Reflections on the Iniquity of Woman

By Malleus Malorum

Ive made my way in public life
Succoured a family and wife
Sat on committees, made my mark,
Scattered light where once was dark.

Just once, when pressure grimly bore,
Fate pointed me towards the door
Behind which lay your ample charms
And left me in your fateful arms.

Now, for one night of pleasures lewd,
My character is misconstrued.
You must admit its not much fun
To read it in this mornings Sun.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Sep 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479702534

Malleus Malorum

Voice of Experience You ask me how I know these odious facts, How I can chronicle so true the acts Of woman, how within the span of life A man, alone, can compass so much strife. In youth I was by temper much inclined To disregard all evil and to find The good in everything, however small; A thoroughgoing optimist withal. A further trait of nature did affect me In that the goddess Venus did select me And fitted me for greatness in her arts And fulsomely provided all the parts. Philosophy and form were thus combined To render me a pleasure unconfined To ladies who a-thirsting for me flocked To taste my well and find my weapon cocked. And so began my arduous career Which made me pessimist and taught me fear. You see today the ravages, my son, The sum of all the dreadful deeds they’ve done.

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VOICE OF EXPERIENCE

You ask me how I know these odious facts,

How I can chronicle so true the acts

Of woman, how within the span of life

A man, alone, can compass so much strife.

In youth I was by temper much inclined

To disregard all evil and to find

The good in everything, however small;

A thoroughgoing optimist withal.

A further trait of nature did affect me

In that the goddess Venus did select me

And fitted me for greatness in her arts

And fulsomely provided all the parts.

Philosophy and form were thus combined

To render me a pleasure unconfined

To ladies who a-thirsting for me flocked

To taste my well and find my weapon cocked.

And so began my arduous career

Which made me pessimist and taught me fear.

You see today the ravages, my son,

The sum of all the dreadful deeds they’ve done.

MARITAL BLISS

Ye who desire days of strife

With unremitting ructions rife,

With horror view the quiet life

And want no ease,

To gain your aim go take a wife

Your whim to please.

By this means you can never fail.

She’s ever on the mark to rail.

Her nature is to shrew the male

And make him rue

His faults and set him on the nail

To pay his due.

Be he with virtues so replete

With courtly airs and manners sweet

She will make shift with hob-nailed feet

These things to trample,

Nor will she stay ‘til she has beat

A motion ample.

And after hours of daily toil

His rightful slumber she will foil.

What pleases him her mind will boil

With indignation.

For simple spite alone she’ll spoil

His delectation.

Whatever succour he may take

Her care will be to lie awake

To find a means whereby to make

His pleasure dim

And all his manly virtues break

And bridle him.

EXPERIENCE

I’ve battled with the heathen horde

In empire’s outposts far.

I’ve been the only man on board

And compassed with a star.

I’ve crossed the desert’s burning sands,

The steaming jungle too.