Rapunculus Book 2: An Unexpected Road Trip: The Rapunculus Series, #2

By Arthur Short & Genevieve Short

In this second installment of the Rapunculus series, Urdhr, Olga, and Petrinella embark on a perilous journey to a far-off corner of the Kingdom, hoping to locate a lost colony of witches who may have the answers to Rapunculus's unfortunate magical affliction.

Rapunculus, meanwhile, has joined forces with Prince Circium's former stable boy, Fritz, and the Prince's questing stallion, affectionately known as Tibbles the Second. Branded as outlaws, the unlikely companions must brave the horrors of the Nether Wood and evade the clutches of the Prince, the Royal Guard, and the Evil Queen's Huntsman! And hopefully not kill each other in the process...

Join all of your favorite characters plus some new faces as they embark on an all-new adventure!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Arthur Short & Genevieve Short
• Release date: Nov 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386460299

Arthur Short & Genevieve Short

Arthur Short is an artist and writer whose work primarily focuses on folkloric and supernatural themes. Rapunculus Book One: And So it Begins was his first novel in the Rapunculus Series, which is loosely based on German and Slavic folklore.             His sister and co-author, Genevieve Short, has similar interests, though hers are focused on the more satirical aspects of folklore and mythology. Her love for Shakespearean comedy and Monty Python has greatly influenced her writing style, as well as William Goldman’s The Princess Bride, which she has a somewhat incessant tendency to quote at the drop of a hat.             Their sister, Erin Short, handles media and advertising for the Rapunculus Series. She is also the most patient proof-reader and editor ever.         They all live in Florida. Get the latest updates as the adventure continues! Official Website: www.rapunculusseries.com Twitter: @iRapunculus, Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/15973911.Arthur_Short Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100014897925565 We also love hearing from you! Please feel free to send your questions or comments to: Arthur Short: [e-mail] Genevieve Short: [e-mail]

Book preview

Rapunculus

Book Two:

An Unexpected Road Trip

Arthur Short & Genevieve Short

Illustrated by Arthur Short

Table of Contents:

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One: Frozen.....................................................................9

Two: Frigid Times at Snowfall High........................................15

Three: The Man Who Would Be Jarl........................................23

Four: Never Say Nether Wood Again........................................31

Five: Cry of the Leucrocuta..................................................40

Six: Revenge!.......................................................................................48

Seven: Queen Mother, Dearest..............................................52

Eight: Legumes of Doom....................................................60

Nine: Storm of the Century..................................................67

Ten: What Slithers Beneath..................................................80

Eleven: Hungry Heart........................................................92

Twelve: Cliffhanger.........................................................106

Thirteen: Hern...............................................................122

Fourteen: A Very Convenient Cave.......................................126

Fifteen: Wings of Wrath....................................................133

Sixteen: Silence is Golden..................................................146

Seventeen: Into the Breach.................................................152

Eighteen: Detour.............................................................164

Nineteen: Into the Great Wide Open.....................................174

Twenty: Lost in Translation..............................................................179

Twenty-One: Out of the Frying Pan........................................180

Twenty-Two: The Mediocre Escape.......................................215

Twenty-Three: Lord on the Run.............................................223

Twenty-Four: Call of the Witless...........................................230

Twenty-Five: The Uninvited..................................................234

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

RAPUNCULUS BOOK TWO:

AN UNEXPECTED ROAD TRIP

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Copyright © 2018 Arthur Short and Genevieve Short

Cover Art by Arthur Short

Editing and Interior Text Design by Arthur Short and Genevieve Short

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All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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First Edition

This book is dedicated to the memory of Prue Mabry, a woman who lived in her very own fairy tale. Prue rode wild horses, married a handsome and true-hearted stable boy, traveled the world, raised an honorable family, and dedicated her life to helping children and families who truly needed a champion. Sadly, Prue is no longer with us, but she lives on in the hearts of the countless lives that she touched during her all-too-short time here with us. Please consider helping to build on the legacy of kindness and service that she left behind by making a donation to the Prudence Ronan Mabry Endowed Scholarship for Special Education, so that other exceptional people can have the opportunity to get the education they need to help others.

