Sam: A Girl's Journey

By Elizabeth Beverly and Moira Nelligar

This is a story about a young girl who comes to terms with her dysfunctional childhood who learns about trust, acceptance, and love. In her first three years of high school, she goes from a shy girl with many secrets and self-doubts to discover who she is and of what she is capable. With the help of a teacher and a few close friends, she accomplishes things she never thought possible.

~~~~~ Excerpt ~~~~~

Sam went to school the next day and found her fellow students even more wary of her. There were many whispers behind her back and stares as she walked past. The other students weren’t sure what to think of her. The violence they witnessed yesterday was something very few had seen and certainly none of them had ever seen a girl take a punch from a boy. The fact that she took the punch suggested she had not lied that she had taken one before.

It was a level of ugliness too difficult for most of them to understand. However, none of this bothered Sam because she was far too familiar with violence and fending for herself. She lived in a very dangerous chaotic world that she doubted any of these privileged dilatants could survive for even the shortest of times.

In her mind, the closer you let someone, the better chance you give them to hurt you because you rule life by fear and intimidation. It was a lesson Frank taught her many times, as she thought back to Ms. Kean’s attempt to help her. How dare she try that touchy feely shit on her? Sam was never going to let anyone get close enough to hurt her again.

She discovered the long break for lunch was also for serving detention and after a quick lunch, she walked in the classroom and looked at the teacher sitting at the front desk. The teacher looked up at Sam as she walked in the room and even though she knew why she was there, she wasn’t pleased that she had to babysit one student this early in the school year. “Congratulations, I believe you might have one of the all-time records for quickest detention in the history of this school,” she said as her voice dripped with sarcasm. Sam wanted to say something back to her but remembered her mother’s request to try to behave and quietly took a seat.

She sat there quietly counting the minutes until it was time to leave until the teacher broke the silence when she said, “I heard you like to get in fights with others so perhaps you would like to put that energy into something more productive. I am Ms. Hamm the girl’s junior varsity basketball coach here.”

Sam sighed as she got the teacher’s insinuation and sarcastically replied, “I think I am a bit too small to play basketball.”

The coach ignored the snarky reply as she continued, “Not all players need to be tall and I assume you will grow some over the next couple years. How old are you now?”

Sam answered, “I will be fourteen in a couple months.”

Ms. Hamm then asked, “Did you start school early? It would make sense you would be smaller than the rest of the girls in your class.”

Sam hated always being younger and smaller than the majority of her classmates. Sam felt that, along with being an only child, gave them carte blanche to target her for abuse. “Yes, my mother thought it would be a good idea to make school even more difficult for me,” she lamented.

“I would like you to come to the gym after school, meet with me and a few players and see how you feel about it,” Ms. Hamm requested.

“I’m not very good at anything team related. I am much more of a solo sport person,” Sam answered.

“Is that what you really believe or is that what you want others to believe about you?"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Boruma Publishing
• Release date: Apr 10, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463757031

Book preview

Beverly

Chapter 1

Samantha was born at the tail end of the post war baby boom. She grew up in an era when things were much different than today.  She was a small shy reserved teenage girl who was on the tomboyish side. She liked being a girl but wasn’t always fond of primping and preening other girls did. She also didn’t like the demure or subjugated role society expected girls to adapt. She was quiet, unassuming and she usually tried to go as unnoticed as possible. She was an only child from a very broken home and her parents bounced her around for most of her brief life.

Unfortunately, the bounced aspect went beyond more than just frequent moving. Because she was an only child and moved often, she didn’t have many friends and was close to no one, including family. This also led to an inability for her to trust others. The few times she dared to get involved with anyone, her parents would move and rip her away from everything she grew close or loved, leaving her emotionally scarred. From that, she learned not to get close to anyone due to knowing the relationship could end an instant.

Many times, her parents whisked her away from family and friends without a moment’s notice or any chance to say goodbye. She had moved countless times and been through more than a child her age should ever have to experience.

Presently, Sam was nearing the end of her last year of junior high school and lived in a modest house with her mother, Sue.

