I'm Feelin' Kinda Gassy: Fun Poetic Short Stories

By Gary L Tucker

This book is filled with contemporary poems written as mini short stories with a message. A few are waiting for someone to attach a melody, perhaps you. Here you will find stories that help draw you closer to God and others that remind us of our freedoms so many take for granted in my home country, the United States of America. Im sure you will also enjoy my stories of true love. No matter what your age is, theres something in here for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Nov 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466903173

Gary L Tucker

Words can cut sharper than a knife, or they can comfort and inspire people lifting them to great heights. After fifty-three years of seeing people filled with confusion and with no direction in their lives, I decided to try and help in the only way I know how. I picked up a pencil and a note pad and started writing about life situations we all must face, offering hope and inspiration. Most of the stories in this book are rooted in the Bible, which is the only thing that last. It is my desire to lift and inspire my neighbors near or faraway. Here you will also find stories of my home, the United States of America. Americas leaders are a representation of its people as a whole. This is why I feel the urgent need to write about her and the condition she is in. Perhaps my words will inspire someone to be the next George Washington or Abraham Lincoln.

Book preview

I’m Feelin’

Kinda Gassy

Scott%20Pearce.jpg

Fun poetic short stories

Gary L Tucker

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© Copyright 2011 Gary L Tucker.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

isbn: 978-1-4669-0318-0 (sc)

isbn:

978-1-4669-0317-3 (e)

Trafford rev. 11/08/2011

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North America & International

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Contents

About the book

I’m Feelin’ Kinda Gassy

Pucker Up, Boy

Doctor Michelle

Le Bare Derriere

Saggin’ Sally

Man Trap

Still in Seventh Grade

Romantic Action

Gus Maginnee

Slasher, The Party Crasher

Doctor Written by Gary Tucker

Kicked in The Shin

and Socked in The Eye

I Was Born a Cowboy

I’m Not As Young As I Use To Be

Out of My Way

Yellow Camaro

Oh Lord, Tell Me Why

Second Chances

Journey Home Inspired by my aunt Beverly

You’ll Find Me

When You’re Looking Down

Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines

Hills of Tennessee

John the Baptist

I Believe I’ve Just Been Born Again

Old Time Religion

Wish

What More Do I Need?

A Man From Galilee

My Prayer

When The

Trumpet Sounds

Starry Night

New Jerusalem

Be Strong in The Lord

Oh, Mighty God A Sinner’s Prayer

Valley of Fear

I Pledge My Allegiance

America, How Sweet is Your Name

Super Me

True Love Never Parts

My Little Boy Blue

I’m so Sorry

My One And Only

True Love

Little John

Happy Daze Written by Gary Tucker  4-12-2011

Mishym, My Genie

Shimmy Wife

Wedding Night Heart Failure

Tongue—Tied and Sh, Sh, Shy

Tongue—Tied and Sh, Sh, Shy

Savant (A)

Savant (B)

Tippin’ the Bottle

Only In My Dreams

Lover’s Dream

Messed Up Life

Some Don’t Know

America, America,

Why Can’t You See?

Jailhouse Baby

What Do You See?

Married and Clueless

Virtues

POW! POW! POW!

Happy Ever After

Can You Hear Me?

Gifts This Year?

I’m Through With You

Down Sizin’

About the author

About the book

This book is filled with contemporary poems written as mini short stories with a message. A few are waiting for someone to attach a melody, perhaps you. The fun poems will make you laugh and the timid are sure to blush. The inspirational poems will cause you to think about your eternity and the freedoms Americans share. My poems of love include humor with a twist and you may learn something from poems for life’s lessons.

You can find a smaller version of my poems in Oh Lord, Tell Me Why, which includes all my inspirational poems plus a few others that are suitable for church.

I wish to extend special thanks to the Pearce brothers as they traveled the world as soldiers in the United States Army. To all who choose a life of servitude I offer a heart felt thank you.

Thank you, Gary Tucker

Edited and photo arrangements by Gary Tucker.

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I’m Feelin’ Kinda Gassy

Written by Gary Tucker 9-2-2010 

Pass me the Gas-Free ’cause I’m feelin’ kinda gassy

It may not be classy when I’m feelin’ quite so raspy

Don’t think I’m being passé when I say we all get gassy

So pass me the Gas-Free ’cause I’m feelin’ kinda gassy.

Took the wife and kids to an all you can eat buffet

They had every kind of food there even fish called orange ruffet

But, when I saw those spare ribs I just couldn’t get enough

I went back for more and more and I ain’t talkin’ guff.

While driving home that night I knew somethin’ just weren’t right

We’re all in for a long ride, a long ride home tonight

My innards were unnerving feeling all those wiggles

Then I started burping and felt some bubbly jiggles.

Something inside me was trying to get out

Oh! Oh! Oh! I cried out with a shout

Felt like one of those aliens I saw in a sci-fi movie

Oh! Oh! Oh! Except this really wasn’t groovy.

I could feel the pressure building but there was just no shielding

There were small explosions; hope nobody heard them

Followed by aroma; I tried to hold it in

I tried to hold it in but here we go again.

Pass me the Gas-Free ’cause I’m feelin’ kinda gassy

It may not be classy when I’m feelin’ quite so raspy

Don’t think I’m being passé when I say we all get gassy

So pass me the Gas-Free ’cause I’m feelin’ kinda gassy.

Do yourself a favor this ain’t somethin’ to be savored

Pass me the Gas-Free and roll your windows down. 

Pucker Up, Boy

Pucker up boy, ’cause we’re gonna kiss

Don’t play coy do it like this

Let our lips come together in sweet wonderful bliss

Pucker up boy, get ready for my kiss.

You’re driving me wild in that skimpy t-shirt

Flexing your muscles while working in the dirt

One foot on the shovel, two hands on the pole

Bending and turning while digging a hole.

Scoop a load of dirt and toss it in the air

Over your shoulder, dust flying everywhere

Put the shovel in the ground without any strain

The way you twist and turn drives me insane.

As the day goes by I see you working on your tan

My, Oh, My, what a beautiful hunk of a man

Reveling chiseled abs like a stone statue

I can wait no longer let our kissing ensue.

Pucker up boy, ’cause we’re gonna kiss

Don’t play coy do it like this

Let our