Rescuing African Marriages in the Diaspora

By Abraham Kicha

African marriages in the Diaspora are in trouble. The divorce rate among Africans living out of Africa is increasing minute after minute leaving many African families in the pool of blood. The center cant hold any longer, and Africans are wondering how they can face the monster devastating their marriages in the Diaspora.

Rescuing African Marriages in the Diaspora walks through the process of marriage from the time of just wondering whether to ask, Will you marry me? and Should I say yes to him?, to the time you are married and living together.

Rescuing African Marriages in the Diaspora navigates through the wild cultural wind that blows against African marriages in the Diaspora and anchors safely in the commitment to stay married until death do us part.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449765958

Abraham Kicha

Rev Dr. Abraham Kicha is one of the leading African pastors in the Diaspora. He is founder and pastor of All Nations Prayer Worship Center (Studying the Scripture). For years, he has been presenting biblical virtues as answers to the plight of African marriages in the Diaspora. Abraham lives with his wife and his three children in Los Angeles, California.

Book preview

Contents

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1     Face To Face With Plight: African Marriages In The Diaspora

Chapter 2     Parasites In The Western Culture That Destroy Marriages

Chapter 3     Laying A Better Foundation For A Durable Marriage

Chapter 4     Things To Think About Before You Ask, Will You Marry Me? And Before You Answer, Yes, I Will

Chapter 5     The Destroyers Of African Marriages In The Diaspora

Chapter 6     How To Rescue African Marriages In The Diaspora

Conclusion

Bibliography

Dedication

With lots of thanksgiving unto God the Father, God the Son , God the Holy Spirit, I dedicate this book to the following

My beloved father late Bobe David Cheng. As a little boy I saw and learned from his loving kindness towards women who came from far away villages to have their babies at Belo maternity. These women never informed him that they were coming. It was not the nearness of his house to the maternity that attracted these women, but his love and Christ –like hospitality that attracted them. Some he did not know their names and could only call them wain-nawain. He remains my hero and life model. May his soul rest in peace.

My beloved father late Bobe Manfred Kicha who schooled me on the importance of loving my wife. May his soul rest in peace.

My beloved mother-in-law late Nawain Margret Nain. Sometimes I call my wife by her name because of the love she had for me. I pray to remain a good husband to her daughter and a good father to her grandsons as she requested the last day a met her in the hospital in Douala. May her soul rest in peace

My beloved sister, late Elizabeth Kicha. She was a wonderful sister and friend who was in deep love with my wife. May her soul rest in peace.

My beloved sister late Evelyn Kicha who lived with me when I was still single and was of great help to me. May her soul rest in peace.

My beloved in-law late Bobe Francis Ful who covered my wife and I when rain was falling on us and loved me as a son. May his soul rest in peace.

Introduction

A title like this one usually rings many bells in the mind of whoever comes across it. It takes time, pain, and money to rescue something or someone trapped in a dangerous situation. God had to become man in order to rescue humanity, which he created in his image, from the power of sin and death. With the help of television, I have seen lots of heartbreaking rescue efforts.

• The rescue of thirty-three Chilean miners trapped two thousand feet underground for more than two months caught the attention of all who watched it.

• A man in New York left his two little daughters by the roadside to rescue a stranger who collapsed on a railway as a train approached. He lay on top of the man as the train passed probably two inches above his back. This was high risk. Thank God, he rescued the man, and both were not hurt.

• The mayor of Newark came home on the night of Thursday, April 12, 2012, and found his neighbor’s house was on fire. He immediately rushed in and helped rescue the woman through life-threatening flames and smoke.

• Two brothers died in Lake California trying to rescue a dog, and rescue workers in California struggled to rescue a drowning dog. Many Africans would see the loss of life in the struggle to rescue a dog as madness.

Marriage also needs to be rescued. The importance of marriage to any community can never be overemphasized. Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is the foundation of all communities and nations. Strong and stable marriages produce strong communities, stable nations, and churches. If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Ps. 11:3).

