Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities

By Kathy O'Connell

Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities presents a new perspective and action plan for anyone who lives with adversity. Author Kathy OConnell draws from her own experiences of living with cerebral palsy and working with others as a counselor in this powerfuland empoweringbook about living life to the fullest with a disability. Readers are offered an approach to moving through feelings of fear and victimization, which lead to embracing and appreciating their different abilities. As a result, people experience greater love, happiness, and fulfillment.

Kathy uses the metaphor of a firewalk to represent the fear we feel when faced with difficulty, circumstances that could further hurt us, and the doubt within about our own ability to be successful. The authors epiphany during an actual firewalk served as a catalyst for developing this powerful and unique approach she now teaches to clients, audiences, and workshop participants.

Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities shows how to:
View your difference as a valuable gift, teacher, and opportunity for growth Move beyond hardship and why me victimization Face fear, anger, and frustration head-on so you can access your authentic self Stop letting others attitudes and perceptions define, limit, and hurt you Get in touch with your sexuality and power to attract Find your purpose and go after it with new abilities, strength, and focus

Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities offers invaluable tools for parents and teachers of children with disabilities, as well as new ideas for therapists and other healthcare workers who work with clients and patients who have different abilities.

When we learn to see our disability or difference as a gift, we can use it as a transformative tool. Instead of struggling against what is difficult, or trying to manage or fix our difference, we can embrace the very thing we resistand allow it to strengthen us.

Drawing from her own experiences of living with a disability and working with others as a therapist, Kathy offers readers an approach to moving through feelings of fear and victimization to a place where they can embrace and appreciate their different abilities, and experience greater love, happiness, and fulfillment as a result.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Nov 21, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452561202

Kathy O'Connell

Kathy O’Connell is a certified rehabilitation counselor and licensed mental health counselor, specializing in personal growth and transformation for people with disabilities. Kathy is director of Radiant Abilities, which provides an array of counseling and consulting services. She believes that within each of us is the full potential to lead the lives we dream of, ones full of happiness, love, health, and peace. Kathy teaches the concept of “different abilities,” meaning that each of us has our own unique strengths and gifts to share with the world, regardless of ability level. She believes and teaches that a disability can be a launching pad for transforming one’s life. When a person embraces a disability, both the challenges and the triumphs, life takes on new meaning, and one becomes empowered to make choices, pursue dreams, radiate abilities, and live fully. Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities offers invaluable tools for parents and teachers of children with disabilities, as well as new ideas for therapists and healthcare workers who work with clients and patients with different abilities.

Book preview

Firewalk

Embracing Different Abilities

KATHY O’CONNELL

SKU-000568854_TEXT.pdf

Copyright © 2012 Kathy O’Connell

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-6120-2 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-6119-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-6121-9 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012919483

Balboa Press rev. date: 03/12/13

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Prologue

Chapter 1      The Significance of Embracing

Chapter 2      Degree of Difference and Difficulty

Chapter 3      From the Beginning

Chapter 4      Recognizing the Gift of All Abilities

Chapter 5      Breath, Birth, and Abilities

Chapter 6      Different Abilities: A Catalyst in the Lessons of Life

Chapter 7      Abilities: Being Rather than Doing

Chapter 8      At Age Seven: Listening to the True Self

Chapter 9      Perceptions

Chapter 10      Releasing the Myth of Disability

Chapter 11      Healing the Shame

Chapter 12      No Longer a Victim

Chapter 13      Children’s Wisdom

Chapter 14      Sexuality and the Power to Attract

Chapter 15      Firewalk

Chapter 16      Letting the Light Shine

Dedication

To my loving parents, Ed and Marge O’Connell. Thank you for giving me the two most important gifts parents can provide: roots of love and support, and wings to believe in myself.

Acknowledgments

Thank you to Ann Bradney, Director of Radical Aliveness Institute, for her encouragement and her unwavering belief that I have a message to share with the world. I also would like to thank my editor, Kathleen Curtis, for her endless guidance on revisions and, again, for her belief in the value of this book.

Prologue

The inner quest, if taken seriously, also takes courage, also traverses dark regions, and also leads to maturity—and the treasure is also found.

