The Impossibly Perplexing Mr. Pickle

By Anthony Lyle and Shannon Linder

Mr. Pickle is an amazing enigma. The children for which he is responsible, are constantly amazed by the adventures that seem to "just happen". Far from being Mary Poppins, Mr. Pickle always seems to be confused and befuddled.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781491822647

Anthony Lyle

Anthony Lyle is a father, a grandfather, and a great grandfather. A truck driver, a programmer, and a brief stint in the Air Force during Vietnam. His wife passed away some years ago from cancer and has since remained a widower. He cares a great deal about his step-daughters and family. He has no main ties to any particular Christian denomination, but is a devout believer in Jesus Christ and God. He has spent some 30 years researching and studying the Bible, archaeology, world history, and some of the sciences such as Physics, Chemistry, Geology, and Biology to get a full round picture of the world. His objective is to help others understand their place in the Plan of God.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Return of the Snodgrass Kids

Unhand me you vile witch! How dare you put your wicked hands on Blackbeard the Terrible! I’ll ’ave you walkin the plank. I’ll ’ave your head for this! The kicking screaming young boy struggled to get free from the older woman’s arm around his body.

The teacher struggled to carry the 10 year old out of her classroom to the principal’s office. She put him into a chair there and told him to stay. He glared at her and then smiled. When his dragon gets back, I’m going to see that he burns your hair off your head.

The teacher sighed and went into the principal’s office. The principal looked up at the teacher, Is it Michael again?

Thank goodness, summer is almost here. Mrs. Ballard shook her head. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Principal Votroubek nodded. I’ll call his parents… again.

Tiffany sat on the edge of her chair in front of the principal and the teacher, who was speaking. Unfortunately, it was HER turn to go to the principal’s office and Rupert had some kind of meeting, or at least he better have had some kind of meeting!!! The principal was speaking to her. Sometimes, I think he really believes he is Blackbeard the pirate.

Tiffany defended her son. OH no, sometimes, he’s the white knight, slaying dragons.

OH yes, he did threaten me that he had a dragon that would burn the hair off of my head. Mrs. Ballard rolled her eyes.

Tiffany’s eyes widened. He… said that?

Umm. The principal and the teacher both nodded.

Oh dear… oh dear. Tiffany realized she was repeating one of Mr. Pickle small quirks and in spite of the seriousness of the meeting, she felt like giggling. Well, I’ll have a talk with him.

Mrs. Snodgrass, it’s almost the end of the school year. All we’re asking is a little control for a few more weeks.

Yes. I’ll see what I can do.

She walked out and Michael frowned and hung his head. Really Michael? Burn the hair off of her head? You’ll have her head?

Michael shrugged. Well, she was…

Tiffany held up a finger quickly. I don’t want to hear it! Suddenly, another teacher came in holding the hand of a little girl. Annie?

Unhand me this instant! I am a princess and I will not be… .

Annie! Tiffany called out sharply and Annie stopped and looked at her mother. You too?!

Mrs. Phelps, an older teacher, looked at Tiffany and saw Michael and nodded. Yes… another Snodgrass kid!

Tiffany groaned. What am I going to do with the two of you?

She started it. I told the truth and she said I was maginin things. I wasn’t! I told her the truth.

She says that there is a monster who sometimes sleeps under her bed and he snores and that Nancy Drew?

Our cat.

Yes, well, your cat is still afraid that this monster eats cats, no matter how many times Annie has tried to convince her that he won’t.

Ah, I see… well, you see… That’s probably our fault. Tiffany called the teacher aside and whispered. Before this, she was afraid of the dark and she would wake us up every night afraid and we would have to search her bed and her closet… and so, this… we allowed her… to uh.

I think I get the picture. Still, allowing a little girl to believe that there are monsters in the world might not be the best…

Try going without sleep for a week when you have meetings and briefings. Tiffany was suddenly a little irritated.

Okay. I understand, but she has to understand the difference between the truth and make-believe. Her assignment was to tell about something that REALLY happened.

Principal Votroubek had stepped out of her office and had seen Annie as well. She sighed and rolled her eyes which irritated Tiffany. I think it’s time to retire. She moaned softly, but she was far too young to retire. Fortunately, Susie Snodgrass only had one more year here before she went to High School. That only left… . She groaned again and shook her head. Secretly, she hoped that Mrs. Snodgrass didn’t decide to have any more kids!

I don’t know what to say to either of you.

Susie sat in the front seat of the car on the way home and she nodded in an empathetic mature manner. Well, after all, Mom. They are only children.

Tiffany frowned as she glanced over at Susie and then quickly back at the road to drive. I suppose you’re right. She sighed. Listen… there are only a few more weeks left of school. Maybe you guys could do me a favor and just not tell any Mr. Pickles stories for that time.

But you believe us don’t you? Annie asked seriously.

Tiffany looked at the girl in her rearview mirror and hesitated. It was undeniable that she and her husband, Rupert Snodgrass had seen and heard many strange things from last summer. And there was the brief sight of that dragon as Pickles had drove away last year. She didn’t know what to believe. She chose the easy way. Of course, but we don’t have to announce these things to the rest of the world. Do you understand?

The kids in the back seat moaned. Okaaayyyyyy… .

Well, MY teacher, Mrs. Crawford, finds my stories quite amusing. Of course she doesn’t believe a word of them, but that’s her problem. Susie announced in quite a snobby voice.

