. Can my wife come see you tomorrow? Lin Zixia suddenly felt as if she was in the center of a tornado, her breathing became labored, and she choked with sobs as she couldn't say a single word. She dialed the number that she was familiar with and asked word by word, Why are you doing this to me?

She was like a beast trying her best to hold in its anger, her whole body was trembling non-stop. Lin Zixia, we are not suitable. This was the man she had loved for six years, the man she had desperately wanted to be with. This was the man who had promised her a bright future, the man who had already rebuilt the relationship with his ex-girlfriend three days before they broke up. She opened the wine cabinet, and poured bottle after bottle of bitter liquid into her mouth. She began to cry loudly as she asked again and again, Why did you do this to me? What did I do wrong? Why did you do this to me?!

Kneeling on the glass fragments on the ground, watching the crimson blood spread before her eyes, she picked up the fragments of the broken piece of glass and thought to herself, perhaps this is her final relief … Little Xia, Little Xia! How could you do such a foolish thing! " In her final conscious, her parents' voices sounded like they were filled with despair. The corner of her mouth was smiling, a pure white color she had never seen before. Today was the countdown to the college entrance examination …

The night wind blew, and Lin Xia tightened her collar. She lowered her head and realized that the tears on the back of her hand had unknowingly fallen. Didn't she say that she would never cry for him again? Maybe one day I'll get a call from you too, old friend... Are you busy... I must be the first to tell you this, Lin Zixia, I want to see you happy. Su Zian said, Su Zian, once I've been hurt by you, it's very hard for me to think that others have treated me badly. Long, long ago, you had me, and I had you.

Yes, how long ago was that? It was so long ago that I couldn't even remember what color you were wearing the first time I saw you, how long it took for me to forget the look in your eyes when you first sang to me, how long it took for me to forget how irregular my breathing and heartbeat must have been when you first said you loved me … Su Zian, let me let go of the future that neither of us can afford. I have imagined my wedding countless times, whether it was romantic or funny, warm or touching, but no matter what the scene was, it would always be you that was by my side. I have cried countless times in the night, asking myself why I am not with you, why you never stop for me, why you can only think of me when lonely.

I have relied on alcohol countless times to force myself to sleep, do you know that deep down in love, only a person will value more than oneself. I have tried countless times to persuade myself to let go, countless times to try to accept others, but all your sweet words have failed, you know to love one more person to be able to forgive harm countless times.

I have to admit, what I love is nothing but the memory of that self - flicking, sun-warmed boy, we've been growing up in opposite directions, and now we're living on two different planets, and I've learned how to pronounce a song, how to make tomato and egg soup taste the best, how to put you down … You were the only belief in my youth. After living for so many years for you, this time, please stop loving me.

As soon as school started, it started to rain as if every student had to go through it. Lin Zixia was holding onto a small flower umbrella as she tiptoed to look at the subdivision table on the billboard. Unfortunately, she was too small, and all she saw were ponytails and ponytails … "Lin Zixia, who had just entered the first year of high school, was like an ordinary student, while Qi Liuhai, who didn't know anything, appeared cute and mature. She had a goddess-like look in her eyes. Right now, she had an unconcealed forehead, a neither long nor short ponytail, and a cartoon jacket and track pants that no one would be able to see if she fell into the crowd.

Lin Zixia! From afar, Song Yunzi hopped over and beckoned her. We're in the same class. At first glance, Song Yunzi thought it was a Japanese girl, but she was clearly a Chinese girl. This way, they wouldn't have to worry about being lonely on their way to school, and Lin Zixia would take her hand and go to their classroom, while the two little girls would cheer and exchange holiday secrets, looking forward to the days to come where they would spend together and how many new faces they would pass by. Lin Zixia thought to himself that these people would have to accompany her through this beautiful youth.

Finally, at the corner of the third floor, they found their classroom. The two girls carefully entered the classroom, which was already full of people. They found a seat on the wall in the front row and sat down. A new classroom, a new blackboard, a new table and chairs, a new classmate. Lin Zixia curiously looked around her, her eyes blooming with light. The girl behind tugged at her clothes and whispered, Hello classmate, I'm Gong Ming, what about you? Oh, hello, my name is Lin Zixia. The other person stretched out his hand and introduced himself very formally. Lin Zixia also smiled bashfully.

Gong Ming was a very very thin girl, the freckles on his face would move as soon as he smiled, his crescent-like eyes would shine, but the girl beside him seemed very shy and nervously said, Hello, I'm Lu Xiaobei. Just like that, the four girls became good friends. They chatted and laughed until the teacher in charge came. Lin Zixia sized this teacher up. He was in his thirties and had a kind smile. He didn't look like the teacher from primary school at all, glaring at her every time he couldn't answer a question.

The first day of school ended, and Lin Zixia bid farewell to Gong Mingdao before leaving the classroom with Song Yunzi. In fact, the thing that made people happy in junior high school was that they could ride their own bikes home. Along the way, Song Yunzi happily told her about how happy she was, while Lin Zixia silently listened, counting the lights of the street and the red and green lights of the supermarkets.

As soon as they entered the classroom in the afternoon, they knew that they were going to change their seats, which meant that the four friends who had just gotten to know each other were going to separate. Such was the friendship they had when they were young, they wouldn't have had so much profit and so much disagreement, and if they had known earlier that their separation was so tragic, they wouldn't have been so reluctant to change their seats.

CHAPTER 3 - LOVE LETTER

The neither tall nor short Lin Zixia was assigned a seat near the window in the middle. She worriedly thought, what kind of guy would be sitting at the same table as me? Would he be naughty if he didn't talk to me? Until the light was blocked by a figure, Lin Zixia secretly glanced at the boy next to her. He wore a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and neither too long nor too short hair. When he wasn't smiling, he looked pretty good too. Lin Zixia didn't dare to say anything first, so he just lay on the table and pretended to sleep.

In the second lesson, the teacher in charge asked every student to introduce themselves. Lin Zixia took out a piece of paper and began to draw on it, not knowing what to say. After all, she was an extremely ordinary girl. Can you lend me a piece of paper? Oh, okay … Lin Zixia blankly tore off a piece of paper and handed it over. Hello, my name is Wang Haoyu. The boy beside her revealed his white teeth as he smiled at her. Hello, my name is Lin Zixia.

When the boy finished listening, he began to complain like a chatterbox about not being able to write the self-introductions, which made her laugh too. The two of them laughed for a whole class. Yun Zi was still sitting behind her. When Lin Zixia turned around to look at her, she was lying on the table reading the latest novel, and the boy beside her had his head lowered as well. It was unknown what he was doing.

After Lin Zixia finished his self-introductions, Wang Haoyu kept laughing at her, saying that she was as silly as his pet. She didn't know how to retort and her face turned red. Wang Haoyu grabbed her hair and smiled warmly. Lin Zixia turned his head and asked Yunzi if he would like to go to the school gate to buy something at noon. Afterwards, the three of them started to discuss the upcoming military training.

Wang Haoyu laughed and said that everyone had turned into a forest after the military training. He never expected that these words would actually make Song Yunzi laugh at the same table as him. His laughter shocked Song Yunzi like overturning mountains and seas, and the three of them stared at him who was laughing so hard that he couldn't even stand up straight. Alright, they should never underestimate the explosive power of a silent person. Hi. Dude, put your chin back, and it fell to the ground. "

Wang Haoyu joked, Haha … Too funny... Um, my name is Wang Haoyu. " The four of them burst into laughter together. A breeze blew from outside the window, causing their hair to dance in the wind. When the bell for class rang, their form teacher, their language