Just Be a Good Girl

By Pennie Scott

JUST BE A GOOD GIRL



As a ten year old girl, Deja Young goes through a dehumanizing ordeal with someone new that entered her life. Dealing with this ordeal along with serious family issues, made growing up for Deja a lot harder than it had to be. But Deja does grow up with traumatizing memories that haunt her like a ghost.
Deja flows through what she knows as a normal pattern of life although she wishes one thing would change. As doubtful as she is, Deja wishes her love life would change. She is waiting for her knight in shining amour eventually finds one. However, she doesnt trust herself, her faith, or her knight to know it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 15, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463407988

Pennie Scott

H. Penny Scott was raised in Queens, New York. She is the daughter of Mary and the late Charles M. Scott. After graduating high school she followed in her cousins footsteps and attended South Carolina State University where she received her degree in Professional English. Penny never had the desire to teach but once she finished school she did have the desire to write a book. Although the desire to write a book was always in her she wasn’t sure what genre she wanted to focus on. A good drama or a beautiful love story were two subjects that she was interested in but she wanted her first book to leave the reader with a strong positive message. It wasn’t until meeting women from different walks of life who had gone through some form of sexual abuse, is when she decided to write about this very sensitive issue. Not only was it important for Penny to discuss this subject , it was also important to show the long lasting effects that sexual abuse can have on a person. Penny also wanted to show a different way to cope and heal from such an evil act. It is her desire to show women that, “bad things may happen to you but, you don’t have to make bad choices.” ~H. Penny Scott

Book preview

© 2011 by Pennie Scott. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 07/07/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-0800-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-0799-5 (dj)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-0798-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011908622

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedications

Acknowledgments

Deja Young

Playing Adult Games

Junior And Senior

The Cotillion

College Days

Nice Knight

Back Again

Paying The Price

Christmas Time

Home Again

A Georgia Peach

An Old Friend

Bad Habits

Maybe Another Knight

People From The Past

Dirty Games And Love

About the Author

Dedications

I dedicate this book to the woman who sacrificed so much of her life for my well being. Mom, I can’t thank you enough for your support in everything I’ve done along with your everlasting love. Thank you for always having my back in everything that I ever wanted to do. I LOVE YOU.

I also dedicate this book to another woman that loved me as if I was her own. Thank you Mommy Evelyn for always doing whatever you could to make me happy. MAY YOU FOREVER REST IN PEACE.

Acknowledgments

First I must thank our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for giving me the ability and courage to write this book. If I didn’t have his guidance I would have never been able to complete this project.

Once again I must thank my mom for her everlasting love and undeniable support. I also want to thank my Aunt Marshu for giving me another dose of motherly love; my cousin Carol for giving me great advice regarding my writing and my cousin Yohance for keeping his word and doing everything he said he would do to help with this project.

I also want to thank all of my friends and co-workers for assisting me with editing, mentoring and counseling, free of charge.☺ I will never forget the faith all of you have in my work. With this faith and by God’s grace, I pray this book and future books will enlighten lives and uplift heavy souls.

Deja Young

Playing Adult Games

Hey Deja, you want to play a game?

Sure, Deja said, with her voice full of excitement.

As Norman and Deja walked through the house, Deja noticed that Norman had his shirt off, but she didn’t think anything of it. She walked with him, holding his trusting hand, from the family room down the small hallway, up the stairs to his bedroom feeling a little special that he wants to play a game with her.

Lie down on the bed, he instructed. She did as he asked.

Close your eyes.

His voice sounded a little different, Deja thought. Again, she did as he said. Not a second after Deja had her eyes closed, she felt Norman climb on top of her.

What is he doing? What is he doing? I don’t like this . . . Deja thought. She didn’t understand what his body was doing when he got on top of her.

"Norman, stop. NORMAN, STOP! NORMAN, PLEASE STOP!"

Deja pleaded in vain. She didn’t understand exactly what had happened to her but by the time he got off of her, Deja knew that what had just taken place was completely wrong. That one instance made her feel like a completely different person. As the tears fell from her eyes she felt a part of her slip away. A part that was lost forever, and never coming back.

