Business Etiquette: A Guide For The Indian Professional

By Shital Kakkar Mehra

The first interview. Handling a difficult boss. The power of words. Networking. Small talk. Dressing for a cocktail dinner. Holding chopsticks. Drinking wine. Twitter etiquette. Sexual harassment in office. Remembering names. Receiving compliments. Women travelling alone. Thank you notes. The opportunities created by a fast-globalizing world have led to executives jet-setting across the globe wining and dining, negotiating, and networking for business. Indian executives, who are brand ambassadors of both their company and their country, too are making a mark on the global stage, and increasingly find themselves in a number of situations where their people skills can make all the difference. Business Etiquette shows us the art of creating a positive impression through the ABC of good manners: Appearance, Behaviour, and Communication. Shital Kakkar Mehra, one of India's best-known corporate etiquette trainers, teaches us how to create our own brand, dine with grace, mingle with ease and conduct business keeping in mind racial, gender, and cultural diversities. It's a one-stop guide to side-stepping those embarrassing slip-ups and awkward gestures, and sailing through the complexities of modern-day office life with ease.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins
• Release date: Jan 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9789350293140

Shital Kakkar Mehra

Shital Kakkar Mehra is India's leading CEO Executive Presence Coach. With over twenty years of experience, she has personally trained over 45,000 professionals across industries, including numerous CEO's from leading multi-national and progressive Indian companies. She has conducted workshops in a diverse set of organizations across India and has also been a guest speaker at several leading management institutes and associations. Her book, Business Etiquette: A Guide for the Indian Professional (HarperBusiness) has sold over 47,000 copies, and has been translated into several regional Indian languages.

Book preview

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BUSINESS COMMUNICATION

It’s not just what you say but also

how you say it

What’s the fine art of communicating in business? Is it about putting forward your views aggressively? Using buzzwords to impress your business associates? Or, is it the ability to keep the conversation flowing while striking a fine balance between speaking and listening? At times, I have noticed that managers suffer from the teacher–student hangover, reminiscent of schooldays; managers assume the role of teachers, belting out instructions, completely forgetting that communication is a two-way street.

Business communication is the communication used to promote your products/services, your firm, even yourself before an outsider. Within the firm, it’s used to provide information to employees, peers, seniors and juniors.

Communicating effectively in business:

img1    Builds rapport

img1    Attracts buy-ins from business partners/counterparts

img1    Gets your point across succinctly and achieves the desired results

Today, there are multiple communication tools available and it’s important that managers learn to use the correct one. Using the Business Etiquette right tool can help gain support and build rapport, while using the wrong one can have the contrary impact. In business, especially in moments of crises, it’s critical to use both words and body language to communicate concern and empathy. The chapters in this book are divided into verbal communication, non-verbal communication and techno-etiquette to help you upgrade your ability to communicate effectively at work.

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Consider how Indians and Americans view contracts. In India, we like to place a lot of faith on a person’s word, resulting in lack of strict legal contracts and documentation. Also, we are happy to seal the deal with a one-page document if needed. In the US, it’s customary to sign contracts before venturing into any business deal. Being a highly litigious society, they sign lengthy contracts, factoring in every eventuality and plugging every loophole.

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In international business, it’s best to know the communication style of a country prior to negotiating business. As the writer Peter Drucker famously said: ‘Be ready or be lost. If you don’t think globally you deserve to be unemployed and you will be.’ Clearly, human actions, speech patterns and gestures in international business settings are subject to wide interpretation, often making misunderstandings likely and cooperation impossible.

BUSINESS CONVERSATION

The ability to conduct conversation in business is critical for your success, regardless of your job profile or the industry you belong to. Your choice of words, your voice, use of grammar and accent, all create impact. Good conversationalists know how to present themselves in a positive light, thereby influencing decisionmaking.

‘Sorry, I don’t understand …’ If you hear this frequently at work, take a step back and evaluate your communication skills. Do you speak too fast or too softly? Is your style too dictatorial and authoritative? Also, it’s not just what you say but how you say it that counts. In today’s business world, the ability to communicate effectively is a leadership skill for which companies are willing to pay a hefty premium.

