Forces of Destiny

By Jean E. Roy van Keulen

Forces of Destiny is the sequel to The Winds of Fate Micronesian Love Story released in 2012 and is available online and in bookstores. Madison and Elizabeths powerful, unrelenting love affair reignited over a span of 44 years. Because of their infidelity, they lived two lives. They survived many tragic events that affected them deeply. Both were affected deeply and emotionally from three deaths, and a case of diagnosed complicated and unresolved grief.
As lovers, they take incredible risks that could easily destroy them, their marriages, families, professions and reputations. They are aware of the risks, but their love and commitment to each other is so profound and powerful, they are willing to take the risks and continue playing with fire.
The bond between them outweighs and overpowers their rational judgment as lovers and best friends. They are highly educated, respected, and known for their prestigious work on Aurora, the USA and abroad. Yet, they continue to live two lives in secrecy and strategically arrange time to rendezvous with each other while still loving and living with their spouses and children.
For years, both suffered many individual and family tragedies, headaches, heartbreaks, and shed many tears. After 43 years of unfaithfulness, both ended up in psychotherapy and family counseling. In family counseling, Madison confessed and shared his story about his love affair with Elizabeth from the beginning with his family present. The reactions from his family and counselor were totally unexpected. The Forces of Destiny continues the compelling, magnetic journey of love and determination of Madison and Elizabeth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 13, 2015
• ISBN: 9781496965455

Jean E. Roy van Keulen

JEAN E. ROY VAN KEULEN, PH.D. Professor Emerita in Special Education at San Francisco State University in San Francisco, California lives on the Central Coast of Monterey County. Dr. van Keulen has worked extensively in the U.S.A. and abroad in the respective fields of general and special education, and education administration with preschool age children through adulthood.

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© 2015 Jean E. Roy van Keulen Ph.D. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

This is a work of fiction. The name, characters, dates, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author. The characters are the figment of the author’s mind and imagination.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/12/2015

ISBN: 978-1-4969-6546-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-6544-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-6545-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015900939

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

1 Miraculous Reunion

2 Pulsating With Passion

3 Two Hearts, Two Souls

4 Emotional Roller Coaster

5 Their Agreement

6 President Leaves Office

7 Anxiety and Panic Attacks

8 Unfortunate Disconnect

9 Fabulous Time

10 Ordained by Destiny

11 Morality vs. Reality

12 Ravaging Feelings of Guilt

13 Trials and Tribulations

14 Dawn of Mourning

15 Cove of Silence

16 Late Hours in The Night

17 Challenges and Choices

18 Pre-marital Friction

19 Rude Awakening

20 Madison Meets Elizabeth’s Family

21 Elizabeth Meets Madison’s Family

22 Contemptuous Rejection

23 Difficult Dilemma

24 Unresolved Grief

25 Secrets Unveiled

26 Sorrow and Forgiveness

27 Companions for Life

28 Love and Happiness

29 Dynamic Family Transition

30 Until Death Do We Part

Dedication

To

Chaldrick Bergen, MS Eng

Dunedin, New Zealand

You add so much pleasure and magnificence to my days.

–––—

Thank you for being such a great person

and my special friend. You are so wonderful,

worthy, loveable and self-confident.

You are not afraid to show your

kind, gentle ways, love and emotions.

This is very important to me. I appreciate your strength,

sensitivity, vulnerability, humor and beauty. You are indeed

uniquely you - - a charismatic, intelligent individual who

can never be replicated. There is only one of you, the special,

wonderful you, who is so deserving of love, praise and happiness.

Lovingly, The Author

Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice.

It is not something to be waited for. It is a thing to be achieved.

William Jennings Bryan

Acknowledgements

I am indebted to the following people for their continuous support, encouragement, words of wisdom and confidence in me as I wrote this book, Forces of Destiny. It is the sequel to the first novel, The Winds of Fate Micronesian Love Story, released in 2012. I genuinely appreciate and thank you for your time, talent, positive energy, and belief in me.

I am deeply thankful to Dr. Gloria Weddington, Professor Emerita, San Jose’ State University, for giving generously her time to read, edit, make recommendations, and help in transforming the manuscript in this book. Through her knowledge, skills, and expertise, this book will be release to the world in a few months. It is always a special pleasure to work with her.

I extend my love and gratitude to my daughter, Nichole C. Wofford, LMFT, MSW, for providing her professional opinions and recommendations on psychological and social work issues that are found in this book. She contributed valuable clinical information that relates to the experience of the death of a parent, and later contributed information regarding the diagnosis of complicated and unresolved grief in the daughter. Your knowledge, patience and feedback were invaluable and contributed greatly to the manuscript of this book. Thank you for being an incredible daughter and professional.

I am also thankful to Edyeline Ikea, Director, Palau Community Action Agency Head Start Program, Republic of Palau for sharing information of past and present customs and traditions regarding marriages, divorces, and the first-born ceremony. The information was extremely helpful and I fictionalized some of the information for purposes of writing this book.

I also extend my gratitude to Nora Singe, Early Childhood Educator, Palau Community Action Agency Head Start Program, Republic of Palau for sharing her knowledge, information and opinions about customs, traditions, and the social organization of a matriarchy. The information shared was very helpful and I fictionalized some of it for purposes of writing this book.

