The Truth About Mallory Bain

children.

CHAPTER

ONE

My time of foolish decisions ended the day I decided against settling for less than we deserved. No longer would we exist as frightened mice, scurrying into the safe corners of a house where we were no longer wanted.

I gave the door handle a good hard pull and stepped inside the courthouse, despite my worries over the legal ordeal awaiting me. On a primal level, my body craved the coolness of the stone building after walking from the parking ramp down the street. I needed refuge from the blazing August sun, which was jacking up the heat index in Memphis to a hundred-ten.

Just inside the building, I found my soon-to-be ex-husband lolling on a bench, thumbs barely touching the tiny keypad on his phone.

After giving me a head-to-toe once-over, he picked up a tall, covered cup from the seat beside him and thrust out his hand. Mornin’, Mallory darlin’.

I stretched to reach for the cup without taking one step closer than needed. I smiled when I peeked under the clear plastic lid. Iced coffee. How unusually nice of you. Thank you. I hoisted my bag high on my shoulder.

He smirked and looked up from his phone. I am a happy man today.

For a change and on time.

He set his briefcase on the floor and patted the seat beside him.

I’ll stand. I pulled a tissue from my bag and dabbed away beads of dampness clinging to my neck. I thought you might not show, since you’re not contesting.

Ah. Was not contesting, darlin’. I’ve heard rumors about last-minute changes.

"No big deal, Chad. Trade in my SUV and get yourself something sporty and sexy. I need a car that won’t break down every month. I am a single mom with a six-year-old to consider."

You’ve been a single mom since the day you heard his daddy died. Caleb is not my problem. Never was. No fancy car’s gonna justify my sacrifices.

Sacrifices? You didn’t do us any favors.

Don’t be so sure ’bout that. He sipped from his cup. Anyway, my dear lady, you’ll be proud to know I am venturing into a realm of humbleness and honesty these days.

About time. I snickered.

He waggled a finger at me. You laugh. I’m dead serious. Fact is, I made mistakes in my youth of which I am not proud, and then topped it off by marryin’ a lovesick gal who sucked up my best years.

You made sure I felt the sting of that resentment every chance you got. Lucky for you, I kept my mouth shut.

He smirked again. Been most lucky in that regard.

Nobody cares, Chad. Besides, you knew what you signed on for.

All the same, here’s a bit for you to chew on. You saved me from the consequences of my young self, for which I will be eternally grateful, however, no matter how deeply I believed I loved you, I always accepted our marriage was never meant to be.

I swallowed hard. A strange admission of love—too little, too late. Had I heard even a smidgeon about any kind of love during the past two years, we might have salvaged our life together.

He bowed his head. And now you want my brand new car. Bought and paid for with the sweat of your man’s brow.

I work full time. I made payments, too.

He planted his feet firmly on the floor, leaned forward, and gave me a long look. The point I’m making is, I am glad you’re finally strong enough to leave me. He straightened his posture, cocked his head, and grinned slyly. Figured you’d weaken again. Back down like you always do. Expected you’d be a millstone, burdening me forever unless I set you straight on a few facts.

Look who’s calling who a millstone. I’m glad you made deciding easy—between her and your lies, and your temper. Those facts I understand.

He stared down at his lap. Pursed his lips. I can appreciate jealousy. Although, you see, any lies I told were to protect you and your boy.

Protect us? I snickered again. From what?

He averted my look. He gazed down the corridor. "Probably not an issue after all these years. Best ask Jack Harwood about that once you track him down. I mean, if you can track him down. Got a bad feeling about that guy."

So you’ve said before. But why him? Why can’t you tell me?

His face froze—lips tightened, eyes narrowed. Gave my word. Dang it, girl, just find the man. Give him my address and number. I gotta make amends. Pissed him off real good.

You never said why.

Didn’t have to. Tell you what. If I’m lucky enough to find him first, I’ll do likewise with your address and number.

Seeing Jack again would be great, but finding him is your pet project.

We were good friends once. We knew each other the longest until I had to leave.

I rolled my eyes. You chose to leave Minneapolis back then.

His smile twisted into a grimace, as though he had reminisced something awful. But you see, darlin’, he continued, you said you miss our old friends. Help me look him up and I’ll rethink the car.

I chuckled. Finding Harwood is important enough that you’d switch cars?

He tsked through clenched teeth and looked away.

What did you protect us from?

I told you, ask Jack. End of subject. Chad closed his eyes and bowed his head. He spoke barely loud enough for me to hear. God forbid it’s not still an issue.