The Power of Words

The poet Rudyard Kipling once said: ‘Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.’

After the initial few seconds of a face-to-face meeting, the visual (that is, how you look) takes a backseat and your verbal ability (that is, what you say or the words you use) takes precedence. Words are the most powerful communication tool we have that generate feelings and images and build expectations, both negative and positive. A common trait among leaders, in both the business and political worlds, is their ability to maximize their ‘personal brand’ by using the right words. Also, regardless of their industry/age/gender, leaders know how to communicate ideas clearly and effectively.

People want to learn ‘power’ words, which they can use to impress their bosses, clients and peers. When asked, ‘What are power words?’, they define them as words that add force to their statements. While this sounds impressive, in reality, good language skills are a rarity. Emails with poorly constructed sentences, glaring grammatical errors and excessive use of abbreviations/emoticons are commonplace. In meetings, people often tend to use wrong words or mispronounce them without knowing any better. In spite of the technological advances of the last decade, good language skills still require creative thinking and an advanced vocabulary, two things which have not yet been replaced by technology.

To improve your ability to use words effectively, focus on the following:

img1    Content: If you are lacking in knowledge, you lack the raw material needed to communicate effectively. Power words are not a substitute for shoddy research, bad planning or poor information resources. Build up your knowledge bank by broadening your horizons and reading about a variety of subjects.

img1    Enlarge your vocabulary: Improve your vocabulary by reading and aggressively finding out meanings of new words you encounter in your everyday life. I am a big fan of online dictionaries. I have noticed that people frequently mistake one word for another, in both written and verbal conversation, a trait technically known as malapropism. For example, using ‘advice’ instead of ‘advise’ (advice is a noun, meaning ‘guidance or recommendation’, while advise is a verb meaning ‘informing someone about a fact or situation’).

img1    Adjust your vocabulary: Adjust your vocabulary to suit your listeners. Subordinates can be too scared to admit that they are unable to understand a word/phrase spoken by their superior, thus, sometimes, failing to complete the expected task.

img1    Improve your grammar: While words help convey thoughts and ideas, it’s grammar which provides the structure. Poor grammatical skills reflect poorly on your language skills and may convey a completely different meaning. The best way to improve grammar is to invest in a reference grammar book. I would recommend English Grammar and Composition by Wren and Martin, an iconic book which has helped people improve their grammar across generations. If you feel you are unable to improve Business Communication with self-study, invest in a tutor—a small investment of time and money compared to a lifetime of dividends.

img1    Cut out the jargon: While jargon and buzzwords sound trendy, people, especially seniors, may not understand them. Instead, use simple language and focus on communicating in an articulate way. Ultimately, the idea behind business communication is to not impress but to get the point across!

img1    Learn to replace: An easy trick is to reread your article/speech/presentation and replace a complex or elaborate phrase with a simpler one, making the content crisper.

img1    Use action words: Words which show action build word images; for example, words like ‘accomplished’, ‘achieved’, ‘awarded’, ‘completed’, ‘delegated’, ‘generated’, ‘launched’, ‘negotiated’, ‘bought’, ‘budgeted’, ‘represented’ and ‘trained’ can create a powerful image in a resume. On the other hand, words like ‘seems’, ‘perhaps’, ‘apparently’ and ‘usually’ make you appear unsure and unprofessional.

img1    Don’t overload: Words and phrases like ‘bandwidth’, ‘honestly’, ‘actually’, ‘basically’, ‘at the end of the day’, ‘core competency’, ‘leap frog’ and ‘mission-critical’ are the most frequently used buzzwords in India. ‘Honestly’, they communicate nothing! Use specific and precise descriptions in simple English rather than complicated words that force people into mental gymnastics.

img1    Use junior school English: Use shorter and simpler sentences in cross-border communication as the purpose of business communication is to ensure that your message is understood by all. Avoid the use of smileys, local words or foreign phrases.

img1    Avoid slang: Slang is catching on in India, courtesy the American influence. While it adds the much-needed zing in casual conversation, it’s best kept out in formal business discussions and interviews.