I would like to express my love and gratitude to Velda Sorentino, my cousin and Claims Director, in Sacramento, California. Thank you very much for sharing your personal story as a survivor of cancer, and giving your permission to include some of your incredible experiences and challenges you face with breast cancer. Your firsthand experiences of pre-diagnosis anxiety, medical exams, biopsies, diagnoses, and treatment, enabled me to integrate part of your story into the life experiences of one of the main characters in this book. I am deeply touched and humbled by your strength, fortitude, courage, positive attitude, and outlook at life. You are indeed a great inspiration, example, and role model for women undergoing diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. Thank you for sharing your story and special contribution by allowing me to integrate it in this book.

I want to extend my gratitude to Chaldrick Bergen for his compliments, daily communication, encouragement, special friendship and belief in me. Your positive attitude and words of wisdom from afar kept me inspired while writing many late nights and early mornings. Thank you for the smiles and laughter we shared along the way - - especially the surprises you provided at the right moments that kept me energized, smiling and writing.

Lastly, I thank the many other people who listened, opened their hearts and minds and shared constructive feedback during the conceptualization, development and writing of this book. Thank you very much for your valuable time and creative ideas that we discussed when I was defining specific roles for some of the main characters in this book.

The Story of Love

The story of love is not important - - what is important

is that one is capable of love? It is perhaps the only

glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

                  Helen Hayes

About the Author

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JEAN E. ROY VAN KEULEN, PH.D., Department Chairperson and Professor Emerita of Special Education at San Francisco University, San Francisco, California lives on the Central Coast of California in Monterey, County. Dr. van Keulen has worked extensively and shared her expertise in fields of special and general education, education administration, and early childhood education and development in the United States and abroad. She has written education books, professional articles and papers; this is her second novel. The Forces of Destiny is fiction and the sequel to her first novel, The Winds of Fate Micronesian Love Story. The setting for each book is the beautiful tropical islands of Micronesia, located in the Pacific Realm, after World War II and before becoming independent island nations.

1

Miraculous Reunion

Madison and Elizabeth were the only ones in the open-air lobby of the Aurora Royal Palace Hotel and Resort the morning Elizabeth arrived on Aurora, a small Pacific Island Nation. This was probably the most memorable event of their lives - - their 30 year reunion. It was such an unexpected, breath taking and miraculous event that took them by surprise and disbelief; it was an astounding reunion. They could not believe their eyes! They stopped walking and just stared at each other in total disbelief as their deep memories and emotions rose to the surface. Their emotions suddenly wanted to be free of any constraints, but neither would dare act out their primal emotional desires. Instead, they looked at each other as their hearts beat rapidly and their facial expressions filled with surprise, happiness, and awe. It had been so many years since they saw each other, held each other and professed their love to each other; suddenly, it seemed like yesterday.

They finally moved toward each other slowly, looked into each other’s eyes, and saw the past relationship flash before them. They knew instantly that what had been between them 30 years ago had just resumed with a resounding explosion of emotional instincts and desires for each other. Their reunion instantly opened the door to their past, and their passionate love affair exactly where it left off 30 years ago. However, this time, they were two very different people. They were older, wiser and had 30 years of different life experiences behind them.

Now senior citizens, they stood quietly, looking at each other in total disbelief, their minds were racing with instant flash backs to the first time they met, got acquainted, and began to spend a lot of time together initially just talking and learning about each other. They were intrigued by the richness of their different cultures, languages, customs, and traditions. Initially, their differences was the magnet that captured their curiosity that later developed into a friendship that grew into an intense love affair. As friends and lovers, they were drawn to each other like magnets and their lives and love for each other grew deeper, exciting, fascinating, and even a little mysterious. Over a five-year period, their relationship grew stronger and deeper for each other and both realized that their relationship was one of true love and commitment to each other and their relationship.

They learned a lot about each other and shared their rich family histories, professional experiences, different life styles, cultures, languages, customs, music, and favorite foods. They really enjoyed being with each other and found themselves spending more and more time together developing their special friendship that ultimately resulted into a powerful love relationship that abruptly and sadly ended but emotionally, only buried in the abyss of their souls.

Suddenly, while standing and looking astonished at each other, the President’s guards interrupted their quiet moment of shock and surprise when they moved closer to him. At that moment, Madison knew he had to leave but wanted to make sure he would be able to see Elizabeth again before she left Aurora. With his back toward his guards, Madison hurriedly whispered to Elizabeth, I have to go but I would like to see you again, are you staying here? She said, Yes. Then, he whispered, What is your room number? She whispered the room number and he said, I will call you later today. Then he left with his two guards and Elizabeth returned to her hotel room in awe and a racing heartbeat. She could not believe that after 30 years, she had accidently run into Madison, and discovered that he is now the President of his nation. Oh goodness, this is hard to believe! She was so excited and could hardly wait to receive his phone call. She had so many questions she wanted to ask him. She had so much about her life she wanted to share. A miracle had just happened and both could hardly concentrate on anything else but the experience they just shared in the lobby.

Elizabeth would not dare leave her hotel room for fear she would miss Madison’s telephone call; she was so excited and anxious to speak with him, while at the same time, hoping he would in fact make that call. She could hardly focus her attention on anything else at that moment except Madison and their conversation in the lobby. She tried to keep herself busy preparing for her work while in her room, but found it difficult to think about work and stay focused. She was feeling excited and even a little anxious; yet, very happy that she was going to hear from the man who stole her heart, captured her soul, and confessed his love to her many years ago. She was restless and her mind was racing; there were so many memories and thoughts from the past flooding her mind and competing for time and consideration. In an effort to settle down, she picked up the telephone, called Room Service, and ordered lunch. However, she felt full and too excited to eat when the food arrived. She sat at the table in her room and looked at her lunch in front of her. She kept watching the telephone and looking at her watch every few minutes.

