Fuck You And Other Lovely Thoughts

By Christy Aldridge

First, we wrote away our tragedies.Then, we reminded everyone we were dead inside.Now, we've got a few lovely thoughts. One of them being, fuck you.Fuck You and Other Lovely Thoughts is a collection of poetry and prose from author Christy Aldridge. This collection touches on subjects that Aldridge is known for (mental health, anxiety, hatred for the 'She' poem) as well as other topics that are considered painful and taboo. This book is not for the general reader. Aldridge brushes upon subject like rape and sexual abuse, along with mental abuse. This book is gritty, dark, and vulnerable. Proceed at caution.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christy Aldridge
• Release date: Sep 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393087243

Book preview

CONTENTS

Author’s Note.... i

[A THOUGHT]... 5

In The Wonderful Land Of Oz... 7

Crop Tops And Skin... 8

Beneath The Blankets... 9

Costume Skin... 12

Will You Leave Me... 13

Crawling... 14

How To Be Okay... 15

I’m Fine (A Thought)... 16

Your Love Is Wanted... 20

My Safe Place... 21

Unknowing Silence... 22

Falling Together... 23

Venom... 24

Our Silence... 25

Loving Me... 26

The Middle... 27

For You... 28

[A Second Thought]... 29

My Apologies... 31

An Isolated Being... 32

My Story Untold... 33

A Shot In The Dark... 35

Toys... 36

A Womb... 37

Mad Woman... 38

Fuck You... 40

Give Me Back The Numbness... 42

Talking To Me... 43

Let’s Be Honest... 44

11:26 P.M.... 45

Words Hold Captive... 46

Anatomy 101... 48

Despicable Human Beings... 50

Art... 51

Hearts Of Helium... 52

[A Third Thought]... 53

Being The Bad Guy... 55

My Deepest Fear... 57

I’m Fine... 58

Cutting Out Words... 59

Depression... 60

(Ex)ample... 61

Why Doesn’t Your Memory Leave... 62

Shades Of Deep... 63

Lies From Expert Tongues... 64

Slipknot...65

Barbie Houses... 67

Me Too... 68

I’m Sorry... 70

A Woman’s Response To She... 72

The Labyrinth... 74

Lessons Learned... 75

Under Lock And Key...76

[A Final Thought]... 77

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Idon’t cuss.

Years ago, I told myself I didn’t want to cuss anymore, and I stopped. It was about willpower for me. It was also about being different than everyone else at the time. I wanted to find new and better ways to get my point across, and for me, cussing cheapened what I had to say.

Also within the last five years, I’ve passed up many opportunities in which saying such a simple phrase would have saved me some time and possibly made me feel better.

You see, apparently, I’m a people pleaser. I’m also overly apologetic. I also tend to keep silent when something bothers me.

Repress it.

Let it go.

Forgive.

I don’t necessarily think these are bad qualities. I think in order to make it through life, knowing when to do each is an aspect one should learn in order to not isolate yourself from everyone. At one point in time, everyone you love will hurt you. Intentionally and unintentionally. That’s human nature.

I do think that, although admirable, it’s worse to accept it. Acceptance often turns into repression and very rarely does repressing any emotion do anyone good. In fact, it’s almost always the opposite.

Within the last seven years, I’ve walked away from a relationship that should have ended before it started. I’ve watched the love of my life, someone I swore was my soulmate, walk away before we could start. I’ve dealt with family that let out their anger on me, their hurt, their fear, both with good and bad intentions. I’ve dealt with being one of two sole caretakers to my bedridden nana. I’ve been called every name in the book. I’ve cried probably as much as I’ve cussed, both in pain and in joy. I’ve moved on from each time where saying something would have made me feel better so I could repress it and forget it even happened.

The funny thing is, it works.

For a while.

Until you’re up, late at night, going over all of the things that lead you to where you are at that exact moment. Those memories don’t stay repressed. What’s done in the dark always comes to the light, no matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what has been done to you. It always comes back. They always come back.

Because a staple in being a people pleaser or being overly apologetic is that when people find out these things, they latch onto you like leeches. They suck as much as they can from you before falling off. But they’ll come back. When they need more, they come back.

Because they know they can.

They know they can keep treating you as they wish because you’ll handle it. You’ll keep quiet and keep moving along to save face. You’ll take the blame, so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. You will bend over backward to their