His words gave me the chills. "Since my child and I were supposedly in danger once, let me decide what may or may not be an issue today. Let me keep us safe from now on."

He set his phone down beside him. After a thoughtful moment, he looked up. Telling you would be the right thing. After all, I’m not a total sleaze, and I did buy you a coffee.

Which is refreshing.

In all fairness, Mallory, it is high time you knew. He paused, hissed, and shook his head slowly. This won’t be easy. His phone buzzed.

Knew what?

His phone buzzed again. Glancing down, he jiggled it back and forth but he did not answer. He picked up his briefcase and walked off, swaggering down the corridor as if ignoring both me and the caller could make a difference.

Knowing details about his life would only frustrate me further. His carousing for the better part of the last two years proved our marriage was a disaster neither of us wanted to fix. Now secrets existed, half told in a failed confession. Undoubtedly the seamy bits about one of his escapades.

Yet I had just witnessed uncharacteristic regret, even though the reason behind his regret baffled me. I was curious, though, about how he protected us when Caleb and I never had anything to fear except him.

Chad’s mysteries could stay on the backburner forever, or at least until I finished what I came into the city to do. I’d be more interested in his confessions in few weeks, once Caleb and I settled into one of the apartments I’d been looking at in Bartlett. It was unlikely I’d ever track down Jack. Yet Chad’s suggestion that I try took root.

Chad escaped from my view to somewhere deep within the courthouse, leaving me searching the faces of the people milling about, hoping to spot my attorney. Relief washed over me when I saw him waiting beside the bust of Andrew Jackson. I was about to wave a greeting when a man dressed in white stopped to chat with him.

I reached into my bag for my phone to make a quick call to my friend Dana Fowler in Minnesota to pass the time.

You’ll do fine, she was saying. Ignore Chad. You don’t need him anymore, and now you can sign the lease.

Hearing her voice gave me reassurance. It had been days since we last spoke.

I will on Monday. I need the weekend to decide which apartment is better. Or maybe I’ll decide to move back to Minneapolis and leave all this sadness here, where it belongs.

Silence. Silence so drawn-out I thought we’d lost the connection.

Dana?

I’m here.

You’re being quiet. Uncomfortably quiet.

A longer silence. Then she spoke. Spoke firmly, as a too-stern parent counseling an indecisive teen. Annoyance bordering on anger ripped through me.

Don’t you dare give moving back here another thought, she said. You have no idea how capable you are. I’d say you are far more capable than you ever imagined.

Sure I am.

Why, hundreds of doors will open for you right there in Tennessee. You’re not even thirty, Mallory. Plenty of time to find happiness. No point in ever leaving.

I guess I’m just unsettled today. Anxiety run amok and I’m sweating buckets in this dress. A gulp of iced coffee cooled my throat.

Dana softened her tone. While she chattered reassuring platitudes in my ear, I watched the two men down the corridor. Their conversation looked awfully one-sided, favoring the man in white. My attorney never glanced up from the papers he was reading.

It might help if you shared everything Chad said.

The conversation was too cryptic to unravel. What’s the point?

I scolded myself for nearly giving in. No surprise, Dana fished for answers again, rephrased questions she had asked during previous conversations we’d had over the summer. She was a good friend, though, despite sometimes taking my personal life too seriously. She implied she knew the answers beforehand, her way of getting me to open up. It was impossible for her to know anything, since there was plenty no one knew about Chad’s sins—apparently even me.

Still. Sweet Dana. My one friend who stood by and supported me for over seven years, despite the hundreds of miles between us. I wondered how life might have ended up without her friendship.

I’ll be fine. I paused. No worries. But even without caffeine or Chad, courtrooms put me on edge. I should get going, though. I can call you back later.

Absolutely. You take care.

I dumped the empty cup into a trashcan and started walking toward my attorney. The man in white ended his visit and strolled down the long corridor with a rolled newspaper tucked under his arm.

I lifted my shoulder to hike up my handbag, overstuffed with not only my necessities but a few of Caleb’s small toys. My attorney looked up and waved. I acknowledged his greeting with a nod and a bungled smile before meeting him halfway.

He greeted me with a quick handshake and his typical half smile. Mrs. Powers. Sorry. My mistake. You are Ms. Bain from now on. He led the way to a bench outside the room where the divorce hearing was to take place.

I am pleased to say you will be acquiring the newer of the two vehicles. Mr. Powers understands you need more reliable transportation.