She was restless and could hardly wait to receive Madison’s call; she wanted to hear the telephone ring. She tried to read the newspaper given to hotel guests each morning, but could not concentrate on what she was reading. She folded the newspaper, put it on the table, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes in an effort to calm herself down and relax. The telephone ring startled her; she was slowly drifting asleep in the chair. She answered the telephone and heard the mellow voice of Madison greeting her warmly, then asked, May I stop by in a couple of hours, I want to see you, but I have a meeting first. Elizabeth said, Yes, I would like to see you also. Then Madison said, Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours. She said, Fine, I look forward to seeing you again. They said, Goodbye and hung up. She was so full of emotions that she tried to calm herself by deep breathing and remembering that her relationship with Madison was over 30 years ago… She thought, Calm down Elizabeth, calm down."

When Madison arrived, Elizabeth had dressed nicely for his visit and made sure her hair and make-up were perfect. She invited him into her room and offered him a seat. He sat down and said, It’s really a pleasant surprise to see you; what brings you here? Feeling a little nervous inside, she said, My work, I still work throughout Micronesia but I am usually in Guam or Saipan most of the time. Then, he said, I am glad your work brought you here this time, it’s really nice to see you after all these years. Elizabeth said, Yes, it’s nice to be here, it brings back a lot of memories. Then Madison said, Yes, lots of memories Elizabeth; it’s been about 30 or so years since we saw each other… What have you been doing with your life? She said, I have been living a very full, happy life with my family, work, and travel. What about you? Before he could answer, Elizabeth thought about his guards and suddenly thought, Are they outside guarding my door? On the other hand, maybe they are outside by the windows. How can they protect the President when he’s locked in my room? Madison was looking at her and could sense that she had something else on her mind at that moment.

He asked, Is everything alright? She said, Yes, everything is fine; I was just wondering where your guards are while you are here with me. He smiled and said, Don’t worry about the guards; they are outside but not at your door… Do not worry about the guards. They can be invisible when necessary. He smiled. Then, Elizabeth said, Okay, no more questions about the guards, but I am curious about you, what have you been doing with your life since I saw you last? I see you achieved your life’s goal - - Congratulations Mr. President. He said, Thank you, I was just elected and I am still learning my job… I am surprised I won the election, but I’m very happy. Madison was obviously happy and was radiant with a big smile, confident, and handsome face.

Elizabeth said, Okay, let me answer your question about what I have been doing; then, I want to hear from you. He said, Fine, I am anxious to hear about everything - - your family, work and travel. Elizabeth began her story about her family. She told Madison that, "After I learned you had married, it was really difficult for me to believe and accept, but with time, I accepted that reality, blamed myself for losing you to someone else; then, I slowly began to move forward with my life. After a few years, a tall, handsome, brilliant man came into my life at the right time; he was good for me and exceptionally good to our children. Our initial professional working relationship grew into a close friendship, then courtship, and later marriage.

His name is Fredrick and at the time we met, he owned and operated a successful business in the San Francisco Bay Area; and the University was one of his clients. It was coincidental that I was scheduled to do a seminar on campus the same day he was working there. He was working directly across the hall of the office used by faculty to prepare their lectures. Both office doors were open. When he saw me leaving the office, he looked up and greeted me warmly, and I responded accordingly and continued walking."

Later he asked the fiscal officer, Who is that tall, statuesque woman? She is beautiful… Fredrick learned that Elizabeth was on campus often. Then, he asked him to introduce them after she finished her seminar, and he did. That was our beginning; Fredrick was very polite, and spoke with a very pronounced accent that I found charming. Our first conversation focused on his accent, national origin and descent… That was our beginning. Everything led from one thing to another until several years later, he asked me to marry him and I did. We have been married since then and I have two adult children, a daughter, Angela and a son, Noah born to Fredrick and me. I also have four grandchildren, Skyla, Joshua, Tyler and Robert. We are a happy family and life has been good to me.

With regards to my work, I retired from the California University System after 25 very successful and rewarding years. Then, I established my own consulting business and continued to do special education, management and administration training and technical assistance work throughout the United States, Micronesia, Australia, and the Philippines. Occasionally, I will accept a consulting assignment in Beijing, China. I am in Aurora to train early childhood teachers and management staff for two weeks before going on to the Marshall Islands for another week; then, I will return home. I plan to continue working for another few years strictly because it is my passion; I am still in demand; I believe I am making a contribution, and I thoroughly enjoy working and traveling to different places in the world.

As Elizabeth talked, Madison sat listening intently to every word she said; he seemed interested and did not move in his seat for fear he might distract her. He did not want to miss a word and did not want her to stop talking. His heart started to pound in his throat as he watched Elizabeth with a pleasured expression that filled his eyes and she felt herself become calm under his steady gaze. At one point, Elizabeth stopped talking for a few seconds and looked at Madison. She said, Do you want me to keep talking, or am I boring you? Madison answered, Please keep talking I am never bored listening to you; plus, I am genuinely interested in what you’ve been doing with your life all these years. Elizabeth said, Okay, I will now tell you about my travel.

As she talked, Madison’s smile was easy and gentle, but his eyes held a tinge of desire that was very familiar to her from the past. Elizabeth’s heart began to race and she felt certain the temperature had risen in her hotel room by at least twenty degrees. She was feeling warm all over but did not want Madison to see or suspect her response to him. She was determined to remain cool and not flustered as she felt. Occasionally, she would smile back at Madison in response to his warm smiles as she continued her story.

