Simply Telling My Story

By Heok Cheow Lim

This is a simple account of a pastor's life, love, and discovery of beauty through his marriage and family relationships. It is also a candid account of his journey of faith – the bumpy, spiritual road, the transparent reflection of his own life in the light of his marriage, family, friends, and ministry, and also spiritual growth in his faith, devotion, and trust in Jesus Christ.

There are two parts to the book. The first has to do with his life – his school days, romance, the call of God, marriage, parenting, and trials in life.

The second has to do with his personal reflections of life and living – his musings about life in particular, society, and the church in general. These are the reflections of just an ordinary man trying to make sense under the sun for a brief span of three score and ten! He tries to be serious, paradoxical and comical at times but many times he turns out to be a cynic in essence – to the world, his country, fellow pilgrims of faith and himself! He takes life seriously. He thinks deeply about the issues affecting life. He spends time sharpening his faith by philosophically pondering, meditating and reflecting on a pragmatic action plan to live life before God without leaving his ivory tower of intellectualism.

Even though he has spent his entire life as a cleric with a brief span of out-in-the-cold rebellion, he still struggles with his profession! What a dilemma for his inner soul! He will freely admit that he wished he'd resigned every other Monday! Of course, there were times of great joy and satisfaction in serving the Lord and seeing results; there were many times of mountaintop experiences that he would not trade with anyone. It would be a sin not to admit that he basically enjoyed the work and ministry that God put him in all these years. Yes, he would not trade it for anything else. Yes, he would gladly sacrifice everything to do it all over again. Yet, it doesn't take away the many emotional struggles of quitting, of retiring and disappearing into thin air, never to see another soul again! It's a paradox of this cleric's soul and spirit.

Perhaps it is the demand of relationships, discipleship and leading that causes such emotional upheaval in one's heart. Relationships can be demanding, can be a strenuous pursuit and a costly asset to keep and to maintain. One has to constantly attend to it, to constantly appraise it and to constantly monitor its health.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Heok Cheow Lim
• Release date: Nov 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386680666

Heok Cheow Lim

Pastor Heok Cheow was born on Penang Island, Malaysia (formerly known as Prince of Wales Island or affectionately called “the Pearl of the Orient” by the British traders of yesteryears). His father came to settle in Penang as a young boy from China. Pastor Lim is a fourth generation Christian, and many in the Lim Clan and relatives were actively involved in preaching the gospel and church planting. It is no wonder that at the age of 18, he received a call from God to also serve in ministry. He went through some brief training initially when 20 years old and finally became a pastor at 27. He is now in his 33rd year of actively serving God on the pastoral staff of FGA Centre, a city church in Penang reaching out to various language groups. Pastor Heok Cheow has three adult children—two sons and a daughter and has been blessed with his first grandson. On August 16, 2014, his wife went home to be with the Lord. Her life and even in her death stirred him to write the book, “Simply Telling My Story, Not Simply Telling Stories.” Currently, he is the Executive Pastor of FGA Centre in charge of training and Christian Education. He has also started a new church plant especially for the millennials. Other tasks are admin and finance, event coordinator of leadership conferences, church-wide events, and seminars. He holds a Master’s degree in Pastoral Studies from Malaysian Baptist Theological Seminary. Before his present position, he was a church planter, youth pastor, worship pastor and mission pastor in his 33 years of full-time service—all in the same church!

Book preview

Scripture

Phil. 1:21 – For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain

Phil. 4:11 – Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.

Copyright

SIMPLY TELLING MY STORY,

Not Simply Telling Stories

This book is a story of my life: the romance, the call, marriage, parenting, ministry, and the testing of God in the crucible of life. The second half of the book is a compilation of my reflections on life, love, beauty and everything else under the sun. 

Copyright 2018 © by Lim Heok Cheow

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations.