—Eva Pierrakos

The Pathwork of Self-Transformation

In the beginning, there is innocence, which is really an innate knowledge that we are all born perfect. I was blessed to have been born to parents who reinforced this because their love for their children extended far beyond any perceived imperfections. My parents believed, and still do, that their children held magnificent potential first and foremost, because they had inherent value as people. I was no exception to this. I was well on my way to being a toddler when I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy (CP), a neuromuscular condition that has a vast range of effects on one’s body. The range in how CP affects people can extend from having so many spasms and contractions that one’s muscles are virtually paralyzed to having a slight limp that is noticed only at close view. At the time of my diagnosis I was sixteen months old. Given that I was not yet walking and had very few fine motor skills at this point, the doctor did not know where I would fall on this continuum.

There were many questions that only time could answer. For parents, this moment of declaration that life will be different for their child than what they had expected is very critical, and for many it is devastating. My parents have always had an interesting approach to things perceived as problems. They both are very calm, practical, and largely unemotional in their approach to life’s problems. My father has the belief that one cannot plan on a life full of guarantees, and my mother truly does try to make the best out of everything. Most importantly, they tend to approach life with full and open hearts. Their optimism, their practical nature, their love, and their encouragement made all the difference to me. Upon leaving the doctor’s office after being told their youngest child had a permanent disability, they briefly acknowledged their sadness, went home to tell my brothers that I would probably need extra help throughout life, and then they resumed their busy pace of raising four children. Thus began the development of my personal philosophy toward having cerebral palsy, which remains with me to this very day: I pay attention to it when the need arises, but otherwise I carry on with life and all that it has to offer.

Today I am a professional working with others with disabilities. I own Radiant Abilities, LLC, a counseling and consulting business intended to help people adjust to their disabilities, live their lives, and pursue their dreams. I have a master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling and another one in Special Education. I am a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, as well as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. In addition to my counseling practice, I also present workshops and trainings throughout the country on various topics to help people look at disabilities from a more empowered perspective. At this point, I have been working as a professional in the field for over twenty years. Ingrained in my professional philosophy is my personal experience of living life with a disability, encompassing both the frustration of life being more challenging and the profound joy received in working through such hardships to discover a very meaningful life.

Even though I was a toddler when I was diagnosed with CP, I acquired it at birth. CP is typically a result of congenital abnormalities in the brain or lack of oxygen to the brain during the birthing process or shortly thereafter. In many cases this is an indication of severe birth trauma, which I will get into later. Since the onset of my CP coincided with the beginning of my physical life, I have never known anything different than living with this unique combination of my body’s skills and challenges. I often say that I live with my disability because that is the only thing I know to do with it—live life with it. I certainly cannot shake it off or pay attention to it only when I feel like it. CP comes along with me on this wonderful journey called life.

In my life I have cultivated many abilities within me as a result of how my body moves and works. These include everything from using my strengths as a communicator in writing this book to figuring out how to maneuver my fingers so that I can put contact lenses into my eyes. Most of the time it is easy for me to assess the best way to accomplish something. At other times it is much trickier, and then there are times when I just need assistance in simple tasks, like opening those miniature creamer containers one gets with coffee in restaurants. Still, there are other times when I decide I can get by just fine in life without being able to do something, like riding a bike.

I grew up pretty insulated from the many social and economic struggles in a community that was predominantly white, Catholic, and middle class. It was also very loving and nurturing as well as being full of opportunities. My parents had a strong network of friends, neighbors, and colleagues who were close to my family. In raising me, my parents demonstrated for others that my disability was something to accept and that I should not be denied anything. As a result, despite the hardship of learning to do most physical tasks and trying to keep up with others, my life was fairly easy. I grew up thinking that I could float through life doing what I wanted, becoming a success, and impressing the world with only a bat of the eye toward the fact that I had a disability. I grew into adulthood viewing my disability as no big deal because others around me also did. The people I met in college, who subsequently became lifelong friends, tell me what drew them to me was the way I viewed my disability as part of me, not the definition of me. College was certainly an extension of my upbringing—white, middle class, Catholic (Jesuit college) and very sheltered. I graduated thinking that whatever the real world was, it was bound to be an extension of what I already knew.

Then the powerful bell of reality began to ring, very dimly at first, when I was in my early twenties. Once I took notice, though, and turned my ear toward it, it rang and rang. It was at this time that I realized there were many people focused on my body’s distinct aspects. I recognized something I had probably known all along but had not cared to admit. When you have what is commonly called a disability, there is no such thing as blending into the crowd. It may be a slight limp or the significant challenge of not being able to speak, but the effects of a disability heighten the attention and awareness of even the busiest passerby.

