Hollow Magic: Ink, #7

By Holly Hood

Everybody needs to know where they belong. What their purpose is. What good can they bring in to the world? Hope is no different. She is struggling to figure out where she belongs. Battling with her past, struggling with her fate.

They say love holds the answer to everything—love can destroy if in the wrong hands.

Hope makes one bad decision after the other while trying to fix herself.

Will it be too late to do what's right?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Holly Hood
• Release date: Dec 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386849605

Holly Hood

Holly Hood writes books that mess with your mind. Stories that leave you wanting more. Endings that aren’t so pretty. Romance novels that don’t fit the mold. Books about families without white picket fences. A wife to a great man, a mother to five beautiful kids... and a buckeye fan! She has three dogs. A couple fish and an obsession for anything to do with crime and murder, Canada dry soda or Mad Men. Author of the Ink series, Wingless series and many other titles.

Book preview

Hope 

Slade leaned back in his chair, his hands behind his head. She will be fine.  He rubbed my shoulder for the millionth time. It was reassurance I was sure, but it only annoyed me.

We are failing as parents, I said, covering my mouth with a hand. I sighed and stood up. What were we thinking starting solids already?

Slade let out this laugh that caught me off guard.

I raised an eyebrow at him. What is so funny about this?

It was carrots, he said. A jar of carrots. She got a rash, and we raced her to the emergency room. You act like she ate a bottle of rat poison.  He sighed, annoyed with the entire thing. I have a show.

You always have a show. Even when bad things happen to our child, you have a show. I stood up taking my empty coffee cup to the trash receptacle. I looked at him before I chucked it in. This is why we aren’t together anymore.

He shook his head standing up. We aren’t together because you’re stubborn.

Oh, am I? I shoved the cup into the hole and followed him. I’m stubborn because I want a husband that cares enough to be around and not let fame take over?

He raised his voice even louder, to get the point across that I wasn’t getting to him. Hope, the feelings I have for you don’t stop me from telling you that you’re an asshole.

Oh, give me a break. Do you think I care anymore if you think I’m an asshole? I fussed with my top, not giving him another thought.

He leaned in closer, his mouth brushing against my ear. This unleashed a flutter of butterflies inside. And I hated that. I didn’t want to feel that way whenever I was near him anymore.

I do. I will see you tomorrow to pick up Gemma. He walked with such confidence out of the emergency room. Still a strapping stallion of a man after all the years.

I scored a candy bar from the vending machine and ate it slowly as I stared out the big windows. The cars were tiny specks, like little ants journeying to a new life. The bare bones of the construction was everywhere you looked. It was obnoxious to me.

Mrs. Andrews, the doctor said from behind me.

I turned around. How is she?

He was calm and composed. His shoulders back and straight as he updated me about my five-month-old. She’s perfect. Just a mild allergy to carrots. We gave her some medication, and she’s as good as new. A bigger smile spread across his face.

I exhaled, grabbing my chest. Oh thank god. I really thought I broke her. I was a first-time parent failing miserably, I thought this on a weekly basis.

Follow me. He led me back through the double doors to the room. All the rooms had glass walls and doors so you could see each patient as you passed.

She’s an adorable baby, he said over his shoulder opening the door so I could go in first.

The nurse with Gemma smiled when she saw us. Here is your mommy, princess. She handed her over and moved out of the way so I could get her dressed.

Was I wrong for trying  baby food already? I looked at them. My friend has a toddler, and she swore she did the same thing. I didn’t think it would hurt her.

The doctor scribbled information down on Gemma’s chart and shook his head while I explained away my mistake. She’s fine. And at the right age to try more food. Maybe go with oatmeal next time and see what happens.

The nurse watched the doctor shut the door. She picked up Gemma’s little socks and smiled fondly at them. Honestly I was putting whiskey on my kids gums when they were teething at this age. These things happen. Don’t worry about it dear. She left me alone to finish getting Gemma dressed.

My phone buzzed. I slung Gemma on my hip and dug two fingers down into my pocket to get to it. And poked the screen with my thumb answering the call.

How’s she doing? Slade asked from the other end of the call. Loud music drowned out most of his words. But even without hearing the rest I knew he was calling to check on her.

Doctors said she is fine. I pinned the phone between my shoulder and face and buckled Gemma into her car seat. He said stay away from carrots.

Great. See no big deal. Female laughter ignited in the background. Can I come over tonight?