Published by Lim Heok Cheow

Email: [e-mail]

Edited by Joyce Lim Sze Yuen

Layout and cover design by Lai Hooi San

Printed in Penang, Malaysia

First digital edition. December 1, 2018

ISBN: 9781386680666

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

MENTIONED IN THIS BOOK

Lim Heok Hooi & Paik Lean: My eldest brother and sister-in-law. They have been and always will be the pillar and strength to my family and of our Lim Clan. He is an Elder of FGA Centre.

Lim Heok Hee & Guek Chan: My second brother and sis-in-law. My 2nd sister-in-law is one of my close friends way before she met my brother and married him.

Yeoh Keat Cheong (Dr.) & Cheng Cheng: This couple was our marriage counselor and has been there for my family through thick and thin. Dr. Yeoh is an Elder of FGA Centre.

Leow Chong Leang (Pastor) & Boon Leng: Our friendship goes as far back as when we were just 13 years old. We became fellow pastors for more than two decades. He has been a good friend, brother and fellow servant. We had the best of times together. For Boon Leng, we have known each other since Sunday school days! Chong Leang is an Elder of FGA Centre.

Andy Thum & Lian See: Our friendship goes as far back as the late seventies. They have been a close family friend and fellow workers in God’s vineyard. Andy served as a lay-pastor in one of our outreach congregations.

Yeoh Thean Khee & Mee Thiew: Our friendship also goes back more than 35 years. A close friend that I spent a lot of time together over tea, dinners, and suppers. He has been my faithful and generous friend all these years. Mee Thiew was probably one of the few close friends that my late wife had.

Albert Tan (Pastor) & Meng Eng: This is one couple that I am most grateful for – a mentor, a one-time boss, and a good friend who had taught me many things. Pastor Albert was one of the few men in my life who believed in me and largely responsible for who I am today! He taught me mathematics in my younger days.

Tan Cheng Kin (Pastor): She is my fellow pastor and teacher at FGA Centre. Before that, she was my English teacher and a great friend of the family. Our friendship also goes as far back as the seventies!

Pauline Loo (Dr.): The late Dr. Pauline was a great encourager to my wife as she was suffering from the same type of sickness. She went home to the Lord before my wife.

My wife’s doctors: Dr. Judith who works in Penang General Hospital Oncology Department, Dr. Doris (Chow) Wong, an oncologist at Mt. Miriam Hospital who had been helpful in treating my wife. And of course Dr. Oo from Charis Hospital who help in pain management and make sure my wife was comfortable at all times.

TRIBUTE TO MOM

.........................~*~.........................

To the woman who loved me

To my mother

I shall miss you dearly

I shall miss your listening ear; I shall very much miss your 'enforced' hugs

To the most selfless person I've known

And to the one who catches me at my bulls**t (sorry, my language)

I shall never forget your relentless spirit; I shall never forget your sacrifice

I shall not forget your teaching; I shall not forget your faith

But most of all, I shall not forget your love; for God and for the weakest: children.

To the woman I love

To my mother

I keenly look forward to the day we meet again

Meanwhile, pray for me, your son

That I may live with patience and conviction

That I may live not for myself, as you have for so long tried to exemplify to me

With sadness, yet with joy that you have returned home and found complete healing.

Your son, JUDSON LIM

.........................~*~.........................

December 14, 2014 - I would honestly confess I've been (mostly) numb-like in regards to my emotional state the last four months. It's probably been roller-coaster too, but I wouldn't know cause I'm too busy trying to not feel anything. But today's a big day. It totally has nothing at all to do with me, and perhaps everything at once. It's my parents' 29th wedding anniversary. True, it's not quite the same without my mom physically around, but I'm going to celebrate anyway.

So here's a picture of my parents' great smiles at my Dad's graduation ceremony in 2008, in which I can safely and confidently say both were feeling very proud of my dad. (I mean, he does have a Master's, after all!) And then another of my parents a few days before my mom died, in which I can absolutely say I'm very proud of you both. So congratulations, dear parents, for honest-to-goodness keeping all your wedding vows. You both may not have been the most public in your display of affection (thank God), but I've learnt plenty about love and sacrifice, trust and respect - and most of all understanding - from your interactions with each other. You're still my heroes.