For more information, please visit www.foundation.fsu.edu, or contact the school directly:

Florida State UniversityFoundation

325 W. College Ave

Tallahassee, FL 32301-1403

[phone]

Godspeed, Miss Prue. We love you!

Chapter One:

Frozen

Urdhr, Olga, and Petrinella held onto the sides of the caravan and tried their best to stay upright as they trudged wearily through the knee-deep, densely packed snow.

Explain to me why we’re doing this again, Olga said wearily.

Because when the Northern Coven established their settlement on Mount Ruin, Petrinella said, they built a road down the mountain, so they could trade with the town of Snowfall.

But no one’s seen or heard from the coven in ages! Olga said.

The merchants from Snowfall that I spoke to assured me that lights can still be seen on top of Mount Ruin when the weather is clear. If the settlement was abandoned, then where are they coming from?

I don’t know! Olga snapped. Yetis, hypothermia-induced hallucinations, unexplained atmospheric phenomena, take your pick! It just seems completely pointless to me to trudge all the way out here just because some door-to-door snowshoe sellers you met at a swap-meet told you they saw lights in the sky!

I think you’re being a bit negative, Olga, Urdhr said.

Well, out of the three of us, I think I’m the only one being practical! Olga said. I mean, really, even if the settlement still exists, how on earth are we supposed to find this trade route?

We just have to hope that there’s someone still alive in Snowfall that knows where the road began. Urdhr said. The Northern Coven was once the most powerful group of witches in the Nine Realms. If there is any way of helping Rapunculus, they are our best chance at finding it.

So stop being so grumpy, Olga! Petrinella said. You’ve been biting everybody’s head off since you misplaced your change purse back at that privy we passed yesterday.

For the hundredth time, I didn’t misplace it! Olga said. It fell out of my pocket!

Girls, look! Urdhr interrupted. She pulled back on the mules’ reins and they slowed to a stop.

The track ahead of them had been trampled down to form a road, and as the witches peered the through the hazy mist of windswept snow, they could just make out the outline of a small circle of huts surrounding a few deserted market stalls and a single, squat, two-story building.

Are you sure this is it? Petrinella asked.

Of course I’m sure, Urdhr said. It’s the only village in this valley.

But Snowfall is a major trading hub, isn’t it? I thought this was supposed to be a rich, diverse, bustling metropolis.

Urdhr shrugged. I think this is about as close to bustling as one can achieve in regularly sub-zero temperatures.

I don’t see how anyone who would voluntarily choose to live in a snow drift could possibly lead us to the lost settlement of the most enlightened group of enchantresses the world has ever seen, Olga said. This is a complete waste of time, Urdhr.

We need a guide, Olga, Urdhr said, We need someone to lead us up Mount Ruin, we need to stock up on fresh supplies, and we need a roof over our heads before the sun sets and we all freeze to death. Let’s settle in at the inn and then we’ll see about preparing for the journey tomorrow.

Petrinella’s cheeks, which were already rosy pink from the cold, somehow managed to blush a few shades redder. Oh, no, she said quietly.

Urdhr and Olga turned to face her.

What’s wrong? Urdhr asked.

Ah, well, do you remember when we stopped off at that trading post in Grainhaven? Petrinella asked guiltily.

You mean the one that used a gluten-based fabric softener on their sheets that made you break out in splotches? Olga asked.

That’s the one, Petrinella said. And do you remember when Urdhr asked me to send a carrier pigeon on ahead to secure our room reservations in Snowfall?

Right before your throat closed up and you temporarily lost consciousness? Urdhr asked.

Yes, exactly, Petrinella said. Funny thing, girls, but I guess that the stress and the shock temporarily wiped my short-term memory, and I kind of maybe somehow forgot about sending that pigeon.