I would rate ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ as the most powerful business words. Use them liberally in your business interactions and you will see enthusiasm levels soaring upwards.

The Power of the Voice

Mahatma Gandhi’s voice was gripping, Indira Gandhi’s conveyed authority while Rajiv Gandhi’s had a soothing quality. Shut your eyes and think of a rich baritone. Are you thinking of Amitabh Bachchan or Frank Sinatra? Think of a feminine and melodious voice. Whom are you visualizing now? Perhaps Lata Mangeshkar? Now, think of a husky voice or a scary voice. Voice creates impact.

In business, a well-modulated voice:

img1    Inspires trust

img1    Synchronizes your body language with your words

img1    Creates balance and impact

img1    Generates listener’s interest by expressing emotions (sadness, happiness, nervousness or fear)

While most people believe that elaborate vocabulary is essential to communicate well, scientific research shows that voice quality (pitch, tone, volume and inflection) creates an equally powerful impact.

img1    Diction: Clear diction makes it easy to understand the words. President Obama’s clear diction and rich voice lends to his charm.

img1    Accent: Although in today’s world of business being accentneutral isn’t a must-have, a heavy regional accent can make it difficult to get your point across. When interacting Business Communication with people from a different country, don’t put on an accent or imitate theirs, as you will run the risk of appearing ‘fake’.

img1    Pitch: High-pitched voices are rated as shrill while lowpitched voices are rated as poised. Notice how seasoned politicians and business leaders speak in a deep, lowpitched voice.

img1    Pronunciation: Good pronunciation reflects good schooling and attention to detail. When in doubt, check the dictionary.

img1    Tone: A monotonous voice is considered the biggest turnoff during a presentation. Vary the tone to express feelings and moods, thus adding drama and generating interest.

The Voice in Public Speaking

When speaking to large groups or while making presentations, put in some extra effort to improve your voice quality. The two leadership skills which are ‘must-haves’ in the world of business are the ability to speak in front of people and the ability to communicate a thought in an articulate way, both in written and oral communication.

img1    Diagnosis: Record your voice, play it back and then rate it as an unbiased third party. Do you sound enthusiastic and energetic? Are you monotonous and boring? If you find yourself boring, think how dull others must find you!

img1    Vocal exercises: Classical singing, talking from the back of your throat, breathing from the chest, taking an acting course or reading children’s stories—all help to improve the voice.

img1    Body language: Chin up accompanied with a good posture creates a powerful visual and helps you project your voice better.

img1    Practice makes perfect: Grab opportunities for public speaking to improve your voice.

img1    Take care: Drink a glass of warm water instead of a cup of hot tea/coffee or a chilled cola before a presentation—it helps the voice remain even.

Humour at Work

Regina Barreca, professor at the University of Connecticut, says in the book Business Etiquette for the New Workplace: ‘Humor is like prescription medicine. It’s perfect and wonderful and just the right thing when used in just the right place and in just the right dosage. But it can be toxic when it’s used badly.’

Funny for you may not be fun for me! Humour is a doubleedged sword that can motivate your audience and reduce stress levels, or can leave them more irritated than before.

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One of my personal favourites is the Dilbert cartoon strip, which pokes fun at the envious band of IITians in the US, who are threatening to take over the country. Dilbert is a techie who works like a robot, and when Wally asks him, ‘Are you tired?’, he replies, ‘I am trained to only sleep during national holidays!’

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When it comes to humour, remember the following:

img1    There is no ‘one-size fits all’ category of jokes—all jokes are not funny in all situations.

img1    In today’s litigious times, ‘politically incorrect’ jokes (racist and sexist) are inappropriate.

img1    Inclusive humour forces audience participation while situational humour (for example, jokes on the current meltdown in the US or corruption in India) creates an instant connect with the audience.

img1    Work out the lowest common denominator when using humour with a diverse audience. A joke on yourself or self-deprecating humour works best in such situations as it makes you appear real.

img1    In Indian workplaces, humour is in short supply. We prefer humour in our Bollywood movies, laughter shows on television or jokes circulated via email. We would rather hear or read a joke in private than tell one at work. While humour is dry and self-deprecating in the UK, in USA it’s used to lighten the work stress, yet is not to be confused with lack of seriousness towards work commitments.

