Karma is in Dire Need of Being Spanked: Diva Delaney Mysteries, #5

By Anni Jayde

Diva Delaney is in no mood to deal with men after what happened between her and the sheriff. With her curse now finally lifted, she should be free to date, but of course nothing is that easy for her. She is beginning to doubt that she'll ever find a good man to settle down with.

Her next cases will involve stealth, cunning and bravery, three things which the psychic medium lacks completely. Diva will have to force herself to step out of her comfort zone in order to help her clients. Both of her cases will take her out of town, so she won't have her ghostly sidekicks to assist her in their usual wacky manner. Frankly, that might not be such a bad thing.

With the return of Wade and Wyatt Westmore, things are going to become interesting in Hollowood Grove, especially for her cousin, Courtney. Meanwhile, Diva's main nemesis is driving her to the edge. The wickedly handsome warlock knows how to push her buttons and is an expert at manipulating her into owing him yet more favors. This time, Haydn Creighton might find he's the one who will need to be rescued from danger.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Seize The Night Agency
• Release date: Nov 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393099321

Book preview

Chapter One

DRUMMING MY FINGERS on my desk, I watched Jess from the corner of my eye, silently daring her to complain about the annoying noise. She opened her mouth a few times to tell me to stop, but closed it again each time.

Fran, Maryanne and Reginald had swept into my office just after I’d arrived. They’d taken one look at my face and had immediately fled. Their curiosity about what had happened between the sheriff and me last night vanished in the face of my rage.

Shifting my attention to the window, I stared through the newly installed blinds. Halloween was almost upon us and Hollowood Grove had been decorated in preparation for a night to remember. Skeletons, evilly grinning pumpkins, witches, monsters and all sorts of things sat on stoops, hung in store windows and dangled from streetlamps. Almost every house sported something that celebrated the spooky event. My cottage was one of the few that didn’t have a single decoration in sight.

Men suck, I said, not for the first time that morning.

I hear you, Jess said cautiously.

Taking pity on her, I stopped drumming my fingers and swiveled my chair slightly so I was facing her. I hate men, I told her.

You never used to hate them, she said.

The hatred is new, I admitted, then turned to face the window again.

Was Drew bad in bed? she asked as diplomatically as she could manage.

I threw my hands in the air and she flinched back as if there was a chance I could actually physically hurt her. How would I know? I asked sarcastically. We never made it to his bed.

Did you do it in his cruiser? she asked in confusion.

We didn’t do it at all, I said, my rage finally dwindling at that confession.

Why the hell not? Maryanne demanded as the Three Stooges spilled into the room through the wall they’d obviously had their ears pressed up against. You’re twenty-four years old and you’re still a virgin. Jess told us Haydn lifted the curse from you. You should have been all over Drew!

I know I would have been, Reginald said wistfully.

Shh! Fran scolded them. Let her tell the story!

There is no story, I said and heaved myself out of my chair. I didn’t have to worry about anyone spying on me through my windows anymore. I’d called Hal at seven, knowing he opened for business long before I did. I’d gone in to work early to let him in so he could bring some blinds around and install them for me. Now I could see out, but no one could see in. It allowed me to spy on the Creighton Bookstore without its evil owner knowing about it.

Something must have happened, Jess insisted. You looked pretty eager to get Drew naked when you left with him last night.

You didn’t come home, Maryanne pointed out. We all waited for you in your cottage all night and you never showed up. They’d been gone when I’d returned home briefly to change for work.

Making coffee, I stalled for as long as I could before returning to my desk and sitting down again. Drew took me to his house, but I barely made it through the front door before he made a stupid comment that it was about time I grew up and admitted that magic isn’t real, I told them.

What an idiot, Reginald groaned.

What happened then? Fran asked, chins quivering in excitement. Ghosts lived for gossip, so to speak.

I told him I would never admit that because it wasn’t true and we started arguing. I went from wanting to jump his bones to wanting to strangle him.

You stormed out? Jess asked sympathetically.

Yeah, I said with a sigh. I walked back here, got in my car and went for a long drive. I’d pulled over to call Aunt Isabel and told her I’d been caught up at work and not to expect me for dinner, then had resumed driving. After a couple of hours, I’d pulled over again so I could sob my heart out.

I hated Haydn for finally admitting that he’d been the one to curse me, but that didn’t stop me from wanting him. Drew had been my next choice for a bed partner, but he would never believe the supernatural world was real despite all the proof he’d seen.

Are you going to tell us what happened at the bookstore? Fran asked. How did he lift the curse? Jess had told them Haydn had lifted the curse, but she’d omitted most of the details, it seemed.

Haydn was the one who cursed me when I was sixteen, I said and shocked silence descended for a few moments.

