Fear Is My Homeboy: How to Slay Doubt, Boss Up, and Succeed on Your Own Terms

By Judi Holler

If you love empowering non-fiction books like "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero, "Girl Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis, or "5-Second Rule" by Mel Robbins you'll love Fear Is My Homeboy.

In Fear Is My Homeboy, author Judi Holler has a message: It’s time to stop letting fear boss you around so you can start leveling up personally and professionally. This is a book for people who believe that they deserve more. Holler focuses on helping the reader shut down self-doubt so they can start taking action.  After reading this book Judi promises that you will get braver, bolder, and more confident in your natural-born badassery. 

Inspired by her improv theatre background at The Second City Training Center’s Conservatory in Chicago and building off her decade of speaking, sales, and marketing experience, in addition to her current role as a business owner, Holler’s book is your own personal life coach and cheerleader.  In it she shares valuable, actionable advice on how to accept—and even embrace—fear, so readers can start to live more balanced, successful, and fulfilling lives.  Holler’s mission: to stop fear from stealing your opportunities so you can start connecting in powerful and profitable ways.

If you enjoyed the book then you'll love Judi's weekly Podcast:  The FearBoss Show!  You can listen in and subscribe on iTunes and Spotify to keep the fear party going!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group
• Release date: May 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781626346253

Book preview

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CHAPTER 1

Love Yo’self

She remembered who she was and the game changed.

—LALAH DELIA

Why do we wait for the bottom to drop out before we decide to take care of ourselves? Why do we wait for the diagnosis, the failed marriage, the lost job, the accident, the destroyed friendship, or the illness to wake up to what’s really going on in our lives?

Guilt, self-doubt, and fear make you stick to your same ol’ patterns because it’s just easier that way. How could you possibly put yourself first when there are so many people that need you and depend on you? You are slammed, and stressed out, and running on all cylinders. You are taking care of kids, family, and/or a partner, plus trying to keep it together at work so you can earn that paycheck—all while trying to keep it together at home with a full fridge, clean toilets, and food on the table in time for dinner. By the time all that is done, who ends up last on your list? You. We’re constantly putting ourselves last, every single time.

If you can’t figure out how to love yourself first, you will never be able to make fear your homeboy. It’s the #1 requirement; because if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? When you love yourself more than anything, fear doesn’t stand a chance because no matter what happens—good, bad, or ugly—you know you will be okay. Fear can’t stand that. It hates when you love yourself because when you do, you become the boss, not fear.

Nothing Works Unless You Do

This idea is so damn juicy and important I should write it again:

Nothing works unless you do!

Yes, that is written in I’m-hollering-at-you-girl font on purpose. Why? Because sometimes we need to hear something loud and clear, multiple times, so it really sinks in. You are not a machine; you are a human being. If you aren’t working, nothing else will. If you are miserable personally, it’s going to affect you professionally. And if you are miserable professionally, it’s going to affect you at home. The only constant in both scenarios is you.

This means that you have an incredible opportunity in front of you to flip the script. See, when you love and take care of yourself first, before you go take care of everybody else’s to-do list (hello, email!), you will make a powerful shift mentally and physically, which will then set in motion a chain reaction of badassery. This means you will finally start getting done the things you want to. Maybe it’s the weight you want to lose, or the nasty habit you need to quit, or the vacation you want to plan, or the certification you have got to start studying for.

A better life can be yours as soon as you are ready to start leveling up and change the soundtrack in your head to stop playing the easy for her to say song and start playing the I deserve it song.

World’s Worst Boss

We are such jerks to ourselves, especially women. I mean would you ever work for someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself? If the words in your head that you tell yourself about yourself were put on a billboard, would you be proud or embarrassed? The inner mean girl we all have is a total beeeyotch, and she needs to be shut down. Immediately. It’s time to stop letting the freeloaders—things like anxiety, stress, fear, jealousy, and hate, which aren’t paying any rent—live in your head any longer. If it doesn’t serve you, if it keeps you stuck, if it makes you sick, it’s time to kick them out.

Just image how life would change for you if you booted out these negative freeloaders and invited in more magical things like vulnerability, self-love, play, positivity, and trust; these things not only pay the rent on time—which is made in big deposits of health, energy, focus, confidence, and a sense of peace—but they also pay in advance for months that haven’t even happened yet!

See, when you love yourself, you have no time for the freeloaders who pay no rent because you realize they are only there to trick you into believing you are not ready, worthy, or enough. It’s time to kick them to the curb. You are enough, you were born ready, and you have more power than you realize.

You are enough, you were born ready, and you have more power than you realize.

No One Else Can Be You. This Is Your Power!

We all have moments when we quit on ourselves. In these moments we over-think, doubt ourselves, and decide that we are not good enough or worthy enough. For you, maybe it’s the certification you don’t have time to study for, the mammogram you keep putting off, the date you’re not going on, the promotion you’re not going for, the business you’re not starting, or the bad habit you just can’t seem to quit.