"I travel a lot and love every minute of it; sometimes, it is for my work and other times it is for pleasure with my husband. The nice thing about travel is I have control over how much I want to do, when I want to do it, where I want to go, and how long I want to stay. Since I do only consulting work now, I am usually working somewhere at least 16 weeks in the United States, and I try not to work more than 10 – 12 weeks out of the country. In total, I usually work approximately six months a year. The rest of the time, I am usually home enjoying and spoiling my husband and dog, visiting with my children and grandchildren, or traveling and vacationing somewhere interesting in the world.

My husband and I always spend time in Europe each year since that is his birthplace and he still has family there. Otherwise, he is home enjoying his retirement after 38 years of operating a very successful business in San Francisco. Now he is free to do the things he wants to do… He is an avid reader, golfer, swimmer, and dancer. Sometimes he will join me after I finish a consulting job, and we enjoy ourselves in some interesting places in the world. Our lives are full of adventure and travel each year, and we love it. Otherwise, we are home relaxing with a good book or just enjoying each other’s company. Now, Mr. President, it’s your turn, what have you been doing with your life?"

He looked at Elizabeth and said, Before I begin, I want to tell you how happy I am for your happiness, and to see you here again… You really haven’t changed much, you look great. Elizabeth said, Thank you, I feel great. Madison began with his family, and said, I am married, have two adult children and four grandchildren. My wife is an educator and community activist. Her name is Belinda, teaches at the high school, and is very active in the community. She enjoys her profession and her students love her; she is so devoted to them, and does everything she can to help students get full 4-year college and university scholarships. So far, she has gotten about 10 sizeable scholarships each year from different philanthropic organizations and businesses that provide financial support to help high school graduates who are gifted and talented, and come from low-income families. The scholarships usually range from $8,000 to $20,000 a year depending on the fees charged by the colleges and universities that accept the students. Now that she is the First Lady, she has taken a leave of absence, and plans to retire in two years."

"As for me, I built a very successful defense attorney practice here in Aurora, and also had a sizeable clientele in Saipan and Guam. As you may remember, I had my law practice in place when we were first intimate friends and lovers. If you recall, I have always had an interest in politics and thought I might run for a political office someday. I started to pursue my political career by running for a Senate seat first in my state; I won and served a 4-year term. Then, I ran for governor and served two 4-year terms; then, I felt prepared and experienced enough to run for the President of the nation, and here I am. Would you believe I was inaugurated just 9 days ago? I have many things to learn, but for sure, I will be advocating for Aurora while in office. I want equal rights and equal pay for the people and employees regardless of sex.

I am a strong promoter of conservation and preservation of our natural resources, food chain in the sea, and the environment. I also am interested in advancing preventive health to deal with the increase in obesity, diabetes, and strokes among our population, and lastly we need funds to advance research in agriculture that will focus on learning how to successfully produce crops and raise livestock, farming, and economic development. I have an enormous platform to work on the next 4 years but I am confident we can get a lot done. Then, he stopped talking and said to Elizabeth, Excuse me for a minute; I need to check on my guards."

He walked to the door, stepped outside, whistled and shortly afterwards, male voices could be heard from inside the room. He returned after about five minutes and said, Do you want me to continue, or are you getting bored? Elizabeth said, Please continue, I am definitely not bored… Please keep talking. Elizabeth offered him a glass of cold water or glass of wine as she got up to pour a glass of water for herself from the water pitcher on a side table. He accepted a glass of water, took a few sips, and continued talking.

He said, My son, Joseph is married, has two children and owns his own business in town. My daughter, Malinda is also married, has two children and is a registered nurse and works in the hospital. He looked at Elizabeth and said, I have already told you about my work, now I will tell you about my travel. As he was talking, Elizabeth looked at him and thought, He is so distinguished looking with his salt and pepper hair color; it makes him look so elegant and regal. He still has a radiant smile, beautiful skin, teeth and seemingly ageless facial features and expressions. He is really a handsome man.

Madison began talking about his travels and said, I have traveled a lot in the Pacific Realm, Philippines, United States, New Zealand, Australia, Taiwan, and a couple of European countries. However, in my present position, I think I will be traveling a lot more all over the world. My wife travels with me sometimes when I am on a business trip, and she will usually go shopping or play tourist while I work. Otherwise, we usually fly to Saipan or Guam to vacation and rest for a week or so each year and sometimes to Hawaii. That is it… Is there anything else you want to know? Elizabeth said, Not right now but I am sure I will think of something else before I leave the island. Just let me know, and I will try to give you an answer," replied Madison.

With a deep breath, Elizabeth said, Madison, there are some things I have thought about and felt guilty since I saw you last that I would like to ask you about. But, if I make you feel uncomfortable to talk about it, please ignore my questions and I will certainly understand. Madison looked puzzled and asked, What are your questions? You look so serious… I just said I will try to give you an answer to any questions you may have.

Elizabeth asked, What happened to you after my weekly telephone calls to you stopped? Madison said, Continue with your questions, then I will answer each one if I can.

Elizabeth continued, What did you think had happened to me? What did you think when you learned I had returned to Aurora a few weeks after your marriage in search of you. Madison looked shocked and surprised and said, You came back to Aurora in search of me? Elizabeth said, with obvious emotions, Yes, I flew to Aurora thinking that I would surprise you, explain everything to you about what had happened to me, and I seriously thought everything would be alright afterwards… But, as you know that was not how my visit turned out.