JOYCE LIM

......................... ~*~.........................

To my mum, who constantly pressed me to focus on the books rather than the computer, who never failed to constantly give me chores to do, and the one who had made an impact in the lives of many – so much so that at her funeral I saw many people paying their last respects. Therefore, I would like to say thank you for everything that you have sown into my life. I will miss you and ‘til we meet again. Rest in peace, my beloved mum.

JESHER LIM

......................... ~*~.........................

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Firstly, I want to thank Joyce (Lim) Lam, my only precious daughter, for taking time to edit this book, not just checking the grammar but also to make sure that the stories that I wrote are accurate.

Thanks to Pastor Chong Leang and Pastor Cheng Kin for taking the time to read through the manuscript and write the foreword.  

I also want to thank Hooi San for the layout and cover design. Thank you very much for the willingness to help me with the design.

Thanks to Victory 1 Life Group, FGA Centre for the prayers, love, and encouragement through the most difficult times of our lives, especially during my wife’s sickness. All of you had been there for her – your love, care, concern, and generosity is forever noted with much appreciation. And to the members of FGA Centre in all the different congregations for your support and prayers. I enjoyed my ministry in FGA Centre.

To my family and friends of which the stories of my life are intertwined with yours, I thank you for being a part of our lives. All of you have added colors into the tapestry of our lives woven by the wonderful Heavenly Father!

I want to thank the Firebrands (the Youth Ministry of FGA Centre) and my Facebook friends for encouraging me to tell the story of my life and my family and to put it in print.

Finally, I want to give glory to God for His love and provision all these years.

FOREWORD

It had been so many years since I first had anything to do with Heok Cheow that I had quite forgotten when we first met. It was probably some time in the early 1970’s. So it must have been over 40 years that we have known each other. One of my earliest memories of those early years was that shortly after I left for the bible college, I received news that he too was going to a bible college – Tung Ling Bible School. The next thing I knew, he was working for the church.

Time flies and who would have thought that one of the things that Heok Cheow would end up doing is to write a book. I count it a privilege to be one of those to write the foreword for this book – Simply Telling My Story, not simply telling stories!

This book is a testimony of one man’s love for God, life and those dear to him. As he himself has said, Heok Cheow is simply telling his story. It is a down to earth telling of the good that God has given him and taken him through; it is a telling of his victories as well as his failures. It is stories of his theologizing, coming to grips with truths – of life, of the Bible, and of God. At the root of it all is Heok Cheow’s journey through life (up to the point of writing) with his hands in God’s hands.

I like his candid account of his courtship of Ean Beng (who later became his wife), of his school days and of the occasions when he had fallen out of the grace of some of the school teachers. He has been honest with his struggles in life, from faith in God to his choosing to go his own way thinking that it was God’s way only to find out a bit too late that he was wrong. But thank God, he did not walk away but walked back to God. That is now history, and I think Heok Cheow is now flourishing in the garden of God.

I have found this book to be very readable and would recommend it wholeheartedly. Thank you, Heok Cheow, for asking me to write the foreword to your book. Who knows, there may be more books to come...

Tan Cheng Kin

(An old friend)

INTRODUCTION

This is a simple account of a Pastor’s life, love, and discovery of beauty through his marriage and family relationships. It is also a candid account of his journey of faith – the bumpy spiritual road, the transparent reflection of his own life in the light of his marriage, family, friends, and ministry, and also spiritual growth in his faith, devotion, and trust in Jesus Christ.

There are two parts to my story. The first has to do with my life – romance, marriage, parenting, and trials in life. The second has to do with my personal reflections of life and living – my musings about life in particular, society, and the church in general.