I rolled my eyes. It sounds like you have plenty of groupies to stay the night with.

Fuck. How many times do I have to tell you I am not sleeping with groupies?

I got the diaper bag on my shoulder and picked up the car seat. Gemma wiggled her chubby legs, a big drool covered smile on her face as I carried her down the hallway.

I will leave the door unlocked. A nurse lit up with happiness when we passed the station. Gemma had a way with anyone that saw her.

I won’t be too late. Kiss the baby for me. Someone yelled for him to get off the phone. Got to go.

Okay. See you later.

He didn’t hang up. I love you, asshole.

My chest tightened. And the words stuck in my throat. I set the car seat in front of the elevator and hit end on the phone instead of saying it back to him.

What floor miss? The older gentleman asked.

Main floor. I said, giving a smile as a thank you. He let me in first. I settled as far against the wall with Gemma as I could.

Such a sweet baby, he gushed, letting out a chuckle as Gemma blew raspberries at him. She squealed and wiggled and made the ride more tolerable for everyone.

Thank you, I politely said, lifting the car seat and lugging her out onto the main floor.

Gemma started to scream at the exit.

She has a set of lungs on her, a woman passing by said with a smirk.

Oh yes. I looked down at the red mess of my once precious kid. Her father is a rock star. I think she gets it from him.

I finally got to the car, and I set the car seat down beside the door getting my keys out. She was still screaming.

Gemma, this is not good. Mommy is very upset over this carrot debacle. Could you please give me a break?

The locks shot up, and I wrangled her into the back seat.

I settled into my seat and buckled up. And looked back at her to make sure she was okay before I drove off. I hit the button on the steering wheel to call Karsen. I needed my best friend now more than ever.

Sup?

I adjusted my visor, squinting at the sun. I just got out of the ER. Gemma is allergic to carrots. I filled her in on the whole disaster.

And Slade went to the gig? Karsen’s own kid let out a guttural scream in the background. I swear these men never cease to amaze me.

I nodded. He acted like I was overreacting. It’s my first child, for all I knew she was going to going into anaphylactic shock. I shrugged. I pictured him being the spaz when we had kids.

Kidd is totally the spaz. If Pilot even lets out a shriek he comes running. Pilot. Yes, they named their son Pilot.

I finished the car ride home chatting with Karsen. Through the city into the cute little neighborhood subdivision where Slade and I built our dream home. It didn’t feel much like a dream or home anymore though.

It was just the house that once was.

I took a peek in the mirror and smiled at the sight of a sleeping baby. Just in time for me to pull into the driveway.

I crossed my fingers and got out.

Please... God. I tiptoed to the back and opened her door. She let out a grunt but remained still.

I carefully made it to the front door and unlocked the door.

And when I got inside I set the car seat in the living room on the shaggy area rug and plopped down on the couch.

Motherhood is no joke, I sighed, picking up the remote.

Hope

The bed sank and the drop of two heavy shoes—or boots followed. I rolled over, staring at the dark figure next to me. The smell of beer and cigarettes was faint but there in the air.

What time is it? I whispered.

Three in the morning, Slade whispered back. He snapped on the lamp.

Slade, you’re going to wake her up. I warned.

She’s out like a light. He walked around the bed and leaned over the crib staring at her. God she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I nodded. You remind me every single day.

He walked back around to my side of the bed. And pulled his shirt over his head. How was the night?

I studied the tattoo half hidden by the top of his jeans and then looked up at him. She was a little fussy but fine. How was the show?

He undid his belt buckle and slipped out of his jeans. Great. Just glad it’s over. I need to shower. He leaned down and pressed his lip into mine, invading my space and I let him, kissing him back. I gripped his hair and groaned taken right into the moment.

He stopped kissing me. Want to join me?

I sighed dropping back on the pillow. This is so messed up.

He was in the doorway of the bathroom—totally naked. Sexy as hell. And I was fighting with myself about going in there and letting him fuck me. My husband. It made me angry that it was such a hard thing to figure out.

Just take a shower, Slade. I shouldn’t have kissed him. But kissing him was normal. It was great and like breathing—something I had done for so long I couldn’t imagine not kissing him.

The water kicked on. And I stared up at the ceiling until I couldn’t stand it anymore and slid out of bed. I went into the bathroom and took a seat on the toilet. I had the full view from my throne. We had designed the shower with no doors and beautiful Italian tiles.