A few minutes ago he was dead set against it.

All arranged. He winked and handed me papers to skim through. I have a repertoire of ways to deal with these stubborn situations. The door in front of us opened wide ahead of the handful of people dispersing into the corridor. And here we go. His hand cupped my elbow as I rose from the bench.

Chad sat stiff as a board beside his attorney. While the judge and attorneys spoke amongst themselves, Chad’s face showed the disdain I’d been seeing for a long time. In that moment, I pictured our friend Jack Harwood’s smiling face. Perhaps me finding him was a good idea, and I traced J-A-C-K with my forefinger on the table.

The time came for me to sign my name. I turned my gaze downward to avoid Chad’s disapproving glare. However, a subtle movement in the corner of the room made me twist partway, expecting to see a man studying me from the fringes. I saw instead a transparent figure of a man change into an undulant haze of gray until the form dissipated into nothing.

I froze in place, my eyes fixed upon a vacant chair. I might have dropped to the floor had I not been sitting already. Enduring ordeals such as finalizing a divorce was enough to make anyone feel uncertain. Stress caused the vision. I’d seen nothing more than refracted light streaming through the transom above the door.

Ms. Bain. My attorney seized my attention.

I hope we’re done, I whispered.

Close.

Chad was finishing his response to a question the judge had asked.

No, I did my time with them. I donated enough of my life to their cause.

Still seeing the gauzy vision in my head, I swallowed hard and refocused. I leaned toward my attorney, He’s making it sound as if the statute of limitations ran out on our marriage.

He might feel that way, considering the child support decision is on the table. Life with this young man wasn’t the picnic you signed on for, I’m sure.

He knew my marriage had ended one weekday afternoon last December, when a neighbor and I stumbled upon my husband at the mall, strolling along hand-in-hand with his ‘Just a friend from work.’

The hearing was getting tense. Chad was tense. I needed a distraction. It puzzled me how Jack had slipped into obscurity without telling a soul where he’d gone. He may have known Chad longer, but he’d known Ben and me better. Jack should have said where he was going. Now both men were gone out of my life, and I missed saying goodbye to either.

But now Caleb and I were free to explore our future with the promise of good things to come. Both Ben and Jack would be pleased if they only knew. Our future was a blank journal, filled with pristine pages where we’d preserve memories of our unchartered journey through life. No sooner had I folded my hands in my lap and closed my eyes for a moment when I heard a prompting, a whisper brushing my ear, spoken in a familiar yet unidentifiable man’s voice.

Take Caleb. Find comfort for him. Cradle him in the embrace of your loving family.

Before the ink dried on those divorce papers, I surprised myself by deciding to leave Memphis. I phoned my mother from the courthouse steps. We’d be home within a week, moving north to Minnesota as early as the Wednesday after Labor Day. She was delighted. I hesitated, but then texted Dana about my change of heart. She didn’t respond.

CHAPTER

TWO

It came as no surprise when my new ex-husband ditched us on moving day. He texted Have a nice life and slammed the door on us for good. Chad let us down again, wanted us gone. I decided the feeling needed to be mutual and forced a reassuring smile for the sake of my little boy. Caleb’s downcast expression told me he struggled to believe my excuse that Daddy Chad probably had to go into work early. My eyes ached from fighting back a flood of tears.

I set Caleb’s dinosaur backpack on the seat beside him and closed the door. I’d show him a positive attitude and not let him know how badly Chad had hurt me. I slid behind the steering wheel and turned the key. I blinked away that wall of tears and backed down the driveway.

We’d been on the road all day heading north to Minnesota— north to no job was foremost on my mind. I’d lost nearly all of my former friends either to Chad’s side or the passing of time—except for Dana. And thanks to Mom, we’d have better than a nice place to live with her in our family home set in the gorgeous Kenwood neighborhood of Minneapolis.

I tried making the trip exciting by singing songs Caleb had learned last year in kindergarten, playing I Spy, and counting horses, pigs, and cows. A bald eagle soaring over a large pond became the highlight of our animal sightings. The eagle gave him cause to compare it to prehistoric meat-eating reptiles and Mesozoic birds of prey. He prattled on and on until a group of motorcycles sped by.

After our late supper at a diner on the outskirts of Waterloo, Iowa, he soothed himself to sleep by tapping a small plastic motorcycle against the car door while singing, The wheels on Daddy’s bike go round and round, round and round, round and round. His last bit of energy drained, he angled his body to adjust his head on the soft pillow, and within minutes, he was snoring. By then, The Wheels on the Bus tune had become a nagging ear-worm stuck in my head.

