124 Jokes You Shouldn't Tell in Criminal Justice School

By Todd Persaud

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be a student in criminal justice school? Many people often do. Look no further! Todd has both a Criminology and a Forensic Psychology degree and he's ready to spill all (no pun intended). He's no snitch you know!

Now is your chance to finally discover just what exactly goes on inside of the hallowed halls of criminal justice school, and the truth ain't pretty, folks.

In this romping satirical voyage, Todd takes you through 124 dark jokes that are likely to spook even your most hardcore, criminal friend. This anthology contains jokes, articles, and even poetry! That's right, Todd thinks he's funny! Can't knock us for innovation! You CAN, but why be that person?

You'll even get insider tips, subtly planted within these terribly provocative and tasteless jokes. Kind of like the kind you get inside bubblegum, but without the gum.

You won't want to miss this riveting and fascinating anthology that only a mother could detest! And trust me she does detest, Todd's still living in her basement. The lurid jokes that only a criminal justice school could love. But love is a strong word. Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. Blood and Guts guaranteed or your money back! Just kidding. We don't give refunds!

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be a student in criminal justice school? Many people often do. Look no further! Todd has both a Criminology and a Forensic Psychology degree and he's ready to spill all (no pun intended). He's no snitch you know!

Now is your chance to finally discover just what exactly goes on inside of the hallowed halls of criminal justice school, and the truth ain't pretty, folks.

In this romping satirical voyage, Todd takes you through 124 dark jokes that are likely to spook even your most hardcore, criminal friend. This anthology contains jokes, articles, and even poetry! That's right, Todd thinks he's funny! Can't knock us for innovation! You CAN, but why be that person?

You'll even get insider tips, subtly planted within these terribly provocative and tasteless jokes. Kind of like the kind you get inside bubblegum, but without the gum.

You won't want to miss this riveting and fascinating anthology that only a mother could detest! And trust me she does detest, Todd's still living in her basement. The lurid jokes that only a criminal justice school could love. But love is a strong word. Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. Blood and Guts guaranteed or your money back! Just kidding. We don't give refunds!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Todd Persaud
• Release date: Feb 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386795810

Todd Persaud

Todd Persaud holds a BFA from New School University and has taught in over 5 countries, and currently resides in Da Nang, Vietnam. Todd has gathered up a breadth of experience teaching in over 5 countries and in such diverse locales as Thailand and Laos, while enjoying his time in the process and getting as the kids say "cultured." He is presently working on his musical 'Tis Pity She's a Whore: A Pop Opera, which adapts the classical Jacobean play to musical form. He claims the project is his "baby" (no real babies will be in the musical, that would be weird). Todd encourages you to sign up for updates at http://www.PityPop.com.  http://www.ToddPersaud.com

Book preview

Introduction

In 2009, after attending John Jay College in New York, I earned a double degree in Criminology and Forensic Psychology. At this point I was basically Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs. I just knew my two degrees would carry me, like Icarus, flying towards the world of gainful employment. Unfortunately, like our wax-winged hero, I came crashing back down to the Earth. I couldn’t find a position that took me or my degrees seriously. Nobody was saying, Hello, Clarice to me.  Two years later, I realized the problem: I was taking myself too seriously and, on a larger scale, so was the criminal justice industry.

The more prospective employers kept asking me about my degrees and my experience and what I could do to serve them, the more I came up empty-handed. My education didn’t prepare me at all. It turns out all my knowledge of what John Wayne Gacy did to his victims in the crawl space of his house was useless! Who knew?

It was the year 2013 that I had to choke down a huge dose of reality. After dry-swallowing the fact that my prospects in the US were drying up, it was clear I needed to find a market that valued someone who could breathe and had a pulse. And what does one do when Western conventionalities fail to produce results? Hop on a plane heading east until you cross the International Date Line.

Fast-forward to 2014 where I find myself in sunny, scenic South Korea. Kim Jong-Un is still Supreme Leader of North Korea posing for photos with his giant binoculars and I’m using advanced graduate degrees to teach English in a Korean high school. We’re both just doing whatever it takes to succeed. As it turns out, I wasn’t quite prepared to face a classroom of high school boys. Though, to be fair, I don’t think fully geared bomb squads are prepared to handle that level of chaos. 

