The Ten Steps of Positive Ageing: A handbook for personal change in later life

By Guy Robertson

Can ageing really be a positive experience? Yes.

You can make a difference to your own ageing process. Research shows that how we think about ageing can have a significant impact on our health and wellbeing in later life. The Ten Steps of Positive Ageing challenges and debunks the inaccurate and negative attitudes that may be contaminating your outlook on getting older, and provides a clear, practical road map for exerting more choice and control over the ageing process.

Concentrating on the psychological and emotional aspects of getting older, and deploying a range of personal development techniques, The Ten Steps of Positive Ageing provides you with the keys to a happier and more fulfilled later life.

This is the book for those of us who want to do ageing differently.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
• Release date: Mar 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781472972811

Guy Robertson

Based in Vancouver, Canada, Guy Robertson is a senior instructor at Langara College, where he teaches library history, reference and readers’ advisory services, and records management. He is also an instructor in information security and risk management at the Justice Institute of British Columbia. He works as a consultant to organizations across North America, and has provided advice and services to libraries, archives, records centers, and museums in Europe and Asia. Mr. Robertson is noted for his research into book and manuscript theft, data loss and protection, and financial fraud and forgery. He has delivered keynote speeches, seminars, and workshops at conferences not only for librarians and archivists, but also for other professional and technical groups.

Book preview

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With all my love,

for Fergus, Naomi and Ruth,

without whom none of this would have any meaning.

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Contents

Introduction

Understanding age and ageing

What is positive ageing?

The Ten Steps

Step 1: Face up to your mortality

Step 2: Fact-check the fake news about ageing

Step 3: Watch your ­attitude

Step 4: Safeguard your convoy

Step 5: Adopt a mindful outlook

Step 6: Broaden and build your wellbeing

Step 7: Learn from your past

Step 8: Establish what is most ­important to you

Step 9: Create a vision for a new later life

Step 10: Build your ­resilience

Afterword

Positive ageing playlist

Acknowledgements

Biography

References

Index

Introduction

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‘There is nothing older than not wanting to grow old. Our world presents us with a disastrous image of old age. We are afraid of dying badly, of ending our lives alone, unloved, perhaps dependent or suffering from dementia… Instead of confronting this fear, we ward it off by clinging to our youth, in a rather pathetic state of denial. In so doing, we run the risk of missing out on what I call the work of growing old – that is to say, cultivating a positive awareness of ageing.’

These are the first words by Marie de Hennezel, psychologist, psychotherapist and special adviser to the French Government on palliative care, in the preface to her 2008 book with the wonderful title, The Warmth of the Heart Prevents your Body from Rusting. It was de Hennezel’s book which first inspired me to think about approaches to ageing. Contained within the above quote is the key idea that growing old is something that one needs to work at; there is a job to be done to improve our experience of our own ageing process, and part of that job is to develop a more positive attitude towards ageing. To me, at that time, this was revolutionary. Her central notion that we can have more control over our ageing process than we might otherwise think, is still far from being a mainstream idea. I hope that this book will go a little way to help you recognise this important truth about ageing.

The prospect for people over 60 has never looked as promising as it does now! On average, men and women at retirement age can expect to live for a further 20 years, and for most of that time they are likely to be in good health. But it’s not just a matter of living longer; the over 60s can actually look forward to a whole new phase in life – a period that could be longer than all the time spent at school and university.

This new phase is filled with great potential, with plenty of opportunities for learning, engaging in new activities, travelling, giving back to society and being creative. We can make the best of this time if we approach it with a positive mental attitude and make some simple preparations. The Ten Steps of Positive Ageing offers a route map to help you find your way, as well as providing a toolkit of personal development exercises and self-evaluation questionnaires which can support you on your positive ageing path.

This book is probably unlike any other book you have read on ageing. I don’t look at the common concerns of such books, like exercise or diet. Both are extremely important but there is no need for them to be covered here as there is already so much good quality information and guidance available elsewhere. Instead, this book concentrates purely on the psychological and emotional aspects of ageing. This ‘inner world’ of ageing is seldom talked or written about – despite the fact that it is our internal thoughts and feelings which determine our wellbeing in later life. Think of this as a specially designed workbook, based on solid research evidence, to help you explore this world. By following it, you will be equipped to develop your own vision of the later life you would ideally like, along with the practical steps to achieve it.

Just as we had to learn to grow up, so we have to learn to grow old. If we don’t put some thought and attention into preparing for these years, then we could very easily feel short-changed or disappointed. However, if we take some time to look closely at the issues, we are much more likely to age well and reap the benefits.

The ‘Ten Steps’ are signposts to key areas of life that you should consider in order to age more positively. They are not exactly prescriptions; they are more like invitations to pay attention to different features of your inner world – principally the thoughts and feelings that occupy you as you age.

The book starts by looking at the different notions of ageing and how it affects our lives, and outlines what we mean by the concept of ‘positive ageing’ – the most important point being that we have more control over our ageing than we think.