He did quite well, despite having reached the limit of his tolerance for having little to do during the long trip. I asked a lot of him when I suggested we drive all day. He said he was excited about moving into Grandma Diane’s great big house.

We entered the homestretch, driving north on I-35W through southern Minnesota. I was exhausted from staying awake and alert, and from maintaining Caleb’s calm. I needed my eyes open and fixed on the road. I needed to prevent our trip from becoming a short drive into the ditch or a pricey adventure, squandering precious dollars on a few hours of sleep in some bedbug motel.

Each time we blipped past a highway light, the backseat lit up, then darkened again. I feared the change in lighting might tempt Caleb awake. Once awake, he’d find us still miles from Grandma’s. He’d beg to sit up front or plead with me to stop for food he’d nibble at and never finish. When all tactics failed to help him escape the car, Caleb would howl, Mom, I gotta pee!

But night was the best time to regain those hours lost on pit stops and I took full advantage of the speed limit on the long stretches of empty interstate.

Yet the moment I pressed down on the gas pedal, a man’s voice shouted, Mallory! Don’t!

My eyes snapped open. When had I closed them? I was too tired to remember. I lowered the window halfway and gulped in the cool air.

No more than two miles ahead, a jackknifed big rig blocked my lane. An ambulance pulled out in front of us and sped down the freeway, lights flashing, sirens blaring.

I slowed the car to a stop until a patrolman waved me on. I coasted into the left lane, past the line of orange cones and flares. An abandoned wreck sat dead on the shoulder a short distance in front of the semi, its trunk crunched up to the driver’s seat. A pickup angled backward in front of the totaled car, one headlight shining upward into the blackened sky. Two men stood beside its hay-filled bed sitting inches from the ditch. Although seen in a glance, one of them reminded me of Ben and an old heartache resurfaced.

The sound of Caleb’s voice startled me. There’s lights flashing, Mom.

It’s a bad accident.

Like my dad’s was?

I’d never given the scene of Ben’s death much thought. I hadn’t been there. Losing him was painful enough.

I don’t know, Caleb. But we’re safe.

My backpack fell on the floor.

Leave it. You aren’t undoing your seatbelt, are you?

He paused. No. He yawned noisily.

An hour or so later, we pulled into Mom’s driveway. I parked a few feet away from the side door of the house to make unloading our suitcases easier after I settled Caleb into bed.

I rested my forehead against the steering wheel, relishing the pleasure of a non-moving car. Our trip was finally over. But that man’s voice had come out of nowhere, spoken clear as a bell. He prevented me from falling into a deep sleep. Pressing pedal to the metal, I would have crashed head-on into the back of that semi and added a fourth vehicle to the pile-up. Wherever his mysterious voice came from, he had saved our lives. There had been a familiarity to its timbre, but not enough to be identifiable. I laughed off the idea I’d heard the voice of an angel and faulted my childhood years of catechism for that fleeting notion.

I peered into the rearview mirror. We’re here, buddy. We’re at Grandma’s.

Snoring.

I exited the car and tapped on his window before pulling open his door. I scrunched down on the narrow strip of seat beside him and rubbed his shoulder.

Hey. Time to wake up. He stirred but kept his eyes closed. I’ll help you.

I slipped my hand though one of the straps on his backpack, now laying on the seat beside him, and lodged it in the crook of my arm ahead of my bulky purse. When I lifted Caleb out of the car, he laid his face against my shoulder. I rested my cheek against his sweet-smelling hair.

Family enters the Bain house through the side door, except on holidays or special occasions, when everyone is greeted around front. I pressed the lighted doorbell twice and we waited. Cradling Caleb in my arms, with my bent knee pushing up on his sagging bottom, I knocked on the metal storm door, held it open against my hip, and tried turning the knob of the inside door. Locked. I pounded harder and passed the time humming The Wheels on the Bus. I hitched him higher to hold him more securely in my arms and pushed my thumb against the bell again.

He wiggled in my arms. Somebody’s talking.

I closed my ears to the rustling aspens and listened to the sound directly behind us. Low talking—hollow murmurings of a man standing close enough to finger the back of my hair. I twisted around with a scream rising in my throat, and noticed nothing peculiar apart from a strong fresh scent, a soapy masculine smell unlike the sweetness of my child’s hair.