Worse still, I was charged with recruiting students to take my bonus class in English fluency. This was an entirely voluntary course where the students would sign up for extra practice. I felt like a carnival barker, enticing students with all the wonders that they would behold if they only signed up for this extra responsibility. Yes it’s extra work, but maybe there’s a bearded lady! Only one way to find out. Sign here, kid. While it was elective for students, it was a requirement for me. If the kids weren’t taken care of, I would be in big trouble with the administration. But never fear, because I had a genuine, made-in-Mexico TEFL certificate with my name on it. That will surely give me the skills needed to convince high schoolers that signing up for extra work is worthwhile. Maybe Kim Jong-Un was hiring...

And yet, something funny happened. It was in this setting that the stand-up comic inside of me started to develop. Oh, not in the conventional sense. I wasn’t testing out new material while enforcing a two drink minimum. But, in the sense where I’m combining education with humor. I believe the clumsy portmanteau that is used to describe this style would be edutainment. I stopped taking myself so seriously and learned to lighten up a little bit. I began to think about the past more and about my life in criminal justice school. When I spent most of my time reading the works of Kant and Hegel, which I originally thought was the name of a motorcycle injury law firm.

Years later, in hindsight, not only did it feel like a dream, but it also felt like one big joke. A massive pile of humor that God was giving to me, saying Ha! Look at what you spent your youth doing! Joke’s on you pal! Give my regards to Hannibal!

It took me awhile to get over it. But as I was having more fun in the classroom, I started to have more fun looking back on how I invested my time and money. As I started to regain my sense of self again, I started writing down comedic material to try to use with the kids. That had to be better than chasing them down the hallway madly waving a pen and a sign-up sheet. The topics I wrote about ranged from touring, to teaching, to criminal justice, and oddly enough, my favorite type of jokes were the latter.  All that forced seriousness I experienced in school started to seem funny. What I bemoaned for years as a waste of time and money now seemed uproariously funny. To quote an old professor of mine, I don’t even know why we have this school. I thought he was kidding. He was not.

I hope you enjoy these 22 jokes about criminal justice and the law. I compiled and organized these jokes into some of my favorite subjects: drugs, trafficking, theft, robbery, and of course serial and spree killing. What some might call murder or a sin, I just call a regular Tuesday night alone with a glass of Chardonnay and my assigned reading (eye roll). While these topics may sound macabre, I truly believe that humor can be found in the most serious of subjects. Right, officer? To put it you another way, if you asked me to recommend to you a TV comedy series to watch, I’d probably suggest CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.

Needless to say, I’m using this book to encourage those who are connected to criminal justice institutes (as well as those who just happen upon my book) to lighten up and stop taking themselves so seriously. I want people to enjoy life a little bit more and know that everything is going to be okay, even if you don’t get to raid meth labs like a rogue DEA agent in Breaking Bad (my dream wedding theme, by the way).

Perhaps now would also be a good time to say that if you’re easily offended, this book is probably not the best for you. And if you’re expecting some sort of long-winded American novella, then also you’ve found the wrong book and I apologize for that. This is not a treatise, it’s not a case study, and it’s won’t drastically change your life like a job promotion or a positive STD test.

I hope that you laugh, but most importantly I hope you’ll come away with the notion that criminal justice is NOT that serious. Unless, of course, you’re on the other side of the iron bars, in which case put this book down immediately and call a lawyer. 

Merry wishes and enjoy, or whatever!

How to Make Money in the Death Business

Published on October 24, 2018 Blogs PX by Todd Persaud

When it comes to the business of death, you have many options. This is an article about opportunity. Personal growth from decay.

We live in a death fearing society, predominantly Christian and Catholic, which fears hell, fire and brimstone. There are so many references and reminders of death in our culture, specifically in the United States. Many people glorify death through action movies, stories, politics and news. Much of the news speaks of death, destruction and mayhem. Death is even embedded in our education system. For example, the traditional teachings of Catholics and Christians, even in public schools, where we learn about Dante's Inferno. Dante's Inferno contains different cantos that depict different stages of hell. Death is also mentioned in the Bible which we hear referenced many times in certain stories. It is not just ancient writings that bring up the topic of death, but it is also in more modern works of fiction such as James Joyce and even in philosophical writings like the ones written by Camus, Nietzsche, and Kierkegaard.  

Stephen King is a person who always writes about death in some way, as does Clive Barker and many other of the horror fiction writers and authors that are in the world today, all profiting from death. Even our present day modern spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Gangaji, Tara Brach and Byron Katie often remind