Choice for Change: Reflecting More of Him

By Anita Wheatley

Have you ever wanted somebody to rescue you? Someone to understand the pain embedded deep within the surface of your soul? Someone to recognize that the emotions tumbling within you are not part of some sitcom to laugh at? As we set sail on this journey together through my various troubled waters, I pray you will rid yourself of unwanted baggage and make a choice for change in your lifes course, correcting those areas that will be honoring to Him. Discover that only by His guidance can we find strength and wisdom to undertake our daily tasks. Your lifes journey is your own. It cant be duplicated by anyone else. Learn how to persevere during difficult times by enlisting biblical principles. Only He can spiritually refresh our souls. I challenge you to make a choice for change to reflect more of Him!

Choice for Change is not so much a description of real-life problems, but a prescription for real-life, scripturally based solutions.
Pastor George Bryson, author of The Five Points of Calvinism, The Dark Side of Calvinism: The Calvinist Caste System, and Grace: Gods Riches at Christs Expense

After reading Anitas first book, I found myself on a journey that felt like my own in more ways than I care to admit. The best sign of a great work is when it relates to the millions of readers picking it up. Anita has done just that. I highly recommend this book to everyone and dont give it away to a friend in need, rather buy them a copy. This book is a great reminder of the Lords footprints in the sand during our toughest times.
Philip N. Rogone, author of The Gettysburg Ghosta love story, The Princess Frog, and soon-to-be-released Resurrection

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449761721

Anita Wheatley

Anita Wheatley, pastor’s wife, Bible teacher, blogger, and author, lives in Southern California with her husband, youngest daughter, four Yorkshire terriers, and a cat. She’s the mother of four children, has eleven grandchildren, and is co-founder of Kindred Hearts Ministry, dedicated to the spiritual and emotional survival of women, biblically, transcending generations.

Book preview

Choice

for

Change

ANITA WHEATLEY

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Copyright © 2012 by Anita Wheatley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Credits:

Front Cover Photo: Vilchis Squared, www.vilchissquared.com

Front Cover Model: Ashley Wheatley

Back Cover Photo: Christopher Wheatley

Author Photo: Vilchis Squared, www.vilchissquared.com

Interior Photos:

Ashley Wheatley

Michelle Blanco

Hair Stylist and Makeup: Ashley Jael Hairstyling and Makeup

Prop Stylist: Ashley Faria, www.PatternsOnWalls.com

Photo Editing: Monica Dickerson

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-6171-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6173-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6172-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012914090

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/10/2012

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Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright

© 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission." (www.Lockman.org)

RSV—Revised Standard Version

Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

To my daughter, Ashley, and my husband, Dennis . . . my beloved comrades who rode out the crashing waves with me during our turbulent time only to emerge more refined and dedicated to serving Him!

I love you more!

(P.S. Thanks for not throwing me overboard!)

If you are living on your own desert island,

as crashing waves surround you,

and you feel you have no hope of being set free,

call upon the only One who can rescue you… Jesus!

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble;

I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me."

Psalm 50:15 (NASB)

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Preface

CHAPTER ONE      Shipwrecked on a Desert Island

CHAPTER TWO      A Master at Friend-Ships

CHAPTER THREE      Companion-Ships

CHAPTER FOUR      Afloat

CHAPTER FIVE      Beacon of Hope

CHAPTER SIX      Precious Cargo

CHAPTER SEVEN      Aid to Navigation

CHAPTER EIGHT      Shifting Tides

CHAPTER NINE      In the Shepherd’s Hands

CHAPTER TEN      Ahoy!

CHAPTER ELEVEN      Battle-Ship

CHAPTER TWELVE      By and Large

CHAPTER THIRTEEN      Act of Grace

CHAPTER FOURTEEN      Leader-Ship

CHAPTER FIFTEEN      His Workman-Ship

CHAPTER SIXTEEN      Guilt Trip

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN      Jettison

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN      Absolute Bearing

CHAPTER NINETEEN      Capsized

CHAPTER TWENTY      According to His Purpose

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE      Life Raft

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO      Ahull

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE      Go With the Flow

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR      Stowaway

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE      Seaworthy

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX      Solitary Refinement

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN      Em-Oceans

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT      Ship’s Log

Appendix A      How to Have a Personal Relationship With Christ

Appendix B      Ports of Call

Appendix C      Glossary of Nautical Terms

Endnotes

Acknowledgments

Dennis, I am forever your dove, your perfect one (Song of Solomon 5:2). It’s a joy to have you as my partner in ministry and faithful companion during our journey together. Continuously, you challenge and inspire me. Faithfully, you humbly exemplify, to those around you, how to live as a man after God’s own heart. Our children have been blessed to observe your consistent, unwavering, godly example. Thank you for always believing in me even when I wouldn’t. Your nutty humor always eases my burden when I become too serious and overwhelmed. I am grateful for your upgrades and comments on this project and forever guiding me in all circumstances to follow the author and finisher of my faith… Jesus (Hebrews 12:2).