Elizabeth was anxious and a little scared, to hear his answers to her questions, but she wanted to know the facts so she could try to rid herself of the profound guilt she carried within her for so many years. Madison’s facial expression changed in a way that was hard to describe - - maybe a combination of relief, sorrow and pain all wrapped up together. He began by saying, It’s a long story Elizabeth, and for me, a very sad one, but I think you are entitled to some answers. I’m glad you asked these questions because afterwards, I want to know what happened to you; I have a few questions I need to ask you. . . She said, Fair enough.

Madison began telling Elizabeth what he experienced after her last telephone call. He felt deep inside the need to let her know exactly how that experience affected him and changed his life. He wanted her to know how their very complex past was still affecting him and his daily life. He began explaining how he felt when he did not hear from her again after her weekly telephone calls stopped abruptly and without explanation. He began by saying, Yes, I know now why you stopped calling me and I do understand your unfortunate set of circumstances that caused the breakdown in our communication. At that time, I had no idea what happened to you and I had no way to find out. You never shared with me anything about what you were going through at that time.

To answer your question, I worried myself sick, cried myself to sleep nights, and could barely function at home or work. I felt wounded and thought I would lose my mind from missing you, loving you, worrying about you, and wanting you more than any woman on earth. Elizabeth, you were the first woman I ever truly loved, told you so, and I wanted you in my life forever. However, when the telephone calls stopped, I did not know if you were still on earth or not, dead or alive, and I did not have any idea that you were under such duress. I did not have your telephone number or address for reasons we had discussed and I understood at that time, but I never expected or was prepared for our painful disconnect" and never hearing a word from you again.

Elizabeth, my heart was broken and I had a hole in it that never fully healed. I dreamed of you Elizabeth, silently wished you would return to me; you were my everything, and I wanted to make my life complete with you at my side, but you never returned until now - - 30 years later, and this visit was not for me; but for work. In my heart you were always there; you were my first love, you were the woman I first said, I love you Elizabeth, I love you very much, and meant it sincerely. For years, I have thought about you; I could not get you out of my mind, and I have never gotten you out of my heart. However, I knew and my family knew I had to get over you, and out of my system - - get over you some kind of way. I knew I had to pick myself up, and move forward with my life but had major difficulties doing so. I can admit now that I thought I was losing my mind, and my family thought I was going to grieve myself to death, and I really didn’t care if I lived or died sometimes. I really had a hard time… but I survived, tried to put it behind me, and moved on with my life.

My parents and siblings were very worried and concerned about me - - my health, my happiness, and my life. I was their first born male child and as I suffered, they suffered too. Madison paused for a second and took two deep breaths; he was feeling emotional and his eyes filled with tears; it became obvious to Elizabeth at that point, that he had not completely gotten her and/or that unfortunate experience out his system. He looked at Elizabeth sitting across from him to see her expressions as he talked and breathed deeply; he saw her sobbing uncontrollably… She had tissues in her hands that she used to cover her eyes and wipe tears away while saying repeatedly, "I am so sorry, so sorry I hurt you so deeply… I did not know I had caused you so much pain; please forgive me. Please understand I never intended to hurt you… When I stopped calling, I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

I believe I shut down completely to escape the overwhelming mental, emotional stress, and worry that I was dealing with at that time."

Elizabeth felt terrible and could feel his pain. She got up from her chair, walked around to Madison, and took his face into her cupped hands and said, as tears continued to stream down her face, "I am so sorry for the pain and suffering that I have caused you; please believe me, it was never my intention to hurt you. Madison, as soon as I could, I came back to Aurora in search of you. I wanted to see you and explain to you face-to-face what had happened to me. Unfortunately, when I arrived, I searched the entire island for you without success. I was exhausted, anxious, and panicky because I could not find you anywhere. It was getting late and I felt so weak from not eating all day, and exhausted from walking from one end of the island to the other. When I could not find you, I went to Luna and asked her for help.

She broke the news to me that you had just married a few weeks before my arrival and I almost fainted from shock. I felt light headed, my body was limp, and my knees were buckling; Luna prevented me from falling to the floor. Since that day, I have suffered until now because the man I truly loved and wanted in my life forever was no longer available. I had lost him forever… I am so sorry that things happened as they did and I hope you will forgive me knowing that I never stopped loving you Madison." Then, she sat down again and pulled herself together in silence while Madison continued to answer her questions.

Madison said, My parents and siblings were extremely concerned about me, my weight loss, and the length of time I had been grieving for you. I could hardly function as time passed and each day I wished for a miracle; I needed to hear from you Elizabeth; I needed to hear from you badly. My family became very worried about me because I was losing so much weight from not eating. Most nights I could not sleep so I got up and walked for hours on the beach, cried and listened to the sounds of the ocean.

My parents did everything imaginable to help me get back on my feet again emotionally and physically… I was looking tired, haggard with dark circles around my eyes.

I can admit, I was really torn up inside and I kept hoping you would come back to me. On the other hand, my parents wanted me to resume my life as their happy son; they wanted to help me heal and get back on my feet again. They were having a difficult time watching me grieve each day while trying to function at home and work. Everyone who knew me on the island began to notice my physical appearance change for the worse. My family and friends became very concerned about my mental, physical and emotional health. However, most of them were totally unaware of why I was so sad and grief stricken.

My parents, siblings, and friends wanted me to return to their happy, outgoing, hard working son, brother, and attorney. They were offering me everything and doing everything possible to help me get over you, and move on with my life. However, regardless of what they did or said, it did not work… my emotional misery and pain had to run its course before I could move on."