Urdhr closed her eyes. Oh, for Hathor’s sake, she swore quietly.

Are you trying to tell us that after traveling all this way here in the freezing cold, we might not even have a room to sleep in? Olga roared.

I know, I know! Petrinella said miserably. I’ve ruined everything! I’ve completely bungled our chances of saving poor Rapunculus! I’m an awful, terrible friend, and I wouldn’t blame either one of you one teeny weeny bit if you both decided never, ever to speak to me again for as long as I live!

Steady on, old friend, Urdhr said. It’s not as bad as all that.

Not as bad as all that? Olga exploded. Urdhr, we are in the middle of nowhere, we are running out of food, we don’t know where we’re going, and we have no reservations at the only village within a week’s journey from here! When exactly does it get as bad as all that, because from where I’m standing, it doesn’t get much worse! Look, we gave this our best shot, and we bungled it. I say we load Petrinella up with antihistamines, go back to Grainhaven, take a few days by the hot springs to regroup, and see if we can come up with a plan that doesn’t involve us all either starving or freezing to death! All in favor, say aye!

This isn’t a democracy, Olga! Urdhr said. It’s my magically fabricated daughter’s life at stake, and I’ll be the one making the decisions, thank you very much! Besides, we’ve got about two hours before dark, if we are very, very lucky, and I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather spend the night among civilization instead of trying to fend off hungry wolves and hypothermia from the confines of a crudely constructed igloo, wouldn’t you?

Olga grimaced. Fine. We’ll do it your way. As usual.

So, just to clarify, Petrinella said, you two aren’t cross with me?

Of course not, Urdhr said. You can hardly be blamed for forgetting to make a room reservation after suffering from a severe anaphylactic episode. Could have happened to anyone.

Petrinella beamed. Thank you Urdhr, she said. You are always so gracious.

Don’t mention it, Urdhr replied, followed by a much softer, you twit.

What? Petrinella asked.

Nothing, dear, Urdhr said.

Urdhr gave the reins a tug and the little band of adventurers resumed their march towards the tiny settlement. They brought the caravan to a halt in front of the building in the center of the village, and tied the mules up to a large block of ice that had formed by the door.

Petrinella squinted up at the weathered wooden shingle that was flapping frantically back and forth over their heads in the icy winter wind. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an inn named ‘The Inn’ before, she said.

That’s because it’s the only inn, Olga said. It’s the only inn, it’s the only pub, and it’s also the only janitorial supply in this awful one-candle town!

Oh, how wonderful! Petrinella said. They have a janitorial supply! I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope on the rest of this journey once I ran out of moist towelettes!

What is wrong with you, Olga? Urdhr asked. Why do you keep snapping at us like a manticore with compacted molars? And how do you know that this inn also serves as a janitorial supply?

Olga sighed. Look, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I’ve been here before. I sort of grew up here, in fact.

You ‘sort of grew up here’? Urdhr repeated. "You mean, in the town that we’ve traveled all this way to visit in the hopes that someone who had lived here, like, oh, I don’t know, you maybe, could lead us to the one coven that could possibly save my daughter from a permanent state of living death? That town?"

It sounds a lot worse when you put it like that.

How exactly should I put it? Urdhr asked.

Look, you have no idea what it was like for me here, okay? I was different!

Different how? Petrinella asked.

Take a good look around, Olga replied. Anything strike you as odd here?

Urdhr and Petrinella looked around at the smattering of ramshackle wooden buildings.

Why are all the windows so close to the ground? Petrinella asked. And the doors are a little small, aren’t they? They certainly don’t look up to code.

Hang on a tick, Urdhr said. This is a Dwarven community, isn’t it?

Olga nodded.

But your parents, they were human, weren’t they? Urdhr asked. I mean, they couldn’t possibly have been Dwarvish, with you being so big and all, right? Because that would just be, well...

A rare genetic fluke, Olga said.

Oh, dear, Petrinella said.