You sure you don’t want to join me? He rubbed his hands across his chest working the water and soap into his skin.  I really need to bring over my shower shit.

No you don’t. I drew my legs up wrapping my arms around them. Because that would give you a reason to never go back to your condo.

That’s not a bad thing. His hand slipped farther down and he kept his eyes on me.

I looked away. This is all messed up.

Yeah it is.

Then why do you keep coming here almost every night? He had his own place.

I was thinking about it. And I think you’re afraid to turn into your parents.

I stood up. He was busy washing his hair. Oh please. You’re not an alcoholic and I am not some cheating whore.

No. He dropped his head back, letting the water remove the suds. But your parents had a thing going and then it fell apart. I think you pushed me away before that could happen. Because you think it will.

I didn’t say anything.

But you should know me by now. He cut the water off and grabbed the towel off the hook. I am all in. I’m not going anywhere.

I know. I stood up.

Then what’s the problem? He walked over taking me by the chin and kissed me. His wet lips pressed against mine. Once. Twice. And then again. My back hit the wall. Slade slid my underwear down and I kicked them off. He grabbed me up and pushed inside, moving faster and faster. I held on for the ride—literally.

Remember back when we could make all the noise we wanted? His mouth was against my ear. I fucking miss that.

I groaned, and his hand pressed against my mouth stifling it.

Slade

C an we pick it up from the beginning? Todd asked from his desk.

I gripped my headphones a little tighter and looked at Kidd. This prick. Kidd grinned.

I heard that, asshole. Todd stood up, and I let out a guttural scream. He wanted pain, and I had a lot.

I stopped and waited for a response.

Todd crossed his arms. Much better.

Thanks. I set the headset down. Can that be it for the day?

Todd grinned. Do you have someplace better to be right now?

Kidd looked the other way when I glared at him. Hey, don’t look at me like that. He lit up a cigarette and poked around on his phone. Karsen says we need diapers. If I’m not home in an hour, she will blacklist me.

I returned the headset to the side of my head and continued singing. I made it to the middle of the song before Mira sauntered in the room like some royal asshole.

She leaned over, her hourglass shape on display for the entire band. I don’t know Todd I think Slade sounds fantastic. She straightened back up and smiled at me.

I didn’t smile back. Todd did. He leaned in closer inhaling her like a desperate idiot.

Todd stood up. Alright guys, I think we have enough for today. See you tomorrow.

I dropped the equipment on the table and headed for the door. Thank fucking god.

Kidd pushed through the door, groaning. Fuck. I’m getting too old for this. He cracked open one a beer from the coolers.

Shit. I need to run back and grab my phone. I headed back to the studio.

Mira was leaning against the table I’d been sitting at. She waved my phone. Looking for this?

I went for it but she pulled it away and grabbed my shirt. Little miss was texting you, she pulled back when I went for the phone again. She seems bored. I thought babies kept housewives busy. She pulled down the front of her shirt and snapped a selfie giggling.

I moved in and grabbed the phone and her hand, squeezing. Are you kidding me right now?

I thought I’d make her jealous for you. She smiled. Isn’t that what you want? She might come running back to you. Maybe I should send her a full body shot.

Her hand crawled up my shirt and slid to my ear.

I grabbed it, shoving her away. Why don’t you mess with someone that wants to fuck you? Like Todd?

She grabbed hold of my belt buckle tugging me to her. Todd already had his chance. And believe me, it wasn’t impressive. She tugged harder. But boy do I think you would be.

The door opened. Everything okay in here? It was Kidd.

Mira released her clutch and sauntered toward Kidd. He moved back before she pressed her polished nails into him.

I’m not into red heads. He shook his head, chuckling to himself as she walked out. I think she’s got a superiority complex.

I shoved my phone into my pocket and adjusted my belt buckle. Why’s that?

Kidd followed me down the hallway of the studio. Come on. Her father owns half the city. The girl thinks she can have anyone she wants.

Kidd grabbed his jacket off the hook by the lockers.

Too bad the only people who want to fuck her are guys like Todd. I shrugged.

So you’re saying you don’t find her attractive? Kidd crossed his arms waiting for a reply while I slid my arm into my jacket.

I’m saying exactly that.

That’s because he has eyes for only one girl, Oz said, he patted my back. But I’d bang her.

And she’d fucking let you, I told him.