One afternoon, she was in her driveway with a few neighborhood friends when she saw a strange car pull up to her house. Suddenly, her mind drifted back to a time when she was younger. Sam was lying on the floor of her parent’s room. She had gone in there seeking her mother and interfered between her parents. As she picked herself up off the floor, she wiped the blood that trickled from her nose. What could she have done to send her large hulking father into a fit of rage so intense that he struck a small child in the face with his fist? It was yet another lesson for the young girl to learn. She would learn never to get in the way of her mother’s attention for her father so she went quietly to her room to recover her wounds. Everyone else would see punching a small girl as abusive but for her father, Frank, it was his child, and no one was going to tell him what to do regarding her; not even her mother was to intervene on Sam’s behalf. Sue often felt Frank’s response to challenging him. Anyone in his house would always know the rules and who ruled his house.

For most of Sam’s early life, she experienced the distress of two terrible parents. Her father was horrible violently abusive man who terrorized his both wife and his daughter constantly. He took out his rage on them in every manner imaginable. Both knew how to make excuses for their many bruises and injuries. Sam learned how to tell others a blackened was from walking into a door and bruises were from falling off her bike. She always would explain how clumsy she was to excuse the various marks on her body.

This was a time where very few questioned or intervened in domestic issues. Neighbors ignored the screams and pleas from Sue and her daughter for Frank to stop his abuse. Teachers rarely questioned marks and bruises on children and even if authorities did come to the house, they never did anything more than issue a warning for Frank to keep it down. In addition to the physical beatings she took, there were endless verbal assaults as well.

Her father was a master manipulator in guilt because to him, nothing was ever his responsibility. If something didn’t go his way, it was always Sam or Sue’s fault. Sam did not hold the flashlight correctly or Sue did not hand him the right tool quickly enough. He would scream at his daughter for being stupid, silly, or just under foot. Heaven forbid if she needed anything that drew her mother’s attention away from him. He would not stand for it if the world did not revolve around him. He was always to come first in his house and Sam’s bloody nose was a painful reminder of that lesson. Frank once stabbed her with a fork for taking food from his plate.

He made her do things for which she was entirely too inexperienced and then humiliated her when she failed at them. Nothing she did was ever good enough for him. A good grade wasn’t enough unless it was the best grade in the class. A hit in softball wasn’t good enough unless it was the game winning homerun. The fear that she would strike out paralyzed her so badly that she would not swing the bat. Both of her parents instilled such a fear in her that she gave up playing sports, wouldn’t try out for any activity and gave up attempting anything. She had an amazing imagination, which her father hated, but she felt it best to keep everything locked in her head being fearful others would mock her if she ever shared any of it.

Making Sam’s life more unstable, her parents were also terrible with money. By the age of six, she knew about repossession and lying to bill collectors on the phone. She knew what it was to live without utilities, heat, food, or to pick up and move quickly to avoid bill collectors.

She knew what it was like to face significant discomfort at a young age. Near the end of her first year of school, Frank moved the family south and once again, her parents tore her away from her extended family with no notice and forced to her begin over again. They moved around a few times while she was in elementary school. Even though they stayed within the same general area, it still meant any new friend she might have made was gone she had to new friends again.

As the time passed, Frank’s abuse worsened towards Sam and her mother. Sam couldn’t stand the screaming and pleas from her mother for Frank to stop but they always went unheeded. Frank had no conscious or regret when it came to his abuse of either of them. Any time she tried to intervene on her mother’s behalf, she paid the same price.

The rotten bastard, as Sam had named him, began to be in and out of the house as her parents’ marriage was in shambles. He rarely hid his cheating on her mother and when she was ten, there came his despicable talk about the birds and the bees. The talk was so horrific and demeaning to females, she lost any remaining hope that he had even a single redeeming quality. While he gave her the talk, Frank admitted that he was cheating on her mother with another woman.

One day, without warning, he took Sam with him when he went go to see her. She wasn’t sure why exactly he did that. She protested when she learned about what he was doing. He took her with him a few other times as well but she decided that there was no way he was going to convince her to go with him when her parents finally separated.

The woman had a daughter who was about year younger than Sam was but she appeared much further advanced physically and socially. Sam never wanted to go with Frank because it felt like a betrayal to her mother and she didn’t like the domineering attitude her younger stepsister exhibited towards her.

Even though Frank was cheating with this other woman, when Frank would return home, Sue would take him back and every time she let him back in the house, the abuse and violence continued. Her daughter hated that her mother allowed it to continue too many times. His abuse continued until finally Sue had enough and struck back. It took her physically punching him back, which left Frank with a bruised face and ego. When he saw that she was no longer going to stand for his shit, it convinced Frank it was time to leave for good. He finally packed his things, moved out and he was out of their life for good or, so they hoped.