It was awful growing up here, Olga said. By the time I was eight, I didn’t fit through any of the doorways anymore. All the other kids used to tease me and throw rocks at me and call me names, and the grown-ups would all whisper when I walked past. ‘There goes Olga the Giantess,’ they’d say. ‘Wonder if her father was a traveling circus performer!’

"And was he a traveling circus performer?" Petrinella asked.

He was a podiatrist! Olga wailed.

I can see how that could be embarrassing, Urdhr said.

Well, I don’t, Petrinella said. Podiatry is one of the noblest of professions.

I was the butt of every joke in the village! Olga said. I spent my entire childhood being bullied and laughed at and treated like a pariah. It was an awful, miserable existence. I hated the people here, and most of all, I hated myself. I even began binge eating in secret. In my first year of high school, I gained thirty pounds in a single winter.

Well, that’s understandable, Urdhr said.

Not when the only food available here in winter is salted herring! Olga wailed. Have you ever had salted herring? Do you have any idea what it’s like to eat nothing but that for eleven months out of the year?

What do you eat during the other month? Petrinella asked.

Smoked herring, Olga said.

But this valley is entirely landlocked, Urdhr said. Where do you get all the herring from?

It’s imported, Olga replied bleakly.

Have you ever thought of having something else imported? Petrinella asked.

Dwarves only eat herring, Olga explained. They require a diet rich in omega 3 fatty acids.

How fascinating! Petrinella said.

Why didn’t you tell us all of this before, Olga? Urdhr asked.

What, about the herring? Olga said. I didn’t think it was relevant.

I think she means about your miserable childhood, dear, Petrinella said.

Because I finally managed to leave this horrible place behind me, Olga said. I stayed for a while after I finished school to help out with my father’s podiatry business, but after my parents died, I left and I never looked back. I devoted myself to the dark arts, got a few dozen cats, had that little architectural misunderstanding that led to me living in a baked-goods domicile. I built a life for myself, Urdhr, and I might not have gained immense riches or eternal youth or invented an elixir that’ll upend the facelift industry liked I’ve always dreamed of, but I finally really like who I am, and I don’t want to remember who I used to be.

Urdhr stood on her tiptoes and stretched to place her arthritic hand on Olga’s massive shoulder. Olga, dear, Urdhr said kindly, none of us liked the sniveling, pimple-covered wretches we were in high school. The important thing to remember is that hopefully, with time and enough therapy, we can get past the fact that we were losers and celebrate all the successes and achievements we’ve managed since those hellish days of public showers and locker combinations we could never recall.

That’s right, Petrinella said. Besides, look at you now! You’re one of the most powerful witches in the whole kingdom, you have edible drywall, and we both love you dearly! Who cares that your whole village thought you were a complete waste of space during your formative years?

Olga smiled. You girls always know the right thing to say, don’t you?

Well, one of us does, at least, Urdhr said. Now, what do you say to leaving your emotional baggage out here on the frozen tundra, so we can all go inside and face your personal demons together?

Olga looked hesitantly over at the little wooden door leading into the inn. I don’t know, girls, she said. I’m not sure I’m ready for this yet.

Well, you’re going to have to be, Urdhr said. She grabbed the skirt of Olga’s gown and began slowly but surely dragging her towards the door. I’m sorry that you had a traumatic childhood, but I don’t see how the three of us freezing to death within three feet of food, shelter, and a possible popcorn-worthy encounter with someone from your tortured past is going to alleviate any of your mental anguish.

Olga was forced to duck down low as the three witches swept aside the heavy leather curtain that covered the doorway and stepped inside the inn. They found themselves standing in a gloomy, poorly lit, smoke-filled common room. The room itself was small, and the ceiling was low and dissected by huge wooden beams, creating a tight, constrictive atmosphere. The walls were constructed of thick evergreen timbers, still covered in scaly gray-brown bark, and streaked with black soot near the ceiling by the smoke from countless candles. The scant furniture consisted mostly of a few three-legged stools around a handful of rickety-looking tables, but there was also a thin, low bench seat built up about two feet off the floor along most of the room, where the thick wood-planked floor met the wall.