It was very easy for Norman to molest Deja continuously for months. He was the son of her father’s best friend, Nicholas Mitchell, who had recently moved into their neighborhood with his wife Karen and youngest son Norman. There oldest son Nicholas Jr. had recently graduated from college and moved to Washington D.C. to start his career as a lawyer. Shortly after the Mitchells moved, Mrs.Young took a part-time job and with Deja being ten years old and an only child, her parents thought that she was too young to come home to a empty house by herself. Mr.Young also worked a second job, so they wanted someone to look after her when she came home from school. That’s where The Mitchells son came in. Norman Mitchell’s family only lived a few blocks from Deja’s school. Both of Norman’s parents worked too, but when they were asked if Norman, a senior in high school, would agree to pick Deja up from school and let her stay at their house until her mother came to pick her up, everyone agreed.

Deja had no problem with that at the beginning. Norman seemed nice when they first met and Deja noticed that he would go out of his way to play with her when the families got together for a visit. But not long after Norman started picking her up from school, things changed for the worse.

Deja was molested repeatedly off and on for about four months. She never told anyone because Norman had a hold on her. One day when Norman picked Deja up from school, he heard her curse at a boy in her class. Not caring when Deja tried to explain that the boy had been teasing her for the last couple of days and ‘go to hell’ just came out wasn’t the issue. The issue was she cursed and that was a big ‘no, no.’ Norman observed that Deja’s parents were a no nonsense sort of people and expected their daughter to behave and act accordingly. Mind your manners, do your best in school and don’t give your teachers or anyone in authority any trouble, were the words that Norman heard repeated to Deja every time he was around her. Basically she was being raised to be just a good girl. A good girl who would do as she was told by her elders or even an older teenager. A good girl who would not talk back, no matter what the circumstances were. In Norman’s perverted mind he saw Deja as an opportunity to take full advantage of. And take advantage he did.

Norman remembered overhearing a conversation that Mrs.Young, had with Mrs. Mitchell about Deja saying a curse word to one of her cousins. Her mother emphasized how she tore her up from the floor up to make it clear that she didn’t want her daughter speaking like that to anyone, ever again. That’s not the type of girl she was raising. Norman reminded Deja of that beating and told her that in order for him not to tell, she would have to do everything that he said to do. Norman saw the terror in Deja’s eyes if he told her mother what she had said. He even got a kick out of it because he knew he could have complete control of her. Yelling at her for something she was already beaten once for was one thing Deja feared. Another beating on top of that was even more terrifying to her. So, Norman won without a fight. One bad word, a malicious minded neighbor and a little bit of blackmail all on a ten year old shoulders. Norman was her real live monster.

During that time Deja was an emotional roller coaster. She spent many sleepless nights in bed wondering if Norman was going to ‘bother her’ the next time she went to his house. She knew what Norman was doing to her was wrong, but she didn’t know or fully understand how wrong. All she knew was that she had no control over her own body and how awful she felt every time he laid down on her. Deja would get sick to her stomach on the days she had to go to Norman’s house and even sicker days after she was there and if he violated her that day. Norman was so mean; sometimes he would torment her on those days and have her wondering the whole time she was at his house if he would ‘bother her’ that day or not. Sometimes, he wouldn’t but he would make her think that he would. Other days he did molest her, no matter how hard she cried. Her grades were up and down and her teacher called home and asked Mrs.Young what was wrong with Deja because not a week would go by without Deja asking to go to the bathroom complaining she felt sick to her stomach. Her mother thought it was due to her and Deja’s father arguing all the time. Not a week would go by without Deja’s parents arguing about any and everything. Mrs. Young didn’t let on to the teacher how bad things were at home but inside she felt that maybe the arguing was affecting Deja. She couldn’t blame Deja if it was because it was starting to affect her as well. Arguing, unloving parents and a trusted family friend who would molest her at his leisure was a lot for a ten year old to handle.