Still, I promised your teachers that there would be punishment and… well, I’ve decided that you’re grounded. The kids groaned and then she smiled. For at least an hour to your rooms. She heard giggling and she frowned. Don’t take this grounding lightly. Next time I guarantee it will be more serious! But she always said next time it would be worse. The problem was that grounding was often more of a punishment to her than to the kids.

Actually, the grounding wasn’t all that bad. They would have sat in the window of Susie’s room anyway as they watched the new neighbors move in next door, on the opposite side as Mr. Pickle’s house. They watched hopefully for some sign of a toy box or children’s beds, but they were vastly disappointed. Then they saw the people moving in and it was an older woman, like a grandma type, and her husband, a grandpa type.

The woman was dark haired, slightly overweight, and had one of those smiles that never left her face, even during a time of crisis. She was the eternal optimist. Her husband was tall, thin, although he looked heavier than he was because he walked slightly bent over, with his knees bent outward some. It was obvious that he struggled with walking some. He kind of shuffled along slowly behind the woman.

Nancy Drew sat with them watching intently out the window when suddenly, they saw the big black Labrador running past the older man. They heard him call out to the dog. Maggie, stay here. The man’s body might have been older, but his voice was commanding. The dog obediently returned to the old man’s side. They heard Nancy Drew groan.

Oh dear… me, no! NOT a stupid dog! I’ll bet anyone five dollars, if I had five dollars that is, that he loves to chase cats!

They looked at Nancy Drew in surprise. She hadn’t talked since Pickles had left! Suddenly, it dawned on them! Nancy Drew had talked!!!!! They got up almost trampling one another as they rushed downstairs, unmindful of their grounding!

Tiffany saw them running for the door. Hey, I thought you were groun…

Mr. Pickles is back! Susie called out.

Tiffany forgot about their grounding as well. She dropped her knife on the kitchen counter and ran after the kids, and in her excitement, she beat the kids over to the house. However, being the dignified business woman that she was, she stopped herself on the porch. She managed to halt the kids in time and she turned to knock on the door, but as her hand almost reached the door, Michael ran past her and ran into the house!

She wasn’t sure who was happier to see the doddling short man with the wire-rimmed glasses and the pudgy little belly, the kids or herself?!!! She saw the kids run in and surround the poor man as he stood there in shock. Oh dear… oh dear me… I must say, this is a fine greeting. A perfectly pleasing greeting indeed! He smiled at Tiffany. And greetings to you Mrs. Snodgrass.

She sighed as if the world was going to be alright again and smiled as if she had just seen a long lost lover. Mr. Pickle… you came back! We were… uh. I mean, the kids were terribly worried that you might have decided to… stay where ever you went or perhaps even have gone somewhere else.

I managed to handle my affairs over the winter and now I’m ready for a nice easy summer.

Easy? You’re not referring to my kids? Tiffany was suddenly worried that he wasn’t going to watch the kids!! The panic on her face was evident!

OH most certainly, a joy to look after.

Tiffany looked relieved. Wheww… for a minute there… I mean… well, you know. She blushed. It’s very good to see you again and I assure you that Rupert will be most happy to see you as well!

Now, I understand that the children have some issues at school. He smiled at her.

She frowned at him. How did you know… . You know what? Never mind. Yes. They have been telling stories about… . last summer and I’m afraid that their teachers think that they’re not exactly telling the truth.

Oh dear… oh dear… That is dreadful. To think that these wonderful children would lie? I must deal with this at once.

YEAAAAHHHHH! Annie cheered and danced around. Now that Mrs. Phelps will learn a thing or two!

Tiffany frowned. I don’t think that’s what Mr. Pickles has in mind, but do remember that they are your teachers! The kids nodded and moaned softly in agreement.

Mr. Pickles sat in one of the student desks with the three kids sitting behind him. He barely fit into the student desk with his pudgy belly pushing tightly against the student desk top. The teachers and Principal Votroubek sat opposite them. Introductions had already been made. As he told them his name, they all looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Oh YOU’RE Mr. Pickles. Well, I must say, we have certainly heard a lot about you this year.

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Pickles smiled slightly and nodded. Oh dear, I hope it wasn’t too terrible.

Oh, no, the children love you! She iterated that the children loved him, but the teachers… they weren’t so sure.

Well, shall we deal with the issues? It is my understanding that you find the stories told by the children a little hard to believe.

Mrs. Crawford was not one to pull punches. She had her arms crossed and her head tilted in irritation as she frowned and tapped an irritated toe. Preposterous is more like it.

Oh very good word. Mr. Pickles nodded. Yes, preposterous. I couldn’t agree more. The kids looked at him puzzled as did the teachers. Sooooo, we are in agreement then that the stories are quite preposterous and plumb perplexing at best?

Uh… The teachers looked at each other I confusion. You… agree with us?

Oh quite. After all, you are all teachers of some notoriety, and it would be quite disrespectful to disregard your principals. They all looked at him shocked that he seemed to be on their side and yet, they still weren’t sure. So, shall we agree to let this matter drop? I’m quite sure that the children will not be spreading any more stories this year.

Uh… well, given that they agree to not tell any more of these… uh stories, I suppose that we could…

Could we get that in writing? Mr. Pickles suggested.

Principal Votroubek glanced at the teachers and they were confused as to why he wanted this in writing as she was so they shrugged. She nodded and picked up a pen. She frowned as she started to write. She put the pen down and got another. She looked up in confusion. Uh…

Is there a problem? Mr. Pickles looked at her with a concerned frown. The children looked at each other and giggled.

"Uh… well, these