To my darling BFF, Ashley… As my best friend, you have always loved me, encouraged me, trusted me, and honored me as your mama. What a joy it is for me to receive such respect from my daughter. For this, I know the Lord is pleased. I am blessed by the beautiful, godly woman you have become and look forward to the mighty work God will continue to do in, and through, your sweet spirit, as well as during our time co-laboring in ministry. Your reassuring nudge at the Women of Faith event made this book possible. Keep smiling, reflecting, and sharing Jesus my loveable Puddin!

Thanks to George Bryson for the kind words and inspiration you have been to me over the years. I appreciate you mentoring my son, Christopher, and embracing his family as your own.

Phil Rogone, it was your encouraging words that helped reignite the fuse for me to finish this work. Thanks to you and your wife, Sharon, for your love, support, and feedback regarding this project.

Erynn Waltman you make me laugh! Thank you for your creativeness and may you remain steadfast in your journey with the Lord.

A special thanks to my Linda who has gone home before me. Her kindred spirit remains sewn in my heart forever and I look forward to our reuniting someday. This book was a dream I had shared with her long ago and, although she is not here to bear witness to its release, I thank her for believing in me and encouraging me to continually keep pressing on. Oh how I miss you, girlfriend!

Now, to the One who has bestowed His unconditional love and continual forgiveness into my heart and soul, I thank my most Precious Lord and Savior. This is my offering to You. During my life’s journey You have always been the beacon directing my path. Your Spirit has breathed life into this book and encouraged me to expose the very depths of every part of my soul as I Count it all joy! Forever will I give You praise and honor. May others continuously see more of Your reflection in me and through the tale of my voyage, may You be magnified. I love you beyond what words could ever capture!

Foreword

Before I say anything else, let me tell you who will not understand or appreciate Choice for Change. You will not understand or appreciate this hard labor of love if your Christian life has always been what you hoped it would be. You will not understand or appreciate this book if your life has been without disappointments, discouragements or feelings of failure. If you have never wanted to throw in the towel and quit, saying to yourself, Oh what’s the use of trying or persevering, things never work out anyway. Choice for Change will not be of much help, at least now, if you do not think you ever need to make some choices for change.

If, however, you are like most believers who have been running the race, but sometimes stumbling, fighting the good fight of faith, but sometimes taking it on the chin, you will understand and appreciate the message of this book. If you have a deep and abiding desire to please, honor, and glorify God, despite the unexpected obstacles and unpleasant surprises that have come your way, you will understand, appreciate, as well as be challenged and encouraged, by a slow, thoughtful, and prayerful read of Choice For Change. This is Anita Wheatley’s very personal, transparent, and sometimes painful testimony. Her spiritual pilgrimage has not always been easy. I expect that it was not always easy to write about. Most believers will easily, and sometimes painfully, identify with Anita’s story. The longer we have been walking with the Lord, the easier it will be to identify with her life and message. But Choice for Change is not so much a description of real life problems, but a prescription for real life, scripturally based solutions. It does not ignore the battle, but it also shows the way to victory! When you are finished reading Choice for Change you may find that you have the inspiration you need to make some life changing and God-honoring choices. You may also feel like giving God a standing ovation for His faithfulness to Anita and her family.

Pastor George Bryson, author of The Five Points of Calvinism, The Dark Side of Calvinism: The Calvinist Caste System, and his latest book, Grace: God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense

Preface

Daily, we are faced with making choices. Whether they are small, no brainers, or larger, more complex choices, what we choose can have lasting impacts on our life. Many of our choices, involving right and wrong, can be easy to make. Some of these decisions may be as simple as going with the flow by following the crowd, those that are non-consequential without any real impact, or the lawful ones like stopping for a red light. On the other hand, some choices may be more difficult and involve higher stakes like when we stand our ground and go against the popular vote, while others carry a hefty price tag for they have huge ramifications. Finally, there are the more serious choices we may choose, and regrettably, carry for the rest of our lives.