This whole project started in a more intense way when my late wife was first diagnosed with lung cancer. My whole world came crashing down upon us. The journey thereafter caused me to begin to record my feelings – my thoughts, fears, and victories as I make sense of what the Lord spoke to my wife and I from his Word: For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

I dedicate this book to the memory of my late wife who had given me the best 29 years of her life, three wonderful children, and a hope to carry on her legacy of faith, devotion, and trust in the Lord (right up ‘til her very last breath). I know that her life had impacted many others’, and my children and I wish to keep that memory close to us for posterity. I would like to also keep her love for children alive so the last chapter contains the very words she wrote in her journals – extracts from entries where she wrote so lovingly about the many children that had brought joy to her.

Disclaimer: Just like the title of the book, I am simply recording down in the most honest and transparent way my thoughts and feelings, even though some of it might sound negative, offensive or faithless. It was all not meant to be that but just an honest assessment of my own spiritual walk and struggles, and how the Lord had come through for me. Some of the reflections were written out of the ash heap of discouragement, disappointments, and frustrations, but it was truthful and honest – never a finality in my spiritual state, just a process of learning!

I pray that you can learn something out of this little story of my life.

––––––––

Lim Heok Cheow

PART 01: MY LIFE

Romance, Marriage, Parenting

Calling and Trials of Life

––––––––

CHAPTER 01: HOW I MARRIED

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

I still remember vividly the first time I met her: it was at my birthday party in my old house next to Methodist Boys School. I remembered this particular girl – a plain Jane – wearing a T-shirt and an orange pair of jeans. She was one of the youths in our Christian youth group. I must say that I did notice her before, but I was definitely not interested in her at all because my heart was pursuing some other girl! How true it is that sometimes that which is really good could just be in front of us, and yet we miss it altogether because our focus was somewhere (or on someone) else.

The next time that I noticed her was when she was appointed as Editor of our Youth Outreach Report Newsletter. I was the youth leader then. I remembered her predecessor had to leave the island for further studies so she was asked to take over. That was more than 35 years ago; I was a prolific reader by then and also a keen contributor to the youth newsletter. In fact, I wrote quite a few articles and the most (in)famous one got me into real trouble due to my uncouth and unrefined language (according to the older generation who thought I was name-calling them donkeys!), but that’s another story to tell some other time.

The Pursuit

What really launched my pursuit of her were a series of events that started when the church typewriter she used for the newsletter broke down. Up until now, I have no answer as to why she thought I could solve the problem of the broken typewriter, but like a proper gentleman, I agreed to take a look. Honestly, I am a hopeless guy to consult regarding such matters. Anyway, I went to her house and behold I solved the problem. I actually got the typewriter working again.

Sometime later she appeared at my house wanting to talk to me about helping a guy who was having a problem. She was telling me that he shared with her his problem but she being a girl found it hard to help him. Therefore, she requested me to counsel him. I told her that I would try my best. I was (and still am) not very comfortable doing a one-on-one with people, but I promised her that I will look into it. After all, I was the youth chairman! But the unanswered question is this: why did she cycle all the way to my house just to tell me about this brother that needed help? She could tell me during the Saturday night youth service or at the Sunday service. So the question remains: why cycle all the way to my house?

So out of the blue (really not my style), I took an extra helmet, hopped onto my bike and rode to her house. I went in and asked her to come with me to visit this needy brother. Was that a date? Was that asking her out? You tell me, I don’t know! All I knew was that she said yes and off we went to see this man. I cannot remember much of what transpired that night, but I certainly felt good about it. That good feeling was not about picking up a girl (because I had been taking many other girls to youth meetings, Bible study classes, and suppers before), but this time I felt good – really good. Well, one thing led to another and before long I was picking her up regularly to Bible classes straight from her night classes, and also going for visitations on my old faithful bike! She was encouraging me, really, by saying yes all the time. I am not kidding you. (For those oldies who used bikes to pick up their girlfriends, they would know what I am talking about when I said that it felt good driving them around, especially when they have to hold on to you tightly! Oops...is that even lawful?) That went on for many months but we were very discreet. During the good old days, we can’t be so bold unless it is official. One of the unwritten laws of the church was this: the boys should always be three feet apart from the girls!

