Power to the Aspies: Empowered Parenting to Unlock the Potential of Your Aspergers / Autism Spectrum Child

By Becca Kline

Power to the Aspies is exactly that... the blow-by-blow fight against autism, bringing her child from total despair to overcoming power. Becca, an American university student married to a German businessman, was suddenly shocked into the reality that she was the divorced mom of a son born with Aspergers autism, in a country totally foreign to her. This is a detailed account of how Becca lived through the isolated, helpless, powerless grief of mothering a very sad son as he faced his school days with the pain of rejection and failure on every hand, and not knowing why. After years of in-the-trenches life, battling school administers, many "I'm just not sure... I can't help" doctors; and in-depth studying of books written about troubled children, Becca offers this book, showing parents how to help their child reach his/her full potential, and love every minute of it!



Power to the Aspies is a tremendously informative read for anyone interested in human behavior. The conversational writing style is easy to read and engaging. Each chapter helps one understand an aspect of Aspergers and shares helpful advice. This book is loaded with compassion and practical help.
Barbara Booth, M.S., LBSW
Dallas, Texas


Becca Kline has unlocked the capabilities of her eldest son, and has helped many other parents to do so. I have had the opportunity to work just a bit with him in the area of basic mathematics. He has a marvelous ability to focus on whatever academic pursuit he undertakes. He has not only taught himself languages other than his own German and English, but he has a wonderful grasp of scientific subjects as well. He now has his Masters Degree in chemistry and is employed by a prominent laboratory in London, England."
Dr. Howard Duck, Ed.D

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: May 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781466993198

Becca Kline

Becca Kline is a freelance speaker and writer. Contributing to several niches including parenting, autism spectrum, personal development, personal empowerment and spiritual growth, her primary intention is to inspire others to reach their highest potential, one step at a time. Alongside her freelance work, Becca is employed by a local charity where she engages with individuals and families and speaks to groups of people – parents and professionals alike – about engaging with children and youths on the autistic spectrum Becca’s professional background spans 3 countries and includes over 20 years in various roles within finance, operations and sales support working for several international companies. Experienced in personnel management, motivation, training and process improvement, Becca has developed and implemented a number of streamlined processes and trained others to use them. Privately, Becca is raising two magnificent sons with Asperger’s Syndrome. Putting her knowledge and skills in personal motivation to use, she has developed unique and powerful techniques and processes for unlocking the potential of these extraordinary individuals. Read Becca’s success story on her website. Now combining her years of professional experience with her in-the-trenches parenting expertise, Becca has developed a highly inspirational and motivational guide to parenting children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Visit her website at www.powertotheaspies.com

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© Copyright 2013 Becca Kline.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Author Credits: www.powertotheaspies.com

ISBN: 978-1-4669-9320-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4669-9319-8 (e)

Trafford rev. 04/30/2013

7-Copyright-Trafford_Logo.ai www.trafford.com

North America & international

toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

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CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

OUR STORY

PART I LEARNING TO CRAWL

GRIEF

Denial

Anger

Sorrow

BLAME

Blaming Others

Blaming Your Child

Blaming Yourself

EMOTIONAL ADDICTIONS

STEPPING BACK

Stepping Back—The Technique

Advanced Stepping Back

PART II NOW YOU CAN WALK

HELP AND SUPPORT

SOCIAL SKILLS

Inner Game

Outer Game

BULLYING

When Your Child is Bullied

When Your Child is the Bully

DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR AND MELTDOWN

DEPRESSION

SEX AND SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

SCHOOL

Mainstream

Homeschooling

Special Schools

DIET

Food Intolerance Testing

Gluten and / or Casein Free Diet

SLEEP

IF YOU TRY NOTHING ELSE, TRY THIS!