You poor girl, Fran said in realization that was mixed with pity. Maryanne and Reggie erupted into a babble, but she shushed them. Shh! Let her tell us the rest! I dutifully told them the whole story, only leaving out the bit where my heart had been broken into a million pieces. I didn’t want to admit that my decision to sleep with Drew had been a spur of the moment idea brought on by my anguish that Haydn was so evil.

Men suck, Maryanne declared.

That’s what I’ve been saying, I agreed.

We do not, Reginald said in defense of his gender, then withered beneath the combined weight of our stares. "Okay, some men suck," he conceded.

So, you’re still a virgin? Fran asked in disappointment.

Yep and that probably won’t be changing anytime soon, I declared.

Ten bucks says guys will start asking her out once the news spreads that the curse has been lifted, Maryanne said, then cackled. Her platinum-blonde wig already sat slightly askew. Every time she moved, it looked like it was in danger of falling off. She hitched her lowcut white Marilyn Monroe style dress up higher, but it immediately fell back down again, exposing the edge of her bra and wrinkled chest once more.

They can ask all they want, but I won’t be saying yes, I said and stubbornly crossed my arms.

What was with that power surge last night? Jess asked to change the subject. I gave her a grateful look and she winked at me supportively.

No one knows what caused it, Fran said. They’d already done the rounds to learn what they could about the mini disaster.

Every light that was on all blew at the same time, Maryanne added. They couldn’t find a reason for it.

The magical folk think it was a spell that went wrong, Reginald said, hip cocked to the side. He toyed with the gaudy gold peace medallion that hung on the end of his equally tacky gold necklace. Clad in tight black pants and a purple satin shirt with paisley prints on it, he had a narrow face and slicked back black hair. If a weasel could shapeshift into a human, it would look like Reggie.

Magic on that scale is forbidden, Fran pointed out. Chubby and with a bubbly personality, she had red hair done in Shirley Temple style curls. Her fashion choice of a blue dress with white polka dots and a matching bow in her hair were questionable at best. If the normals found out what caused the blackout, it would be a disaster.

Will the Council of Conjurers come here to investigate? Jess asked. Her outfit was by far the most memorable of the four. She’d died in the eighties and was cursed with crimped blonde hair, an electric blue headband, matching eyeshadow and legwarmers, acid wash jeans and a hot pink t-shirt.

Maybe, Maryanne said with a shrug. All three of the terrible trio had been magic users. They knew more about the world of witches and warlocks than Jess and I did.

Let’s hope not, Fran added. That lot are even worse than the Creightons. That had to mean they considered themselves to be superior to everyone else and had snotty attitudes.

My mood instantly worsened at the mention of my enemies, but I took a gulp of coffee to hide my grimace. I didn’t care if the Council of Conjurers sent someone to investigate the blown lights. We normals were kept in the dark about the goings on of the magical community. To them, we were almost like a lesser species. My family would keep me in the loop, though. The Delaney Coven were one of the two most powerful covens in town, matched only by the Creightons. They’d been our enemies forever, or for at least as long as Hollowood Grove had been in existence. It seemed our feud stretched even to a normal like me.

Uh, oh, Jess said as she moved to peer out the window. Gillian Farque is here.

My hands tightened on my mug and I resisted the urge to flee out the back door. Is she coming this way? I asked. I had my blinds tilted too much for me to be able to see through them while sitting at my desk.

Nope, thank God, my bestie replied. She’s going into the bookstore.

We all relaxed slightly, but my tension didn’t disappear completely. Farque had warned me to stay away from Haydn. Not only had I defied her when he’d beckoned me to come to his store last night, but we’d ended up kissing. Sure, he’d only locked lips with me to undo the curse, but it had still happened.

My stomach clenched at the memory of his mouth on mine and his hand gently cupping the back of my head. His lean, hard body had been pressed up against me and his kiss had felt like he’d been trying to devour me. The kiss he’d given me on my sixteenth birthday had been between two teenagers. The one last night had proven he was now all-man.

I scowled at the traitorous direction my thoughts had taken. Haydn had demonstrated once and for all that he’d never cared about me. We were adversaries and that was something I wasn’t going to let myself forget again.

Chapter Two

MY HOPES THAT MY FAMILY wouldn’t notice the black funk I was in dissipated when I joined them for dinner after work. What’s wrong with you? Courtney asked. She was in a great mood now that she’d finally decided to try her hand at working an actual job. She’d spent the day with Mrs. Irving, her first client and an ex-client of mine.

Nothing, I muttered and took my seat.

Lies, Grandma intoned, staring at me hard. Something is different. I can sense it.