"Therefore, because of my daily grief, and without my knowledge or consent, my parents took matters into their own hands to help me heal. They would do just about anything to bring some joy and happiness back into my life. Regardless of what I said to my family in an effort to get them to stop worrying about me, they ignored me and busily began looking for a wife for me. In keeping with Aurora culture and custom, the parents negotiate arranged custom marriages for their children. They did not understand why I was grieving so for a woman that was not Auroran, lived thousands of miles away, and apparently did not want me or love me. It was difficult for me to refute their impressions or opinions at that time since I could not defend or justify what was happening or why.

In their own way, they wanted only to help their son be happy and outgoing again. Therefore, my parents negotiated a marriage between the daughter of the village chief and me. She was only 18 years old, very shy, beautiful and in her last year of high school. I was in my early 30s at the time and had no idea that my parents were doing what they thought best in order for me to stop grieving and get you out of my mind. Age did not matter; arranged marriages were the custom and way of life on Aurora, and the parents arranged them throughout all of Micronesia. Arranging a marriage was a very strict custom, and practiced as a part of the Micronesian cultures since the sixteenth century. Therefore, the practice was accepted, expected, and deeply ingrained in the culture, customs and lives of our people since the earliest settlers came to the shores of the Micronesian islands.

Once an arranged marriage is negotiated, and accepted by the parents of the prospective bride and groom, it is final - - verbally sealed, and has to be delivered. No ifs, ands, or buts, it was final! Once a negotiated agreement had been established and agreed upon, there was no recourse and no voice from the couple to be married. The parents had total control, responsibility, and power over selecting and determining their children’s spouses and their choices were final.

The bride and groom, according to custom, were married even if they did not know, love or want to marry the person chosen by the parents. The bride and grooms did not always agree with the parents’ negotiated choice, but would usually marry without resistance. Whenever one or both resisted, the parents would suffer major insult and embarrassment. In addition, once the dowry is negotiated, and agreed upon by the parents, there is no turning back at that stage; the custom marriage is final.

It was not uncommon for bride and grooms to have never met, and in some instances, may have never seen each other. If either the prospective bride or groom resisted or rebelled against the arranged marriage, their families ignored their protests and continued with the preparation for the marriage ceremony. It did not matter if they had no interest, love, or desire to marry the person chosen for them by their parents."

Madison explained to Elizabeth that, "In some cases, a bride and groom were often told by their parents that their marriage had been negotiated and agreed upon by both families, and the ceremony was arranged; in other cases, parents would announce to their children they are now married without a ceremony. In most cases, arranged marriages worked out and the couples assumed their respective roles and responsibilities as husband and wife as defined by the respective culture and customs of the people. Most often the couples grew to love their spouse in time, whereas, others were very unhappy.

It was not at all unusual or uncommon that a bride or groom chosen and negotiated by their parents already had romantic interests in someone else. However, due to custom, they seldom revealed it to their parents, as they knew it would not make a difference. In such instances, there were couples who married, and were miserable, sometimes abused, and very unhappy. However, they usually held fast to practicing and respecting their marriage custom within their culture, and the same was done among the other Pacific Island people."

Then Madison stopped talking, took another deep breath, looked at Elizabeth, and said, Therefore, I was married and my young bride turned out to be a good wife and mother to our children. Initially, I felt guilty being her husband because she was so much younger than my sisters were. She also secretly had a boyfriend that she revealed to me because she heard I was in love with an American woman. However, after our marriage, with time, patience and maturity, we grew to love each other, worked everything out, and now we have a beautiful marriage and life together.

After Elizabeth heard about the marriage custom, she concluded in her mind that Madison couldn’t marry her even if he wanted to; his parents would have chosen his wife and they never would have chosen her - - a woman outside of their culture, didn’t speak the language, lived thousands of miles away and was totally unfamiliar with their marriage customs.

After Madison finished answering the questions, Elizabeth felt emotionally drained, and Madison’s emotions were all over the place; he felt very sad on one hand, but happy on the other hand. He physically looked tired and emotionally drained… Elizabeth looked at him and lovingly thanked him for answering her questions and sharing his very difficult time and experiences. Again, she said, I am very sorry things turned out the way they did for us. I am here for only a very short time before I have to leave; so, I hope we will have some time to clear up a few more things that may be on our minds, and fill in the blanks that caused us to be where we are today.

Everything seemed to be happening so fast and in such a short period that Madison and Elizabeth felt like they were in an emotional whirlwind; yet, they had so much to talk about but the time was limited. Elizabeth was going to leave Aurora early Monday morning and potentially not return for six months or so. They were grateful to have this time together to finally discuss their past pain and misery. They agreed and acknowledged that answering the questions, as difficult as they were, was necessary to finally clear the air, fill in the missing parts, and heal their hearts was a much needed catharsis that finally gave them great emotional relief.

As in the past, Elizabeth looked at Madison and thought that he still had something very special and unusually captivating about him that Elizabeth remembered vividly and could not resist. He looked at his watch again and said, I need to go now, but I would like to see you again before you leave if that is possible. She asked, When? He said, I would actually like to come by tomorrow around noon if that’s okay. It’s Saturday and I won’t be as busy. Elizabeth said, It is okay, I’ll see you tomorrow around noon. She saw him to the door and he turned to her before opening the door and said, Thank you so much, you have no idea what our conversation tonight means to me; plus, I am thrilled to see you and be here with you, it means a lot to me. She said, with a certain look in her eyes, You are welcome and seeing you means a lot to me too.

Then he turned, opened the door, and went outside; Elizabeth closed and locked the door behind him. Then, she heard a faint whistle in the distance as he walked from the building and down the sidewalk. Soon afterwards, she heard the same male voices that she heard earlier when Madison went outside to check on his guards. She wondered if his whistle was the official signal used to communicate with his guards when he was ready to leave and they should come - - just a curious thought but not really that important.

