Listening Is Healing: A Practical Guide for Pastoral Care

By Peter McIntosh

This book describes in an-easy-to read style how to listen to people who need to tell their story. Many are hurt, confused, afraid, or burdened by past experiences. They want someone to talk to who can help them understand what is robbing them of emotional or spiritual well-being. The book provides a dos and donts checklist for this effective kind of listening. It identifies what robs people of peace and the sources of their disquiet. It gives guidance as to how listeners can respond to what is said in a way that releases the storyteller and restores wholeness. It outlines the specific role of prayer as a healing and renewing tool for establishing newness of life, and it gives practical steps for those seeking to establish a listening ministry within their own Christian communities. It is an essential read for anyone engaged in pastoral care at any level.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481786973

Peter McIntosh

Revd Peter McIntosh was born in Dundee, Scotland. His family moved to Manchester when he was fifteen, and after completing his schooling and two years of National Service in the Royal Air Force, he trained as a secondary school teacher and taught English and Religious Education for four years in Salford, Manchester. In 1965 he left teaching to train at Westminster College, Cambridge for Christian ministry and was ordained in 1968. He served as a minister in the United Reformed Church for twenty-six years, until in 1994 he was appointed Director of the U.R.C. Windermere Lay Training Centre, a post he held for eight years. In 1999 he was elected as Moderator of the U.R.C. General Assembly, and in 2005 he became Director and Senior Chaplain of Crowhurst Christian Healing Centre in East Sussex. At present he is the U.R.C. Southern Synod Healing Advisor. Peter has wide experience of the church’s healing and listening ministry, and he teaches and trains in the subject at day and residential retreats. His passions are people, preaching, pastoral care, travel, and humour. He is married with two children and three grandchildren and lives in West Sussex.

Book preview

© 2013 by Peter McIntosh. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Unless otherwise noted scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible—Public Domain.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/21/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-8696-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-8697-3 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Preface

Chapter One

What Is a Listening Ministry?

Chapter Two

What Makes a Good Listener?

Chapter Three

A Dos and Don’ts Listening Checklist

Chapter Four

Listening for the Robbers

Chapter Five

Ministering into the Brokenness

Chapter Six

At the Conclusion of Ministry

Appendix: A Way Forward

Preface

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Galatians 6: 2

Bearing one another’s burdens can take many forms. It can mean providing care through practical support or extending friendship to those in need, but it can also mean giving time to listen to people’s stories when they want to talk.

Listening is healing, and a listening ministry can be a significant part of any care.

This book explains what a listening ministry can involve. It identifies who listeners might be. It provides insights into how to listen and what to listen for, and it describes how listeners can effectively respond to what they hear. It concludes with a practical guide for groups wishing to develop this ministry within their own church communities.

The church has a God-given mandate to care. A listening ministry is one way of fulfilling that caring law of Christ.

Chapter One

What Is a Listening Ministry?

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

John 10: 10

My seven-year-old son was out playing on his bike on the concrete walkways surrounding our flat. When he returned, I was busy on my computer.

Dad! His voice was less strident than usual.

With my back to him I waved a gesture of wait a minute.

Dad, said the voice again, more urgently this time.

Still no response from me.

Dad, I fell off my bike.

Again my irritated hand signalled at the interruption.

Dad, I’ve hurt myself.

Without turning, I said with some irritancy, Hang on, will you? I’m busy!

I heard a sob, which was unlike him, so I glanced round, and to my horror I saw blood pouring down his face from what seemed like a hole in his head.

The rest of the scene was, to say the least, frenetic. An abandoned computer, a clutched son, a dash to the car, a racing drive to hospital, x-rays, stitches, and an almighty sigh of relief when appearances proved worse than reality. Only a superficial wound had occurred, and all would be well.

In the midst of the trauma he told me his story of the accident—how his head reached the concrete before the bike! Later, of course, he had another story to tell his friends, an impressive tale of blood, high-speed driving, hospitals, and undergoing what no doubt would be exaggerated into something major like brain surgery. Hopefully, he would omit the bit about the non-listening parent!

There are different kinds of listening. There is the listening we do when we are having an ordinary conversation with somebody, which (unless we are physically hard of hearing) is a listening we probably take for granted. Sometimes we are interested in what is being said to us, and sometimes we are not. Then there is the listening we do when we want to identify a particular sound like a kettle boiling, a baby crying, or the car engine playing up. However when it comes to a listening ministry, it is yet another kind of listening that takes place.

The word ministry can often put people off because of the belief that such work can only be done by professionals or those highly trained in every aspect of counselling or theology. However, if we think of ministry as exercising wise and compassionate care towards others, guided and inspired by the Holy Spirit, then such a work is potentially open to all who are gifted for it.

A listening ministry might be described as intentional listening, that is, listening to what is behind what the person is saying. Listeners then become like detectives; they listen to the story being told to them, but they also listen for the clues that point to what it is that is robbing the storyteller of peace and well-being. They listen for the feelings, emotions, and attitudes that accompany the story. They listen for how the person is inside in mind, heart, or spirit as he or she shares.

This may sound difficult, yet being a listening detective is probably not as far removed from our experience as we might imagine. Without realising it, we have probably all been effective detectives at some time or another. People can say something to us, and we know instinctively they mean something else. Here is an example: you have asked someone, How are you? and the person has responded, Oh, can’t complain, but you know their condition or their circumstances are such