I wonder, What badass doors are you not opening because fear has you in a choke hold? What could the world possibly be missing out on because you are too afraid to level up?

I know a thing or two about being afraid to open doors.

Not a lot of people know that the very first time I signed up for improv classes at the Second City Training Center Conservatory in Chicago, I never even went. I paid the nonrefundable fee for the entire semester, left my apartment in Lincoln Park, and walked all the way to the training facility in Old Town. I even went into the building, up the stairs, down the hallway, and stood in front of my classroom door. But I never went in.

People saw me standing there and asked if I was lost or if I needed help. I didn’t want to tell them I was afraid, so I lied. I made up stuff like My bad, I’m lost. Wrong room. Wrong class. Wrong day. I ran out of there with my tail between my legs.

Fear won that day. I was so stuck inside my head. I remember thinking, I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not funny enough. Oh, and I was the very ancient thirty years old at the time, so the main soundtrack in my head was: I’m too old. It’s too late. I’m too old. It’s too late. I assumed all these kids were trying to be on Saturday Night Live; what was I thinking?

So I quit; I gave up. And I regretted that decision for a long time.

Thank goodness I made a different choice about a year later. I signed up again for those classes at the Second City Training Center Conservatory, paid that nonrefundable fee again, and once again left my apartment in Lincoln Park and walked to the training facility in Old Town. I took a deep breath and went back into that building, walked up the stairs, down the hallway, and stood in front of my classroom door—but this time, this time I opened the door. The best part? When I opened that door, I saw people just like me. I even saw people older than me, like twenty years older. I’ll never forget how it felt to prove that freeloader in my head wrong, the one telling me that I was too old. Because right there in front of me was proof that I wasn’t.

Opening that door, choosing courage over comfort, literally opened the door to the rest of my life—and certainly to my life as I now know it.

Improv at the Second City Training Center Conservatory really became my fear church, my fear yoga. It was where I went to get zen with my fear, by which I mean it’s where I found peace with my fear. Because, you see, the more I did the scary thing onstage five, six, seven nights a week at the Second City Training Center Conservatory, the more I started to get the guts to do the scary thing on the stage of my life five, six, seven days a week. I started to get brave and bold and confident, and this confidence allowed me to open incredible doors, both personally and professionally.

At the time, I was working full-time in sales and marketing by day and studying improv at night. I started watching the things I was learning at the Second City Training Center Conservatory change the game for me onstage, so I thought: Why not try out some of these improv ideas at work and in my professional life? So I did! And doing this taught me that there is tremendous power in being brave enough to be exactly who you are.

No one else can be you. Only you can be you—this is your power. No one else does it your way. No one else was born with your special gifts and talents. No one else looks like you, walks like you, talks like you, eats like you, writes like you, dances like you, thinks like you, laughs like you.

No one else is you—this is your power.

When you really start trusting and believing that what you have is good enough, fear doesn’t stand a chance.

TRUST YOURSELF

When you do improv, although you have to trust in your fellow improvisers onstage, you mostly have to trust in yourself. You have to trust that you bring a unique perspective to the stage that no one else has. That your story, physicality, ideas, and sense of humor are totally unique to you. This works in improv and in life, because we need, want, and crave that kind of variety in this world.

One of the first things I did to unlock my power was to start trusting myself. I mean really trusting myself. I had to trust that I am good enough and that what I have to offer matters. I started doing this in job interviews by asking more questions, on sales calls by not freaking out when things got quiet, in presentations by telling more authentic stories, around the board table by making others look good, with my senior leadership by asking for resources I needed, and even while dating by speaking up when I wasn’t interested. All of this leads to less regret from day to day. I believe that what we really regret is our failure to speak up and protect our values when we have the chance to.

I started speaking up and asking for what I really wanted, which helped me sleep better at night and taught me the power of owning it. See, we need you, not a fake version of what you think we want you to be. You were born to stand out in this sit-down world; and the moment you realize that trust is the gateway drug to self-love, you step into your power.

We need you, not a fake version of what you think we want you to be.

WE NEED MORE PINK FLAMINGOS!

If you think of your work environment and industry right now, who are the pink flamingos? The people who stand out. The ones who seem to have an aura, an energy, and a vibe that you can’t help but notice. The people who make you feel like you’re the only one in the room when they talk with you. Mentally pause here, grab a pen and notebook, and write a list. Once you’ve gotten a few names down on paper, do you notice any patterns? Do they have anything in common? Are they doing any similar things?

The pink flamingos in your industry and in your company aren’t only extroverts, or leaders, or a certain age. They aren’t the ones with the most experience. They are the ones who have confidence and compassion, which fuel an energy you can’t help but