Although I may have grown up thinking having CP was no big deal, I realized that for the rest of the world it was. Whether it be on the street, in school, or in the boardroom, the disability—or what I call different ability—becomes the focus of questions, comments, and of course, many attitudes. I will explain the concept of different abilities further along in the book, but briefly, the concept implies looking at all abilities in a nontraditional way. As a young woman and the recipient of this kind of attention, which was often subtle and unspoken, I did not know how to handle it. Frequently I chose to ignore it. I turned off the ringer.

I remember the first job interview I went on after I graduated from college. It was for a position as a reporter for a small newspaper in upstate New York. The interview was conducted with no mention about my disability or any reference to it. At the time, I was naive enough to think that was a good sign. It wouldn’t be an issue, I thought. They knew what a good writer I was and would hire me based on my abilities. At the end of the interview, though, a small voice inside said, That went too well. A week went by, then two. I finally called to see what my status was. My prospective employer told me, in a somewhat distant voice, that they had not made a decision and would get back to me. I hung up knowing that would be the last I would hear from him. Looking back, I realize that the disregard of my disability during the interview suggested the inability to deal with it in employment—not just for the newspaper, but also for me.

Granted, my thoughts about why I did not get the job are mere assumptions on my part. For a college grad to not get the first job she interviews for is more typical than not. For all I know, my not getting that position had nothing to do with my disability. The fact that I assumed the rejection was because of my disability was an issue I had to deal with.

I ended up working for a large disability services agency, in their public relations department, writing their newsletters and press releases. The job was okay, but I soon learned I did not want to have a career in PR. The job, however, did give me one of my greatest gifts—an education in the world of disability services and how others with disabilities lived. Although I had lived with a disability all my life, I realized I knew so very little about the lives of others with disabilities. My eye-opening experience came from learning about people who had been institutionalized, sent away from their families to live in seclusion, simply because they had a disability. I was amazed that people could be treated so poorly. What further amazed me was that in this large agency, filled with all kinds of services, there was very little counseling offered to those who had suffered so much.

I began to realize there was a much better way for me to work within the field. I knew I could help people to recognize the power within themselves and the choices available to them for leading full lives. People did not have to lead a life solely focused on their lack of abilities. I began to realize that my different ability was indeed a big deal. There was a purpose for it in my life. This realization was not a light-bulb moment but rather like the first crack of the gray light that precedes a brilliant sunrise. In this first light, it occurred to me that, if I chose, I could use my life experience in this body of mine as a learning tool for valuing people’s spirits, essence, and gifts they had to offer. I could choose to help transform the pain of living with a disability. So began my personal and professional journey that has brought birth to this book.

This book is about the abilities of all people. It is about the realization that people with different abilities really just have differences and can accomplish a variety of things if they access the power of their spirits. This puts them on a spiritual path. I use the words spirit and spiritual often throughout this book. I do not intend them to have any religious meaning but rather an association to the exploration of what creates this power within us and how it can be used in everyday living to bring about the very best in our abilities, for all of us. Yes, that is right, all of us.

The continuum for abilities is so very broad. Some of us are talented in the arts, others in business, others in sports, and still others in matters of the heart. What we all bring to the worldly table, in terms of abilities, creates the overall ebb and flow of our lives. Throughout my personal and professional life, though, I have never met anyone without abilities. Why don’t we start changing our terminology to reflect a more accurate truth?

Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities is about celebrating ourselves, our lives, and our purpose on this earthly plane in the bodies that we have. This book is about our hearts and souls, the essence of our spirit, and how to manifest the spirit for the highest good of all, no matter how intense our challenges may be. This is about using the unique packaging of our bodies to reach the powerful sense of self within us all. It is about seeing beneath and beyond whatever labels are given to us, either by others or ourselves. I have never been a disabled person. My spirit and soul have never been led by my dis-ability. Although living with cerebral palsy will always have a direct influence on my being, it is never commanding enough to be the primary characteristic of who I am. Throughout this book, you will learn the defining characteristics of my essence, and I hope that in the process you will discover or become reacquainted with some of your own.

Learning to love a part of yourself that is not always valued by others is quite a process. It does not happen overnight; it evolves over a lifetime. In Firewalk, we allow all our characteristics, both positive and negative, to be part of who we are. We release the struggle to be anything other than who we are, and in doing so, we enter into the perfection that has always been within us. It is here that we begin to integrate all of our abilities in order to accelerate our passage to our higher selves.

I hope this book will help you search further for the meaning behind the pain and struggles you have endured and the individual challenges that may still confront you. Disabilities are catalysts for the bigger picture. We are here with one purpose—to love and live fully as who we are. Our