Cards Speak

By Dann Darwin

More than two centuries after poker took root in America, its popularity endures.
It’s played at kitchen tables, dining room tables, American Indian casinos, casinos from near Washington, D.C., to the Deep South to Las Vegas to California and many spots in between. It’s also played online legally and illegally around the world.
In Cards Speak, we look at some of those games and the people who play them. While no-limit Texas hold’em and pot-limit Omaha are popular today, some of these stories are from a time when seven-card stud was spread in Las Vegas casinos.
As for the title Cards Speak, one of the rules of poker dictates that while you may declare you hand, what you hold is the final arbiter. That is, if you declare loudly that you have a straight, but in fact you have a small pair or, in fact, nothing, the cards themselves “speak” and determine what you hold.
If you “listen” carefully, you will hear the characters in these tales “speak” as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dann Darwin
• Release date: Dec 7, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463740712

Dann Darwin

The author, Daniel Behringer in private life, is a long-time resident of Las Vegas. He worked in the newspaper industry for nearly four decades before turning to fiction and longer-form narratives.

Book preview

CARDS SPEAK

Tall tales from the world of low- and medium-stakes poker

DANN DARWIN

CARDS SPEAK:

TALL TALES FROM THE WORLD OF LOW- AND MEDIUM-STAKES POKER

Copyright © 2019 by Dann Darwin. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the author or publisher.

Cover art @jalil sham from Pexels via Canva.com.

The author would like to acknowledge the use of the image of a gaming chip in Chapter 29 from Station Casinos LLC.

The author would like to thank Erica Orloff of Editing for Authors, who made numerous suggestions and whose attention to detail helped polish and improve the final product.

CONTENTS

Introduction

1: Smokin’ in Vegas

2: Game of Skill

3: Crazy Eights

4: Oklahoma!

5: Stardust Memories

6: Hump Day

7: Thrills, Chills and Souvenirs

8: Happy Birthday

9: High Drama

10: We Three Kings

11: Long Day’s Journey

12: Unlucky Lady

13: One Big Pot

14: Free Rolling

15: Prick from Texas

16: Me and the Armenians

17: Old Ike

18: Greed and Lust in Las Vegas

19: Queens for a Day

20: Day at the Races

21: Giving Away Money

22: David and Goliath

23: Reading Faces

24: Lost on the Strip

25: Photo Finish

25: Theater of the Absurd

27: When Pigs Fly

28: Ebb and Flow

29: The Low Rollers

30: Redemption

31: Best Laid Plans

32: Gambling Fools

33: Bluff of the Month

34: Herbert Knows How to Gamble

35: The Seductive Game of Poker

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

More than two centuries after poker took root in America, its popularity endures.

It’s played at kitchen tables, dining room tables, American Indian casinos, casinos from near Washington, D.C., to the Deep South to Las Vegas to California and many spots in between. It’s also played online legally and illegally around the world.

Why do players flock to the game?

Part of the allure is money. In some games, you can win or lose a week’s pay or more in one pot.

Part is the escape from reality. At the poker table, time seems to stop as players become lost in the play of the hands and the clatter of chips while an attractive cocktail server flits in the background.

And part is simply the people. People of all backgrounds, all ethnicities and all occupations gravitate to the poker table in search of money, escape and entertainment. The result can be games that resemble anything from an intense discussion in a corporate boardroom to a raucous carnival.

In Cards Speak we look at some of those games and the people who play them. While no-limit Texas hold ’em and pot-limit Omaha are popular today, some of these stories are from a time when seven-card stud was spread in Las Vegas casinos.

As for the title Cards Speak, one of the rules of poker dictates that while you may declare your hand, what you hold is the final arbiter. That is, if you declare loudly that you have a straight, but in fact you have a small pair or, in fact, nothing, the cards themselves speak and determine what you hold.

I hope you enjoy Cards Speak. Most of the stories have some basis in truth or were inspired by true events. All names are fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead or undead, is purely coincidental.

If you listen carefully, you will hear the characters in these tales speak as well.

