Dying to Belong

By Kishauna McClain

Kim receives the shock of her life when she learns that her mom got the promotion shes been waiting for. Only the promotion is in Chicago, IL. Now Kim is forced to leave her hometown in Grand Rapids, MI, her best friend Jada, and the school that she has attended since kindergarten.
Trying to adapt at a new school, Kim finds herself face to face with peer pressure and even bullying for the first time. Eager for her classmates to accept her, she embarks on a journey that she feels will make her one of the most likable girls in her class.
Will she succeed? Join Kim and experience her journey of change.....

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 4, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496950383

Kishauna McClain

Kishauna McClain is currently a junior in high school and resides in Chicago, IL. She belongs to quite a few academic programs, such as the University Of Chicago Collegiate Scholars Program, Black and Latino Achievers Program, National Young Leaders State Conference, and the National Society of High School Scholars. Kishauna was awarded a Young Authors Award in the fourth grade and decided to continue writing about things that matters most to her. She is also a teen stepper of the Step-Alive Chicago Style Steppers Program. Kishauna plays Varsity Volleyball and aspires to play Collegiate Women’s Volleyball. In her spare time she likes to play the piano, tennis, chess, latch hook, and knit. Her dream career is to become a Medical Pathologist

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© 2014 Kishauna McClain. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse    10/27/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-5037-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-5001-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-5038-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014919173

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Contents

Special Thanks & Acknowledgements……

Preface    Facing Reality

Chapter One    The Big Shocker

Chapter Two    Feeling At Ease

Chapter Three    Learning My Way

Chapter Four    The Outsider

Chapter Five    Trying To Adapt

Chapter Six    My Guardian Angel

Chapter Seven    Making My Way

Chapter Eight    Full Of Surprises

Chapter Nine    Up To Par

Chapter Ten    Finding Myself

Chapter Eleven    What Goes Around, Comes Around

Chapter Twelve    New Beginnings

SPECIAL THANKS & ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS……

First and foremost, I would like to thank my heavenly father for always being with me no matter what.

Second, I would like to thank my loving family starting with my wonderful parents and advocates, Keshia & James II. The two of you are always actively involved in everything I do. You put your life on hold just so I can have one. The love that you have for your kids is beyond amazing, and I appreciate you both.

Grandma Sylvia, you and my Uncle LaMar have been in my life since before day one. That alone speaks for itself.

Auntie Gina, you give me the best gifts for my birthday and Christmas. You always make me feel special.

No other person can keep me on my toes and make sure that I am performing at my best like my little brother, James III. You push me to greater limits every single day. I love how you see my strong points and won’t accept the word can’t, or I don’t know."

You will tell me I can, or tell me to find a way. You are my tough little Sargent. Your big sister loves you.

Mrs. Janice Taylor, I want to thank you for being a part of my life. Since I was a young child, you have always held your arms and door open. You helped raise me to be the person I am today. You’ve given me the love and support that I will always carry with me.

My Great Auntie Kimberly, you are one of my biggest cheerleaders. Even though you’re cheering from afar, it still feels as though you’re sitting in the crowd somewhere. I appreciate the love and support you give me.

I would like to thank Mrs. Ellen Christion for being one of my biggest supporters. Whenever I have a fundraiser or compete in events, you are right there. You’re always in my corner. I love you for that.

Mrs. Shanks & Mr. Bailey, both of you are my mentors. The two of you are supportive of everything I do. You encourage me to keep moving forward and to shoot for higher goals.

To my Grandma Lorrane Shaw, I know that you’re smiling down on me. I want to thank you for loving me and for always having my back.

Last, but not least I would like to acknowledge four beautiful, smart, and talented young ladies: Amala K. Okoye, April Lynette Daniel, Maria Snoddy, and Tierra Jones. You ladies did a fantastic job!

PREFACE

FACING REALITY

I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE! The thoughts in my head were loud and clear. I stare into space as my dad pulls into the narrow driveway of our new home. The long, white, and orange U-Haul truck fits perfectly in it. My dad looks at me with a concerned look, Everything will be fine. I’d never been to Chicago before, and what he’d just said was not very convincing at all. It looks much rougher than Grand Rapids, Michigan. As I glance out the window, I notice that our new house is about the same size as our old one. Suddenly, I feel the urge to go look inside. I can see my dad staring at me from the reflection in my window. I look at him with the saddest eyes as if this will be the last time I’d see him again.

Are you staying for a while? I ask desperately.

He looks at me and smiles. I’m just moving you and your mom’s things into your new home. Sam will be helping also. You know Sam, your ex-next-door neighbor, hahaha.

I’m sorry, I didn’t get the corny joke he just cracked. Even if I did, there’s just not enough happiness in me to laugh at it. I am very much tired from crying these past few days. Even if I wanted to crack a smile, I would need more energy to do so. Jada’s party is tomorrow, and I still don’t see why we couldn’t wait until after Jada’s party to move. My life couldn’t be more screwed up right now.