At the opposite end of the room was a low wooden bar with a few small tree stumps pulled up to it as makeshift barstools. A very short and very stocky woman with long blond braids and a heavy leather apron worn over her fiery red gown stood behind the bar, polishing its scratched and pitted surface with a dingy yellow rag.

This was a bad idea, Olga said.

Oh, cheer up, dear, Petrinella said. After so many years, it’s unlikely that anyone will even recognize you.

The woman at the bar looked up at them, and her face broke into a massive grin. Oh, my stars! she squeaked. Is that Olga the Giantess?

Olga groaned. Smite me now.

Chapter Two:

Frigid Times at Snowfall High

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The tiny woman spun around the corner of the bar and barreled towards Olga, Urdhr, and Petrinella. She plowed into Olga’s kneecaps and wrapped her pudgy arms around the witch’s legs.

Olga Nornir! the dwarf exclaimed. I can’t believe it’s you!

Hello, Skadi, Olga said.

Gosh, it’s been ages since you’ve popped up around here! Skadi said. How long has it been?

Not long enough, Olga said quietly.

Sorry, what was that? Skadi asked. I’m afraid you’ll have to speak up, Olgie. My ear froze off last winter. She pulled back one of her braids to reveal a lumpy, scarred blob where her right ear had once been. Been a bit hard of hearing ever since. But enough about me! Come pull up a stump with your friends and tell me how you’ve been keeping yourself!

She bounced back to the bar, pulled four heavy wooden tankards from beneath the counter, and began wiping them out with the same questionably unclean cloth she had been using on the bar.

Do you think she’d be offended if I asked for a clean tankard? Petrinella asked.

That’s about as clean as you’re going to get around here, Olga said.

Urdhr smirked. Olgie?

Call me that one more time and you’ll be the first person I test my new toad toes curse out on, Olga snarled.

The three witches followed their host across the room and took their seats at the bar.

Drinks are on me, girls, Skadi said. Any friend of Olgie’s is a friend of mine. What’ll you have?

Do you have any wine spritzers? Petrinella asked.

Um, no, Skadi said.

Well, do you carry any light beers?

Skadi shook her head. Sorry.

How about a nice Chablis?

We don’t carry that either, Skadi said. You see, the folks up here don’t really have what you might call a ‘sophisticated pallet’.

So what do the locals usually drink? Urdhr asked.

Mead, Skadi said. It’s just the thing to take off a chill after a hard day’s work, and besides, it pairs excellently with herring.

Sounds lovely, Urdhr said. We’ll have three of those, then.

Actually, Petrinella began, I’m afraid I’m highly allergic to—

Olga and Urdhr shot her a pair of truly terrifying glares.

Mead sounds lovely, Petrinella said meekly.

Mead it is, then! Skadi said. She took the tankards over to a large barrel in the corner of the room and filled them to the brims. She managed to slosh a large portion of the brew onto the wooden floor planks on her way back to the bar, but if she noticed this unfortunate mishap, she showed no signs of it. She slammed the tankards down with a loud thud, followed by even more sloshing and a small spray of amber foam.

Gosh, Olga Nornir, in my inn! Skadi said. If someone had told me yesterday that I’d be sharing a pint and a chat with you today, I’d have cut them off and called in their tab!

You and Olga go back a ways, then, I take it? Petrinella asked.

Oh, goodness, yes! We were in the same class at Snowfall High. We even tried out for the cheer squad together.

Urdhr tried to hide an uncontrollable snicker in her tankard and ended snorting a noseful of mead.

You were a cheerleader? Petrinella asked Olga.

Let the subject drop and I’ll never ask you to babysit my cats again, Olga said.

Well, Olgie here didn’t exactly make the team, Skadi said.