Everyone turned to look at me, including Bryce, her ghostly butler. The curse has been lifted, I admitted. As expected, they erupted into questions, all talking over top of each other as they tried to be heard.

Silence! Lilla said, slapping her hand on the table. For once, she didn’t cast a spell to render us all mute. Come here, she ordered. With a sigh, I slid out of my chair and walked over to her seat at the end of the table. She reached up to put her hand on my head and I felt her delving me. She’s right, she reported. The curse is gone.

How? Aunt Isabel asked in amazement. Who lifted it?

The same person who placed it on me eight years ago, I said, taking my seat again.

Well? Grandma asked impatiently. Who was the culprit?

Haydn Creighton, I replied, upper lip curling at having to say his name. He kissed me on my sixteenth birthday and apparently cursed me at the same time.

"You kissed a Creighton? Aunt Isabel asked in horror. What were you thinking?"

"He kissed me, I snapped, then flinched when Grandma held her hand up in warning that she would hex me for being sassy. I’d had a horrible day at school and I ran into him on my way home, I explained. He said he wanted to give me a gift, then he kissed me."

Some gift, Eve scoffed. Her anger wasn’t directed at me and it was on my behalf. His prank stopped you from being able to date anyone for the past eight years. I have half a mind to curse the hell out of him in retaliation.

Get in line, Courtney said. Both of my cousins were strong in magic, but Haydn was far stronger than they were. He’d proven that by hexing me with something that no one else had been capable of lifting.

No one will be doing any hexing to anyone, Grandma said in a warning tone. If anyone is going to retaliate for this infraction, it will be me. She received a chorus of agreement from us all, but dark looks that spoke of revenge were exchanged between my aunts and cousins.

Oh, dear, Bryce said in a deadpan tone. Why do I get the feeling a war is about to erupt between the Delaney and Creighton covens again?

Diva will get caught up in it if they do and she’s just a pathetic normal, Jess said in distress.

I flicked her a sour look, then concentrated on eating. Not even my rage and hurt were enough to kill my appetite. It took a lot to make me give up a free meal.

I spoke to Ivan Witkowski this morning, Aunt Isabel said to me.

You asked him about the Farque Coven? All conversation stopped when I uttered that name. It was far too close to a swearword for Grandma’s comfort and she scowled at me. What did he say? I asked.

He heard back from one of his contacts just before I left the office for the day, she told me. The contact hinted that the females from the Farque line can be slightly unstable.

Aunt Janet snorted out a laugh. You mean they’re completely nuts, don’t you?

Allegedly nuts, her sister corrected her primly. There are rumors that people who have displeased them have simply gone missing. Anyone who crosses them seems to end up dead.

I sucked in a breath, then choked on the potato I’d just inhaled. Courtney pounded my back, dislodging it for me. I’m a dead woman, I croaked. I not only crashed into Gillian’s sports car, the ghosts also filled it with ectoplasm.

You never do things by halves, do you? Grandma asked sourly.

It’s one of my talents, I said, then ducked when her hand came up. I felt a flick on my ear and rubbed it. Ow, I complained.

You’re lucky it wasn’t worse than that, she told me with a glower. How do you manage to make so many enemies? Neither Eve, nor Courtney have people lining up to kill them. Why can’t you be more like your cousins?

Diva has always been the popular one of us three, Eve said with a smirk, then flinched when she received a flick on the ear as well for her sarcasm.

Grandma sent a challenging stare at Courtney, but my cousin wisely kept her mouth shut. So, this Gillian Farque witch has it in for our Diva, Grandma said. She’ll learn it isn’t wise to cross the Delaney Coven if she steps out of line.

I had a feeling Haydn’s fiancé was going to do a lot more than just step over the line. She was going to leap over it, then set it on fire. If she was anything like the rest of the women in her family, I would end up missing or dead. In this instance, going missing would probably mean I would be buried where no one would ever find me.

Aren’t you getting sick of all these people wanting to kill you? Jess asked me in sympathy when dinner was over and I could finally slink back home.

Yeah, I replied, blowing out a sigh. It’s getting a bit old.

Bryce preceded us to the door. He’d been in his seventies when he’d died on the job. He was stuck wearing his butler outfit of a black suit, white shirt and matching gloves. Completely hairless, his face was strangely unlined for a man of his age. Be careful, Miss, he warned me. I saw Sylas leave the house a short while ago.

Thanks for the warning, I said, motioning at Jess to make sure the coast was clear. It was late October now, which meant it had grown dark before I’d finished eating. It would be completely lightless outside if it was overcast, which always seemed to be the case at night in our town.

Jess stuck her head outside to take a look, then motioned for me to move. I opened the door as quietly as I could and slipped outside. Bryce shook his head and floated off towards the parlor where Grandma would