I can’t help but notice a bunch of boys sitting on a porch three houses down. They look very nosy to me. It’s like their eyes are glued in our direction. They’re probably trying to see what we got in this U-Haul truck. I’ve heard stories about these Chicago boys. Recently, I watched a special viewing on television called Chiraq about all of the killings that has taken place here. They were named the capital of murder city. My mom has lost her mind.

These boys look like they could be trouble as well. In Grand Rapids, I learned to avoid boys that hang in groups. Either they were looking for trouble or trouble would find them. It looks like they could be my age or older.

My mom and Sam pulls into the driveway behind us. My dad decides to step out of the U-Haul truck. I reach for my door handle to get out. Immediately, I notice the group of boys approaching the truck, and they’re heading straight for my dad.

OH NO! I shout. Quickly, I get out of the U-Haul, and run to my dad’s side of the truck. I can see my dad bending over to tie his shoes. Daddy, WAIT! By the time my dad looks up at me; the boys are already in front of him. Before I could get anything out of my mouth, one of the boys extends his hand to my dad.

Hi, welcome to our block. You guys need any help? Immediately, I feel embarrassed.

My dad shakes the boy’s hand, and politely tells him that we’re fine. He thanks the boy for the offer, and they politely walk back to their home. Geez, that scared the crap out of me.

CHAPTER ONE

THE BIG SHOCKER

WHAT! I scream as my heart drops, and all I can do is feel the hurt stirring inside of it. I look at my mom with probably the most hurtful expression, Mommy, I don’t want to move. All of my friends are here, and I won’t be able to hang out with Jada anymore. The sorriest look appears on my mom’s face.

Well, we don’t have a choice. I start my new job the week after Jada’s birthday party. I’m sorry Honey. She turns down the radio in her one-year-old, silver 2012 Dodge Caravan.

I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now. My whole life is about to change drastically. I will have to start all over with everything…a new school, making new friends, and I will even have to learn my way around this new city in—Where are we moving too? I ask, clueless.

My mom looks at me and shouts with excitement, The Windy City!

Chicago, IL? I question out of resentment.

CHIRAQ! I feel my eyes water up. It just gets worse, I thought.

It’s no different from Grand Rapids Kim.

Mommy, you can’t be serious!

Kim, please try to be reasonable about this whole situation. I don’t like taking you away from your friends, but this is a great move for us. I have been waiting for this promotion for a while now. It just so happens that the position is in Chicago. Trust me, it will be wonderful.

Maybe for her, I thought. I didn’t say that out loud, though. My mom normally gives me this look when she’s had enough of the attitude I’m feeding her. That look means to straighten up—or else. I never found out what the or else part was, and I don’t plan on finding out either.

That thought of mine must’ve shown on my face because my mom’s expression quickly changes from concern to stern. Look Kim, Jada and her mom can come and visit any time they’d like.

The look my mom had on her face was enough to change whatever look I had on mine. I understood right then, I didn’t get a say in this matter. I either dealt with it—or else. I start crying as we headed home. I glanced at my mom to see if crying would make her change her mind, but according to the look on her face I thought I better stop crying—or else.

How could she? She’s only thinking about herself, I thought. She never bothered to ask my opinion about any of this.

She knows that Jada and I have been best friends since kindergarten, and that eighth grade at Campau Park Middle School was going to be the best year ever. Jada and I finally have all of our classes together. We have not been in the same classroom since the third grade. She knows that Jada and I planned to attend the same high school and graduate together. She knows how excited I am about Jada’s big birthday skating party, which is coming up in two weeks. The other girls in our class couldn’t wait for Jada’s big day either. This is the first birthday party that Jada has been allowed to invite boys.

Our moms always gave us all girl parties with the exception of Jada’s six-year-old brother. Jada’s mom was the first to break the cycle after Jada gave her the famous "I am old enough" speech.

We even decided that we would wear the same color, blue. I was going to wear a blue button-up blouse and a pair of dark blue jeans.

I would come home and talk about the skating party to my mom just about every day. She knew what all of this meant to me. She made up her mind without a care in the world, and here it is three days before our moving day.

My mom hired some guys to pack the U-Haul truck with all of our things. They are loading up the truck while I am on the phone sobbing to my dad. Puleez, Daddy! I beg through the phone, Let me stay with you.

Kim, I don’t have a steady place to live right now. Since your mom and I have been separated, I have been staying with friends. So I can’t possibly let you live with me now. As soon as I get situated, I will come and get you for the summer.

Why can’t I live in this house with you? You used to live here before. Why can’t she go by herself?

It’s very complicated, Pumpkin. Your mom and I will be putting the house up for sale. Someone else will be living in that house pretty soon.

Well I’m devastated right now. Nobody even asked me how I felt about the whole situation, and it’s not fair.

"I love