Yup, I flunked out, Olga said. Love to stay and chat, but we’ve got a thing somewhere, so I’m afraid we’ve got to-

She started out pretty strong, mind you, Skadi said over Olga’s fruitless attempts to end the conversation. It wasn’t until we were all asked to perform a human pyramid routine that things really went south for her.

Oh, no, Olga said.

In retrospect, I think the tragedy that ensued really could have been prevented if our cheer coach had possessed the foresight to put poor Olgie at the bottom of the pyramid instead of the top.

Oh dear, Petrinella said.

Yes, it was rather unfortunate, Skadi said. Most of us spent the rest of the semester in the intensive care unit. I was a bit luckier, though. I just had to have a few pins put in, but, oh, do you remember how mad Freya Asgard was at you for making her show up to prom in traction? 

I don’t really think we need to rehash— Olga began.

Oh, you girls should have seen it, Skadi interrupted. "She convinced the rest of the class to have Olgie here voted prom queen, and then she and Floki Kattegard—he was the quarterback of the football team back then, super popular, absolutely gorgeous, you know the type—anyway, they dumped a whole bucket of herring all over her during her acceptance speech! I laughed so hard I almost busted my corset!"

I’m so glad you enjoyed the most humiliating moment of my pubescent years, Olga said.

Gosh, I haven’t thought about that in ages! Skadi said. It’s so nice to have someone from the old days to talk to again!

Aren’t you still the head of the alumni association?

Well, yes, but it’s been a bit difficult to organize anything over the last few years. It’s really hard to get everyone together.

I can’t imagine Brimir Aurgelmir would turn down any invitation that included an open bar, Olga said wryly.

Yeah, good old Brimir, Skadi said. He died of frostbite last year, you know.

You don't say!

Afraid so.

How about Sol Vognen? How’s she doing?

Oh, great, just great. Except that she was eaten by wolves, of course. Very tragic.

Snorri Sturluson?

Killed in a troll uprising.

Njord Noatun?

Drowned while ice fishing.

Ullr Thredbo?

Skiing accident.

Hodor Hothur?

Avalanche.

Baldur Breidablik?

Impaled by a falling icicle. Right through the heart. Made a bit of a mess, too, I’m afraid. Had to have a closed casket.

Olga shook her head sadly. Poor old Baldur, she said. We were always warning him not to stand under the icicles.

There’s no point fretting over it, Olgie, Skadi said. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I just can’t believe so many of our classmates died in such unexpectedly horrible ways, Olga said.

It was all in the alumni newsletters. Didn’t you read about it?

Olga fiddled nervously with her sleeve. Um, well, I guess they got lost in the post, she said evasively.     

I thought you used them to line your litter boxes— Petrinella said.

Olga gave her a sharp kick.

Urdhr decided it was time for her to subtly intervene. You know what the post is like these days, she said. If you actually want anything delivered, you’re better off coughing up the extra coin and hiring a small fleet of carrier pigeons.

I wish I could, Skadi said. You can’t get carrier pigeons to operate in this climate. They can’t handle the ice buildup on their wings during flight.

Hmm, well, we never should have let the little beasts unionize, Urdhr said. Made them soft, if you ask me.

But enough about high school! Skadi said. "Where have you been all these years, Olgie? Everybody’s been wondering what you’ve been up to. Well, everybody who’s still alive, of course."

Well, Olga said, I traveled around a bit, you know, to find myself, and then I discovered the Dark Arts, got my license to practice magic, settled down in the Great Forest, and well, that’s about it really.

Oh, dark magic, huh? Skadi said. I’ve heard that’s a good field to be in. Plenty of job security there, isn’t there? I mean, it’s not like the average country bumpkin can mix their own love potions or curse their enemies or seek a magical remedy for pattern baldness, is there?

Exactly, right? Olga said. It’s something different every day, you know? And it comes with a dental plan. 

Actually, that’s the reason we’re here, Urdhr said. This is what you might call a working holiday.

