The Nigerian Woman

By Rachel Olowoporoku

Nigerian Women are being robbed of love, happiness, attention, passion and their personal identity, yet this injustice is persistently overlooked by the Nigerian community.

This book “The Nigerian Woman” can be used as a wake-up call to the Nigerian man about the impact of their behaviour towards their spouses, and also to re-assure the Nigerian woman that they are Queens amongst women.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rachel Olowoporoku
• Release date: Mar 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463474600

Rachel Olowoporoku

Rachel Oluwatoyin Olowoporoku is an Author and a certified Master Marriage Mentor and Relationship Coach. CEO of Women of Excellence Empowering Network (WEEN). She is the author of the newly launched book, The Nigerian Woman that will Engage readers and Ignite Your love life again. Her book has been written based on real-life issues the Nigerian women face on a daily basis in their marriages and how they have managed them. She helps women overcome marital issues and empower them, encouraging them to live a fulfilling life. She does this by elaborating on re-learning, and mapping out systems that will bring total fulfilment to their lives. All these are achieved through mentoring, coaching, training, seminars and consultancy. Her methods are individually tailored as each woman is different. She has been doing this for the past 11 years, and this is evidenced by the increased growth of members in her Practice and on all her Social Media Groups. She has contributed commentary and by-lines to various relationship seminars and workshops and Facebook forums. Her platform consists of the Shinning Singles, the Merrily Married, and the Divinely Divorced. Rachel Oluwatoyin lives in the UK, where she is Mum to 3 beautiful daughters, Martha, Victoria, and Oluwatobiloba. She is a very good dancer, a lover of all kinds of music- old skool, and a people’s person. When she is not doing all the above, she retreats by spending time travelling and relaxing watching a good movie.

Book preview

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN

Rachel Oluwatoyin Olowoporoku

Copyright @ Toyin Olowoporoku 2018

The right of Toyin Olowoporoku to be identified as the author of this book has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

Smashwords Edition

DEDICATION

TO THE NIGERIAN WOMAN WHO IS SUFFERING BUT KEEPS ON SMILING

&

TO MY 3 GROWN-UP DAUGHTERS

OLUWASEUN

OLUWABUNMI

OLUWATOBILOBA

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1- Definition of Marriage

Chapter 2- Marriage as GOD ordained it

Chapter 3- Types of Marriages

Chapter 4- Finance

Chapter 5- Conflict

Chapter 6- In-Laws

Chapter 7- Adultery/Infidelity

Chapter 8- Communication

Chapter 9 - Sex & Intimacy

Chapter 10 - Domestic Abuse/Violence

Chapter11- Contemplating leaving a Marriage

Chapter 12 - Divorce-The Monster

Conclusion

Bibliography

About the Book

About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I have been so blessed with good people around me. My Family, Friends, Colleagues, Acquaintances and even Strangers that became Fans of what I do. Why did I write this book? A lot of events that I see within the realm of how relationships are been engaged in. And it has been a worthwhile experiment for me.

My Master Editor, Mrs. Bukky Braithwaite, gave my book a new face by navigating it in the right direction.

My Co- Editor, Abisola Rennaiye, no one is like when it comes to dotting all the I’s and crossing all the T’s.

My Fearless Editor, Mr. Kayode Adeogun, who was at the beginning of it all. Your editorial contribution was invaluable.

Seun, Bunmi and Tobi, I hope all these will offer you knowledge and wisdom in your relations and marriages. Thank you for your on and off contribution and discussions which has kept me current and gave me so much happiness that I am on the right track.

I say a big thank you to all my clients for allowing their stories featured in my Book. Thank you for the trust and allowing me into your private lives.

INTRODUCTION

Nigerian women are being robbed of love, happiness, and their personal identity yet this injustice is persistently overlooked by the Nigerian community.

Since 2008, I have been researching the complexity of marriage, focusing in particular on women within Nigerian marriages and it is shocking to conclude that Nigerian men are still very unappreciative of their chosen life partners.

