The Lovers Grimaced

By Aruja King

This is the third installment of the 'Grim' trilogy written by Aruja King. Again we have 12 short stories specifically designed for those who have had trouble in dating and relationships...which is probably everyone. This particular book deals with those embarrassing and awkward moments that you wish had happened to someone else. The prose is direct and political correctness is not featured. The dialogue is bold, witty and thought-provoking.

There is the memorable April Fool about a man who plans revenge on his wife for an alleged infidelity, which turns out to be a terrible misunderstanding, there is Ups and Downs that deals with a couple suffering from mental disorders who decide to go on a trip and there are stories that deal with stalking, mortifying sexual encounters and stupidity. Some stories will entertain, some will shock, but mostly they are sure to keep you reading.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Oct 7, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465351852

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Aruja King.

ISBN:          Softcover                                 978-1-4653-5184-5

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4653-5185-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0-800-644-6988

www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

[e-mail]

302826

Contents

Rangers in the Night

The Boy from Hanoi

Stars and Stripes

The Holiday

April Fool

Ups and Downs

Don’t you get it?

Fear

Pink Cowboys

The importance of getting Ernest

You have what?

Smart Choice

Interviews

Stay Positive

The Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse and the Easter Bunny

To Tash and Sol, with love

Rangers in the Night

The bus did the merengue down the pot-holed road, bouncing Rachel’s head like a basket ball against the metal framed window. She cast a groggy eye up and was dazzled by the orange cactus blossoms leaping out the roadside like mardigras dancing in the morning light. It made her feel warmer and she stretched her legs over the adjacent open seat as they had been twisted and numbed by the cramped space and winter night. She was looking forward to seeing Stuart again. He was one of her best friends and had invited her on holiday at the game lodge where he worked as a ranger.

The town was waking up as the bus left her, at the station sat on her luggage hood pulled up and face turned up with closed eyes trying to find a bit of warmth from the visible but distant sun. It wasn’t long before a paint by numbers, spot the missing part, hole in exhaust roaring vehicle came jolting down the road to meet her. Stuart got out, his hair ablaze with long blond curls and face alight with humour, Well hello there! he said hugging Rachel and grabbing her luggage and throwing it into the boot. Rachel sat in the back, the cold and fatigue lifting in the warmth of her buoyant friend… and the car’s ecosystem scuttling under her seat.

Hope you are ready to have some fun! he yelled over the backfiring.

Bring it on, she said, trying to sound more energetic.

After a half hour they reached the carved and gabled thatch adorned entrance, spoiled only by sea of disgruntled looking employees rocking in a wave of defiance and protest songs.

You are just in time for the strike! said Stuart, his voice not losing its happy rhythm.

Are they violent? Rachel asked as one big striker looked like he was about to strike the vehicle.

Yesterday they tried to set fire to a busload of Japanese tourists, but the tourists mistook it for a warm African welcome and took pictures of them. The anger digressed into posing and cheese saying as everyone here likes their picture taken. Though a few got the two fingered gesture the wrong way round so their cause was not entirely abandoned, he replied tapping a beat on the steering wheel and smiling.

Well that is a relief. Why are they striking anyway?

Because they are being exploited as cheap labour as it is a remote area and the jobs are scarce.

Well in that case I hope they get what they want, she said.

No one really gets what they want, but we can try anyway, he added, giving her a wink.

Stuart! Rachel gave him a stern look.

It gets a bit lonely around here for rangers you know. The lone ranger syndrome! But you’ll see what I mean when you meet the boys, he said with a chuckle.

Rachel just shook her head and curled her jacket up to her neck as the wind had picked up and blew its cold breathe through the open window.

They pulled into a row of cottages and Stuart bundled Rachel and her bags into a dirty and musty smelling room. Sorry, it’s not five star, but we aren’t inside much.

A large hairy caterpillar squirmed an apologetic bow and inched off so Rachel could put her heavy bag full of useless nice outfits down on the bedroom floor.

I’ll take the couch and you can have the bed, unless you change your mind, Stuart grinned.

Thanks, I’m sure I’ll be fine on my own, she replied.

I am going to take a drive out now, but will come and fetch you in around an hour to show you about. Just chill and enjoy yourself. Remember you are on holiday now.

Thanks, see you later, she said thinking that she would indeed chill as the temperature inside was no different from outside. She did need a holiday as the thoughts of ‘to dos’ from work were still bobbing around in her head. Four days! I will have fun she decided as she took off her shoes and lay on the creaky bed for an hour of peace.

She had just dozed off when the door squeaked open and Stuart ran in.

Let’s go, I have got you a ride with the new ranger on his scouting vehicle.

Four male rangers formed a semi-circle next to the game vehicles, but jumped to attention and formed a line when they caught sight of Rachel. Stuart stood next to them as if in a pose.

We are the big five, said Kobus, the shortest of the group, holding out his hand to her.

Why are you the big five? she asked.

Maybe you’ll let us show you later, said the skinny chap called Marcus.

Rachel rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Go with Evert, he is the scout today. Stuart pointed at a guy who she hadn’t noticed, but he was sitting pensively in the driver’s seat of one of the vehicles. We’ll follow later with the guests, said Stuart.

See you later Rachel, the rest of the big four said at once.

And don’t get out of the vehicle! You never know what predator may be hiding in wait, said Kobus finishing his statement with a lion roar that wasn’t very scary, nor sexy in any way.

Rachel set off with Evert down the bumpy road. Evert was a man of few words and the words he did utter he might as well have just kept to himself.

I’m new here, he said.

Oh, are you enjoying it?

Yes, it’s fun, he said pushing his head forward over the steering wheel in mock concentration.

What did you do before? asked Rachel.

I was a builder.

Rachel gazed into the bush. The thorn trees shot up like scraggy vagrant Ents wandering slowly through the anthills and yellow grass. The sun shone down hot afternoon, but the wind took its cold little hands and caught each ray as it fell and tossed them back upwards leaving only a vague warmth lingering.

We are now entering the slum, said Evert without a trace of humour.

A slum? asked Rachel bewildered.

Yes. The poor cupines live here, he replied in a flat tone.

The silence grew a little thicker. Rachel leaned further out of the vehicle and breathed in some fresh air, her back turned to Evert, to discourage further communication.

The vehicle bumped and lurched and then ground to a halt.

Look! said Evert. Rachel craned her neck to see over the windscreen to where he was pointing. She spotted the the tail end of a mottled snake as it vanished its way into the matching grass."

That’s an adder, said Evert, Do you know how to spot an adder? he added.

No, she braced herself.

It will be carrying a calculator, he said.

He started up the engine once more and Rachel took out her camera and started taking pictures.

The sky was misty blue with a stream of clouds