My heart pounded while I skimmed the gray faces of the closed garage doors and my blue sedan. No sign of anyone lurking out there, and not behind us on the concrete steps leading up to the porch where we stood. I looked across the driveway to the ornamental trees and saw nothing beyond the ordinary.

You’re getting heavy. I set Caleb down in front of me. Angels do not smell like soap, I muttered.

Huh?

Never mind. I pressed the bell again. Where on earth is Grandma?

Stress was the trigger in the courtroom. This time, fatigue. I brushed off the coincidence that we both mistook the wind whisking through the leaves for a man whispering close enough to grab us. I rang the bell, pushing harder and faster, as if pressing harder and faster would bring Mom to the door. Moments later, she peeked out from behind the curtain. The lock turned and the door swung back with a scrape.

I’m sorry. I fell asleep, she said.

Not a problem. I know we’re late. I pushed the door closed and gave the deadbolt a sharp turn before hugging her amidst a gush of tears. I’ve missed you so much.

And I’ve missed you both. She stooped to hug Caleb. Look at this child, getting taller by the day. She stood up and cupped my face in her hands. You’re distraught, babygirl.

I patted her arm reassuringly. My mind was playing tricks on me in the dark. It’s nothing. I’m just tired.

I nudged Caleb through the formal dining room into the spacious living room.

Mom lifted his backpack from my arm. I’m glad you made it here safe and sound. What a haul in one day instead of two.

I jumped in, Two days with him strapped in his booster would have been too much. Right, buddy?

Uh-huh.

I should tuck him in, though. It’s late and he’s still tired.

No, I’m not!

Are you hungry? asked Mom.

He shook his head.

Upstairs, then. We can visit tomorrow, said Mom.

She followed us, pacing herself to keep up. We paused in the hallway outside my former room.

Put him in Aileen’s room, Mom suggested. He’ll be closer to you there. Rick came over and set up his bed after supper. He spent all last weekend painting the room light brown to complement those dinosaurs we keep hearing about.

He’s the best brother. I’ll call tomorrow and thank him.

After tucking Caleb in his bed, with brand new dinosaur sheets and matching comforter, I stretched the kink out of my lower back.

Mom. Thank you for all this. He is going to love this room.

We had fun putting it together for him. She tugged on my sleeve. Settle him in and show him how to find your room. I’ll go down and brew a pot of relaxing tea for us.

I won’t be long.

It’s supposed to get chilly tonight. She patted the folded blanket at the foot of the bed. Maybe more rain. It’s been an awfully wet summer—barely used the sprinklers this year. She hugged Caleb one more time and kissed his cheek before leaving.

How about this. Dinosaur sheets and your own bed. Real nice of Grandma and Uncle Rick to set this up for you. I went about tucking him in again. There’s a door on the other side of your dresser.

I kinda see it.

We share a bathroom. There’s another door inside the bathroom. It opens into my room.

Uh-huh. He stretched upright and looked around the room. Where are my toys?

Downstairs. We’ll unpack tomorrow. We should get out your warmer clothes for fall and see what fits.

Do I got school tomorrow?

Have not got. School can wait a day or two.

Will you take me or Grandma?

I thought you wanted to ride the school bus.

Caleb shook his head fast. He squeezed his folded arms against his chest and shivered. It scares me.

The bus or the big kids?

He shrugged. I’m just scared.

Grandma and I can take turns. A new school is exciting.

He shrugged again, eyes downcast. Nobody knows me.

They will, sweetie. They will be your best friends.

I picked up the book laying on the nightstand. New and all about dinosaurs. Mom must have run out and bought it, along with the linens, after she found out we were moving home. I sat down beside Caleb on the bed and read aloud until minutes later, a motorcycle rumbled in front of the house.

I laid the book in my lap, stared straight ahead. "Shh—listen."

Caleb’s bluest of blue eyes smiled up at me as he rested a finger against his lips and whispered Shh, Mom. He understood I was remembering his dad.

The engine revved loud enough to wake the dead. My heart fluttered. The idling meant the heavy bike had stopped. I ran to the window with the same exhilaration I’d first felt at eighteen and living here at home.

The night was too dark to see much more than the silhouette of the rider. I presumed it was a man, based on the build of his body and the size of his bike. He wore dark clothes and straddled his motorcycle parked at the end of Mom’s driveway. The bike color looked orange, maybe red under the yellow glow of the streetlamp.

I lingered there at the window, lost in reverie, unintentionally ignoring my son still lying in his bed behind me. No doubt he wondered what was going on outside. I was curious about why the man had