Writing this book was one of my choices. I debated internally whether or not I wanted to relive many past hurts and pains and weighed the options of being transparent by sharing my life openly with strangers. Certainly, I understood that I may come under scrutiny and be judged by some individuals however, because I felt the Lord had placed this project on my heart, I needed to be obedient and trust Him with the outcome. It was my choice to change from hiding my feelings and insecurities to exposing my personal truths through my life’s journey. It is my hope that many of you will relate and, if necessary, take steps by making your individual choices for change and thereby reflecting more of Him.

If we want to be in a position to make good choices, we need to be prepared ahead of time. For example, if you are attempting to lose weight, your success is determined by the type and amount of food you eat, along with your exercise regimen. By stocking healthier food and keeping your gym appointment, you are in a better position of making good choices and achieving victory in your goal.

The same holds true in the spiritual realm. No matter what circumstances find us, our responses should be bathed in how the Lord would want us to handle the situation. We should always consider the Lord’s desire first and how our choices to live righteously will glorify Him. This could mean we need to choose to make changes in various areas of our life… placing more attention on some things and choosing to let go of others. Some of these choices may include choosing not to let people intimidate us, not to forgo our Christian values, or not letting our guard down, thus allowing the enemy to get a foot hold… even during these uncertain times in our country.

As we walk through our paths of life, when situations present themselves, He provides opportunities for us to yield to His will. The confidence and power given to us by His Holy Spirit helps us make choices that will honor Him. I believe, along with these decisions, we can make the choice to choose to be bitter or better.

I remember being taught as a child a memory hook when spelling words containing the letters i and e and how to choose which letter comes first. The rule went like this: i before e except after c. Ironically, the difference between bitter and better is the letter choice i or e.

Before coming to the Lord, our choices are more likely self-centered or I focused. The phrases I want, and I like, or I need come to mind. This I infection usually leads to bitter choices. After coming to the Lord, if we first consider Him before making our choices, we know by faith, He will direct us to the better decision. Hence, i (bitter) before e (better) except after (coming to) c (Christ).

May you be blessed as you embark upon this journey with me and remember the Choice to Change is ours to live a life reflecting more of Him!

Blessings from above,

Anita

"And He said to him,

‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART,

AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’"

Matthew 22:37 (NASB)

CHAPTER ONE

Shipwrecked on a Desert Island

If I have trust, then I can find hope.

As my husband reached down to the hot, oil-stained pavement, I brushed back my curly, blonde hair from my eyes and looked on with curiosity. He picked up a tarnished penny and declared, In God We Trust. I muttered under my breath that one-penny isn’t going to buy us anything. Dennis, refused to acknowledge my dismal attitude and declared, with the excitement like a child, that this penny was a reminder that God is our provider (Genesis 22:14), even if it’s one step at a time. As if my husband was speaking to his former congregation in Texas, he told me I needed to be encouraged by this finding and continue to trust whatever He is doing in our lives. From memory he quoted Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV), Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. He proceeded to exclaim that God knows our circumstances and what an honor it was for us to be chosen to go through such a trial (James 1:12a). I didn’t share his enthusiasm and couldn’t understand his genuine thrill over his find. Like David, Dennis is truly a man after God’s own heart and his words pierced my inner being, making me feel terribly inadequate. My heart was sour with discouragement and even though I knew God was with us, I couldn’t get past asking, Why, God? Why would You allow a pastor’s family to become homeless, jobless, and penniless?

Many of us recall the television situation comedy, during the sixties, of the happy group shipwrecked on an uncharted island during a tropical storm at sea. The S. S. Minnow carried a two-man crew and five passengers. They were quite a versatile combination of characters. The cast consisted of a rich husband and his wife, a professor, an actress, a farm girl, and the skipper, and his first mate. As the song goes, They set sail for a three hour tour. It always intrigued me to watch week after week to see the cast explore ways to be rescued. They were always able to fashion such a vast array of items from materials found on the island. With such imagination at play, I got a laugh out of the objects they concocted.

But now, I found myself gripped by my own emotional and spiritual desert island, because of the trial my family and I were experiencing. I wish I could say my imagination was at work here, however, this was my reality. This was a reality not in the physical sense, but deep within my soul. It was a place I lived all alone, for no one knew my inner chaos. On the outside I exhibited abundant life and functionality. My secret pain was tucked way beneath the surface of the mask I wore. On occasion I tried to peel back an edge to expose the anguish I felt in my heart, in hopes someone would set me free. I was only met with an amusing comment that cut me like a knife. Failed again.