Elizabeth walked to her bed, sat down feeling drained, and reflected on how unbelievable the evening had been with Madison, and finally learned how he felt when their communication stopped. She spent some quality time with him talking, clearing up some things about their past, and remembering how she had made passionate love with him. She thought about how he flourished personally and professionally during the past 30 years and is now the President. She was so proud of him and his accomplishments… She was also pleased that he wanted to see her again, and was spending so much time with her getting reacquainted. She was amazed how he was affecting her emotionally… Admittedly, just thinking about him made her heart beat faster and her hands tremble. She was definitely in touch with her feelings and admitted to herself that she was a little nervous and uneasy each time he was in her room, but thankfully, she was able to conceal it. She did not understand the feelings, and thought it was due to being unsure or not trusting herself with him. Confused and unsure about what was happening, she asked herself, but she did not know; however, she knew he had an effect on her unlike any man she had ever known in her life.

She could not help feeling butterflies in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought about or remembered her incredible five-year history of love, lust, and passion she experienced with him. Their love for each other was so powerful, mutual, and satisfying. At that time, she believed it would never end; but time brought about many changes in their lives, and both ended up going their separate ways.

Now, for Elizabeth, their past relationship seemed like a fairytale on one hand, but on the other hand, she asked herself, Is it totally over? I don’t think so. Elizabeth wondered what was going to happen next and how she should be conducting herself with Madison … she had never questioned her ability to maintain self-control and exercise discretion when necessary in the past. However, this time, it was very different. She found herself secretly wanting Madison to caress and hold her close. She wanted to feel the heat of his body next to hers, hear his whispers in her ear again, taste the sweetness of his kiss, bask in the glory of their intense moans while making love and the feelings of exhaustion from sweetly diffusing their wild desires, and experiencing deep explosions with relief and satisfaction.

That night, Elizabeth could hardly sleep for thinking about everything that had happened to her since being on Aurora… she felt like she was dreaming about the past and reliving it in the present, but knew she was fully awake. The next morning, Elizabeth felt restless and could not get Madison out of her mind, and he in turn had been thinking about her since he left her room last night.

Filled with new energy, Madison felt happy and invigorated while jogging the next morning. He also felt a little nervous and anxious inside and wondered for a minute how his feelings would affect his visit with Elizabeth that afternoon. He thought, After so many years and thousands of miles between them, I never imagined I would ever see her again; but, she is here and I am already wondering when we can do it again. It was becoming an unexplainable mystery to him how emotionally charged he was since seeing her. He could hardly wait to see her again and found himself checking his watch often to see the time; he was eager to keep his appointment with her and definitely did not want to be late.

2

Pulsating With Passion

As the time approached noon, Elizabeth was full of energy and anticipation. She was walking around in her hotel room humming a tune when suddenly the phone rang; it was Madison. He greeted Elizabeth warmly then said, I am on my way; are you ready to have a visitor? Elizabeth said, Absolutely, I am ready. After she hung up the phone, she raced into the restroom to check her hair, makeup, and casual outfit. She was satisfied with her appearance and felt such excitement … She was very anxious and happy that Madison, the Nation’s President, would be visiting her again.

In approximately thirty minutes, there was a knock on her door, she opened it to see Madison standing there casually dressed with a smile; she invited him inside and he thanked her for seeing him again. Elizabeth said, It is my pleasure, I am very happy you are here. They were standing near the closed door for a few seconds looking into each other’s eyes face-to-face as their emotions started to run rampant. They tried with emotional difficulty to control themselves by showing respect while being reacquainted again as friends, but their energies were overpowering and working against reason.

They were feeling the same way and their desires showed in their eyes; both turned and began to walk toward a table and two chairs to sit and wondered where this visit would ultimately go. As they thought about what was happening to them, Madison asked, How often does something like this happen in a person’s life? Elizabeth did not know the answer and said, I don’t know, but I am happier right now than I have been in a long time. She was mystified by everything that was happening, and really didn’t know what to think or do. Since seeing you, my emotions are all over the place. Madison said, We are in the same boat, I could hardly sleep last night for thinking about you and reminiscing about our past. What does that mean Elizabeth?

As they sat looking into each other’s eyes, they knew some great challenges were facing them - - probably, the biggest challenges of their lives. What were they going to do about the reawakening of their feelings and desire for each other? Rationally, they knew how they should handle the situation, but emotionally, from the first moment they saw each other, they knew their lives were going to change forever. It was not surprising that they felt such comfort with each other, and both were living each day anxiously waiting for their next visit. They were in a state of euphoria and disbelief. Both knew within their hearts that they were in the process of slowly reviving their latent feelings for each other; their feelings were rushing back to the surface. Love and lust were burning deeply inside of them; but mentally they knew they needed to keep their heads clear and behaviors in check, but emotionally, a lot was going on inside of them.

After managing their time to see each other each day during the remainder of Elizabeth’s time on the island, they knew one thing for sure; they still loved each other. Madison made it clear to Elizabeth that he wanted to see her each day while on the island;

however, the visits had to be during the evening hours because of his responsibilities. She admitted to him that she also wanted to see him because she was thoroughly enjoying his company.

