What The Fangs: The Vampire Detective, #2

By Laura Greenwood and Arizona Tape

Lucy never expected her investigation to turn up what it did, but she's determined to fix it.

When she started her investigation, the last thing Lucy expected was to end up with an illegal slave in her kitchen, and a stirring hunger for blood. And that doesn't even take into account the childhood-friend-turned-rival PI, the stubborn fiancé, or the eccentric inventor she has to deal with. 

With the mystery deepening with each new discovery, Lucy uncovers a vampire underworld she never knew existed. All she has to do is decide whether she wants to be a part of it, or if she should help take it down. 

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What The Fangs is book two in the complete Vampire Detective urban fantasy romance series featuring a quirky vampire lead, a sweet poly romance, and plenty of light-hearted fun.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vampari Press
• Release date: Sep 6, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393852780

Book preview

Chapter 1

The only lighting in the room was the moonlight streaming through the window above the staircase. Which made it perfect. Or it would be, if Jester would sit still on my lap and not keep trying to get away.

How could I be an evil mastermind if my cat wouldn't sit still?

A key scraped in the lock, and I prayed to the gods I didn't believe in that it was William and not one of the handymen. The last thing I wanted to do was have to find a new plumber because I scared the current one away.

The door opened and William stepped inside. Good. It was him.

I've been waiting for you, I said in the most menacing tone I could come up with.

He flinched, before relaxing slightly. Blood clots, Lucy, you scared me.

That was the idea, I mused.

Jester hissed and finally freed himself from my grasp. Alright then. At least he'd stayed for my big reveal.

Why are you sitting in the dark acting like a Bond villain ? he asked, a bemused note entering his voice.

Pfft, please. Bond villains have nothing on me, I countered.

That doesn't answer the question, he pointed out.

Alright then, how about I answer with a question of my own. Like, I don't know, why the fangs is there a blood slave in my bedroom? I rose to my feet and closed the distance between us, making sure a strict annoyed expression stayed plastered on my face.

William's eyes widened. Oops.

Oops? I squeaked without meaning to. Oops just doesn't cover it, William. Why the fangs did you think I would want a blood slave? Do I seem like the type who wants anything to do with such an archaic practice? Not to mention one that was so barbaric. In the past, blood slaves were just that. Slaves. Ones who would die by sustained blood loss.

Or by their master going a little overboard and draining them dry. Either or.

I wasn't thinking.

I blinked a couple of times. He hadn't been thinking? How the fangs was that possible?

Do you have one? I whispered, dreading the answer. If he thought this was the kind of gift that was okay, then I had to question other parts of his integrity.

No, of course, I don't...

Then why get me one?

I don't know. I'd had a few too many gin and tonics and it seemed like a good idea. Nothing I could give you could live up to the presents Derek was sending. He waved towards the piles of boxes that I still hadn't opened.

So you went from coffee filters to blood slave in a couple of drinks?

He nodded sheepishly.

Wow. I may need to take away your credit card next time you drink.

Maybe, he admitted.

What do we do with her now? I asked.

Send her back?

I scoffed. I've seen the adverts, William. A blood slave isn't just for Christmas, you know. I rubbed a hand over my face. How had I gotten myself into this situation? Besides, I thought you were okay with me dating Derek?

I certainly hoped he still was or we were going to have an awkward conversation about how I'd agreed to pay Derek for services rendered.

I am. But I ordered her before we talked.

"Ah. Not only did you order me a blood slave, but you passive aggressively ordered her."

Yes. He shuffled back and forth, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Good. He should be.

What do we do with her? I asked, glancing over to the staircase.

Where is she?

Where do you think she is? Still kneeling on my bedroom floor, the poor woman probably needs the bathroom, but I can't very well let her move or do anything or I'll claim ownership of her, and I don't want that.

How do you know proper blood slave etiquette? He cocked his head to the side.

You've met my mother. I thought that explained well enough.

She supports blood slaves? He seemed alarmed, which was amusing given what he'd done to support the blood slave industry.

Not openly. But let's face it, she probably has some. And they were probably young men with more muscles than sense. Does the woman upstairs know what she's supposed to be doing for me? A shudder rippled down my back even as I said it. The idea of using someone for that just didn't sit right with me. The last thing I wanted was to kill someone.