Sam’s mother was not that much better a parent. She was not very attentive to Sam’s needs. Sam’s father took most of Sue’s attention leaving little left for her daughter. When not busy attending to Sam’s father, Sue was extremely self-involved. She wasn’t a naturally caring and compassionate mother. She tended to lean on her daughter for support and told her daughter things about her marriage that was far too inappropriate.

She also had a drinking problem. When Sue would drink, she would often use her daughter as her therapist, somehow thinking a young child knew how to solve adult issues. Sam tried the best she could to help her mother but there was often little she could say to help.

After Frank left, it was a struggle at first but Sue had a good job and with assistance from the government, she was able to buy a house. Sue was involved with Sam’s father from a young age and became pregnant soon after. Once Sue was free of her husband, it was as if she wanted to experience her lost youth. Sue dated, ran around, drank, stayed out late and neglected her young daughter at home. Many times, the bills went unpaid, utilities turned off and Sam left alone or sent her to stay with others. Many times, Sue forced Sam into the role of being role of the more mature of the two.

Sue grew up in a dysfunctional family with great deal of alcoholism and she often turned to Sam for advice dealing with family conflict and other life issues. It was insane to believe her daughter could fill all the roles Sue depended on her daughter to fill.

Life was a little less chaotic the next couple of years. There was that incident with one of her teachers that she never told anyone about what he did. It only happened once and not long after it happened, other students accused him of inappropriate behavior and he lost his job. She thought it best for it to remain her secret.

After the rotten bastard left, they hadn’t heard from other than through the court regarding child support. They assumed it was possible they would never hear from him again, which was something that suited both Sam and Sue perfectly. Sam would have been happy never to see Frank ever again because he had done more than enough damage both physically and emotionally.

Suddenly, Sam heard one of her friends call out her name as she snapped back to the present. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach as she saw the ominous car sitting there; she knew the identity of the driver before anyone emerged from the vehicle. As he exited the car, one of the kids asked who the large intimidating man was. It was Sam’s worst fear as she saw the rotten bastard was walking towards her standing there in the driveway. Why, after all this time, had he returned other than to make her life miserable?

Sue wasn’t home, so Sam couldn’t go get her and her friends were there, so she couldn’t just run in the house and hide. Frank walked over to Sam as he asked her how she had been and commented on how much she had grown since the last time he saw her. He told her about where he now lived, that he was married to that woman and lived with her and her daughter. She listened to his bullshit but wanted him to hurry up and get to what he wanted. Frank never did anything without an agenda, as he always wanted something. Correction, Frank always wanted everything and it was always someone else who paid the price.

What she truly wanted to do was to scream, Get the fuck out of here and never come back! because she hated him and never wanted to see him again. However, she knew if she did that, it could mean a beating right there in front of her friends. Well, it was possible he wouldn’t be that stupid to start beating on a teenage girl out in the open with that many witnesses.

Frank told her he missed her and he wanted her to come for a visit next weekend. She was standoffish with him and told him that she would have talk to her mother about it when she got home. She could tell how pissed he was at her but there were too many eyes for him to get away with one of his usual confrontations with his daughter. He glared at Sam, got back in the car in a huff and drove away.

The other kids noticed how much Sam’s demeanor changed after his visit and they asked about the man they had never seen but she was reluctant to say anything more than he was the rotten bastard and by her tone, they knew not to push the issue any further.

She did not want him in her life again and she definitely did not want to go stay with him in the middle of goddamn nowhere. She wasn’t sure how she could get out of going to stay with him for any amount of time.

When her mother got home, she told her about Frank’s visit and that he wanted her to come for a visit with him next weekend. Sue wasn’t happy that Frank showed up at the house, without notice, when she was not there and she knew that he somehow planned it that way. He was the master manipulator and he would think it easier connive his daughter without her mother there to protect her. He didn’t realize that his daughter was long since impervious to his bullshit as well.

Sue also was not pleased to let Sam go visit Frank but she couldn’t prevent it due to his visitation rights to her every other weekend as long he continued to pay support. He had never sought them before so they both were unsure why he suddenly chose to desired them now. Sue reluctantly told Sam she didn’t thing there wasn’t anything she could do to prevent it. Sam yelled, What about my rights and how come I don’t get a choice in this? She stormed off to her room and slammed her door behind her.