Have you ever wanted somebody to rescue you? Someone to understand the pain embedded deep within the surface of your soul? Someone to recognize the emotions tumbling within you are not part of some sitcom to laugh at? Here is where I lived day after day in my latest distress. Although I wasn’t able to find rescue materials like our castaway friends, I still pretended I would soon be rescued from my desert island.

Loneliness caught up with me when we moved back to California. My ambitions of reconnecting to past friends, family members, and acquaintances fell short. I believe I had unrealistic expectations of returning to the life I left ten years earlier. Some former friends and family were excited to see me and suggested that we reconnect. Here is a lesson I learned regarding man’s expectations. Good intentions may abound, but the follow-through on those intentions is more often less impressive.

When you place your trust in people often times they will let you down. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man (Psalm 118:8 NKJV). I mistakenly took this lack of follow-through as an indication that they weren’t desirous of my companionship and prone to only make contact when they needed something.

Disappointment welled up inside of me, because I felt let down. It even surprised me when someone didn’t even acknowledge that they knew me. Even though I couldn’t substantiate this, I allowed doubt to creep in and captivate my thoughts. My imagination, prompted by fear, drifted into thoughts that my life was not normal and I was a misfit. This had to be the reason people were seemingly rejecting me. With my life spinning in a whirlpool, it was difficult to trust God. I had been taught from as far back as I can remember, friends and family stick together through thick and thin. A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24 NKJV). The rejection I felt left me paralyzed. Instead of digging deeper into His Word to feed my faith, I allowed my doubts and fears to rule my head. I felt betrayed. I recoiled.

Engaged in my pity party, I was reluctant to pull myself out of the deep hole I had curled up in. Allowing the enemy’s whispers to occupy my conscience, I reflected on an old I Love Lucy episode. The scene assembled in my mind was of Lucy sitting on a bench in Central Park feeling sorry for herself. She believed her husband and friends had forgotten her birthday. Along comes a small group of marching outcasts who called themselves the Friends of the Friendless. In an attempt to lift up her spirits, she asks the cast to accompany her to her husband’s nightclub, The Tropicana, so she can teach her husband a lesson about true friendship. Here, she amazingly discovers a surprise party in her honor.

In Lucy’s case, her friends had quietly planned a party, without her knowledge, in order to surprise her. There was no secret party behind the scenes, in my case, and I was left marching to my own beat. My only success was acquiring one additional member in my Friends of the Friendless group—my youngest daughter. Her agreement was more out of humoring me, in order to drag me out of my self-imposed pity pit. Her antics worked!

From time to time, we have all experienced some type of rejection, even by those close to us. It is a natural feeling to want to withdraw from the very people who we believe love and accept us. Even those we call family can unintentionally snub us, making us feel awkward. Others, in an attempt to forget their past, avoid those who lived through their jaded history with them. Their efforts to cover up the pain they once knew can present itself, inadvertently, as rejection toward others when they stop associating with them.

We are given a skewed pattern by the world, as to what a friend should act like, and this can cause us to disengage from others. Many sitcoms on television today have enticed us into becoming a bit insensitive by the ongoing display of mean-spirited humor. Since we enjoy a good laugh, we have become callous to the cruel barbs playing out on the screen before us. The friendships we witness depict random infliction of misery as a source of amusement. Miraculously, at the end of the thirty-minute episode, everyone’s relationship is whole again. Indeed, this is not our reality since our hearts cannot endure disparaging remarks, betrayals, and manipulation as if nothing transpired. It’s no wonder relationships fail.

Nobody understands this pain of rejection more than Jesus. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him (John 1:11 NKJV). However, as believers we should be thankful we are not defined by our past failures, rejections, or inadequacies. As a born again believer of God, we have a new life as Scripture points out in 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB), Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

We see throughout the Old Testament where the Lord revealed Himself to His people. He desired companionship and fellowship with them, as He does with us today. We see Jesus in the New Testament develop close relationships with the Apostles and even upon His death He sent the Holy Spirit to remain with them. When others fail us, He remains close at hand. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8 NKJV). The very people He came to save, rejected and nailed Him to the cross (John 19:16-18). Yet, with the rejection, that didn’t stop Jesus from fulfilling His ultimate purpose of saving the lost. He stayed the course.