PART III GET READY TO SPREAD YOUR WINGS

FOCUS POCUS

Your Child’s Ability to Focus

Your Focus

PASSION

VISUALIZATION

CREATIVE THINKING

ZONING OUT

UNIQUE THOUGHT AND THE EMPATHY THING

LEVELING WITH YOUR CHILD

FINAL WORDS

APPENDIX I RESOURCES

APPENDIX II SELF FORGIVENESS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Endnotes

INTRODUCTION

I would like to start this book with the humble admission that I am not a perfect person, nor am I a perfect parent. I do not profess to be either and anyone who knows me well, including—or maybe especially—my sons, will be able to confirm this to you. So, it is from this modest standpoint that I would like to assure you that you don’t have to be perfect to do an exceptional job of raising your Aspergers or ASD child and helping him or her to fulfill his or her potential.

It is also from this same unpresumptuous standpoint that I would like to offer you every bit of help and guidance within my knowledge, so that you can avoid the pitfalls, anxiety, tears and stupid mistakes (lessons that I learned the hard way) at least to whatever extent possible.

That said, I recognize that we are all different. You are different from me and your ASD child will be different from mine. (Heck, even my 2 ASD sons are as different as chalk and cheese!) So, I don’t insist that you should follow exactly the same path I have followed, that this book will be the answer to every single question you could ever have or that each and every single chapter in this book must be read and applied in order for you to succeed in helping your child to fulfill all of his or her potential.

On the contrary, I trust that the chapters you need will resonate with you as you read the title and you will naturally be drawn to the thing you need most at any point in time. Please feel free to jump around at your discretion, to skip entire sections if they do not resonate with you at all and to come back to anything if you feel you need to revisit it.

I will lovingly refer to our Aspergers / ASD children in this book as Asp/dies (Asp for Aspergers and ASD for autism spectrum disorder). This is simply to make my task a bit easier and to make it an easier read for you, rather than spelling the whole thing out each time. This is not making fun of or taking lightly the diagnoses given to our children. It is not any sort of quality judgment. It is simply a nickname I have made for the autism spectrum profile and it comes from a place of love, respect and admiration for these special people.

I will also refer to our magnificent children with the masculine pronouns—he, him and his. This is in no way out of disrespect or ignorance of the fact that girls can have Aspergers and ASD diagnoses. I know there are plenty of females out there who have an autism spectrum diagnosis. Again, this is simply to make my task easier and to make this a more concise read for you. Please do not take this as any sort of slight on your personal situation if you are parenting a girl with these special needs.

Just so that it’s clear, I recommend many sites and resources in this book which I think may be of help. However, I am not affiliated with any of them and I do not receive any commission or other benefit—monetary or otherwise—if you try or buy anything I recommend in these pages. Conversely, I can’t guarantee any result you may get out of them either.

Finally, for the sake of transparency, I want to be honest with you and let you know that I am publishing this book under a pseudonym. Becca Kline is not my real name—I have quite a unique and unusual name. Neither are Ben and Jake my sons’ real names. I have chosen not to disclose our true identities for the sake of my sons. As unlikely as it may be that someone could discover who they are via this book and tease, harass or otherwise be a nuisance to them, they are both very sensitive about their diagnoses and do not choose to broadcast their disabilities to the world. I need to respect this and offer them the anonymity they have chosen.

At the same time, I want to assure you that we are very real people and that I am genuinely interested in offering you the help and guidance it took me years to find. I would love to connect with you and hear what you have to say. I invite you to email me at [e-mail] with any comments, questions or suggestions you may have. I do need to earn a living and am still mothering a 9 year old autism spectrum child, so I have many demands on my time. Nonetheless, if you have a genuine question or comment, I will do my utmost to give you a genuine response. That’s a promise.

OUR STORY

In 1990, in Cologne, Germany, (where I was living at the time) after many hours of labor and a very difficult delivery, my first son, Ben, was born. There is no other way to say it: Ben was absolutely furious for having been brought into the world! He was not at all pleased and was extremely vocal about this fact. The nurses in the hospital dubbed him Schreihals, which, literally translated, means scream throat.

Seriously, Ben was a very distressed baby who cried a great deal. He was colicky and generally troubled, though physically quite sturdy by all appearances. As he grew he did calm down and have his more charming moments. He was a sedentary child and by the time he was 10 months old he could just sit up but nothing more and this did frustrate him. He needed some gymnastic therapy to help him develop his motor skills.