1

Smokin’ in Vegas

An observer of the gambling scene in Las Vegas once wrote that every night is Saturday night and every weekend is Super Bowl weekend. Which means if it’s Saturday night, you certainly feel like a card game.

Unless you’re broke.

Rattling one of my last sanctuaries, a Smuckers glass jelly jar, I find a handful of pocket change and four $5 chips from a casino off the Las Vegas Strip. So we’re off to that locale.

Four nickels isn’t even a buy-in. So I have to gamble I can come up with a little more ammunition. One way to do that is to take one of the better bets on a casino table game, don’t pass on the craps table.

I find a nice quiet table. No hollering, screaming or hot shooters permitted. I watch one shooter and wait for him to crap out. Then I plunk down one of my precious nickels on the don’t pass line, praying against the 7 or 11. The shooter rolls an 8.

Poker players like being favorites even if it’s a slim 6-5 favorite. I don’t have to wait long: The next roll is ace-six. Out, 7 and a winner on the don’t pass line.

I watch one more shooter, who also craps out. Sensing a cold table, I plunk down another nickel. The next shooter rolls a 5 and we’re a 3-2 favorite. The very next hop is 4-3. Out, 7.

Just like that we have a buy-in, and I wander off to the card room.

The seven-card stud game at this casino is fairly evenly paced except for one well-dressed, boisterous gentleman in his late 30s. I reflect upon this for a moment, then carefully sit to his left.

The boisterous man is having a good time. He quickly runs through $40 worth of chips left on the table and buys in for another $120.

Hell, what a town, he says to nobody in particular. Get thrown out of a wedding and can’t smoke a cigar.

I notice an expensive-looking cigar resting askew on his chips. Low-limit seven-card stud is a waiting game so I wait for about 30 minutes before I finally pick up A-8-8. In late position, I toss in a raise to narrow the field. Only the boisterous man calls.

I look at him and smile.

You don’t have anything, do you? I inquire politely.

He looks at me and grins broadly.

THE HELL YOU SAY! he roars and laughs loudly.

I snag another 8 on fourth street, and we go dashing off to the river. He ends up with two small pair and my three 8s are a winner.

Hey, he says to me. I like to know who I’m giving my money to. What’s your name?

I hear a Southern accent from my newfound friend. I wonder if he might be from Texas.

Most people call me Dan, I say, reaching over to shake his hand.

THE HELL YOU SAY! he roars again. His voice has a long, low rumble like a bowling ball thundering down a newly slickened alley. My name’s Dan, too!

Where are you from? he wants to know.

Home is Texas, I say. But I live out here now.

Well I’m from a little ol’ town down South, Dan says. He busies himself trying to persuade the cocktail server to bring him two more vodka tonics.

It’s another 45 minutes before I catch a starting hand. J-J-K. I toss in a raise. Only Dan from down South calls.

On fourth street, I catch another king. Dan from down South is showing 10-3.

I consider my next bet very carefully.

Tell you what, Dan, I say. You got another one of those cigars in your pocket?

One of these? Sure, but you can’t smoke ’em here, he says, referring to the general card room policy prohibiting cigar smoking.

I know that, I say. But I’ll put $5 in the pot if you put that cigar in.

THE HELL YOU SAY! This here is a $20 cigar!

The dealer has paused to watch this transaction. But Dan from down South has a thought.

Tell you what, Tex. You beat me on this hand and the cigar is yours.

I look down at my K-K-J-J. With three cards to come, I like my chances.

It’s a bet, I say.

We go dashing off to the river. I don’t improve, but Dan from down South ends up with a pair of 3s. I am the proud owner of a $50 pot and a $20 cigar.

Just remember, Tex. That’s a pretty doggone good cigar.

It’s getting late and Dan from down South is starting to sober up. I have run my six nickels into $90 and think maybe I should take a crack at a bad-beat jackpot game on the Strip.

When I arrive at my new locale, there’s three people ahead of me on the stud list so I go for a little walk.

When I come back, there’s still three people ahead of me.