Will You Marry Me: Discovering God's Original Design for Marriage

By Stella Uwaoma

A wise person sits down and calculates the cost of the project he's about to embark on and so in the realm of doing this, he will be able to tell himself that he is ready and capable or not to get into work, without minding what the crowd thinks.

In this book, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?", we want to help people, especially the single ladies to understand that, there is more to that question than what they think. It's a question that is asked by a man, to a woman he desires to marry, that she needs to sit back and check if she's just ready to embark on that marital project with him at that point in time.

Most importantly, this book is a revelation from God and is written at His command. It is not inspired by human wisdom but by the Holy Spirit. Almost all of its content amazingly contradicts human ideologies and doctrines and if you grasp them wholeheartedly, you will never regret it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anthonia Bakare
• Release date: Oct 4, 2018
• ISBN: 9789789638819

Book preview

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PART ONE

WHAT IS MARRIAGE REALLY?

CHAPTER ONE

THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

Marriage involves a covenantal agreement, to meet all your spouses’ needs for companionship on every level-social, spiritual, physical, emotional, sexual, and intellectual and so on; to meet all of your spouses' need for companionship for the rest of your life.

The first three chapters of this book will expose so much in details about the subject matter of this book: Marriage. We will be looking at it as it was divinely orchestrated by God from the beginning so that we would be able to succeed as we know and walk in His will for us. If you are able to absorb the information in this chapters, you will easily understand that the success or failure of a marriage lies on the visions you have for it. And that your ability to be discerning by subjecting yourself to the leading of the Holy Spirit will help you to reach your climax in marriage.

THE FOUNDER OF MARRIAGE

And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him'. And LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman Genesis 2:18; 21,22.

The verses above point out the Founder of marriage-God; why and when He founded it-a platform to provide him with a helper in other to be able to fulfil his mission and when it was most valued too; the mystery of monogamy-the taking of just one of his ribs signifies that he needed only one woman at a time; and also, the place of a woman-as under the man for she was taken from him and the headship of a man over her. However, we'll be looking at verse 18 here in this chapter while verses 21 and 22 will be broadly treated in the next two chapters.

God said ''it is not good that the man should be alone…'' so He decided to do something about his estate; to create a lasting platform that will sustain the life of this man. The phrase, ''it is not good that the man should be alone'' is very deeper than human imaginations for God's ways and thoughts are higher than that of men. God was able to see the frustration man will ever live in, without a helper, and had to come to his aid by founding an institution where he will be united and happy.

Before now, God was already relating closely with the man; man was happy but lonely each time God leaves him or he finishes his duty. So, God made him a woman to commune with him; to assist him as a helper in the creation mandate by being his home-maker. Remember that before now, God had given all the commands to guide man to Adam. Also, the mandate "to be fruitful and multiply" had been given but man by himself alone could not carry out the mandate, until the woman came. The other creatures had their female counterparts to carry out this mandate but not the man. He needed help to procreate and that help will be found only in a ''womb man''.

Therefore, God initiated marriage as a platform where man can be with his soul mate and helper as they live happily ever after. God was first in the life of man and it is God's desire that marriage should not take His place in the lives of couples. Instead, marriage should be a place where the man and woman should always be willing to relate and fellowship more with Him and by so doing fulfil His purposes for their existence. Child bearing is only one of the ''fruits'' that will 'subsequently come out of this initiation as a blessing to it by God.

The coming together of a man and woman in marriage to become one flesh is a mystery in which God merges them together to become one seed and then plants it in His farm, nurtures and prunes it so that it grows into a tree and produces divers fruits like breakthroughs, happiness, love, peace, patience, wisdom, understanding, tolerance, children and more.

WHEN IT WAS MOST VALUED

On the sixth day, God created man, Adam and Eve. I believe that God is an early riser; He loves to do whatever He needed to do at the right time. So am picturing God, walking into the garden very early in the morning before sun rise on that fateful day, specially set out to bring man into being. He was definitely going to do an extraordinary job, an EXTRA ORDINARY one indeed.

Artistically, He had designed and formed Adam, looked at him and smiled with a satisfactory nod before breathing the breadth of life into him to make him a living soul. Amazingly, man became a perfected work which He proclaimed was beautiful.

Do you think God brought forth the woman immediately after the man? I suppose you think so. Well, I think otherwise, I believe He lingered to make the woman.

Why would God linger to make the woman? Why would He not just make the woman alongside with the man and make both open their eyes to behold each other at the same time? Why wasn't Eve made before the man so that immediately he comes to life he will meet her, ready? Think about it. Well, do not think so hard. The answer is this, God had it all planned out, He wanted to present the woman to the man when he will value her most.

God told Adam, let's get to work. Come and get a little jealous over here, God thought in Himself. Getting to the garden, it was long hours of work for Adam. Taking orders from God, getting familiar with the other creatures, naming them one after the other etc. Watching them male and female play but then upon turning to his sides, found none of his like to play with and this I suppose made him feel jealous. After the day's work, he returned to an empty house with no one to welcome him and serve him food; no one to play with or look at in admiration. And so, he wished he had one. He wished he had a mate too.