The actual Ten Steps dive right in at the deep end by focusing on death and the way in which consideration of mortality can actually enliven and bring more joy and satisfaction to our lives. The next step is to conduct a reality check on all the negative ideas and images about ageing and test out whether we are actually getting a balanced picture of its positive as well as the negative aspects. Step 3 takes us into the fascinating and largely unknown information about how negative stereotypes and ageist attitudes can cause real harm as we age. We learn how ageism is no laughing matter, and how we can protect ourselves from its more toxic aspects. We then move on to consider the importance of our relationships with other people in helping us to age positively. Continuing the theme of how our thoughts and feelings can be harnessed to our advantage, Step 5 outlines the benefits of mindfulness and its importance as a tool particularly suited to improving our later lives. Step 6 focuses specifically on the evidence-based techniques which have been found to be effective in developing a broadly based sense of wellbeing. After that we look at what we might be able to gain from looking back on our lives in order to help us extract as much valuable learning from our own experiences as possible. Step 8 tackles the tricky, but vital task of clarifying what gives us meaning and a sense of purpose in our lives. This is an area which is critical to address as we age, given all the rather ambiguous messages we are given about the role that older people occupy in society. The penultimate step encourages us to develop an explicit vision for how we want our lives to be and what we want to achieve. Without this we run the risk of drifting and not making the best of our precious later years. Finally, we look at what practical steps we can take to build our resilience. Later life can be tough and there will always be challenges for us to address; this last chapter is therefore designed to help us survive (and perhaps even thrive from) them. Oh, and having done all that hard work, there is a treat for you at the end. There is a playlist of music and songs (which you can access on Spotify (https://sptfy.com/4Gr3) which exemplify the positive ageing philosophy.

The material in this book is backed up by peer-reviewed published research, the details of which you can find in the References section. Each step provides an overview of the most recent and relevant data on the topic, along with self-evaluation questionnaires and practical personal development exercises.

The questionnaires can give you useful insights into your own thoughts and feelings about various issues. When completing the questionnaires, it is best not to ‘over think’ how to answer them. Just act on your first reactions – there are no right answers, just the opportunity to increase your self-knowledge. And if you get a score that you don’t like – don’t let it worry you or get you down. See it instead as an opportunity to use the exercises and the information in the chapter to address the issues you are struggling with. The exercises are designed to provide you with powerful tools for enhancing your experience of ageing. You can do them just on your own, but many of them lend themselves to being done with other people. In fact, sharing your positive ageing journey with others can be a very powerful way of bringing about personal change.

The book is designed as a ‘workbook’ rather than a coffee table exhibit! Highlight the information that you find interesting, complete the questionnaires, and feel free to scribble down some of the insights, realisations or resolutions you gain from the exercises. If you don’t want to mark the book itself then have a paper and pen to hand.

I believe that by using the material here, you will be able to take greater control of your ageing process and begin to create the kind of later life you want. There are no certainties, but I believe that the research evidence is sufficiently strong for you to be confident that following this approach will increase your chances of improving your health and wellbeing in later life.

Ageing is a process, not a crisis. There has never been a better time to age!

Understanding age and ageing

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‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

BOB HOPE, American comedian and actor

Before we start you might like to answer the following questions:

• How old do you feel you are?

• How old would you like to be?

• What age do you consider old age to begin?

We will come back to consider your answers later.

Surprisingly, there is no simple answer to the question, ‘What is ageing?’ It can be very misleading to think of ageing as simply a chronological progression of the number of years we have lived. That approach fails to recognise that someone who is 60 can look and behave like a 40-year-old, and another person who is 40 can look and feel like a 60-year-old. Chronological age doesn’t give a clear picture of our ageing process.

‘Ageing is not just a physiological process but also a psychological, intellectual, social and cultural process. Our bodies change but at the same time we mature. Ageing is therefore less about the old and more about the new.’

ANNE KARPF • columnist and writer

Let’s look at three other ways of understanding ageing – biological, cultural and psychological.

Biological

Ageing brings physical changes in the body, most obviously wrinkles and grey hair. But these can give a misleading or partial view because some people can get wrinkles and grey hair at much younger or older ages than others. Not only is it impossible to tell someone’s age from any particular physical feature or specific internal process, but there is no medical test to determine how old someone is. If you didn’t know what age you were, no doctor could give you the answer!

There is a lot of scientific work on biological ageing and we know a lot more about the biological processes and their complexities than ever before. For our purposes, the process is probably best described by one of the country’s leading experts on ageing, Professor Tom Kirkwood, who says:

‘Ageing appears to be a lifelong accumulation of faults at the cellular and molecular level, each a random occurrence insignificant in itself, combining to overwhelm the body’s ability to keep its systems running. The random nature of these faults is what makes us each age so individually, and it is this individuality and the underlying complexity which makes the ageing process such an intriguing scientific challenge.’

