The Collective

By Aaron D Phillips

'Riotously funny'

In a quiet Somerset village resides Harry and Hazel Smythe, and Graham and Heather Leyton. Their idyllic rural life is about to be torn apart when teenage thugs land them in hospital. It's only when they realise that the hospital is not all it seems, that things go from weird, to downright insane. Graham and Harry have to deal with grief, murder, and badly parked mobility scooters, to try and stop the transformation of the entire human race.

Are you ready to join the Collective?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Aaron D Phillips
• Release date: May 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386898825

Book preview

To Sarah, George and Miles.

Copyright 2019 © by Aaron D Phillips

All rights reserved.

Chapter One

‘Hey, old man’.

Harry looked behind him and saw two scruffy looking teenagers. What do you want?’

‘Can you lend us a tenner? I need to buy some fags’.

‘I don’t have any money, sorry’ said Harry as he turned to walk away.

‘Come on, I bet you’ve still got some of your pension left, let me have some’ said one of the teenagers in a threatening manner. ‘Sorry, no’ said Harry firmly.

One of the teenagers went to pull a knife out from his jacket but was stopped when the number 32 bus pulled up alongside them. Harry quickly boarded it.

‘Everything ok Harry?’ asked the driver.

‘I’m fine thank you, just some teenagers being a bit troublesome’. ‘This place is getting worse. Never used to get any hassle around here before’ said the driver.

Harry nodded and gripped on to his bag tight.

As the bus pulled up at his stop, Harry hopped off and walked back to their bungalow on the top of Crest Drive in the Somerset village of Lydewick.

‘That was quick love; I thought you would be at least an hour’ said Hazel, his wife of sixty years.

Harry sat down at the kitchen table as Hazel handed him a glass of water.

‘What’s happened? You don’t look too well’.

‘Oh, it was nothing, just a couple of teenagers giving me a bit of hassle at the bus stop’.

‘Hassle? What kind of hassle?’ said Hazel as she picked up the phone’.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m calling the police’.

Harry took the phone from her.

‘I’m ok, honestly. They just asked for some money and it shook me up a bit, I’m fine, I promise’.

Hazel frowned and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

‘You’re eighty two love, you need to be careful’.

‘They were just trying their luck, anyway, here are the things you asked for’ said Harry, passing over a bag full of groceries. ‘Oh thank you love. How were Graham and Heather?’

‘They’re fine, they send their love. Oh, talking of teenagers, some little sods posted faeces through their shop door; it was all over the newspapers’.

‘They did what? That’s disgusting, what is wrong with some people? This place is going downhill’ said Hazel.

‘I’ve told Graham he should call the police on them but Heather thinks he winds the kids up, making things worse’.

‘I think he should call the police, it’s not the first time they have had hassle in their shop’.

‘I might pop out in to the garden for a bit if you don’t mind?’ ‘Go on then, I’ll make us a pot of tea’.

Harry smiled at her and walked out through the garden to his shed at the bottom. He opened the door and looked at the old shotgun that was gathering dust in the corner. He stood there and thought for a moment. As he reached out to touch the barrel Hazel’s voice called out to him from the kitchen. Harry threw some tarpaulin over the gun. ‘Coming dear’.

Harry walked in to the kitchen to see Hazel sat at the table with a worried look on her face.

‘What’s up love? It’s not one of those calls about life insurance was it? I’ve told them before; I’ll be pushing up daisies​before long, so they’re wasting their time’.

‘No, that was Heather on the phone’.

‘Is everything ok? Not more trouble at the shop?’

‘She said a rock was thrown through the shop window which hit Graham in the face. He’s been taken to hospital’. ‘What? Those bloody swine’s.’

‘Come on, I’ll drive us to the hospital now’.

‘How are you feeling love?’

Graham opened his eyes and saw his wife Heather smiling back at him.

‘My head hurts. Oh god, am I in hospital?’

The ward was full of patients asleep, apart from a guy in the bed next to him. The only noise was the phone ringing at the nurse station in the corridor.

‘Yes, but hopefully not for long. Do you not remember what happened?’

Graham closed his eyes and thought for a second.

‘I remember the shop window smashing and then...yes, I remember, a rock came through the window and hit me on the bloody head’.

‘You were knocked out cold. I had to call an ambulance for you. The doctor should be round shortly to give us an update’.

Graham felt the bandage wrapped tightly around his bald head and looked around the room. No one in the room seemed to be under ninety.

