Fart Dad: The Case of the Toynado

By Pete Ziolkowski

The toys are missing – again! The house is crazy clean – again! It seems like every time the kids leave a room; their toys go missing – and - the house gets new decorations?! How can this happen? How can they survive with an ever-decreasing number of toys? They need a hero to save the day. Based on a true-ish story, Fart Dad is all about faith, family and farts. This story is filled with funny twists and turns. It’s got potty humor, butt heart too.   Join us on a fun, fart-filled, faith-finding adventure through every-day life that brings families together while saving a city’s toy supply!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Oct 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781400327386

Pete Ziolkowski

Pete lives in Milwaukee with his wife, three kids, and one dog.  And he LOVES his dog!  He serves as the lead pastor of Imago Dei Church.  Pete loves discovering and sharing ways to make the hope of the gospel accessible and applicable to every part of everyday life for everyone.  Nothing is better than be satisfied by the love of Christ for the glory of God. 

Book preview

CHAPTER 1:

The Best of Nights

A flash of electricity lit up the sky, making the dark night appear as bright as the day. Booming thunder shook the house, sending the fairy lights dancing as they dangled on the ceiling. The overweight hound dog shivered on the corner of the blue leather couch. Dad’s gravelly voice reverberated through the house —IT’S SHOWTIME!

A stormy night may not be good for some things. But as you know, it’s great for others: like family movie night. Dad had spent the last half hour getting everything just right. Popcorn? Check. Movie with potty humor—but(t) heart too? Check. The family dog, Skinney? Check. The rest of the family? … er … not quite yet.

The kids were scattered throughout the house playing away. Elijah was up in his Star Wars-decorated bedroom snapping together a LEGO tie fighter underneath his lofted bed next to the big dog kennel. His fingers locked the pieces in place with the precision of a surgeon. His tongue hung out of his mouth like a St. Bernard when it’s 100 degrees, if only St. Bernard’s drooled.

JoJo and Ani, like most eight-year-old twin sisters, were running around the hallway, navigating their ponies in between Gecko cages, overflowing bookshelves, and a table mounted on the wall.

Ani: Neigh! Neigh! Neigh! You’ll never catch me! I’ll always get away!

JoJo: (In the best British accent an eight-year-old girl from Wisconsin can muster) Now, now, little one, you will learn to be a proper horse, fit for a queen.

Ani: I will not. I will not go to proper school, for I am a wild pony!

JoJo: It’s great to be a wild pony, but wild ponies don’t get bubble baths or chocolate.

Ani: Oooooo my, I really like….

Dad’s voice rang through the megaphone: IT’S SHOOOOOOWTIIIIIMMMMMEEEE!

Every kid instinctively dropped their toys, adding to the mess that should be made by a good game of royal pony training or the organized chaos of a master builder of LEGOs.

Dad: What took you guys so long?

JoJo: Oh, it’s just our little ponies weren’t being good listeners—

Ani: Hey! They were doing just fine. The pony trainer wasn’t doing enough—

JoJo: Sissy! That was the game we were playing—the trainer pony was having a hard time—

Elijah: Girls! Can you stop it already?! It’s time for our movie. Dad—

BOOM!!! CRACKLE!!! BOOM!!!

Lightning filled the sky, thunder warned the world that there is a greater power out there, and the overweight hound dog jumped onto Dad’s lap, knocking the big red bowl of popcorn onto the ground while shivering with fear. But as quickly as her fear came, it was replaced with the thrill of the hunt … er … scavenge as she started cleaning the popcorn off the ground with the force of 10,000 Hoover vacuums.

The ecstatic dog was completely oblivious to the kids’ disappointment as she ate and ate and ate while the kids whined and cried and complained that the last bit of popcorn just became a late-night treat for the dog.

Dad: Well, you can feel free to still eat it. Skinney didn’t get that kernel in the corner yet!

JoJo: Dad! We’re not going to eat popcorn off the ground like a dog!

Ani: Yeah, that’s where we walk! Everything we step in all day long is on this floor!

Elijah: I don’t care, I’ll eat—oh, never mind.

Skinney: BuuuuUUUUuuuuuUUUUrrrRRRRRRpPP!!

Dad: Well, that’s that. Who’s ready for