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Tip 1: As the boss, don’t link humour to your current position. As a peer, don’t express your negative feelings (jealousy or hostility) towards a colleague via a joke, thereby damaging relationships forever.

Tip 2: In international business, many senior executives have burnt their fingers with the untimely use of humour. While Americans like to infuse humour in business, to their horror Asians take their jokes literally!

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Conversation Pitfalls

In India, the most common conversation pitfalls I have observed as a trainer are:

Speaking Too Loudly

India is a bustling nation of over a billion people. We live and work with loudspeakers blaring, noisy processions in the streets and people honking indiscriminately. As a result, we tend to speak louder, both at work and at home, just to be heard over the background din. Unfortunately, when we travel overseas for business or are in a quieter setting in our own country, we are unable to adjust the volume of our conversations and continue to speak loudly.

Amar Sinhji, head of Human Resources, Tata Capital, says: ‘The one key soft skill we Indians need to dramatically upgrade is to speak softly in international business settings. While in India speaking loudly is considered normal, internationally it’s jarring to the senses, besides being rude and aggressive.’

img1    Speaking loudly is a cultural phenomenon. For example, Asians and Americans speak louder than west and north Europeans. Interestingly, the Chinese speak louder than Indians, especially in restaurants and while chatting on their mobile phones!

img1    Speaking loudly is dependent on location: We speak in hushed tones when seated in a formal dining/conference room but automatically speak louder while seated in a bustling bistro/cafeteria.

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Tip 1: Too loud is jarring and too soft conveys lack of confidence; so speak at a comfortable medium volume.

Tip 2: In an international setting, pay attention to your surroundings and adjust your volume to match those around you.

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Speaking Too Fast

People speak faster when they are excited or nervous. In reality, speaking slowly makes it easier for people to listen and for the speaker to get his/her point across.

In India, English has emerged as the lingua franca, the language used for communicating with our fellow Indians. It’s the popular medium of instruction at schools and colleges and is the universal business language in our country.

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A German once highlighted this interesting point. He said, ‘Indians speak English very fast. Is it because you are very good at English and don’t waste time converting it to your local language, something we have to do all the time?’

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Tips to speak slowly

img1    Make a commitment: To speak slowly, clearly and to enunciate properly.

img1    Honour speed breakers: View commas and full stops as speed breakers, the same way you would do while driving.

Take a mini pause at a comma and come to a full stop at the full stop!

img1    Summarize: Take short breaks and use them to summarize, ensuring your listeners are in tune with you.

img1    Pace: Pace yourself to project confidence. If you speak too fast, you may appear anxious or nervous, and if you speak too slowly, you may appear boring and monotonous.

img1    Body language: In face-to-face meetings, take advantage of the visual by watching body language signals from your audience. If they are looking lost, reduce the pace to bring back interest in the conversation.

Constantly ‘Talking Shop’

Talking about work only in socio-business settings does not build business relationships. Invest time conducting small talk and discussing general topics to understand your business associates better. During business meals, follow these basic guidelines:

img1    Breakfast: Business conversation begins after the coffee/ tea is poured.

img1    Lunch: Business conversation begins after the food/ beverage is served.

img1    Dinner: Wait till the main course is finished or for the host to broach the topic.

It’s cultural and country specific. In international business, the best strategy is to read about the country you are visiting before the trip and to chat with locals about common practices during the trip. This two-pronged approach will ensure that you are constantly learning about and understanding your client’s culture. For example, in Germany, business matters are usually discussed either before or after the meal; never during it. In China, it’s fine to discuss business as long as it’s not the main topic of conversation, and personal exchanges about children and spouses are encouraged.