I think so. I don't really remember.

I swear to Dracula, if you didn't check she was ethically sourced, William, you are going to find yourself locked in a room full of garlic with the curtains open, I threatened.

You realise that would do no damage whatsoever?

I threw my hands up in the air, done with him. I know that, I'm a vampire too remember.

I did, that's why I got you a blood slave.

I hope you checked she was B positive, I muttered darkly. Even if I wasn't going to actually use her as a blood slave, it would sting if he'd forgotten.

I assume so...

Just how many gin and tonics did you have? I shook my head.

You know the bottle of Hendricks you had in the larder?

The full one? I prompted, seeing where this was going.

I wouldn't call it full anymore, he admitted sheepishly.

And what would you call it?

Empty.

I sighed loudly. Oh, William, William, William, what am I going to do with you?

Marry me?

Despite myself, I let out a small chuckle. One day, but not yet.

Too many dates to go on first? He winked at me.

Stop trying to distract me from the fact you bought a blood slave, I reprimanded. You can't get out of trouble that easily.

Can't I? His voice dipped low as he stepped towards me. The heat from his body radiated from him, filling me with a warmth filling me.

My gaze flitted to his lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss him right now.

But no, I was mad at him, I couldn't just let him get away with it. That would be a terrible precedent to set.

Creaks from the stairs drew our attention away from one another.

Mistress? the woman asked. Would it be possible for me to make some food? She just stood there, her black robes with red lining standing out even in the darkness, though that was probably my own imagination more than anything.

I blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of her being down here. She shouldn't have moved without my permission. Which I hadn't given because until I did, she wasn't officially claimed.

By coming out of my bedroom, she'd just condemned herself to a life of slavery to one vampire or another, and there was nothing any of us could do about it.

I exchanged glances with William. He was in even more trouble than before right now.

Of course, the kitchen's that way. I pointed to the door in question. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. There was nothing else for it, she was staying and I was at least going to make sure I made her comfortable.

But the cogs in my head had begun to whir, especially after discovering there was more to Jonas and his missing watch than he'd claimed.

Certainly, Mistress. With a polite smile, she bowed to me and made her way to the kitchen.

I sighed and shook my head as I glared at William. I can’t believe you got me a blood slave. I don’t even get where you found one. Aren’t they illegal nowadays?

He pulled a guilty face. I might’ve placed an untasteful ad in the Plasma Press.

"Really? Are they still in business? I thought they went bankrupt over that human testing scandal? Wait, not the point. You placed an ad? What did it even say?"

I don’t remember… he said, but I could tell from his face he just didn’t want to get into it.

Before I could rip into him, a strange smell caught my attention. The sweet, metallic scent curled into my nostrils, tempting me, luring me, begging me to be drunk.

Why does it smell like blood…? Distracted by the desire to feed, it took me a moment. Shit.

William and I exchanged a look of disbelief before we rushed to the kitchen. The door slammed against the wall as we stormed in, only to find Mika next to the fridge. She was crunching on one of my apples and looked quite content despite the massive needle sticking in her arm.

Blood was freely flowing down the plastic tube into a translucent bag, which was filling up more by the second.

What are you doing? I screamed, gesturing to… Well… Everything.

Mika’s face fell. I’m sorry, Mistress. I haven’t finished preparing your meal yet.

Are you crazy? You can’t just draw blood in the middle of my kitchen!

Would you prefer me to prepare your blood bags in a different room? she asked in a tone that made it sound like it was normal to use humans as walking meals.

No! I don’t want you to do any of this! I exclaimed, glaring at William. This is your fault, you know.

I’m sorry. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. But at least she’s the right blood type.

Huh?

He held up a credit-sized card with a big B+ symbol on it. I assume this is hers?

I grabbed it from his hand and threw it on the floor. Not the point!

Ugh! Why did this have to happen to me?

A stubborn fiancé with a suspicious, potentially drug-dealing friend, an illegal slave in my kitchen, and a stirring hunger for blood. Fresh blood.

Chapter 2

Ihuffed and kicked a piece of trash across the room.

Derek sighed loudly and lifted his welding mask. Are you going to carry on sulking? he asked me.

Yes.

Do you have to do it in my workshop? He sounded more