Mind you, Adam lived in the garden prior to the existence of Eve for just few hours but these few hours seemed like a good number of days, weeks or probably months or even years to him because of boredom. He felt all alone even while surrounded by all these other creatures, God and the angels too. Imagine that!

When God saw the effect of the strategy He employed; when He saw the calm in Adam's life, like He proposed; He then said, ''It is not good for the man to be alone''. God took time to observe the man, and so was able to notice that even after a long stay with the other creatures, he was unable to find a better company that soothed his soul (Genesis 2:18-20). And this deeply affected his countenance.

Although Adam was not created a boy who needed to grow into an adult before thinking of getting married, yet, God allowed him to stay for some time before making the woman for him. This was a conscious act by God. He did this to create a hunger and an earnest desire in the man. The man had to be with other creatures in other to appreciate the woman when she arrives. Had Adam opened his eyes only to behold Eve on the wait for him, probably, he wouldn't have valued her as much as he did.

You know how it is when you strive to get something; the importance attached to it is different from that which is at your beck and call. God made the woman the scarce advantage of all other available. And while she was yet to appear, God was busy preparing the man, and training him as a father would teach his son, knowing fully well that he is a prospective husband and father, and so should be well equipped to execute effectively. And at the same time, awakening his sensual organs and making him a real man.

I believe something must have been going on in Adam's mind since he was not satisfied with the company he had before Eve came. He could have been lost in a world of imaginations where he would envision the possibility of having someone of his like as partner or company and wishes it becomes a reality. To show gratitude to God if such eventually happens, you can assume what he would have proposed in his heart to do for this person, like, vowing to love her unconditionally and protect her. This is God's expectation from a man who seeks a company and He got it from Adam. His wishes became a reality anyways for the Bible tells us how God caused him to fall into a deep sleep and haven taken a rib from his sides, made the woman.

By the help of the Holy Spirit, you will not make a mistake in your marriage. May you become discerning and understand well the difference between a man who is just lonely and one who is really having the true feelings of incompleteness; for only the latter is truly willing to settle down. Understand that loneliness does not kill any man; it is what every human feels at one point in time or another.

Therefore, don't feel unnecessary pity for a man, because this state of loneliness in a man only seeks one to take advantage of; it seeks only a momentary satisfaction of self. You can only bring completeness to a man who has succeeded in finding you as his missing rib and this does not even satiate completely the feelings of loneliness from either of you as legal spouses, since it is certain that for reasons unforeseen, one is susceptible to this feeling.

God wants a man to feel the desire for marriage and then go for it. Don't force yourself or allow any other to push you to a man. Let him find value for you then he will appreciate you for who you are. The success of your marriage is about how valuable you are to him.

THE REALITY

But you have turned aside from the way. You have caused many to stumble by your instruction. You have corrupted the covenant says the Lord of hosts. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god Malachi 2:8, 11(ESV)

Considering the happenings in marriages around, majority of the things you see may make you feel that marriage is a failed institution. Or, that people do not take it seriously, right? Well that could not be farther from the truth. But on the other hand, I want you to know that marriage can be fulfilling and successful, especially for you, if you approach it with a sincerity of heart and with the fear of God. It is actually the ungodliness and wickedness of men and women that drive them to usurp and take advantage of others, to the extent of going into marriage with ulterior motives, that causes it to crash in the long run, thereby making it undesirable for the younger generations like ours to look forward to it enthusiastically, and as one worth devoting all human resources- time, energy, hard work, commitment, interest, and

love- to.

Marriage, the one you desire, does not and should not end in your heart; in your imagination. No. It can be lived, if you work hard enough, and prayerfully and obediently let God lead you all the way into it.

Well, the truth is that, marriage is more than the sad pictures that it has been painted as; it's not about divorces. It's not about playing games or playing smart, nor is it something that is not worth anything but pain. No. Marriage can be for you what God planned it to be; a place of happiness and fellowship and fruitfulness.

Marriage, the one you desire, does not and should not end in your heart, in your imagination. No. It can be lived, if you work hard enough, and prayerfully and obediently let God lead you all the way into it. Remember what He says, "I know the thoughts I have for you, thoughts of good and not evil to give you and expected end" (Jeremiah 29:11). So, you see, it's first, God's plan for you to be happy even in marriage before you even began to hunger or desire it.

Marriage is not a game, because, God is not a play-boy. It's not a waste of time; because, He saw the need for it and took His time to design it. It's not an evil, because God cannot give what is bad to the ones He love (James 1:17). It's not a union where lovelessness and division should exist because God is love and man is made to live as God and He desires that these two become one forever in love, except with the occurrence of death which is yet to be rolled away.

