UnAshamed

By Tina Tolbert

UNASHAMED will guide you through the Childhood Trauma, Heartbreaking Adolescence, and a Fragmented Woman who suffered  and was left traumatized for over forty years of  her life. From Tears to Nightmares the nights of her life were restless, she tried to release the pains of rejection through horrific schemes including suicide; still the Terrors of Torment haunted her thru Abandonment, Loss and Confusion. There was No Light… No Life Jacket that could save her from the Dark tunnels that led her to the Deep Seas of Calamity.                                                                               But One Glorious Day!Light Appeared at the End of the Tunnel, the traps that were set to destroy became hurdles to leap over. She sprang into the light that shined on her path. She soared into Freedom, a Freedom from her past.  The Chronicles of UNASHAMED, will expose the darkness and lead you into the Light of Truth and Liberty. UNASHAMED is the prototype to Abandon your Past and embrace God's Loving Liberty.   

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tina Tolbert
• Release date: Jan 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393099925

Tina Tolbert

Tina Tolbert has been blessed to become a Powerful and Influential Woman of God. Under God’s Guidance and Protection, she has survived some of the most catastrophic occurrences in life. She’s a writer, Singer of Psalms, Minister of the Gospel and a Mother of four Highly Anointed children, whom she loves dearly. They believe in her so greatly as a mother that it pushes her to pursue God and his fullness.  God has granted her with many gifts and talents which include ministering in Prophetic Worship, proclaiming his Holy Word and now releasing a book to become an Author.  Tina Tolbert is a walking testimony of God’s healing Virtue. She is a True Worshipper with a Heart from Heaven. She sings the melody of God’s Glory and through him she has been given a platform to Sing his Psalms to the Nations.

Book preview

Acknowledgments

To my loving brother, Phillip C. Hall;

I want to thank you for inspiring me to write this book. I Love You Dearly.

To Apostle Brenda Jefferson,

I thank you for pushing me toward greatness in writing this book.

To the host of friends and families who helped shape the essence

of this journey and healing.

Preface

At the age of seven, I was introduced to perversion, an abnormal sexual world, in which I had no understanding of at all. A relative, in whom I looked up to, decided that it was time for me to be tampered with and treated like a woman. My mind wasn’t developed enough to fully understand his vile behavior, but he would touch me inappropriately. I was so scared and confused.

There I was, a mere child thinking, shouldn’t we be playing kickball, basketball, making mud pies or stealing apples from our neighbor trees at this age?

We were not supposed to be playing house or acting out scenes reserved for married couples!

I was afraid to say a word to anyone as to what was taking place in my young mind. I was fearful of being alone with this person. However, I managed somehow to avoid encounters with him at times by staying as close as I could to my mother.

I hated this person for years because of how he took full advantage of me as an innocent little girl. The abuse continued for months. My virtue and creativity were being taken from me. I was aching inside. My tender heartfelt choked of life and love. During family visits, he would motion for me to follow him in the back room and I’d immediately run to my mother.

I wanted to scream out, Mommy, Mommy he wants to hurt me. He’s been hurting me. But when my mouth would open nothing would come out. I couldn’t speak a word.

My mother’s presence was my safe haven - that is until the beast transformed from a relative to a stepfather and the trauma was relived again. I felt hopeless, alone, and so confused as to why I was being treated this way. I don’t recall any of my classmates ever speaking of such horrible things happening to them.

So, why was I the victim of what felt like an endless nightmare?

Chapter

One

Terror in the Night

Chapter One

Terror in the Night

It was the dead of night. I heard footsteps coming down the hall, toward my door. I shivered, and I could hear my heart beat soloudly as the enemy of perversion came closer and closer.

I called him the enemy because he appeared in secret, full of deception and selfishness. He only wanted to fulfill his lustful desires. He was a family member whom my family trusted but I knew he was sent to kill my identity, steal any relationship a kid like me could ever have with God and a parent, and destroy my perception of everyone and everything. This family member only cared about how he could please himself and who he could use to fulfill evil. The heart of him sought me in a tragic way.

As he entered my room, I could smell a foul odor. He came closer, and I put my head under the cover hoping it  was a bad dream even though I knew different.

God, save me please, I murmured. Yet my enemy still appeared. He pulled back the cover craving to feed his appetite, and I started fighting, scratching, kicking and biting him with everything I had to keep him away from me.

He grunted, trying to overpower me. He was strong and full size. I was feeble and small, nonetheless, I was tired of portions of myself leaving out of my room each time he stripped me of my purity.

He tried to force himself upon me, but this time the anger within me was more powerful. Finally, I received relief from his evil deeds because I threatened him by saying, I am going to tell my mommy.

This caused my enemy to flee and not return.

Although the enemy was a relative, deep down inside I wished he was dead because I knew the death of him meant the end of him touching me.

After this experience nightfall became the most fearful time of my life. I developed such awful sleeping habits because fear gripped me every night.

Even when it all stopped, I was nervous about who or what would appear through the night. My mental state was tarnished.

The Terror in the Night was stored in the cells of my memory, in the crevices of my heart, and embedded in holes of my