The Solution to Unrequited: The Science of Unrequited, #2

By Len Webster

"A July 2018 Must Read!" - POPSUGAR

Atomic number: 33
Name of chemical element: Arsenic
Symbol: As

Every solution has a poisonous flaw … even between best friends.

The agreement: Fall break together.
The struggle: A road trip from North Carolina to Massachusetts.
The reason: To find a way back into each other's lives.
The issue: AJ's not ready to let Evan reclaim the parts of her he made his.
The hindrance: Connecticut.

The Solution to Unrequited, Book two in the Science of Unrequited: The Story of AJ & Evan.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Len Webster
• Release date: Jul 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386778370

Len Webster

Associate Professor Len Webster has expertise in educational policy, educational development, quality development and flexible learning. Currently he is the Educational Adviser in the Centre for the Advancement of Learning and Teaching (CALT) at Monash University, Australia. He previously was the director of an educational development unit in the Faculty of Law, Monash University, where he was the Faculty Quality Development Coordinator. He has also been a reviewer of the Australian University Quality Agency conference proceedings.

Book preview

PROLOGUE I

AJ

When I was nine, I cried when my parents told me I couldn’t bring my best friend back to Australia for the entire summer break.

I thought it was unfair and that I had the worst parents in the world.

Evan had to stay in Brookline, and I had to visit my family in Melbourne.

His father had been kind enough to drive him and Kyle to the airport to see us off. I remember seeing the sad smile on his face as we walked through security, the desperation for the last weeks of summer to hurry so we could be reunited clear on his face.

For us to go swimming at the beach.

For us to ride our bikes up and down the sidewalk as my father watched by the driveway.

For us to talk about all the things we would do when we grew up.

Every summer, Evan saw us off at the airport.

When I was old enough to travel alone, he’d hug me a little longer, a little tighter, a little more desperately than when I was traveling with my parents. When Evan let me go, he’d ask me if I had my boarding pass and passport, and he’d remind me that my grandparents were on the other side, and he’d be here waiting for me to come home.

No matter where I went, I always knew that when I returned, Evan Gilmore would be there to welcome me back with open arms and a kind heart.

I knew that would change when I left for North Carolina instead of California.

I knew I would lose my best friend when I turned my back on him.

I was finally free from my broken heart’s punisher.

I was free to be Alexandra Parker.

But I wasn’t free.

Not in the slightest.

I was in pain.

Pain I tried to hide by losing half of me.

Pain I felt because I was stupid enough to let Evan go.

Pain I couldn’t turn off because I loved him in a way I shouldn’t.

Evan owed me nothing, yet I kept holding everything against him.

I ruined everything because I wasn’t a stronger person.

I was selfish.

I’m still selfish.

Because here he is, outside my dorm room, and I want nothing more than to push him away and run.

Farther this time.

I want to run away and not have him know that he is my heart’s poison.

My heart’s one true weakness.

Evan Gilmore is arsenic to my soul.

PROLOGUE II

EVAN

I spent the first month of college looking for my best friend.

I spent the first month of college going through my memories and trying to find the moment that changed everything between us.

It couldn’t have just been prom.

It seemed as if it was everything.

A series of actions.

A series of decisions.

A series of mistakes.

My mistakes that cost me AJ.

The one person I loved and treasured the most.

I hurt her so much she no longer trusted me.

I knew I screwed her over.

I knew I continued to hurt her.

I knew too late that Stanford wasn’t her dream school.

It was mine.

Deep down, I always knew that MIT was her heart’s choice.

I just didn’t want to believe it.

Instead, I believed the lies AJ told me.

Lies I made her tell me because she valued my happiness over hers.

But Alexandra broke my heart when she didn’t meet me in Los Angeles.

Caused the shards to slice my chest beyond repair.

I became aware of a pain I had never felt before.

My fear of losing her became my sick reality.

My own hell.

Tortured because I never saw the signs quick enough.

Never realized in time.

If only she had known.

If only I had known.

That after all this time, the years between us, and all the memories we’ve shared, she’s my entire world, and I hid that.

Because my fear of losing her made me an idiot.

