Sad Pancakes

By Holly Hood

Losing her brother means losing parts of herself.

 

Before the death of her brother, life was good. Grace had no real problems. No big worries. She was perfectly content, working for her family, and getting by.
Now she stands in a room full of grief, to say goodbye to her favorite person. And it's a struggle to get through that grief. She's searching for a reason to keep going. 
And out there in the crowd is her reason, she just doesn't know it yet.
They both share the same grief. Grace and Brook's connection is effortless.
And Brooks doesn't want the feelings he has when he sees Grace for the first time on the day of her brother's funeral. But there they are, and he can't run from them.
Pain tangles with love, and they will never be the same again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Holly Hood
• Release date: Oct 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393539087

Holly Hood

Holly Hood writes books that mess with your mind. Stories that leave you wanting more. Endings that aren’t so pretty. Romance novels that don’t fit the mold. Books about families without white picket fences. A wife to a great man, a mother to five beautiful kids... and a buckeye fan! She has three dogs. A couple fish and an obsession for anything to do with crime and murder, Canada dry soda or Mad Men. Author of the Ink series, Wingless series and many other titles.

Book preview

For Zoey because you are good and pure. And you believe everyone deserves love.

Chapter 1

The funeral

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Frankie is...was... a wonderful brother. I forget that it doesn’t apply anymore. Because he’s not here anymore. That was the most challenging part of writing this. It’s the hardest part to read. And probably for the rest of my life will be the hardest words I will ever have to say.

He helped me lie to our parents when I stayed out all night.

He always drove us to the mall after he got his license.

He let me drink way before I was legal. And he nursed me back to health when I woke up with the most awful hangovers.

Frankie was a fighter. That's why he joined the army.

I fought for everything else, why not fight for my country? That’s what he said.

How could you argue with him when he wanted to do something so honorable? You couldn’t.

Frankie punched my first boyfriend in the face when he made me cry...and my second...and my third. He punched them all.

Everyone laughs because they know it was true. Frankie was my protector and always looked out for his family. I sniffle and take a second to wipe my nose. I glance over at the memory board we made. It took us all night and an entire bottle of wine to put all the pictures on the board. I never thought we would stop crying.

Someone in the audience catches my eye. Everyone is so full of grief, so many tears, the sadness hangs thick in the air. But this guy, he really is listening. He sees me, and I see him.

His smile grows bigger as he listens to me talk about Frankie.

I’ve never seen him before. I don’t know who he is. But if he’s at Frankie’s funeral, my brother must have made an impact on him.

Frankie said it like it was. Even when you didn’t want to hear it, Frankie said it. He was always right. Man, he was always right about everything.

The stranger’s head tilts, he nods in agreement.

Who are you? What was Frankie right about in your life?

I have to finish this. I need to keep going. I can break down later after this is over.

I take a deep breath and blow out some air. Mom stands up, but I shake my head, and I keep going. And just like that, it's over. I've said goodbye to my brother.

You did a remarkable job, Grandpa Gene says, wrapping me up in his frail arms. Frankie would be proud.

Thanks, Gramps, I say, taking him in. He looks so cute in his little sweater vest and red and green flannel underneath.

I hug everyone that offers their kind words and love. I keep telling myself I just need to get through. Make it a few more minutes, a couple more hours, and then I can break down.

Finally, I’ve hugged every guest except one.

He’s looking at our collage when as I approach. I join in. So many memories, I don’t know it's so hard to look at.

Hello, I say, I don’t know what to say, this feels safe.

Hey, there. That was a great...speech. He scratches at his head. Or uh...I don’t know what you call it. Brooks. He extends a hand.

Nice to meet you, Brooks. I’m... Totally drawing a blank.

Grace, he says, and I shake his hand. Mine feels so tiny in his grip.

I've never seen you before. How did you know, Frankie?

He nods, ready to explain himself. He slips a hand in his slacks and pulls out something handing it to me.

I take it, staring at him in disbelief. You have got to be kidding me. My heart is racing around in my chest. It's the bracelet I made Frankie before he left for basic training. I never thought I would see it again, and now it's here back in my hands.

Frankie was my best friend while we were in basic. We ended up at the same base and even did two tours together. He told me a lot about you, and he said if anything ever happened to him to make sure you got this back.

I slip it on, and Brooks helps me tighten it, so it doesn’t slip off. I look up at him. Thank you so much. This means everything.

Welcome. Our eyes connect, and he has my favorite kind—brown and kind.

I'll let you get back to the guest, he touches my arm and starts to go around me for the exit.  I can’t let that happen. Frankie would have never let me hear the last of it if I let his friend leave without getting to know him a little better.

Do you like pancakes? I feel silly. But it’s worth a shot. I’d much rather talk to this stranger than go home and cry myself to sleep. Sad pancakes are better than crying alone in my room all night.

He thinks about it. They aren’t awful.

There’s a diner down the street. You came all this way, maybe you can tell me more about you and Frankie while we eat sad pancakes.

I’d like to eat some sad pancakes with you, he says. He looks past me, nodding at my nosy mother. I think someone might be wondering what you’re doing.

I twist around and stare at my mom. She smirks, an all-knowing grin spreading across her face. So what if he’s my type.

I will be right back, I promise, rushing over to my mom. Don’t do that.

Do what?

Look at me like you think you know, I say. Because that’s what you always do.

Oh, I don’t know what you’re talking about. She smooths my hair. He’s absolutely handsome. What is happening? Are you being picked up at your brother’s showing?

He was stationed with Frankie. They did two tours together.

