You Deceived Me: Rays of Hope After Marital Blackout

By Olorunyomi W. Agbajor

The book speaks to readers of true Christian hope, the kind that can see the promise of life, even in the face of despair. It honestly states that marriage can grow to become a burden, but that Gods Word offers comfort and encouragement. The book speaks of how the false impressions husbands and wives hold of one another become apparent as the gloss wears off of the new marriage, but the message of the book as a whole is about the growth that comes after both husband and wife recognize the mutual deception. Professor Agbajor lays out the main message of the book in the following words: No matter the state of your marriage and emotional disposition right now, as you are reading this book, I want you to know that your story has not yet arrived at its closing stage. There is still hope. Even though your life has become an elegiac verse of sorrows and deception, Gods Word promises restoration. May the words of God as recorded in Joel embrocate your soul like a healing salve rubbed on a wound.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449774554

Olorunyomi W. Agbajor

Professor William Olorunyomi Agbajor is the president of the CKAP Ministerial College (CMC) with headquarters in Nigeria. He also oversees the Cathedral of Kings and Priests Inc., (network of churches). He has several years of practical experiences as an educator, marriage therapist, pastor, author, and Bible expositor. He is the host and a TV counselor of a popular Christian television program, Living Insights for Today (LIFT). He wishes to communicate God’s words with excellence, helping people realize their potential in life, and raising, training, and mentoring Christian leaders. He is unswerving in his commitment to help every member of the family unit to appreciate and actuate God’s original purpose of the family institution. The gifts of God operate consistently in his ministry. He ministers through prayers and counseling, sharing the truth of God’s Word to people in all walks of life.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-7456-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7457-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7455-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012921217

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/08/2012

Contents

DEDICATION

PREFACE

Chapter 1 YOU DECEIVED ME

SECTION 1 THE THREE PHASES OF LOVE

Chapter 2 THE THREE STAGES OF LOVE

Chapter 3 DISILLUSIONMENT STAGE

Chapter 4 THE STAGE OF REALITY

SECTION 2 CHOOSING A LIFE MATE AND PREMARITAL COUNSELING

Chapter 5 KNOWING YOUR MASTER, MISSION, AND MATE

Chapter 6 CHOOSING THE RIGHT MATE

Chapter 7 DEPENDABLE PRINCIPLES FOR CHOOSING A MATE

Chapter 8 BEFORE YOU SAY, I DO!

SECTION 3 THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE AND THE QUALITIES OF A STRONG FAMILY

Chapter 9 MARRIAGE—GOD’S IDEA

Chapter 10 QUALITIES OF A STRONG, HAPPY FAMILY

SECTION 4 HOW TO AVOID MARITAL ECLIPSE

Chapter 11 HOW TO AVOID MARITAL ECLIPSE

Chapter 12 OVERCOME CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIP

Chapter 13 BOUND BY COVENANT

SECTION 5 UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE

Chapter 14 LIVING WITH YOUR SPOUSE ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE

Chapter 15 WHAT YOUR WIFE NEEDS

Chapter 16 WHAT YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS

SECTION 6 CREATING A SPIRITUAL ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR HOME

Chapter 17 QUIET TIME AND THE FAMILY ALTAR

Chapter 18 PROCEDURE FOR AN IDEAL FAMILY ALTAR

REFERENCES

WRITING TO THE AUTHOR

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my Lord Jesus Christ, who loved me and sacrificed His life for me. I trust this book will be used in His hands as an instrument in making the family life the delight the Creator meant it to be.

PREFACE

It is obvious that marriages these days are facing problems that defy human solutions. Many excellent books have been written to offer counsel and instructions from both Christian and secular points of view on how to have a successful marriage. However, in the final analysis we have always found these instructions and information to be ineffectual in dealing with the problems and challenges facing marriages in our advanced state of social progress.

The reaction of certain contemporary sociologists to this situation has taken the form of passively accepting the inevitable—divorce. Some have even gone as far as saying that the idea of marriage was a mistake in the first place. They claim that the concept of marriage no longer attracts the right of popular acceptance in our modern, advanced society. In the face of these conflicting opinions, this book, You Deceived Me, succinctly declares that there is a solution! I believe the pages of God’s Word reveal the secret.