By the age of 2 ½, after moving to the UK, Ben was recommended for speech and language therapy, which we did attend. However, the issue of language development seemed elusive and cloudy—or rather, the question whether or not he had problems with it was elusive and cloudy. The therapists weren’t sure. He was being raised in a bilingual environment. He was found to have glue ear and was fitted with grommets (tubes). There were many reasons or excuses for his demonstration of language delay.

It wasn’t long after Ben started school that alarm bells began to sound and I was called in to the school to be told by his teacher that she was very worried about Ben. This is when all the fun really began.

Prior to the commencement of obligatory education, Ben hadn’t been expected to fit into any boxes per se or to live up to a rigid standard of national expectations. Yes, the occasional health visitor would ask if he could pedal a tricycle or get himself dressed or similar, but there was no huge pressure on him to conform. Alas, some might argue that our western school systems are prized above all for teaching us to fit into the box or to meet standard expectations of what a citizen should be or know or do at any given age.

(I don’t want to give you the impression that I am grinding an axe and that my goal here is to bemoan the sorry system or the people within it. I assure you, that is not my intention nor would I recommend this attitude to anyone who may be struggling. I understand that the state schools are limited in resources and sometimes ill equipped to deal with needs which can be out of the ordinary. Nonetheless, I am eternally grateful that Ben was able to access the national curriculum in a mainstream school and it must be said that, ultimately, the system came through for Ben, though it was a long time in coming.)

But let’s get back to the first grade for now. The fact is that since that first we are very worried meeting, and for the following 6 years, Ben suffered through some very difficult times—personally, socially and academically. Meanwhile, I was running from specialist to specialist trying to find some answers. The resounding verdict from each professional was We agree that there is something wrong, but it is not in our specialized area. We saw speech and language therapists, pediatricians, psychologists, family counselors, nutritionists, dyslexia experts—basically, you name the specialist and we saw one.

One of his teachers did suggest a form of autism very early on, but this was never taken further by any medical professional. And frankly, due to my own misconceptions about the word autism, I did not pursue it because I didn’t think it fit.

As the years progressed, Ben’s frustrations became more and more intense. He was in the most remedial groups at school. He was awkward and eccentric, which led to significant social difficulties including being bullied by his peers. He had terrible bouts of anger and deep sadness. He had horrific nightmares (Salvador Dali style) and night terrors and he even had suicidal thoughts. He developed some pretty serious escapist tendencies—mostly in video games and the like. The world was a scary place for him and he felt totally out of control a great deal of the time.

In the meantime, I was having dramatic struggles of my own. My marriage had ended and my ex moved back to Germany, so I (an American) was alone as a single mother in a foreign country, without support system or anyone to lean on. I was desperate to help my son by any means necessary. And without being entirely conscious of it, I was forced to do a great deal of introspection—asking myself some profound questions about how I could have given life to such a sorrowful existence, how I could have managed to bring such an unhappy soul into this world.

Honestly, there were moments in which I deeply regretted having Ben—not for my sake, but for his own. Is all of life worth living? Even a desolate, lonely and bleak life? Ben didn’t seem to think so.

I read anything and everything I could get my hands on. I read a huge number of books about children with specific learning difficulties; children with problems and how to recognize and diagnose those problems. At the same time, I read a great deal in the area of self-help and self-development. This experience was causing me significant pain and I knew that I needed to be the best that I could be in order to help my son.

Somehow, at a deep level, I began to understand that this is my own journey and that Ben is here to teach me something about myself just as much as I am here to teach him. Once I began to open up to and embrace this idea, I began attracting some of the most amazing information to me. And I set out on a new path of my own.

Finally, when Ben was in the 6th grade, we found a wonderful pediatrician who suspected some form of autism (duh) and recommended us to a specialist in London. She was able to give Ben the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a high functioning autism spectrum disorder. Still somewhat perplexed, we were nonetheless grateful to walk away with the