Scientific research into ageing is very important, as it can help discover ways of treating or preventing conditions which disable, cause pain or shorten normal lifespans. However, it is also important to be wary of the eternal human aspiration of finding the elixir of youth. First, as we shall see later, it is very dubious whether achieving eternal life would actually turn out to be something we really wanted. Second, we have already achieved almost magical increases in longevity. In 1900 life expectancy at birth for men was 48.5 years and for women 52.4 years; by 2017 life expectancy had shot up to 79.6 years for men and 83.2 years for women – a massive increase of over 30 years!

Cultural

Society has a big part to play in how we define age. First, society promotes some very powerful images and ideas about ageing which can significantly affect our sense of how old we are. Not only that, the cosmetics industry appears to have one main aim – to emphasise that looking old is bad and should be avoided at all costs. This is all based on the idea that youthful looks are positive and attractive and that looking old is distasteful. Underpinning this are the predominantly unrealistic images of older people which are portrayed in the media: at one extreme there is the image of the frail and rather miserable lonely older person (hugely promoted by age charities and some of the large corporate businesses at Christmas time) and at the other, there is the growth of the stereotype-busting ‘superhero’, like the 100-year-old marathon runner or 90-year-old parachute jumper. Neither is truly representative and both fail to validate who older people really are. We need more varied and nuanced images of older people in the media.

Second, society establishes numerous rules and entitlements based on chronological age. For example, an older person is commonly thought of as ‘a pensioner’, but when this is depends on current legislation because the state pension age changes. (It is interesting to note that when pensions were first introduced in 1908, the age of entitlement was 70! – it is due to reach 66 in 2020 – by which time life expectancy at pension age will have doubled since pensions were introduced.) Even though society sets out these rules and norms there is actually very little agreement about when someone can be said to be ‘old’. In a report for the respected Centre for Ageing Better, researchers found that people had very different ideas about this, depending on how old they were themselves! Those who were in the 16–24 age bracket thought that old age is reached at 61; whereas those in the 35–44 age bracket thought it was 67; and finally the 55–64-year-olds thought that old age didn’t start until 72. In other words, the older you are yourself, the more likely you are to think that old age comes later in life. And interestingly there are inter-cultural differences across the world. Whereas the average UK estimate is 66, in Spain one is considered to be old at 74 and in Saudi Arabia it is 55.

‘Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get!’

KEITH RICHARDS• guitarist and songwriter with the Rolling Stones

Psychological

The psychological understanding of ageing is very limited in popular culture – something I hope this book will change. The only recognition of the inner world of older people tends to revolve around two negative assertions – changes in personality (becoming grumpy) and memory (becoming more forgetful). It’s worth knowing that there is no research evidence that links later life with becoming grumpy nor the inevitable loss of significant mental functioning.

There are, however, a number of psychological and emotional aspects to ageing, and I’ll outline what they are and how to approach them in a way which generates the most positive outcomes in later life. Let’s now look at how we perceive our own age and how major life transitions might be a better way of looking at our ageing process.

Subjective age

Most of us are familiar with the adage ‘you are only as old as you feel’. It’s true that some of the research on the psychology of ageing supports this claim. There is a good body of evidence to back up the idea that most of us actually feel ourselves to be a different age from our chronological age. In other words, we have a ‘subjective’ age as well as the one determined by our birth certificate. In general, it appears that older people’s subjective age is usually younger than their chronological one. Some studies estimate that after the age of 40, people maintain a subjective age that is on average 20 per cent younger, whereas other research suggests that actual age influences subjective age. In other words, the gap between these two is wider among older groups rather than younger ones. This is echoed in an interesting recent study which found that among people over 50, almost three-quarters (72 per cent) do not think of themselves as old, and perhaps most surprisingly (but pleasantly so), even among 80–89-year-olds, 63 per cent per cent do not think of themselves as old. So age is not really just a number – it is actually just any number you feel!

‘I will never be old. Old age will always be 15 years older than I am.’

SIR FRANCIS BACON • philosopher and statesman

The idea of subjective age is not just an idle curiosity; it has actually been found to have an important connection with our health. People who feel younger than their actual age tend to rate their own health as much better than those who feel older than their actual age. For example, researchers examined the data from three longitudinal studies which together tracked more than 17,000 participants. Most felt younger than their actual age, but some felt older, and the consequences for them were serious. Feeling between 8 and 13 years older than their actual age resulted in an 18–25 per cent greater risk of death during the studies. The effect goes wider than just health status. Other studies have shown that those who report feeling older than they are, experience fewer positive emotions, report lower life satisfaction, and display higher pessimism about ageing. It appears that our subjective age can better predict our health and wellbeing than the date on our birth certificates.

You might now like to have a look back at the answers you gave to the questions at the beginning of this section (see here). Do they provide you with any new insights about how you understand or feel about your age?

Transitions in later life

Given the complexities of viewing age as just a number, it can be much more useful to understand ageing instead as a stage in life with a number of key life transitions. One of the defining characteristics of ageing is that most people experience at least one or usually more major life events, such as:

• retirement;

• moving home/downsizing;

• becoming a grandparent;

• relationship breakdown/divorce;

• becoming a