After many months of visiting her at her home every Sunday afternoon on the pretext of doing Bible study with her cousins, fetching her to my Bible class every Friday, and taking her out to Gurney Drive for some fellowship time, I finally mustered up the courage to take her to a special dinner at the famous Tip-Top Restaurant (one of the very few coffee houses selling Western food). I remember ordering Ox Tail Soup for her and there I told her how I felt about her. I told her that I loved her and (thank God) she responded positively. She was so shy she just nodded her head in approval indicating that she loves me too. At least, that’s my interpretation of her head gestures!

So in 1980, we began our serious relationship. She made it very clear to me, however, that she will not let me take her to church. She was a very proper girl. That’s what I like about her – no nonsense. In the church, we were not to sit together because she believed that when we go to church we go to worship God and we should not be distracted by each other. After all, we were seeing each other almost every day during the week.

I would love to say ...and our relationship lasted happily ever after!, but it would be just a fairy tale, isn’t it? One of the reasons I was attracted to her was because of her honesty, simplicity, and spirituality. She simply saw in me a man who has the call of God on his life. She took the risk to start a serious relationship with a man with a calling and a passion for the Lord. I did a three months’ stint in Bible School in Singapore before I met her. I guess she fell in love not only with the handsome dude but also the man with a cause and a call. Did she know that it will not be an easy road ahead? Did she know that life would be one big sacrifice? I think she knew full well when she took the plunge.

Really, six months into the relationship she began to see my true colours – I was not as spiritual as she thought I was. I used to say that when she first met me she saw a halo on my head but months later and two feet firmly plunged into the relationship she saw horns growing between my halos and a tail sprouting up behind me (joke!). Seriously, though – I was such a disappointment to her. I cannot even count how many times I made her cry. I was a very insecure guy and I lashed out at her whenever she tried to correct me or suggest to me things I don’t agree with or was not happy to hear or discuss. I would oftentimes reduce her to tears. I was really a mean guy. I still don’t understand how she could tolerate me, love me, and even carry on the relationship for many years to come before finally said yes to marry me.

Under the Chiku Tree

In fact, at one stage of our relationship, I asked her whether she trusted me and her answer was No. I then asked her whether she respected me and she said No. So I popped the question Will you marry me? and she said No. I was shocked. I was speechless. I asked her why she was still going out with me and she said, I don’t know! It’s impossible to explain – she didn’t trust me nor respect me because she could not trust my words. Likewise, she said she would not marry me but yet when I asked her whether she still loved me she said Yes! It made no sense. That particular night, my head was spinning out of control. Confession time – I went back that night and locked myself in the room and cried. I was not sure what was happening and I was not sure about myself. I really had to think hard about my relationship with her. I reached deep into my heart for some answers and realised that I hadn’t been honest with her – hadn’t been fully committed to the relationship even though I had heaped words of endearment on her all the time. I was a hopeless romantic, a huggy-bear, and very sanguine about everything. She, on the other hand, had been very miserly in giving her words of endearment because it’s not within her to do that unless it really meant something. She had always been transparent, simple, and straight to the point. 

It took such frank responses from her to shock me back to reality. I had to amend my ways. I had to earn back respect and trust from her. Boy, it took me about two years to earn back some trust and respect. So it took me, all in all, about five years of relationship before she could comfortably say yes to marry me. Many of those nights sitting under the chiku tree on her porch paid off when I learned to engage with her, be honest with her, and work out our differences. It hadn’t always been easy and I did not always come away from under the chiku tree with positive results. People around us always thought that under that magical tree our romance blossomed but in reality, the rough edges of my character were being refined and my ego was severely dealt with. I wish I can say that she has her faults too, but in reality again, more often than not it was I who had to change. She lived a much-disciplined life – she worked hard and was very frugal because money did not come easy for her. Every day at 9 p.m., she would retire to her chamber (go to sleep) and I would have to go home. So I hardly dated her out and the few times when I managed to get her to go out with me I blew it once too often!