Marriage is a reality. God is the author of it too and all who let God lead them into it like Adam, will experience peace.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

The word marriage is deeper than what it is often assumed to be, which commonly is to one, just a place of rest; to another a medium for procreation and to so many others, getting married is just to fulfil all righteousness and is done just to avoid the segregation that comes from the societies they come from. Interestingly, what they are yet to know is that, any or even all these, achieved without oneness of mind is not marriage. For God said, And they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Only with Oneness in marriage will you accomplish all that God requires of you because you will work with the knowledge that you can't deceive nor cheat your own self than assume it's your partner you're cheating, (Amos 3:3). Rather than see your partner as a different person from you, you get to understand that he is coexisting, not with you, but in you and so therefore is you. When you understand that your partner is you and vice versa, then, no matter what happens, just like you will not harm yourself, you would never harm him or her.

Marriage has more to it than what you imagine or presume. It's not about luxury, assets, lust, materialism; nor, is it one which it's only concern or motive is childbirth. No. Marriage is a union in which God Himself as its Founder, wants to partake fully in the direction of ALL its affairs. It is a place, where He wants to relate happily and lovingly with the man and woman in the presence or absence of children. That is, with or without children.

It's a place of fellowship because in fellowship, there is the manifestation of oneness and agreement; the will to love and share; the spirit to sacrifice, encourage and care; the discipline of self; the heart of forgiveness and determination to overcome and grow. It is a grace.

It's a place where you can worship God by not defiling the matrimonial bed. It's the reason why the home and not a house

is in existence. And a truly happy home is a constituent of God and then family members. So, everyone in such home knows that nothing takes the place of God. He's simply a priority. A true home is a symbol of love and unity. It is a place where the young people are lovingly guided, guarded and encouraged with all godliness in preparation against the challenging task ahead of them, who are to in return, raise substantial and amazing homes as not just thought, but also seen in their model homes. The things that happen in any marriage matters so much to the lives of the people surrounding it, more especially in the children's. Happiness and love or sadness and hatred and other traits will become family patterns and models. The prospective marriages and homes of the younger children will be just a product of whatever their parents are. It's therefore important for them to show forth a sense of responsibility in the godly manner they love and submit to each other RESPECTIVELY, thereby playing their roles and representing it well.

Marriage is a place of love and God is love. So, marriage is God coexisting among and through men. God and Love are inseparable; therefore, no one can love without being born again. In other words, God is the only reason why neither the man nor the woman, would not want to hurt the other. Having a marriage where you seem to be in a haven; one better than what your parents or anybody you ever knew have, can be a reality only with God.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS GREAT INSTITUTION?

For the man who hates and divorces, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts… Malachi 2:16 (ESV)

It seems from the look of things that there is a high rate of

failure in marriages than the successful ones. Does it mean that this is as a result of people not being prepared before going into marriage? Or could it be that the young people are no longer being groomed for marriage? Aren't they told what their roles are respectively? Or, is it that people have failed to seek and consult God in this aspect of their lives from the start of it?

How amazing I have found it to be that often times, people have been able to manage and bring about great success to big firms and organizations, with very large number of people from different backgrounds, and social standings. But have failed to bring growth to the organizations that will ever exist in the course of their life time and beyond, which is their marriages; their homes.

We need to realize that if ever there is any organization or career that should succeed in life, then it is the marriage institution from which any other organization would never have become a reality without. The truth I discovered is that, the marriages of some people are not founded on God, but on something else.

Selfishness, non-commitment and irresponsibility has become the order of the day in marriages, thereby preventing them from reaching their climax. Some people just get married for marrying sakes and never care to put in any form of effort or commitment into it; they are married but not yet settled into it. Some want it rosy at all times; they don't want any hard times at all, forgetting what marriage truly stands for, that it is for better and for worse.

It is the responsibility of both a man and woman to make a marriage work but more of the duty of a woman, to bring it to its best, because that's why God put her there in the first place. Total submission is a key that determines the level of success that will be experienced in any marriage. Once a woman closes her heart to a man in resentment in marriage or starts becoming non-submissive, that is only the beginning of failure in that marriage.

This is why a woman should recognize the importance of making sure that the man, who is coming into her life, is one that she will be willing enough to lay down her life and personality for, in other to be able to reach her objective in this life-time project. He should be a man she will ever continue to submit to, irrespective of anything, whether rich or poor, not as she wants, but as God commands.

Again, according to the Bible, a woman has been confirmed to be the core determinant of what the home becomes, for it says,

Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish plucks it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1). So, I think that the failure in any marriage is as a result of carelessness in the part of the woman; she is the cause of the evil happening in marriage for primarily, making a choice outside of God's will and then secondary is any other excuse she may give. The woman who is dully married, but outside of God's will and the one who is dully married in His will but are both experiencing crises in their marriages should understand that divorce or negligence is not an option. Prayer from a broken and a contrite heart answer it all. The home just has to be built, and any woman with discretion and the vision for heaven for herself and her home, would do anything to have it beautifully built, because there is reward and praise attached to it. Intercessory prayers answer it all, the woman who wants a home that she will be proud of, and in turn enjoy