Marriage, a God-ordained institution, is a lifelong relationship between one man and one woman. As the two live together under the heat and pressures of life, they get lost in each other to the point it is impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Marriage is a process, a fusion of two distinct elements into one sparkling jewel of love, faithfulness, and commitment that shines brightly in a world of short lives and impermanence.¹

William R. Cunningham says, In the Christian perspectives, marriage is more than just the union of two Christians of the opposite sex. A Christian marriage is characterized and governed by Christian principles that are taught in the Bible. Christian marriage adheres to the standards of marriage revealed in the Holy Bible. All around the world, across all religions and cultures, successful societies have been those based on strong marriages.²

As it was in the beginning, God the creator intended that marriage should be a lifetime covenant relationship between one man and one woman. In the West, it is called traditional marriage. God’s decree cannot be reduced to the level of a mere tradition handed down to us from generation to generation. When those of us from Africa and other continents hear of traditional marriage, in our minds, it has nothing to do with divine declaration. Even though there may be references to polygamy in the Bible, polygamy does not have a divine declaration. The practice stems from our fallen human nature, which God allowed, but he does not decree it in the Bible. The more the West calls marriage between one man and one woman traditional marriage, the harder it is for an African theologian or pastor to defend the fact that Christianity is not just a white man’s religion and tradition.

In a good marriage, partners complement each other and make both better. Marriage, a journey through life, enhances and enriches entire communities. Lack of marriage is the death of a nation and a people. Communities that fail to recognize marriage become decadent and self-destructive with a range of social, economic, and health issues. Marriage is sacred in Africa and elsewhere, because it solidifies relationships that enrich communities and nations by bringing forth new life and new hope.³

But marriages are in trouble all over the world. Even in Africa, many marriages are going through difficult times. But when I compare African marriages on the African continent and those in the diaspora, I see African marriages in the diaspora are going through hell. When I was pastoring in Africa, I heard the foundation of African marriages in the diaspora was broken. I did not know the magnitude until, by the grace of God, I joined other Africans in the diaspora. Now I have seen the storms raging against African marriages in the diaspora. I have heard living, painful testimonies about the strain on African marriages outside the continent. My own marital foundation has been shaken. If my marriage were not built on Christ, the only solid foundation, it would have been a different story today.

I set out to learn more about what African marriages were going through. I knew something needed to be done to help these struggling marriages. I thought if I presented all I heard about African marriages in the diaspora they might be helped. When I decided to write, I could not find one book that contained anything about the plight of African marriages in the diaspora. I went to the Internet and found concrete information concerning the desperate state of African marriages in the diaspora, which I present in the first chapter of this book. It tells about the shattered foundation of Africans marriages in the diaspora. If you put together what you read here with what you have seen, heard, and experienced, you will find that this book is a glimpse at these marriages. This book does not offer a complete solution, but it opens your eyes to what is destroying our marriages. If you ask my wife or I what was wrong with our marriage, neither of us would have an answer. Our pastor friend Johnson, who was with us, did not understand what was going on. Sometimes I think it was spiritual, and I may be right. It takes the determination of a couple—the husband and wife—to rescue a sinking marriage and to maintain a healthy union. They have to pray and do what is necessary to rescue their marriage.

Rescue workers may rush into houses and save people trapped inside. They may rescue drowning persons and dogs on the high seas, but not one can save a sinking marriage. The man and woman involved must rescue any trouble marriage. If they want to fix their marriage and fall in love again—or for the first time—they can do it. No outsider can do it for any family. Information in this book and others on this subject can help only those who are serious in making a difference in their marriage.

The safety of any marriage lies solely in the hands of the husband and wife making good use of the material their pastor or marriage counselor presents to them or what they find in books.

• If you are married, I pray you find help in this book that will sweeten your union.

• If you are single, I pray that as you read this book, you will not make the same mistakes as many of your friends.

• If your marriage is already on the rocks, I pray God will help you in your struggle to save your marriage or prevent your union from taking a downward turn.

Who should get a copy of this book?

• Every African family living in the diaspora

• Each African family in the diaspora with young adults, giving a copy to each

• All African congregations or churches in the diaspora, giving a copy to each member and using in a Sunday or Bible class

• Each Western pastor or church with an African family in its congregation, providing the pastor with an understanding of what African marriages in his community face

CHAPTER 1

Face to Face with Plight:

African Marriages in the Diaspora

These are true stories of what Africans in the diaspora are going through. I did not want to write just what I heard. Thank God I did not get the reports from a book you may not have access to. I got these stories from the Internet, and anyone is free to check them. I just present a few so you get a better idea of what we are talking about. You can find more reports on African marriages in the diaspora on the Internet, stories exist that did not reach the media.

The African nations represented in these reports are not the only ones whose people experience troubled marriages in the diaspora. They are the only ones I could get stories about