Even when we feel like a nobody we need to rest in what God has to say about us. He says we are somebody. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it (Matthew 13:45-46 NKJV). A clam shapes a pearl from a flaw, an irritation within its organism. In this parable, we are considered that imperfection… that irritation that is made into something precious. Not unlike the irritant within the clam, we undergo suffering in order to move toward perfection and are incapable of freeing ourselves. To the merchant, the pearl is most valuable. Jesus takes delight in us and views us as so valuable that He would gladly give everything to have us forever. To Him we are the beautiful pearl of great price.

Did you know Jesus calls us His friend? No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you (John 15:15 NKJV). He regards us with feelings of great affection. Since He discusses matters of a private nature with us, we can be considered confidants by which we experience with Him a more intimate relationship.

Jesus takes pleasure in communing with us. When we are feeling out of touch and ready to withdraw, we need to go before Him, as a child, and sit at His feet. It is in His presence where we will find gentle soothing for our soul. If you are feeling unloved, read what John 15:13 (NIV) has to say, Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Never have I encountered such a love of this magnitude. I can’t think of a better way to refuel my spirit than diving into His presence. Here, as I sit breathing in His Word, I am transformed. This is a safe place where the Lord and I are in perfect harmony and this can never be taken away from me (Luke 10:42).

When was the last time you quieted your soul by sitting at His feet? How many times do you say with your mouth that you trust Him, but your actions speak otherwise? I admit there have been many times during my voyage, to various Ports of Call, with the Lord that I failed to trust Him. I let circumstances interfere, with what I knew in my heart to be true, and wouldn’t let Him be my compass and direct all areas of my life. I hope, as you sail with me through my journey, you will discover those places in your life where you can make a choice for change, reflecting more of Him.

This reminds me of the Bible story, found in Luke 10:38-42 (NKJV), of two sisters from Bethany: ³⁸ Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. ³⁹ And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me. ⁴¹ And Jesus answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. ⁴² But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.

Here is a wonderful example of two sisters and the choices they made. This is a good reminder for us here that we need balance in our lives. One of my mother’s favorite sayings was, Take time to smell the roses, as she observed my incessant dedication to my work early on in my adulthood. She could see I was so busy with my career that I wasn’t experiencing true joy in my life. At the time, I disagreed with her, but could only point to factors surrounding my career that validated my enthusiasm. My existence revolved around my work. In all honesty, I was too ingrained in my job that I had lost sight of the beauty surrounding me.

It wasn’t until gravitating closer to the Lord that I came to realize the true, and most important, meaning of this phrase for me. Most would agree that this cliché is in reference to our personal pleasures of life. For me, it was a reminder of my personal priority for daily fellowship and communion with our Lord. Without this special time with the Lord, I can’t see any other way we can keep our sanity in this fallen world. How else can we know Him and His character? How else can we take on His likeness? How else can we do battle and walk away victorious?

I like what Oswald Chambers says about spending time with the Lord. Beware of saying, ‘I haven’t time to read the Bible or to pray’; say rather, ‘I haven’t disciplined myself to do these things.’ ¹ How many of us are guilty of setting out on our journey early in the morning without first spending time with Him? Before a ship sets sail, the captain must read his charts and plan his course. Our devotion time with Him in the morning can get us on the right path and establish the desirable tone for our day. It can lift our spirits and give us the proper perspective on what the Lord knows we will encounter.

Many of us scurry about our day without resting in Him. We find ourselves drained after a long day and unable to utter a kind word to those we care about most. This is all because we haven’t taken the time to visit the Well and fill up our thirty souls. We believe we can manage whatever challenges we face in our own strength. Then, when we are hit in the gut with an unforeseen circumstance that leaves us on the ground gasping for air, we are left dumbfounded. If only we had submitted our day over to the Lord, He would have cushioned the blow for us.

Regardless of our lifestyles and personalities, the choice to commune with Jesus is open, although making the time may come easier to some. Many women today work outside of the home and add to that the necessary housework duties, helping children with homework, playing taxi to and from soccer practice, you can see this adds up to a prescription for total exhaustion. Where do they get more hours in their day? They need to relearn solitude and simplicity. He wants us to slow down and spend time with Him so we don’t miss out on the blessings and guidance He has for us. After all, we are running a marathon, not a sprint, and we need to pace ourselves. He isn’t in a hurry, so why run ahead? He is the ultimate pace-maker.

In A. W. Tozer’s book, Of God and Men, he offers the following message on solitude: "Retire from the world each day to some private spot… Stay in the secret place till the surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and