Finally, by God’s grace during Christmas break, Deja was told by her mother that she didn’t have to go to Norman’s house any more. Norman had graduated from high school a semester early and had signed up to join the army. Deja had also made friends with The Linden sisters, who had recently moved to her block. So she was able to go to their home after school and wait for her mother to pick her up from there. Even if Norman wasn’t going away, these girls would be her escape from him as well as getting away from her arguing parents. Deja thought that her problems dealing with Norman were over and her life would be better. And for a while it was. Her grades went up and stayed up. She didn’t feel sick to her stomach any more. She didn’t have to worry about Norman at all because he was gone. Even with arguing parents, life as she knew it, was good once again.

It wasn’t until a year and a half later, when Deja and her Mom had their first ‘sex talk’ that she fully realized how much Norman had violated her body. Her parents didn’t think it was necessary for her to know about sex before then. It wasn’t something that was discussed. She didn’t bother to tell either one of her parents about what had happened to her because she was so devastated when her mother explained what sex was all about. She just cried all night long in silence, asking herself over and over again why would Norman do that to her. Did I do something to make him do that? That’s all she kept thinking, all night while she cried her heart out. It was devastating to her and made her look at sex very negatively. She thought that sex was dirty, nasty, filthy and disgusting. After all, that’s how Norman made her feel every time he ‘bothered her.’ It made her ashamed of her body. She had developed a lot faster then other girls her age. Is it my body that made Norman bother me? she thought. Deja’s whole view of sex and making love was totally distorted and it made her not want any man to make love to her. She figured if she allowed herself to have sex with any man, she would be allowing him to do the same thing that Norman did to her. And of course, if she wasn’t going to have sex, there was no need to get married. With what Norman had done to her and living with parents that were in a bad marriage, her whole idea of love and marriage and everything that goes along with it was destroyed. She firmly made herself believe that sex was dirty and nasty and she would never let any man make her feel the same way Norman did. Never again.

Junior And Senior

Deja’s life went on to what she called normal. Normal as in her parents continued to argue all the time. Normal as in she continued to do well in school. Normal as in dealing with her arguing parents and the horrible memories of sexual abuse made her very sensitive, emotional and easily intimidated by people. She lost her fight and the drive to stand up for herself. She avoided any kind of confrontation with anyone. After all, with the way Mr.Young argued with Mrs.Young and yelled at Deja for just about anything, there was no need to try to stand up for herself with anyone. Although Mr. Young argued mainly with Mrs. Young, he could be very verbally abusive to both of them. Everything had to be his way or no way. Nothing could be explained to him at all. Anything that was said that was contrary to his way of thinking was automatically shot down. Deja learned to do what she was told and avoid him when she could, in order not to set him off. Although her mother took up for her, she never understood how her mother could live in such a loveless marriage. Even after one big argument that led to her father pushing her mother down a small flight of steps, Deja questioned her mother why didn’t she divorce her father. Deja was tired of all the arguing and just wanted some peace in the house. Isn’t that what her mother wanted also? She could see that her mother did as well, but getting Deja through school was more important. She made that sacrifice for her only child. So, this so called family living this so called life was as close to normal as Deja and her mother would get.

Deja went on to junior high school being very shy, feeling very inferior and easily intimidated by the other kids. Even Gloria, one of the Lander sisters would belittle her and tease her a lot. Deja always seemed to be everybody’s scapegoat. But compared to the bullies that she went to school with, she took the teasing no matter how much it hurt her inside. She didn’t know how to speak up for herself because she hadn’t spoken up with her father or with Norman. Whatever her father said, ruled and that was it. And after what Norman had done that took all of the fight out of her. Deja just concentrated on her books and continued to make good grades.