The fear of losing her made me do horrible, unspeakable things that I can never take back or erase from her memory.

I disrespected her in ways that will never stop hurting me.

I made her cry.

I made my best friend cry.

I made her feel pain when all I ever wanted to do was protect her.

I was selfish.

I am selfish.

For the rest of my life, I will always be selfish when it comes to Alexandra.

Because when I was eighteen, I hid behind an atomic number.

I hid the meaning of us behind four words.

Not anymore.

I lived weeks without my best friend.

I endured a summer of her sad eyes and practiced smiles.

I mindlessly went to Stanford, never appreciating the fact that my best friend was the reason I got into the school of my choice while she missed her dream of MIT.

I put myself first without a second thought.

I won’t do that again.

I won’t make the same mistakes.

Because it’s time for Alexandra to know what those four words mean to me.

To her.

And to us.

Eight protons.

Eight neutrons.

²⁶ Fe

iron

EVAN

Now

"Evan?" she whispered in disbelief.

In fear.

In a voice filled with guilt and hurt.

It shone in her eyes.

Her eyes.

Her beautiful emerald green eyes were always so telling of the truth.

He was the last person she expected to see outside her dorm room. His desperate plan to find out if she was at Duke worked, and Evan Gilmore’s brother hadn’t told her. For the very first time, his brother hadn’t let him down. Kyle proved he was serious about them being brothers again. Even though it would take time for them to build a relationship, he had hope.

When Evan arrived at Duke, he had asked a few students where the Wilson dorms were. His brother had told him which dormitory and room number but not where on campus it would be. Once he found Wilson, he sweet-talked one of the freshman girls entering the dormitory to let him in—claiming he was surprising his long-distance girlfriend and couldn’t wait to see her.

It wasn’t a total lie.

He missed her.

She had tortured him with her silence and her need for a life without him while he was in California.

But not anymore.

Alexandra Louise Parker would not get away.

She would give him answers.

And he would tell her the truth.

The knowledge of his pain.

Enlighten her on the fact that she had, indeed, broken his heart with her betrayal.

She blinked several times as if it could make him vanish.

As if he wasn’t standing in front of her.

I’m here, AJ.

"What …?" she breathed as if she couldn’t come up with words to greet him.

Evan couldn’t either.

He should have thought through what he’d say when he saw her.

But he didn’t.

Through his entire flight from California to North Carolina, all he did was swipe through the pictures of them together on his phone.

She might have broken his heart, trust, and belief in her, but AJ was still the most important person in his life.

Somewhere along the line, they had lost their way, and Evan was determined to bring her back.

Determined for her to know the truth.

The atomic number he hid behind.

The four words he let act as a distraction.

That she had been, and would always be, his oxygen.

But for now, he needed to establish where he stood with her.

Where he remained in her life since she had pushed him out of hers.

Because Alexandra Parker would forever have the most vital part of him.

His heart.

She had all of it.

And Evan had realized too late.

He knew AJ was never great at confrontation.

Since he had blindsided her, Evan had to be the one to make the move.

To initiate the first act.

I’ve flown for almost six hours to see you, he revealed.

AJ turned away and clenched her eyes shut. I know, she finally said after a few moments of silence. Then she looked up at him. I didn’t want to hurt you. Her eyes shone with tears, but she quickly blinked them away.

Evan dropped his gym bag, and it fell to the ground with a thump. But you did.

I—

Alex?

He froze as the sound of footsteps reached them. He watched as panic flashed in AJ’s eyes, but there was a plea in them he didn’t understand. So out of respect for her and the new life she created in North Carolina, Evan stepped aside and let her greet the guy who interrupted them.

Hey, she said in a nervous voice that was unlike AJ.

The guy, dressed in a red flannel shirt, dark blue jeans, and boots, tilted his head at Evan in acknowledgment and grinned at AJ. You seen Sav around?

She nodded her head. She’s at Chino’s.

She working?

Yeah, she is.

Well, do you want me to walk with you to class? You have class soon, right?

AJ smiled and then nodded. Yeah. I have classical physics and relativity in about a half an hour.

Meet you in the common room in about fifteen? I have my stats class on the same floor, the random guy said, ignoring the fact that Evan was standing in the middle of them.

