My Journey to Embrace God’S Grace

By Sue Carabello

This is the story of one womans journey through life. This is my story. You are invited to travel this road with me as I relive hardship as well as all the joys life has to offer. This is an inspirational story. The intention of this book is to show you that, even in adversity, if you set your vision high enough you can overcome anything. With God all things are possible.

As you read, you will see how I turned my misfortune into victory through relentless faith. This book was written to motivate and encourage. I sometimes find myself at the top of the mountain filled with joy and then in the depths of the valley filled with despair. The one constant is that God is on that mountain rejoicing with me and is also in the valley healing my wounds. When you start reading this book, you will see me as the author, but by the time you are finished you may see me as your friend.

No one has ever seen God, but if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is truly in our hearts
(1 John: 412).

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781449798772

Sue Carabello

Sue was directed to write this book of encouragement by God. Her faith is a gift that has been tested throughout her life. All of the circumstances that she has experienced are now placed on paper to share with you. Sue is originally from New York, but now resides in North Carolina. She has been married for many happy years and has wonderful children and beautiful granddaughters. They are the blessings that she values the most.  Sue is also a cancer survivor, who now volunteers at a chemotherapy lab to assist other cancer patients. She believes that the best gift she can give is hope. She is a “pay it forward” woman who has learned how much holding someone’s hand and lending a listening ear can mean. She is also aware of how much prayer has changed her life.  Sue has survived many losses, abuse, and abandonment, as well as other obstacles that were thrown in her path. Her personal journey has taken her to not only dark places but to beautiful ones. Today with the abundance of God’s love and protection, she keeps a big smile in her heart and one on her face.  God bless you all. Embrace God’s grace. Peace!

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

My Journey Begins

I t is 3:00 a.m. and I am sitting at my computer. I’ve always gotten up between 5:00 and 6:00, but now I have no hours. We all go through life with different circumstances. Some people seem to get a heavy load, and some just breeze through. I know there is a reason for this. It’s because of that reason that God has put it on my heart to write the story of my journey. You see, I am one of those people with the heavier load. The Lord knows our limits and what we can handle. Those that breeze through may be able to cope only with day-to-day small problems, but then those who carry the more cumbersome burdens ask, Why again, Lord? With God’s Almighty intervention we are somehow able to conquer what is asked of us. We are often referred to as overcomers or survivors. Whatever label we attach to people like me, we are chosen by God for a purpose. I am currently relating to the tribes that wandered through the desert to find their way to the Promised Land. All I need is to find my way to tomorrow.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliations (2 Corinthians 5:17-18) (NIV)

I am remembering back to August 2009, when I found a lump in my breast. I didn’t think much of it, because breast cancer did not run in my family. I would have thought maybe a stroke or a heart attack, but never cancer. I’d had a mammogram three months before, which was clear, so I was very confident. I called my family doctor to let him know what I had found, and he wanted to examine me immediately. I went in the next day, and lo and behold, I was sent for a diagnostic mammogram. A mammogram is bad enough, but a diagnostic mammogram is yet another level of pain. Two days later I found myself at a surgeon’s office. I was still not upset. The surgeon said that he wanted me to have a biopsy that same day, in the surgical room that he had set up. That is when I started to get upset. Things were moving too fast. I did, however, keep the positive thought that 80 percent of all lumps are benign. I had the odds on my side.

This I call to mind and therefore I have hope; The Lord’s compassion never fails (Lamentations 3:21-22) (NIV)

As I was leaving, the doctor told me he would call with the pathology report in forty-eight hours. Of course, I had to tell my husband, Paul, about my visits. I did not want to worry him, but now he had to be part of my waiting. Paul totally rejected the idea of anything being wrong with me, and I wanted so badly to reject it too, but I saw the sonogram and there was something very dark and menacing about it. My husband and I were at home the next day when the doctor called with bad news. I heard the word cancer.

But I trust you Lord, and I claim you as my God. My life is in your hands (Psalm 31:15-16) (CEV)

That call certainly brought Paul and me to attention. The doctor wanted to see us the next day to review a treatment plan. I had been putting off telling my adult children any of this, but that was going to be the day. I called my son, Kevin, and told him I had cancer. He was very strong. If he broke down later, I will never know. He is like me in that respect. Kevin and his wife, Michelle, were expecting their first baby, so I asked him to give some thought to telling her until we knew more as the days and tests went by. This was to be a happy and joyous time for both of them.

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) (NIV)

The next call I made was to my best friend of thirty-five years, Paula. She is my sister from another mother, as the kids say. When we spoke, how strong she was. And at that point, I needed that strength. I thought about a time, a few years back, when she made a call to me saying that she needed surgery because of a mass on her ovary. I was crying so much that I couldn’t even speak. Now I had to ask her to go to my daughter Kelly and tell her that her mother has cancer. I did not want to tell her over the phone; I reside in North Carolina and couldn’t go to New York, with all my doctors’ visits on the horizon. Paula stepped up to the plate and took on that responsibility. I can only imagine what a trauma that was for both of them, but, when you love the way we do, nothing is too great of a request. God definitely puts certain people together in life for a reason. Paula is a blessing to me always.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10) (NIV)

When Kelly and I finally spoke, it was very quietly. At the beginning of the call, we were both crying and couldn’t speak for several minutes. However, then she told me that she had spent the night researching my cancer and the probable treatment. My daughter is a registered nurse. They are trained to be strong for their patients, but it’s not always easy to be strong for their family. Kelly not only is a nurse but is filled with compassion and kindness to all. She is also humble about what she does, so God certainly put her into a healer’s ministry for a reason, and I am infinitely grateful for this woman that I call my daughter.