What really surprised Deja was how the boys and girls were all over each other all of the time. It amazed her how these kids acted liked they really knew what sex and love was all about. All the girls talked about was who was going with who and the boys talked about who they could feel up on in between classes and which girl they knew they could ‘get down’ with. Deja couldn’t understand why the girls were so eager to get with the boys and visa versa. Didn’t the girls know that having sex would make them dirty? Is that what they wanted? Did they really want to feel the way that Norman had made her feel? Why were they acting like this? Deja could never figure out what was going on with the kids that went to her school. To her, she was in a different world than they were; a world in which she had no intention of being a part of at all.

In high school, things seemed to be a lot different and for the better. The girls and guys were not all over each other like in junior high for the most part and it seemed to Deja that the girls at least, just wanted a steady boyfriend. Although Deja was scared to death to have a boyfriend, hearing girls talk about the dates they went on started to intrigue her. Being an only child, she only did things with her mother or with one of the sisters from her block. But the more she heard girls from school talk about their boyfriends, and what they did over the weekend or the gifts they received for their birthdays or holidays, the more Deja longed for the same experience. But she just figured nobody would ever be interested in her. She was always told by members of her family, other than her parents and so called friends, that she was fat, when in fact she was very well developed for her age more than other girls were. That made the image of herself in her mind very unattractive. She would look at herself in the mirror and she didn’t think she was as big as everybody made her out to be but whenever she got a little comfortable with her body there was always someone there with a negative comment to make to destroy her self-image.

The only few good comments she would get from some people was how pretty her thick black hair was when it was straightened and curled and her pretty brown eyes against her copper brown skin. Every now and then she would hear that she had a pretty smile. But everything else she heard was you’re fat, you’re short and fat, you’re fat self, or you are just too big. So, if everyone around her said she was fat, she believed that she was. What guy would ever want her? Deja had no self esteem at all. She only shared once what had happened to her with Gloria from her block. Gloria was in the same grade with Deja as well as went to the same schools and was in some of her classes. Gloria would tease Deja a lot also but for whatever reason Deja confided in her what happened to her. The response she got was Why would someone want to do that to you. Gloria said it with a small laugh and with a look on her face that said ‘you’re too ugly and fat for any guy to want to do that to you.’ It was like Deja wasn’t even worth the time for anyone to want to molest her. She was inhuman in Gloria’s eyes let alone someone who had been violated. Gloria didn’t realize how powerful words can be.

The summer before her senior year, Deja went to visit her half brother Herschel and his family for a few weeks. He lived in Virginia and Deja loved to get away from everything and every body. She had visited with him and his family several summers before, but this summer made a big difference to her life. Not to long after Deja arrived, her brother sensed that something wasn’t quite right with his sister. He noticed how unhappy she seemed to be. When he would question her about how things were going with her, she would just say ‘okay’ to try to avoid answering his questions. But one day, he sat her down and asked her to open up to him and to really let him know what was going on with her. Deja could see that her brother was very sincere and came to the conclusion that he was the only person she could be herself with and open up to. She didn’t tell him about her being sexually abused but she did open up to him about how people made her feel about herself.

She also shared with him that along with their father arguing with her mother all the time, he could be a tyrant and verbally abusive to her mother as well as herself. She told him that along with Dad being very belittling to her, so were some of her so-called friends. She felt like nothing was ever going to change and all she wanted was some peace in her life. Other people seemed to come from good families, have good friends and live happy lives. Why couldn’t she? Her brother advised her that although it may be hard, but to try to ignore her parents when then fought. They will have to work out their own problems and for you to worry is not going to change anything. I know it’s hard to hear all the time, but try to block it out as much as you can, Herschel reassured. That would be easy Deja thought. I’ve been doing that most of my life. He also mentioned that in a year she will have graduated from high school and be off to college.

You will be in a totally different environment and will not have to hear your parents fight at all. And after college, it’s on you. You will find a job and get your own place, if you choose to, Herschel said. It never occurred to me until Herschel said that once I’m finished with school, things will be a lot different, Deja thought.

He also advised her that people tend to use other people as their scapegoat because of their own insecurities.

"They can only use you as their scapegoat as long as you allow them to. You may need to stop hanging around those friends that tease you as much as you do and find new friends that will have more