The Pocket Coconut Bible

By Richard Crasta

Don't Leave Asia or Africa Without It! This e-book provides the Essential Guide to Success in the Western World. Here, "The Twelve Commandments of Impressing the Whites" from "Impressing the Whites" have increased to 15. Reviewers praised the original book as "courageous" and "going where no man has gone before. Now with 3 popular blog posts added to it.

This edition also contains "Ten Questions for David Davidar", "The White Tiger and the Booker" and "Indians are Spiritual--No, I Am Not"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Crasta
• Release date: Mar 7, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458072351

Richard Crasta

Richard Crasta is the India-born, long-time New York-resident author of "The Revised Kama Sutra: A Novel" and 12 other books, with at least 12 more conceived or in progress. "The Revised Kama Sutra," a novel about a young man growing up and making sense of the world and of sex, was described by Kurt Vonnegut as "very funny," and has been published in ten countries and in seven languages.Richard's books include fiction, nonfiction, essays, autobiography, humor, and satire with a political edge: anti-censorship, non-pc, pro-laughter, pro-food, pro-beer, and against fanaticism of any kind. His books have been described as "going where no Indian writer has gone before," and attempt to present an unedited, uncensored voice (James Joyce, Vladimir Nabokov, and Philip Roth are among the novelists who have inspired him.).Richard was born and grew up in India, joined the Indian Administrative Service, then moved to America to become a writer, and has traveled widely. Though technically still a New York resident, he spends most of his time in Asia working on his books in progress and part-time as a freelance book editor.

Book preview

The Pocket Coconut Bible

Richard Crasta

Copyright © 2012, 2018 Richard Crasta

Published by The Invisible Man Press, New York

All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

Images courtesy of Wikimedia commons:

Coconut, by Janet Hudson: This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

God, from Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam—public domain.

This is a work of satire. The characters and events in this book are fictional and imaginary, and any perceived resemblance to real persons, real events, or real countries is purely satirical. And yes, it is a pocket guide for coconuts on the run, whereas Impressing the Whites is a complete guide for coconuts with big pockets.

Author’s website: http://www.richardcrasta.com

Table of Contents

Copyright Page

Dedication

The Fourteen Commandments of Indian and Nonwhite (Male) Success

How to Win the Booker Prize

The Bad Boy’s Contrite Preface

The White Tiger and the Booker

Praise for the Author’s Other Books

Other Books by Richard Crasta

About the Author

Dedication

For Jeff Bezos, Superboss and Big Daddy of the Universe, Who Decides the Fate of a Million Starving or Semi-Starving Writers. And for all his minions: Long may they live!

The Fourteen Commandments of Indian and Nonwhite (Male) Success

After fifteen years of prayer, meditation, observation, consultation, travel, experience, and little love offerings to the Goddess, combined with too little beer, no Ecstasy, and no pot whatsoever (I really didn’t inhale), I had reluctantly come to the conclusion that to be accepted and successful in the white world, nonwhite men needed to obey the Seven Laws of Nonwhite Male Success in the Western World. (Please, it has been emphasized elsewhere in the book: the laws/rules for nonwhite women and nonwhite men are sometimes quite different.) Whereupon one night, in a dream, accompanied by thunder and lightning, a White God appeared before me and expanded my understanding manifold.

Reclining stylishly and self-consciously on a white cloud, smoking a cigar and wearing Gandhi-frame glasses, but otherwise looking very much like God in Michelangelo’s rendering on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the White God balanced a minutely inscribed coconut in each hand and roared in a deep-throated voice:

We are the White Gods, your Lords for the next trillion centuries of the New World Order. To get along