Does he like sad pancakes? Mom laughs.

Already on it. I will see you later, I say, kissing Mom on the cheek. We hug for an achingly long time, and she lets me go. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?

I will be just fine. Go on, get out of here. Frankie would want that.

Promise?

Yes. Now go before one of your trampy cousins tries to snatch him up, Mom says, shooing me away.

He’s waiting for me. Tall and broody. Handsome. She’s right. He is ridiculously good looking.

I have been cleared for take-off.

Awesome. So pancakes, right?

No. Sad pancakes. And maybe some beer.

Sad pancakes, that’s morbid. He looks down at me and smiles. You are as funny as your brother said. And short. He said you were short too.

I roll my eyes, slipping under his arm, going out the door. Oh dear lord, he never let me live my shortness down. And what are you? I am five foot one on a good day.

Six foot five. He follows me through the parking lot. Little meets big.

I laugh at his stupid joke because it’s my last name. I hate to tell you this, but I drive a really tiny car. I don’t think you're going to fit.

He shakes his head at the sight of my car, it's not that small, but he plays along. There is no way I will fit.

We can take your car, I say.

You mean motorcycle.

My mouth falls open. I am wearing a dress.

He scrunches his face thinking about it. It's adorable. How far is this place ?

It’s walking distance. And if I climb on your back, we could be there in no time, I say, laughing. We can walk. Its no big deal. Come on.

I don’t believe in a lot of things. But I think this meeting it's meant to be.

Chapter 2

The diner

Brooks brown eyes they sort of darken when he’s thinking. And he seems to do that a lot I notice as I eat my pancakes. I do most of the talking because it seems he likes it that way. But when he does answer I enjoy all of his words and the way he throws them out there. It’s like he really put a lot of thought into each and every one of them.

He sort of hovers over his pancakes, the fork dangling above them and tilts his head as I tell him about Frankie’s life at home with us. He grins when I tell him about all of Frankie’s pranks on me over the years. And he goes silent when I bring up the final months before he passed.

We all have a lot of questions. And a lot of pain because losing Frankie was so sudden and not like any of us expected to lose him.

So what about you Brooks, where are you from? I ask. I realize he hasn’t told me that much about himself. And I have been so busy reliving life with my brother that I almost forgot to ask.

He takes a moment to think about. He looks a little perplexed as he tries to get out who he is.

I grew up in Virginia until I was around six. And then we moved to Australia and that was until I was almost twelve and then back to America. A few different places...Ohio, Michigan and even Tennessee.

He’s really been everywhere. Many different places, probably many stories of his own. And I would love to hear them. Because something about him is intriguing me.

What made you join the military?

His gaze goes from me back to the pancakes. It was an easy way to escape.

I lick the syrup off my bottom of lip. What were you trying to escape?

Another breath of air, a little pause. I don’t know...life I guess. My mom got sick when we were in Australia that’s why we came home. And after about two years she finally passed away. Life with my dad was pretty crappy once she left. I made it as long as I could before I joined the military to get the fuck away from him.

What did she pass away from? I know I shouldn’t be prying but I just lost Frankie and I really could use someone who understands right now.

Uh, cancer. She had breast cancer. It ended up spreading and there was nothing they could do for her anymore.

I’m sorry.

Thank you. He leans back in his seat and sighs. She was a great person. A really good human. I always felt stupid growing up when all the kids complained about their moms or dads. Because I had the best one ever. I tried to lie and make things up just to fit in.

I smirk, imagining a little Brooks struggling to fit in. Like what?

Like, she hated dessert and refused to lets us eat it ever. He laughs, a grin on his face. That sounds really fucking dumb.

No, it doesn’t. That sounds awful. A life without cake or ice cream is no life I want to lead.

What’s your favorite dessert?

He doesn’t hesitate this time. Pineapple upside down cake hands down.

Great pick.

What about you?

I bite my lip. Strawberry shortcake.

I could deal with that.

I grin.

The look in his eyes tells me he’s enjoying himself as much as I am. But sadly our food is gone and I have to get back to the funeral home to visit with the guest that came to see Frankie.

You okay?

I dab at my eyes. I didn’t realize I was even crying. This just never stops anymore.

He slides out of his side of the booth and I move over because he is squeezing in on my side.

It gets easier. He takes some napkins from the dispenser and hands them over. Eventually you figure out how to not feel like dying every day.

I laugh, ain’t that the truth. Good to know.

He talked about you all the time, he says.

Yeah?

Yeah. All good things.

I clean myself up with the napkins. Nothing embarrassing?

You mean did he tell me about your love of boy bands?

I am not embarrassed of that. I laugh, hoping he didn’t break out the videos of me and my friends doing dance moves in the living room in high school.

That you sleep with a pink pig?

I roll my eyes. Petunia. Again not embarrassed. She’s very comfortable.

He grins, considering his options. He really is trying for a good one. He said you were too good for anyone.

I look over at him, our eyes locking. An excitement builds in my stomach. That’s what big brothers are for right?

Right. He slides out of the booth. And lifts the check.

I can pay for this, I say, grabbing his arm.

He shakes his head. Not happening. Frankie would kick my ass if I ever made his sister pay for my breakfast.

I try to grab the check. You’re a guest. It’s my treat.

He raises it above his head and now that its ninety feet in the air I have no way of getting it from him.

I give a defeated nod. Fine. Go ahead big guy. Pay for the food.

I’ll let you buy the beer that we didn’t end up drinking, he says with a wink.

That would imply you plan on sticking around long enough to hold me to it, I say.

I hardly know this guy, I can’t believe how