Remember that I mentioned earlier that she’s honest, transparent, and straight to the point? I think I was not so blunt and I was certainly non-confrontational. This next story was an embarrassment to me though it was certainly not to her. I remember she came with me to a small gathering in the home of a lawyer who was larger-than-life. He was a very (in)-famous lawyer who had a broken personal life: he was divorced, remarried to a much younger woman, and now divorced a second time. But at the time of our meeting, he had apparently come to the Lord and had become active in the church. So in the midst of him sharing his testimony, he was trying to justify his divorce, why he remarried, and why he divorced the second one too. Before I knew it, she shot out at the guy and declared that a sin is a sin, God hates divorce, and ...you are in an adulterous relationship... twice over. I was flabbergasted, the lawyer was red-faced, and the rest just looked away hoping the whole thing would blow over. He tried to justify again and she just ticked him off plainly. I can’t remember what happened after that; all I know was that I was pretty embarrassed. What a fantastic woman of God!

One of the good memories of those good old days of pak-thor-ing (courting) was taking her to work every day (very romantic indeed) on my small Honda bike. Those motor-bike rides turned out to be the source of my many stories. I am not a morning person, and for the most part of my working life with my dad, we only came into work about 10-ish. So after going steady, one of my boyfriend-ly duties was to send her to work every day. Some days (many times, I must admit) I woke up late and by the time I got to her house to pick her, she had already left by bus. But because she had waited for so long for me, she was inevitably late by the time she decided to take the bus. So many times she reached her office 15 to 20 minutes late and being one who is disciplined, she hated it. I remember calling her at her office one morning and asking her a dumb question, Were you late this morning? I recalled vividly her slamming the phone down. The funny thing is that I didn’t just ask her an obviously dumb question, but I laughed over the phone hoping she would take it in stride and forgive me. I was dead wrong. There it goes again – the silent treatment! So when I went later in the evening to get her – making sure I was early – it was so quiet between us that I could almost hear the mosquitoes buzzing!

Sitting under the "chiku" tree almost every night for a number of years were wonderful times – ‘bitter-sweet’, come to think about it. We had a lot of time talking about spiritual things, the Word of God, church, and work. My working life was boring. I knew I had a call in my life and I had gone to Bible school, but I was unable to launch by faith into serving God full-time because our church culture did not encourage it. So I was stuck working for my father; my serving God was in playing guitar in the church and selling music cassettes and books. Most of the time our conversation centred on her work and office, and being typical of a woman and also a perfectionist, her narrative of her day in the office was in excruciatingly painful details. I was more interested in looking at her eyeball to eyeball and she was more interested in telling me everything that happened in the office. I was interested in holding her hand, putting my arms around her and having her snuggle with me, but she was more interested in telling me her woes in the office and expressing her day at work.

Seriously, that’s all there is to the romance under the magical chiku tree!

Silent Treatment

I must pause here and tell you this story that is very interesting. Men, don’t ever make the same mistake I did! This one time, I took her to a small gathering of my good friends. Obviously, I was trying to impress my friends by showing off my girlfriend. But I’m poor at multitasking, so before long, I got caught up in manly conversations with all my friends and she was conspicuously left alone. I mean I was proud to show her off to my friends, but I did not so much as include her in the group. I was wondering why she was so upset with me when I took her home. She gave me the famous silent treatment (she just zipped up and left me pleading to the wall trying to find a clue as to what had happened to make her so cold!). It took me a while, with all the angry tone that makes the matter even worse that she finally blurted out, Who do you think I am to you? Am I a showcase for your friends? Wow...that’s painful!

On a side note, she was only 19 when I started a serious relationship with her. But if there’s one thing that I can say about myself, it’s this: I remained faithful in our relationship through thick and thin. I did not bail out on her even though I was hurt when she said she could not trust me nor respect me. I did not go searching for some other girls who would turn their affections to me. Seriously, I chose not to have roving eyes even in the midst of anger and frustration. I chose to work really hard to win