‘I don’t fancy staying in here too long; it’s like gods ​waiting room. Look at them all.’

‘Hey, I’m only sixty eight you cheeky sod’ came a voice from the bed beside him.

Graham looked over at the guy in the bed next to him. He looked about eighty eight, both in age and weight, but decided not to mention it.

‘Sorry’ said Graham awkwardly.

‘Listen love, I’m sorry for what I said about you winding those kids up. I never thought they would do something like this. I shall be phoning the police later and making sure they are dealt with’. ‘I don’t know how much good it would do’.

‘Ah, there you are, I’ve been walking all over the hospital to find you’.

Graham looked up to see Harry and Hazel ambling over.

‘Ooh, that’s a big bandage, are you ok?’ asked Hazel handing him a bag of grapes.

‘Yeah, I’ll survive. Thanks for the grapes’.

‘Lovely to see you Heather, you must be shaken up by the whole ordeal’ said Hazel giving her a hug.

‘I’m not too bad, just a bit shocked to see the state that Graham was in. I never thought those kids would throw a brick through our window’.

‘See, I told you earlier you should have called the police on the buggers’ said Harry, sitting down next to Graham.

‘I was dealing with it. Never thought shit through the door would lead to a brick through the window’.

‘Tell them what happened to you on the way home love’ said Hazel opening the grapes.

‘Oh, nothing really’ said Harry.

‘It wasn’t nothing love, it shook you up’.

Graham pulled himself up in the bed and knocked the grapes on to the floor, sending them under the bed next to him.

‘So, tell me what happened Harry’ said Graham, who had now regained his balance.

‘When I left your shop earlier, I was accosted by some teenagers by the bus stop’.

‘Did they all have short cropped hair? Bit scruffy looking?’ asked Heather.

‘That sounds like them. They wanted me to give them some money. I said no, but they wouldn’t let it go. I think one of them had a knife. I was lucky the bus turned up when it did’.

‘Bastards. Pass me my phone Heather, I’m going to call the police now’ said Graham pulling himself up, this time knocking over the monitor.

‘Oh balls. Could you pick it up for me mate?’

Harry bent down to pick up the monitor but ended up pulling the plug out, making it give out a loud bleep. A nurse came rushing down from the corridor.

‘Is everything ok?’

‘Yes, sorry, it was my fault, I knocked over my monitor’ said Graham sheepishly.

‘Don’t worry, it happens quite often’ said the nurse switching it back on.

‘Is the doc coming round soon?’ asked Graham.

‘He should be round in the next hour or so’ said the nurse. ‘Thank you nurse. Have you got my phone, Heather?’

Heather passed him the phone. Just as was about to dial the number two police officers walked up to the bed.

‘Afternoon Mr Leyton, I’m PC Sharp and this is PC Baker’ said the tall burly officer gesturing to the smaller blonde female to his left. ‘That’s bloody odd, I was just about to call you lot’ said Graham. ‘We’ve been notified of what happened to you in your shop. I wanted to ask if anyone had any reason to cause you or your property damage?’

Heather nodded at him.

‘Well, there are some teenagers that have been giving us some grief, so I expect it was them’.

‘Can you give us a description of them?’ asked PC Baker.

‘They look about fifteen, two of them are quite tall, the other a bit smaller and they all have short dark hair’ said Graham. ‘And their language is atrocious’ chipped in Heather.

‘Ok, we will do some enquiries and see what we can find out. Did you have a run-in with them recently?’

‘I threw them out of the shop the other day for being abusive, and I found pooh put through the door this morning’ said Graham. The guy in the bed next to him giggled under his breath.

PC Sharp ignored him and put his notepad away.

‘Leave it with us and we’ll be in touch if we have any news’.

‘Thanks officers’.

‘If they have any news? That doesn’t sound too promising’ said Hazel rearranging her hair.

‘No it doesn't. Let’s hope the doc will let me go home soon, I’ve had enough of this place’.

Chapter Two

Harry woke up as he felt the warm rays of sunshine stream through

their bedroom curtains. He looked over at Hazel, who was still sound

asleep. He leant over and kissed her on the forehead before getting up

and putting on his dressing gown.

‘Morning, Oscar’.

Their golden labradoodle Oscar stretched out across the floor in acknowledgement.

Harry walked through to the kitchen and switched the kettle on. He looked out at his shed and thought for a moment. His trail of thought was