Sure. I’ll meet you down there soon, Connor, she said as he walked away.

It was awkward.

Evan could feel the tension the second they were alone.

You have class, he stated, knowing he had shown up at an inconvenient time for her.

He had no right to, but he had to.

To save their friendship.

To save them.

I do. AJ stepped away from the door and held it open. Please come inside, Evan.

Bending his knees, he picked up the gym bag he had used as his carry-on and entered AJ’s dorm room. After weeks of trying to find her, he wasn’t going to let her turn him away. He wasn’t proud of the things he had written to her. That one awful email that said all those vile, hateful words she had read. Evan was sure she hadn’t read all the other ones begging for her forgiveness.

Her dorm room was a lot larger than the one he shared with his roommate, Milos, at Stanford. And he knew which side belonged to AJ when he saw all the corkboards full of equations and the Red Sox flag on the desk. Her side of the room was clean and simple because she didn’t like bright colors or clutter. Her roommate’s side of the room was a little messier. The bed hadn’t been made, and there were shades of gray and purple in the form of pillows and sheets.

AJ closed the door as her phone rang. He looked over to see her frown. She declined the call and let out a sigh. AJ lifted her chin and smiled tightly at him. You don’t mind waiting here until I get back?

Evan shook his head. No. Not at all.

AJ nodded as she slipped her phone into her back pocket and stepped toward him, reaching out to take his bag from him. Making her way to her bed, she set it down and stared at the Stanford logo on the gym bag before she said, I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. She turned and faced him. But you shouldn’t have just shown up here, Evan. That’s not fair.

He flinched.

"Fair? Her pleading green eyes wounded him. AJ, you left me in Los Angeles. That wasn’t fair. You kept Duke a secret from me. That wasn’t fair. You let me believe I was going to spend the next four years of college and my life with you, and that wasn’t fair. You let my brother keep this from me, and that wasn’t fair. Your parents, who I love as my own, wouldn’t talk to me, and that wasn’t fair. If anyone hasn’t been fair here, it’s you. You haven’t been fair to me in months!"

I know, she said, her voice cracked.

But I wasn’t fair to you either, AJ.

He was waiting for her to say it. To use prom and MIT against him. To use that kiss on the rooftop of her father’s work building at New Year’s against him. But she didn’t. She just walked over to her desk, grabbed a textbook, and picked up her bag from her bed. It’s a two-hour class. Drinks are in the fridge, and there is food in the container under my bed. When I get back from class, we’ll talk.

He nodded. We’ll talk.

AJ hoisted the strap onto her shoulder, picked up her coat from her bed, and pressed her lips in a tight line. She made her way to the door, and when she reached it, he turned and said, I would have understood, causing her to freeze.

After a long moment, she took a deep breath and then spun around. Her tears shone bright, causing pain to course through him. No, you wouldn’t have.

Why here? he asked, mystified that she didn’t go to an Ivy League school. Why Duke? Why not MIT?

AJ blinked, her tears slowly slid down her face. Because I was too busy helping you get into Stanford.

She sacrificed her dreams for mine.

Why? His voice was full of disbelief.

She sniffled, wearing a proud smile he didn’t understand. Because I was your best friend, and you needed me. I was always going to put you first like I promised … Because you wanted Stanford more than you wanted me.

No.

How could I want anything … anyone more than you?

But before he could tell her how ridiculous her statement was, AJ opened her door and walked out, closing it behind her. Evan stared at the wooden door, hoping she’d change her mind and decide class wasn’t important.

But as the minutes passed, he realized she wasn’t coming back. Going to class was her way to get away from him and his surprise appearance.

For Evan, it was his chance to regroup and figure out how he could make AJ see that he needed her in his life. That Stanford meant nothing to him without her. And if she demanded he drop out and enroll in a school closer to Duke next semester, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

He’d do it for her.

To have Alexandra back in his life.

It had been twenty minutes since AJ had left him alone in her dorm room. Evan sat on her bed and waited. It was all he could do.

Suddenly, his phone vibrated against his thigh, and he got off her bed and pulled it from his front jeans pocket. When he unlocked it, he found a message from Kyle waiting.