This book, The Nigerian Woman, can be used as a wake-up call to the Nigerian man about the impact of their behaviour on their spouses and also to reassure the Nigerian woman that they are Queens amongst women. The lifestyle of a married Nigerian woman differs significantly from their counterparts in the western world. In my opinion, the Nigerian institution of marriage is weird and peculiar. Very often, Nigerian women go through a lot of hardship and suffering yet continue to show love, commitment and solidarity even in an unloved marriage.

This book is meant to touch the soul of husbands, to prompt them to change their disrespectful ways towards their wives and encourage them to show them love and affection by treating them right. This will make the Nigerian woman feel worthy to be identified as a wife and a mother. The book will look at marriage from various relationship angles as the intention is to engage, enlighten and stimulate the reader.

My aim is to challenge everyone who reads the book to genuinely reconsider how married women are being treated in their homes in Nigeria. A lot of women have remained silent and secretive about the issues they face therefore I hope this book will help to lift that silence and inspire a new way of thinking and speaking out.

I want to encourage the reader (especially if you are a Christian - no disrespect to Muslims) to search for answers to questions such as – what was God’s intention when he designed marriage? What was God’s plan when he ordained marriage? Did he intend that Adam will hurt Eve? Why was Eve formed from Adam?

There are many views on marriage that we have read in books, and heard Pastors preach in churches, and even learnt from marriage counsellors – about how it should work or how culturally it is placed. Culture dictates many marriages in Nigeria, but God designed marriage and ONLY His design counts.

Most of the stories and information in this book are based on material I gathered by talking to people and listening carefully to all the responses. The substance in the book came from direct interviews with married couples, questionnaires and informal discussions with individual men and women.

My aim is to highlight the issues faced by married women and the stories in each chapter are real and true however names have been changed to protect the privacy and identity of individuals.

Getting immersed in this book, I realized that the Nigerian woman is a force to be reckoned with and I duff my cap to her. I have nothing but total respect for her energy, strength and resilient nature. I pray God will continue to fight on her behalf, and change will begin to emerge, as a result.

Finally, I would like to thank all who contributed to the writing of this book. I learnt so much from the research and enjoyed talking to everyone involved.

Rachel Oluwatoyin Olowoporoku

April, 2018.

Chapter 1- Definition of Marriage

As a Husband, I will: love, lead and provide

*Ephesians 5:25-29

*1 Corinthians 11:3

*1 Timothy 5:8

As a Wife, I will: support, manage and love

*Genesis 2:18, 21-22

*1 Timothy 5:14

*Titus 2:4

TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE

Marriage is an institution established by God. It serves as a primary structure for establishing family connections and rearing children. The family unit was God's first institution. However, to man, marriage seems to be the worst institution. In the beginning, when God created man and woman, He joined them together for life. According to Genesis 3:24, therefore man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. These words reveal that God instituted the marriage relationship and therefore ordained the family unit.

Stability and harmony in a family is crucial and important to every society’s national growth and development. There are many factors which influence marital harmony or disharmony in the home. These include the manner in which couples communicate with each other, how they satisfy each other’s sexual desires, the presence of children in the relationship, influence of in-laws, and even the occupation of each spouse. Additional factors are domestic violence, financial issues, lack of love and affection towards each other, differences in moral discipline etc.

The success of marital harmony involves complex processes influenced love, commitment, marital communication, length of the marriage, children, sex, education, socio-economic status. How couples manage conflict when it arises including how they share chores in the household are key factors that play a part in achieving marital harmony.

If a marriage is healthy and stable, and the couples are content and living in harmony, the foundation of their relationship would be strongly built. One of the major aims of marriages is to achieve marital harmony and have a high level of marital satisfaction in the home. Marital harmony can be described as an individual’s subjective experience of marriage in terms of when their needs are met, and how the individual’s expectations and desires are being satisfied.

Marital harmony has for many become an instrument to measure the success and stability of marriage and by extension, personal fulfilment and wellbeing. The idea of marital harmony is so strong that many spouses deceive themselves about the extent to which their marriage meets their particular criterion for satisfaction. Spouses engage in illusions about marriage by dramatically underestimating their chances of divorce and making unreasonably positive statements about their spouses. These illusions seem to help spouses believe that their marriage approaches the ideals to which they aspire.

In most cases, couples with children experience a decrease in harmony due to