Jesus said, Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:4) (CEV)

I was happy that Kelly did the research. It made her feel more involved by helping me with information. I know from experience that education is the key to understanding and becoming a part of our own treatment decisions. Every patient should have a doctor or nurse to give them information and educate them about what may or may not happen. The patient should also be assured that the nurse or doctor would be with them through this journey. I was very fortunate to have a great team, and I know that it was God who put this cancer center, located in Burlington, North Carolina, in my path.

The hardest time was looking into my husband’s eyes and seeing the tears welling up, but I knew that if the situation were reversed I would be reacting the same way. I thought to myself, It won’t be so bad. I have friends who had breast cancer, and they had the lump removed, some radiation, and were as good as new. They went back to their daily lives and it was over.

The next day, we went to the surgeon, and he said, You have a cancer in the third stage. I am not Dan Rather; I give the real news, not slanted. You know, I laughed, because I never watched Dan Rather. I’m a Christian conservative and it was just ironic how he used that analogy. He told us the size of the tumor and that it was aggressive, which meant that I would have to start with chemotherapy before surgery.

The first C word, cancer, although not expected, was bearable. The second C word, chemotherapy, scared me terribly. I was full of fear, and I had to face that fear, for God is love—not fear. I had no idea what it would do to me, but I have seen programs on television, and the thought was becoming too much to deal with. That’s when the information overload really started to kick in. The surgeon made an appointment for me to see the oncologist on the following Monday. I asked a few more questions that I can’t even remember now.

Don’t fall into the trap of being a coward; trust the Lord and you will be safe (Proverbs 29:25) (CEV)

We spoke about our church, since we both attend the Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church in Burlington, North Carolina, and that is about all I can recall. When Paul and I left the office, we were afraid to speak or even to look at each other, knowing we were facing something we might not get through. That was my wake-up call that I had been taking life for granted. Although I didn’t think I had, I realized that I absolutely did. Our silence on the ride home made me aware that we were in the exact same place, devastation.

In times of trouble God is with us, and when we get knocked down, we get up again (2 Corinthians 4-8) (CEV)

When we finally spoke, I said, How do we tell the children about the severity of the cancer? There was no answer from Paul, but we were thinking the same thing. We would just have to tell them and hope for the best.

Some of my thoughts were private. How do I look at my husband and say, I must get my affairs in order? But I knew I had to. You see, I am a type A personality. I must be in control. An example of that happened the year before, when I broke my shoulder. I was in a sling and in pain, but I still had responsibilities to fulfill. When I got home from the emergency room, I asked my husband to get out all the Crock Pots so that I could start cooking and storing meals. Paul and I were caregivers to his mother, Rose, who lived with us at the time. I felt that it was my responsibility to feed everyone. I try not to put limitations on what I can do, although I have learned that I very often put high expectations on myself.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12) (NIV)

I, the strong one, thought that I had ingested all the information and sorted it. I would formulate a plan for the entire family. I was being silly; this time I was not going to get away with my take-charge attitude. This time I had to realize that God is in charge and that I must stop trying to run the process by telling everyone that I’m fine. I was not fine and my family was not fine. I felt crushed and scared, but not for me. I was scared for them. I love the Lord and I have faith that when my time comes I will be with him, but I worried about my family and the effect this would have on them.

God can be trusted, and he chose you to be partners with his Son, our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 1:9) (CEV)

The day came that I walked into the Alamance Regional Cancer Center for my appointment with my oncologist. I looked around the waiting room, and it completely overwhelmed me. All of those people with cancer. I saw a child sitting with his mom in a corner, and she had on a hat, because she had no hair. That was the slap in the face to wake me up. How could I complain when this child might lose his mom and she would not be with him for the rest of his life? I think God gives us these moments to let us know that it’s not so bad for us when we see the trials that others face. I remember my mom always saying, But for the grace of God, go I. I whispered it all that day and thanked God for the health of my children and grandchildren and for the time that God provided for me to raise my own children.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good and his love endures forever (1 Chronicles 16:34) (NIV)

I met my oncologist, Dr. Timothy Finnegan. He is young and very nice. He gave us straightforward information, which I appreciated. He told me that the pathology report was still not complete, so I would have to wait two more days to know what kind of chemotherapy I would be receiving. He did tell me, however, the drugs he thought he would use, and what some of the side effects could be. I asked Dr. Finnegan if my chemotherapy could wait another week. I wanted to go the beach with my daughter Kelly, granddaughter Serena, and Paula. We needed some time together.

Once I got back from the beach, my treatment would start and Dr. Finnegan agreed to call me as soon as he had the final results. At the same time, I met his nurse, Michelle, who was just wonderful. I think we bonded immediately, and we remain that way through today. God’s choice of Dr. Finnegan and Michelle couldn’t have been better, another blessing.

Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy (Psalm 28:6) (NIV)

The next person who came into the room was from the cancer center resource room. It was a social worker with all sorts of gifts. They all included a pink ribbon. For some reason, that really shook me.