Kyle: Hey, Evan. I tried calling Alexi, but she won’t answer. Is she okay? Did you make it to Durham?

Evan: Yeah. She just went to class.

Kyle: Have you guys spoken?

Evan: Barely. I just showed up without her knowing. I surprised her.

Kyle: I know she hates me. I promised her that I wouldn’t tell you where she was.

Evan: She might be mad for a little while, but AJ won’t hate you. You’re not the person she hates right now. It’s me.

Kyle: She doesn’t hate you, Evan.

Evan: She has to if she did this to us.

Kyle: Give her some time.

Time.

Evan had too much time away from her.

Sighing, he lifted his chin and looked around her dorm room. She now had a whole life without him, and he had pushed her to do this. He hurt her so much that she ran from him. He’d known AJ all her life and not once had she ever taken such drastic measures.

Evan: Be honest with me, Kyle. Is she happy here? Is she happy at Duke?

A tightening sensation invaded his chest as he struggled to exhale.

Evan: … without me?

The ellipses that appeared as his brother typed caused his heartbeat to pick up as anticipation tumbled through him.

It killed him to wait for the truth.

To find out she was happy without him.

Kyle: She’s happy at Duke, Evan. When I saw her, though, she had so much guilt in her eyes when we spoke of you. I heard it in her voice when she was telling me goodbye. I’ve known, Evan. All my life, I have known that you two have a bond that no one can get between. I tried so hard to get her to love me. To have her give me as much attention as she gave you. She cares too much about you to have ever let me in. It was always you, but you hurt her in ways only she can explain.

Evan: Then why didn’t she read any of my emails? Answer any of my calls? Why did she disconnect her number?

Kyle: I can’t answer those questions. You’ll have to ask her. But be kind to her, Evan. I know you’re hurt, but she is, too. You know her. She wouldn’t have done this unless she had to. You know she wouldn’t.

Evan: Why can’t you tell me?

Kyle: Because, little brother, you’re gonna want to remember her face at the exact moment she tells you the truth. I can’t take that away from her, and I especially can’t take that away from you. I’ve been a self-absorbed brother. I had everything, and it wasn’t enough for me. I took away a lot from you, but not this. You don’t deserve that. I gotta go meet with my manager. I’ll talk to you later. If you can, try to get Alexi to come home for fall break. I know Noel and Clara miss her. She belongs at home.

Evan: When does her fall break start?

Kyle: Friday. Maybe come back with her? Maybe that’s what you both need. A reminder of home. Not Boston but Brookline.

Evan: Maybe.

Lowering his phone, Evan took in AJ’s side of the dorm room and got off the bed. He walked over to the desk and set his phone down next to one of her textbooks, recognizing the familiar frame on the desk. Evan reached over and picked it up, his chest tightening the moment he saw the picture.

The picture of them at Fenway Park wearing Colorado Rockies baseball caps.

It was the day he had her sneak away from their regular seats and wear the away team’s caps. But it backfired when the fans recognized AJ as Little Miss Red Sox. Luckily, he had planned for such a scenario and was able to convince everyone that the prank was intentional and for charity.

Seeing his best friend with a genuine smile on her face during a Red Sox game was priceless. It was one of his favorite moments at Fenway, and one of his most memorable moments spent with her. Because at that moment, she wasn’t Little Miss Red Sox or Kyle Gilmore’s cheerleader and biggest fan. She was his best friend. That moment was theirs, shared with thousands of onlookers. Many who loved her and envied her. Many who had no idea just how precious she was to him.

How precious she still was to him.

Even after her betrayal.

His thumb brushed against the smile on her face. Both so unaware of just how beautiful and free she looked at that moment. How proud of her he was. How proud he had always been of her. The sudden guilt that attacked his chest had him lowering the frame as he continued to stare at it.

She had no idea.

He had no idea.

No idea where they would be after this picture was taken.

No idea of how far she had separated them.

How far she was willing to go to live a life without him.

Evan glanced over her desk to see the Duke school logo on a few notebooks and what looked like a basketball program. It was so strange to see. So hard for him to accept.