Madison visited her each evening of her stay on Aurora, and had champagne and dinner with her in her room. Elizabeth began to get concerned about his guards being somewhere on the hotel’s premises everyday; this meant the President was somewhere on the premises too. Elizabeth did not want the guards or anyone for that matter to start questioning who the President was visiting, or why the President was there for so many consecutive days. The last thing that Elizabeth wanted was gossip about him visiting her in her room so often. When Elizabeth casually mentioned her concern to Madison, he smiled and reassured Elizabeth again not to worry about his guards or the staff of the hotel, he asked her to let him handle those matters. She smiled and said, I’m sorry, I guess I’m trying to protect our reputations; or maybe, I’m just a worrier.

After another perfect evening of champagne, dinner, and conversation about so many different topics, and laughter, it was time for Madison to leave. He said to Elizabeth, I have really enjoyed my time with you, and I’m happy you are here; it means a lot to me. Elizabeth said, I am glad I am here too and especially happy that our paths crossed again.

Then, Madison stood up and took Elizabeth by her hands with a silent invitation for her to stand; she did and he slowly moved his face close to hers and gently kissed her on the lips. Elizabeth had chills run through her entire body and stepped back knowing for sure her entire body was speaking to her. She slowly put her arms around his neck and kissed him back deeply and passionately; he in turn responded hungrily and that lead them to the bed where one thing lead to another. Afterwards, as they lay together on the bed, neither was sorry; instead, they felt wonderful, vibrant, and alive; they had no regrets. After 30 years, they were repeating their past performance that always satisfied their insatiable sexual appetites before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Afterwards, they had a major dilemma to face, think about, and deal with rationally. Logically, they knew they needed to seriously discuss their situation and make some decisions about their next steps; neither was prepared to give up each other again, their marriages or their families. Their feelings for each other were at the surface and their emotions were raw and taking over their reasoning and rationality. Elizabeth spent her last two days on the island vacillating between right and wrong, and appropriate and inappropriate conduct. She thought about what was happening to her constantly while weighing the potential consequences at the same time.

She started to feel really anxious and guilty about everything that had happened between her and Madison; she became eager to talk to Madison about their feelings. She had so many questions that needed answers before she left Aurora. She had to know what he was thinking and feeling about their renewed relationship and about her. She knew that the door to their past had been reopened, and her heart was filled with real love for him.

When he came to see her the night before she left early the next morning, they had a very serious conversation about what had happened between them, their next steps, and their feelings for each other. Madison knew what he wanted and made it clear to Elizabeth that he wanted to keep their relationship alive and nurtured someway even at a distance. He said to her, Seeing you here and spending quality time with you reopened my heart and love for you; I want us to somehow try to keep our love alive; can we do that Elizabeth? I can make travel arrangements and see you when I travel to different parts in the world. She looked into Madison’s eyes and said softly, I love you Madison, after all of these years, I can honestly say, I still love you. They hugged, kissed, and whispered into each other’s ear how happy they were and admitted they wanted to continue their relationship. They discussed briefly how they were going to keep their relationship alive and how they should respond.

Somehow, after discussing their situation to the extent they could during their short three days; during their last visit before Elizabeth left, they agreed to continue seeing each other as often as possible, and both were determined and committed to keeping each other in their lives. They agreed to see each other as often as possible and would stay in contact often via e-mail; and prearranged telephone calls. They agreed to work out the details later because their work schedules and travel commitments were daunting and had to be coordinated in advance - - especially the President’s. He promised Elizabeth that he would personally arrange her travel to ensure that everything would go according to their plans.

In spite of their wisdom, their love for each other made them play with fire and hoped they would never get burned. They were clearly acting on emotions instead of logic. They renewed their love affair, commitment to each other, and their relationship in total trust and love. After Elizabeth arrived home, they communicated regularly via e-mail and worked out the boundaries of their affair and tentative rendezvous for the future. They agreed to never cross or disregard the boundaries that related to their spouses, families, and family life - - both agreed to the boundaries and rules of their relationship. Afterwards, they happily launched a solid, trusting understanding between them, recommitted themselves to each other, and a new beginning for them as lovers was reawakened. At this phase of their relationship, Madison and Elizabeth began to refer to their reunion as the reincarnation of their hearts and souls.

Elizabeth thought of their love affair simply as a special gift of love and friendship given to them from supernatural celestial powers greater than they. Madison, in turn said, Only fate, destiny or karma could be responsible for bringing us together again after 30 years. I do not believe it would have happened otherwise; we certainly had no control over being the only ones in the hotel lobby on that particular day and time. Plus, this was your first trip back to Aurora in 30 years - - think about it.

3

Two Hearts, Two Souls

At the conclusion of Elizabeth’s work on Aurora, she went to the Marshall Islands and worked for a week before returning home. After leaving Aurora, she had a lot on her mind that kept her thinking day and night about everything that had happened to her. Her emotions were all over the place and she had mixed feelings and many questions that were popping into her head that needed to be resolved. However, she knew there was no immediate answer to any of her questions or concerns; she needed time to think objectively and assess her own feelings, behaviors and morals. She had a lot on her mind to think about especially since making a serious commitment to Madison after 30 years, and in light of her existing commitment to her husband and marriage. She wondered for a quick second if she had lost her mind. She would have never imagined herself being in such an irresponsible situation…

Although it was difficult for Elizabeth to stay focused while conducting the training on the Marshall Islands, she managed to complete her assignment successfully and felt great relief when it was over. At the conclusion of each day’s training, she thought about how the training had gone, and how receptive and responsive the participants had been. She always felt exhilarated at the conclusion of each day’s training assignment; it was the same for her at the end of this training assignment as well. Her work was her passion and she had earned an impeccable reputation for her knowledge, skills, expertise and delivery of quality training. She had established a stellar reputation for her work, and knew the importance of helping teachers