How marvelous! Skadi said. "Nothing exciting’s happened in this town in ages! Oh, I can’t wait to see the look on Freya’s face when I tell her that I’ve got three witches staying right here under my roof! She’ll be so jealous!"

Yes, about that, Urdhr said. It seems there was a bit of mix-up regarding our reservations.

What sort of mix-up? Skadi asked.

We don’t have any, Olga said.

Oh, I see, Skadi said. Well, don’t you worry. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t find a room for good old Olgie and her friends, hmm? Let me see what I can do. She disappeared below the bar and reemerged with a massive leather-bound tome with a heavily engraved hinged silver spine. She plopped it on the counter, heaved the cover open, and began flipping through the thick vellum pages. Let’s see here, now, she said. Ah, yes, looks like we have an availability. Lucky you girls came during the off-season.

When exactly is peak season in this part of the kingdom? Petrinella asked.

There isn’t one, Olga said.

Looks like the only room I have available is the honeymoon suite, Skadi said. It’ll cost you a little extra though, I’m afraid.

We’ll take it, Urdhr said.

Wonderful! Skadi said. Let’s get you settled in then, shall we? Right this way, ladies!

The witches followed behind her as she scuttled out from behind the bar and headed across the room to a large wooden staircase. The stairs were made of roughly hewn logs, worn down over the years by countless pairs of boot-clad feet, so that the middle of each stair had a little well molded into its surface.

As they climbed, Petrinella shuffled up to Skadi and coughed politely to get her attention. I hate to be a bother, you know, she said, but I suffer from a large number of both psychological and physiological afflictions, and I really perform better with the proper amount of sleep, you see, and, well, no insult intended here, but Urdhr tends to snore like an angry gibbon, though it’s not exactly her fault, as the poor dear does have a deviated septum, you know, but anyway, do you think you could be so kind as to let me know if there are any future cancellations? It would really be more beneficial for me in my weakened state if I could have my own room.

Oh, but there aren’t any other rooms, Skadi said.

But I thought you said that the honeymoon suite was the only one you had available, Petrinella said.

It is, Skadi said. It’s the only room here.

But how can it be a higher rate if it’s the only—

Don’t bother, Olga said.

Oh, dear, Petrinella said quietly.

The staircase ended in a long, dark, narrow passageway lit by a single torch at the head of the stairs. Skadi removed the torch from its wall-mounted iron holder and led them down the passage to a large oak door at the end of the hallway. She stopped in front of the door, reached down, and grabbed a heavy ring of keys that hung from a chain on her belt. She fumbled around for a moment, finally selected a key, took it off the ring, and slid it into the little lock beneath the door’s iron handle.

The door swung open to reveal a small room with a little square window in the wall opposite the doorway. It was empty save for a very narrow bed built into one of the walls, a small padlocked chest at the foot of the bed, a very rudimentary washstand shoved over in a corner, and a single candle in a rough-hewn wooden holder sitting on the window sill.

The three witches peered into the room with more than a hint of trepidation.

Shotgun! Urdhr called suddenly.

What’s a shotgun? Petrinella asked.

I’m not sure exactly, Urdhr replied. It’s something new the kids are saying these days. Basically, though, I think it means I get the bed.

No fair! Olga said.

Chamber pot is under the bed, Skadi said, and there are fresh towels in the chest, along with some soap, tweezers, oh, and an ear spoon, of course!

Of course, Urdhr said. What kind of establishment doesn’t provide ear spoons to its guests nowadays?

Oh, you’d be surprised, Skadi said.

What’s an ear spoon? Petrinella asked.

Ask one more question and I’ll show you, Olga said.

Will you girls be staying on until Saturday? Skadi asked. If you are, you should reserve your bath now, because most of the residents here in Snowfall don’t have baths of their own, so it can be hard to find a spot in the tub if you don’t reserve it early.

I’m sorry, Petrinella said, "and I realize that this may sound like a silly question, but are you saying that