She was immersed in Duke.

Not Stanford.

Not even MIT.

He’d have rather she stayed in Massachusetts.

She should have at least attended an Ivy League school that deserved her.

Not Duke.

Letting out a sigh, Evan spun around and made his way back to AJ’s bed. He sat down on the mattress and continued to stare at the frame in his hands. The frame that represented a time when AJ didn’t set her heartbreakingly sad green eyes on him.

If we could just go back … he whispered, I could fix this … I can still fix us.

His thumb pressed against her cheek.

I’ll make us better, Alexandra. We might be disconnected right now, but I’ll make us better. I’ll be whatever you need me to be … just so I can be in your life again … just so I can come back home to you …

Evan tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling.

Because I miss you, he admitted in a low voice.

The sound of a key being inserted into the lock had him lowering his chin to stare at the door. He watched the handle turn, and he jumped off the bed, ready to lay his heart and their friendship on the line for her.

For their redemption.

And her forgiveness.

He held his breath as the door swung open.

The moment blond hair entered the room, disappointment boomed in his veins as the unfamiliar blonde with bright blue eyes flinched at the sight of him.

She wasn’t AJ.

The surprise quickly left the blonde’s face as a smile slowly curled at her lips. She closed the door behind her, walked over to her bed, and dumped her bag on it. Then she faced Evan and folded her arms over her chest. You sure took your sweet time.

His eyes widened in bewilderment. You know who I am?

AJ’s roommate’s brow arched as she unfolded her arms, letting them hang by her sides. Are all boys from Massachusetts as clueless as you?

Huh?

You’re holding the very frame I’ve noticed my lovely roommate, and your best friend, staring at with sad eyes when she doesn’t think I’m looking. She nodded at the frame in his hands. So yes, I know exactly who you are, Evan Gilmore. The question is, why are you here now? College started months ago. What took you so long?

She didn’t tell me, he said as his gaze fell to the picture. She didn’t tell me how much I pushed her. How much I hurt her. She didn’t tell me that I was going to Stanford without her.

Oh, he heard her roommate breathe.

Evan nodded, eyes beginning to mist at how much it pained him to say it out loud. Is she happy here?

The roommate remained silent.

Lifting his chin, he took in the flat smile on her face. Well, is she?

She made a small shrug. She’s managing.

My brother says she is.

Your brother doesn’t live with her. From everything I’ve heard about your brother, Evan, he would believe anything Alex tells him. I don’t know the Alex you do, but the Alex I know is managing. And that’s not her being happy or sad. She’s adjusting to a life away from Boston and you. Two big parts of her life that she’s trying to figure out how to live without.

Cracks developed in his chest.

Long, large, and deep.

Evan could see the truth all over her face.

She wasn’t lying.

She was honest, and he was glad AJ had someone like her in her life. She appeared to really care about his best friend, and he was relieved that AJ had friends at Duke. Friends who were protective over her.

Friends who looked out for her when he couldn’t.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss you, the roommate added as she stepped closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. I know she misses you. I know she cries when she doesn’t think I see her reading your emails. I know she stares at that picture of you both more than she wants to. I know the real reason she doesn’t want to go home for fall break.

He blinked at her. She doesn’t want to go home?

She shook her head. She was scared to see you.

What?

She doesn’t want to see the hate you wrote her in your eyes.

That email.

His shoulders sagged. I didn’t … I didn’t mean …

I know, but that email hurt her. Just make sure she understands that you didn’t mean it because I saw how much it hurt her. Her hand left his shoulder as she spun around, walked over to her bed, and sat down. Then she tilted her head. You weren’t what I was expecting to see, but from what I can see with my own eyes, there’s a lot y’all haven’t talked about. And I think that is the first thing y’all need to do. Because I would really love to get to know the Alex you know. I’m Savannah, by the way.

He pressed his lips into a tight, appreciative smile. Evan, but you already knew that. Thanks for the advice.

Savannah grinned. You’re welcome. How did you know she was at Duke?

My brother.

Ahh. Wait! Does Alex know you’re here?

She does. She went to class.

She nodded. "Well then, by all means, sit down. I have a spare minute before class.