Oz searched around. Well shit, where is she? I haven’t been laid in a week.

What the hell is wrong with you? I shoved the door open. You’re engaged and you’re still fucking around. What are you twenty?

Oz followed behind. No fucker, I just like cake.

Kidd laughed. He likes to have his cake and eat it too. And then he has everyone else’s cake.

Oz punched Kidd in the arm. Absolutely, don’t hate.

Kidd climbed in the passenger seat. I wouldn’t want that life if you paid me.

You guys are lame, Oz announced lighting up in the back seat. Smoke circles drifted past my face and burst when they hit the windshield. You have everyone willing to spread their legs whenever and wherever and you pass it up.

Kidd shook his head. My girl throws it down in more ways than the kitchen if you know what I’m saying.

I nodded. I’m fine.

Oz leaned forward. And Slade here, could fuck anything he wanted. Hope wouldn’t care because she doesn’t want to be with the fucker anymore. And he just waits for her to give him some maybe once a month. It’s pathetic.

I gritted my teeth and pulled out of the parking lot.

Hope

Iripped a tissue from the box sniffling. I don’t normally get like this. But he’s coming around a lot more.

That’s because you tell me it’s okay.

Dr. Draper crossed her legs. Is that true, Hope?

I touched the tissue to my nose and blew. Yes.

Why don’t you tell him no and that you need space?

She made it seem so simple. I guess that was why she was the therapist and I was the person sobbing into tissues in her office.

Sometimes I feel bad for saying no. I looked at Slade. He was stoic. His daughter is there.

Slade sighed.

We have already discussed visitation for Gemma and the two of you said you were fine with it. She lifted her pen and jotted something down.

Why does it feel like I’m wasting my money? Slade snapped.

Slade stop, I breathed. This helps me.

I’m glad it’s helping one of us. He went silent, leaning back in his seat drumming his fingers on the arm.

I don’t know what the issue is, I insisted.

The issue is she loves me and knows what’s happening is wrong, Slade interrupted. She’s worried her marriage will end up like her parents. And no matter how many times I tell her it won’t she doesn’t believe me.

That’s because you can’t predict the future, Slade.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Slade hated the doctor so much.  And every dry comment full of sarcasm fueled the hatred even more.

That’s not it, I insisted. We’ve been through the worst. Everything awful I have gone through was with Slade.

Some might say that’s a good thing, she told me scribbling in her notebook.

That’s the thing it doesn’t feel good at all. It feels bad... when I think about Slade I think about losing my father. I think about magic and near-death experiences. I wanted to know how you could love someone attached to so much darkness. The love I felt for Slade was beautiful but after a few moments the darkness set in like a fog. And everything beautiful just wilted away.

When’s the last time we had anything to do with the magic? Slade asked.

Since I got pregnant, I exhaled. And that means a lot to me. I looked at him, he was busy studying the little water fountain in the corner of the room.

Slade scraped the heels of his hands down his jeans and stood up. What else do you want from me?

I wiped at the tears.

Because I would fucking off myself if it fixed you, he shook his head and before I could answer he was slamming the door.

I pulled it together. Thanks for your time. Obviously he’s upset. So I think we’re done for the day.

What about you, Hope? She unwrapped a mint and popped it in her mouth. Do you think you want this relationship to be over? Or would you rather string him along, use him for sexual satisfaction and a warm spot in your bed at night?

I crossed my arms. That was a little harsh.

In all my sessions I see one truth. She sat up straighter. You are very selfish.

I shifted away from her, I felt attacked.

You say you don’t want to hurt Slade, you expel all these tears but yet you still are allowing him to hold on to all the feelings he has for you.

You don’t have to be so rude, I stood up. I have to leave.

She nodded. See you next week. And do me a favor please think about the consequences of keeping things so intimate between you and Slade.

Slade

B ullseyes! I shouted , hands in the air. Fucking bullseyes!

Kidd and Oz stood up, bringing the shots up and downed them.

This guy is on fire, Kidd admitted. He pulled the darts from the board and took the spot next to me. But that doesn’t mean I won’t take you down.

I shook my head taking a swig of my beer. I looked around the bar, all the woman, all their eyes on the three of us. I knew I could have any of them, but it did nothing for me knowing what I had. What I still wanted.

Bullseyes, motherfucker! Kidd jumped on my back, yanking my baseball hat off, he sent it flying into the crowd.