My conviction is not gleaned from experiential vacuum or abstract theories that have never been put to the test in real life. Perhaps I should quickly say now that at one point my marriage almost halted. My wife and I were both so disillusioned that I felt divorce was inevitable and the only reasonable choice to the spiritual and emotional maze, we found ourselves. In my hours of despondency and desperation, God came to my rescue. He taught me the information and instructions I share in this book. By the dint of these divine revelations, God transformed my battered marriage into something better.

I pray and believe that the same beautiful transformation will take place in your life as you read the pages before you.

William Olorunyomi Agbajor

Chapter 1

YOU DECEIVED ME

A young man who was contemplating marriage once asked his father how much it would cost him financially to get married. My son, the father said, I guess I don’t actually know the exact cost of marriage, because since I got married to your mother, I have been paying the price.

In a similar vein, a young girl from an occidental culture once asked her father Is it true that people from Africa don’t actually know their intended spouses until their wedding days?

Of course, the father retorted. It is the same practice all over the world. I did not really know who your mother was until after our honeymoon.

Don’t mind your father, the mother interrupted. He deceived me! I didn’t know exactly who your father was until a few months after our wedding ceremony. Your father is a terrible man. He deceived me. That phrase sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Read the following story of Anita and Toju.

"We were students together at the university. I was proud and quite confident. I had many admirers, and then Toju came along and started pleading with me to love him and marry him. Even though he was good to look at, I was not impressed. Even so, he continued to be the one who ran after me and flattered me with much attention. In fact, he literally worshiped me.

I could get Toju to do anything for me. It made me feel like a queen. I accepted his proposal to marry him. I thought I would be treated in the same way all my life, but I was in for a shock! Things changed after marriage. He did not seem to care anymore. He began to criticize my manners, my looks, and my character. I could not understand it at all.

We had a joint account, and all my money went into it. Only Toju could withdraw money out of the account. He gave me no money. He went away on weekends with his women at my expense. Sometimes he would mockingly say, Have a good time. Bye. I am gone! Indeed, he would be gone. My whole being felt like it was breaking into pieces. I felt humiliated and asked myself a million times, Is this me or someone else? Sometimes it was so horrible that I thought it was a dream from which I would soon wake up; but alas, it was not a dream, or it is a dream that has been going on for ten years!"

This story of Anita and Toju is just a snapshot of what some married couples are presently going through in their marriage relationships. Perhaps you feel your spouse has deceived you and that the price you are already paying for the luxury of marriage is not commensurate with what you are getting out of it. You desire to quit the entire relationship. Please, do not.

No matter, the state of your marriage and emotional disposition right now, as you are reading this book, I want you to know that your story has not yet arrived at its closing stage. There is still hope. Even though your life has become an elegiac verse of sorrows and deception, God’s Word promises restoration. May the words of God, as recorded in Joel, embrocate your soul like a healing salve rubbed on a wound.

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillars, and palmerworm.

Joel 2:25

ARE YOU CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE?

This book is also my contribution to the lives of those contemplating marriages. We live in a time when many young boys and girls are rushing into matrimonial life, bereft of the necessary wherewithal to deal with the challenges that may eventually surface after the honeymoon. It is my earnest prayer that the materials in this book will go a long way in helping our tyro-youths, who are beginners to marriage, in their hour of marital needs.

The content of this book is not exhaustive on the topic. This book assumes the role of a compendium, to equip singles and couples for the challenges ahead, and to bring a dose of resilience into already wonky marriages. The time of tears is almost gone. It is time to rise and come away from your mourning, because the winter and rainfall are past.

For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth. The time of singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

Song 2:11–12

THE HALL OF THE HIGHEST HUMAN JOY

When God instituted marriage, He originally intended it to be the hallmark of the highest human joy. Unfortunately, for some, marriage has become the deepest pit of mortal pity. The other day, during a counseling encounter, one of my clients said, Sir, I’m afraid of this marriage thing.

Why? I asked.

Because of the ugly testimonies I’m hearing from marrying couples, she retorted.

The exchange reminded me that God’s original aim of instituting marriage was for us to enjoy it, not to endure it. Just as there are bad marriages, there are also sound testimonies of good marriages. The followings are testimonies from two couples who are enjoying their marriages. God