Lack of Conversation Starters

Our education system focuses on improving our intellectual ability and not our conversation skills, resulting in our inability to conduct small talk. After the initial meeting and greetings phase, use the following conversation starters with a new business acquaintance:

img1    Discussing your host’s country is one of the best ways to start a conversation. As your host is knowledgeable about it, this serves as an ideal ice-breaker, putting them at ease instantly. Tap into the knowledge you have acquired via travel, Internet searches, news and other sources about your host’s country, their business, politics, art, music, sports and culture.

img1    ‘Incredible India’: Be prepared to discuss the culture of your country and make an effort to project it in a positive light. Talk about the rich heritage, the historical periods, the diverse performing arts, sports and cuisine. By intelligently answering questions about your country, you can appear knowledgeable and sincere.

img1    Steer clear of certain topics like religion and politics as they may ignite passion, leading to heated debates. Asking too many personal questions or cracking jokes on sex, politics and religion can make you appear ‘globally insensitive’, increasing stress and decreasing comfort levels with your global colleagues.

Verbal Garbage

While speaking, make an effort to weed out verbal garbage—for example, words like ‘like’, ‘actually’, ‘basically’. Also, sounds like ‘uh’, ‘huh’ and repetitive questions like ‘Do you understand me?’, or ‘Is that clear?’ are annoying and demeaning to your listeners.

Difficult Conversations in Business

Difficult conversations were never meant to be easy! Lack of tact is a huge conversation faux pas. Be tactful and understanding and try to make people feel better for having talked to you. If you know a comment will be unwanted, don’t make it unless it’s absolutely necessary for someone’s welfare—a simple rule of etiquette in conversation.

Squabbles at work are a part and parcel of the corporate world. While we generally try to put on our diplomatic hats at work, we do get sucked into disagreements. Make sure that you don’t make it personal or reduce it to name-calling. Even if a co-worker has abused you, don’t react immediately, but wait for some time to gather your thoughts. Then report to a senior if necessary. Never react in a hurry as we can distort the real issue in the heat of the moment.

If the conversation gets tricky or tough, here are a few things to remember:

img1    Learning to disagree: We encounter many people in business who will openly disagree with our viewpoint. A smart conversationalist knows when ‘enough is enough’ and masters the fine art of dropping the controversial topic and yet continuing to maintain the relationship. Use an exit sentence like ‘You have a valid point too …’ before steering the conversation to another tangent.

img1    Dealing with difficult people who make impossible demands: Listen to their demand, quickly analyse what they really need and deliver accordingly. Active listening is one of the best ways to handle demanding people, who can intimidate with their constant, often conflicting, wants.

img1    Dealing with conflicting directives from multiple supervisors: Jot down all the tasks assigned to you and email this consolidated list to all the concerned supervisors, showing them the multiple projects that you are handling. This ensures that Supervisor A will appreciate that you have to juggle your time for the work given by Supervisors B and C.

img1    Managing strained relations with your boss: If you are frequently at loggerheads with your boss, resolving strained relations is critical for your career success. First, understand the reason for relations turning sour. Is it that your boss wants an employee who would accept their authority unconditionally and you are unable to do so? Or, your work area is not clearly demarcated, leading to several grey areas which are creating confusion? Define your role, the targets and goals, outlining each area of responsibility. Last but not least, focus on doing a good job instead of trying to be one up on your boss.

img1    Speaking with people who put you down: There are several people who will try to put you down. Use any of the following to combat them:

1. Keep a few generic remarks ready, so that you are never caught off guard.

2. Be upfront by saying ‘I’m surprised/disappointed that you …’

3. To set boundaries, let people know they’ve transgressed. A non-verbal way of communicating this is by not smiling when delivering your comment.

Resignation: Leaving Gracefully

Employees resign for various reasons—stagnation in the current role, office politics, better pay package, personal commitments, and so on.

Do remember that when you resign, its how you resign that will impact your future relationships with people who in all probability may be in a position to influence your career at a later date.

img1    Your boss: Request your boss for a meeting and discuss your reasons for leaving, keeping all negativity out of the conversation. Always resign in person, never via email or voice mail message. It’s likely that your boss might get upset at the thought of losing you and you can soften the