Chapter 2

Sam was not looking forward to her weekend with the rotten bastard and his new family. She didn’t want to go spend time with an abusive asshole, in the middle of nowhere, where she didn’t know anyone and she would feel trapped with no escape.

He picked her up Friday evening and it was a long boring drive to his house. Frank tried to engage her a few times but she only gave short one-word answers to his questions. He would get annoyed, yell at her and then complain to his wife about his daughter’s attitude as if he expected her to have an answer. Sam kept wondering how much further this place could be and when Frank turned off the paved road and started to drive down dirt roads, she thought to herself that he brought her up to the backwoods to kill her and dispose her body where no one would ever find it.

There were times when she thought Frank was truly capable of killing someone and she was sure that he could justify it in his mind if it fit whatever purpose benefitted him the best. She wondered if he really would kill her over the pittance of child support he paid. He would kill her, dump her body where no one would find it and claim she ran away from home. As they drove deeper into what appeared to be a forest, the more she imagined just how easy it would be for Frank to get away with it. She had to stop letting her imagination run away from her.

However, there was that one time when he had the pistol in his hand during an argument with Sue as he stood in the doorway with Sue between him and Sam. It was a time when Sam considered that Frank was violent enough to kill them both. She thought just how terrible it was that a child had to concern herself for the safety of her mother and herself. She wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have used the gun if it would have served his purpose and he thought he could get away with it. Either way, she would stay on close guard for any signs that he had a plan. She would never allow herself to be alone with him.

When they finally got there, he showed Sam where she would sleep. She refused to call it her room because there was nothing here in his house she wanted to call hers. It was already late and her stepsister was already asleep, so they just went to bed.

The next morning, she woke up and found something to eat for breakfast before she went outside to look around and couldn’t believe how there was absolutely nothing around but trees. She couldn’t believe she was literally in the middle of a forest with maybe two other homes on the entire dirt road on which they lived.

She was not going to wander far since who knows what was lurking in the woods and that would be the perfect plan for Frank. He could follow her into the woods, kill her and dump her body for whatever creatures roamed the forest to feast upon her. Holy shit, she needed to calm down and stop with these thoughts. She thought to herself that there was no way anyone would believe it coincidence that she went missing her first trip here. Frank was stupid but he couldn’t be that stupid to attempt this on the first visit.

She wasn’t sure what exactly was she supposed to do here, so she went back inside and asked what was there to do. Her father told her to find something to do. Sam asked, I don’t know anyone here, we are literally in the middle of a forest, so what exactly am I supposed to find to do? She couldn’t comprehend why he drug her up here and had no plans for anything to do. Why did he want her here and was this only about being an asshole?

Once again, she hated to deal with her stepsister who was about a year younger than her but was more popular, socially advanced, athletic and confident and she made sure Sam knew it. She had a theory about why her stepsister was more popular especially with the boys but she stopped short of calling her a slut aloud.

Even though it was less than two full days, it was a long boring weekend and she clearly was out of place here. She also disliked that the family was what most considered rednecks. She was born and raised in the north and her northern stuck out. She had no accent, spoke at a different cadence and clearly had different interests. Many other children Sam encountered took her being shy and reserved attitude as standoffish, aloof, unfriendly and superior. She never understood why Frank moved them south and then he turned into a stupid southern redneck.

She just wanted to get through the weekend and go home so she tried to avoid any conflict with anyone. Finally, on Sunday afternoon, it was time for another long boring car ride home. There was no way she could do this every other weekend; two long car rides sandwiched around staring at trees with the bonus of an asshole that she knew would turn abusive and violent at some point.

When she finally got home, Sam couldn’t wait to get out of the car. She didn’t say anything to Frank as she bolted for the house and even though her behavior pissed him off, he didn’t say anything to her about her rudeness. He did however say something to Sue. He gave her the standard complaints about Sam’s attitude and rude behavior. He told Sue that needed to correct it because Sam was becoming something no boy would ever want.

He never considered that he bore any responsibility for the influence he had upon his daughter. Frank always viewed women as how they were acceptable to men. Sue, as usual, let Frank’s complaints fall upon deaf ears. Sue thought to herself that if he thought she was going to accept any more of his shit now that they were divorced, he was more delusional than she thought. Frank went to his car and left without a word to Sam.

Chapter 3

Sam finished out the remainder of her last year of junior high school. Frank took Sam for a few more weekend visits. They weren’t any better than the first one. Even with the other kids there her age, she failed