The Distinct Disadvantage of Being Normal

By Allan Sternberg

'The Distinct Disadvantage...' was originally written by Sternberg purely to distract himself from grief and/or the mundane. His stories gained an enthusiastic fan base that demanded they be made available for a wider audience, THAT'S YOU.

Accompany Sternberg as he joyrides with the King in a stolen rocket, builds his own planet from recycled timber, tries his hand at evolution, begrudgingly celebrates a neighbour's recovery from 'Pinocchio Syndrome', articulates his theory on where ideas come from (and end up) … and that's just the tip of the Sternberg!

Still reeling from life attacking him with a hammer, cheer him on as he paddles his life's life boat searching for his ship he is sure is coming in.

A must-read for all those in need of distraction from the slog of building their own world.

Also contains-:
– Improve your chances in a knife fight,
– How to stay in love,
– Plans to blow up the moon.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781925846942

Book preview

MY LIFE’S LIFE BOAT

All my timber is warping,

the colour fading fast.

Soon I’ll have not one straight piece,

to use as keel or mast.

So as the tide goes rushing out

with everyone else afloat.

I will be left sitting on the shore,

in my feeble little boat.

Sternberg.

’64 ‘VETTE

I was driving a 1964 Chevrolet Corvette in a hot rod race across America, as was the fad at the time. I was going great and in second place.

I had made the correct tyre choice, the gasoline I was using was premium extra leaded, and the crisp mountain air was making the huge V8 sing. Some hippies had given me pills that were letting me see the road uncoil in front of me in slow motion.

The gauges inside my brain read full revs.

My confidence was sky high. I had never felt so sure of myself in my entire life. Yeah, I’m doing this baby, I can take this race. It’s MINE!

Up ahead I can see the leading car and I don’t care what the Director said, when I get alongside Elvis I’m gunna sideswipe him over the cliff!

2 SEPARATE SITUATIONS

Isn’t it amazing how long you can be stuck in a rut or slogging life out on the treadmill before you realise what your existence has become? It’s not until some catalyst causes you to sit up and take a good look at yourself that you admit it is time for a change. That’s what happened to me.

I become acutely aware that my life had splintered into two quite separate situations.

#1 …at work with its drudgery, boredom and repetition. I couldn’t wait to knock off and get started on my hopes and dreams and ‘escape projects.’

#2 …at home with its domestics trivialities, frustrations and the demands of my offspring. I looked forward to getting back to work so I could dream of getting started on my hopes and dreams and my ‘escape projects.’

It wasn’t until I was wearily riding my pushbike home from work one afternoon that my situation became apparent. The ride home was, thankfully, predominantly downhill and it was during a period of freewheeling that I happened to glance over to the opposite side of motorway and who should I see pushing their bike uphill on their way back to work? It was none other than ME. I am sure it was me because I sat up and had a real good look at myself. Yep, there I go, I remember