My Life as a Diamond

By Jenny Manzer

A heartwarming, funny, fast-paced story about the bravery it takes to live as your true self, no matter the cost.

Ten-year-old Caspar "Caz" Cadman loves baseball and has a great arm. He loves the sounds, the smells, the stats. When his family moves from Toronto to a suburb of Seattle, the first thing he does is try out for the local summer team, the Redburn Ravens. Even though Caz is thrilled when he makes the team, he worries because he has a big secret.

No one in this city knows that before Caz told his parents he was a boy, he lived a very different life. It's nobody's business. Caz will tell his new friends when he's ready. But when a player on a rival team starts snooping around, Caz's past is revealed, and Caz worries it will be Toronto all over again.

Will Caz's teammates rally behind their star pitcher? Or will Caz be betrayed once more?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Orca Book Publishers
• Release date: Sep 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9781459818330

Jenny Manzer

Jenny Manzer is the author of Save Me, Kurt Cobain and My Life as a Diamond, which was shortlisted for numerous awards, including the Diamond Willow Award, Chocolate Lily Award, Victoria Children's Book Prize and the Silver Birch Award. She has a degree in creative writing and was a finalist for the 2013 CBC Creative Nonfiction Prize, one of Canada's most prestigious literary competitions. She lives with her family in Victoria, British Columbia.

Book preview

Cassandra.

The Tryout

There were things I missed about home. I missed my best friend, Matt. I missed some of the boys on my house-league team, the Lightning—but not all of them. Definitely not all of them. I missed the ballpark where I’d played since I was four, starting with T-ball. I moved on to baseball when I was five, joining a group of seven-year-olds. I’d worked my way up to play on the Red Devils, an all-star team. They named a hot dog (The Devil Dog) at my local ballpark after the Red Devils, because we were that good. I was the only girl on the team, but everyone was cool with it because of my arm. That girl’s got some arm, they always said. The hot dog was epic. There was nothing better than eating one after winning a game. So there were good memories, as well as the bad. We moved to our new house in Redburn at the end of June, just after school ended, making a clean break, my mom said.

Mom, I said. "There’s nothing to doooo." She was busy unwrapping dishes, all that stuff we didn’t use a lot, like the fancy bowls and plates my parents got as wedding presents.

You can help me unpack.

That’s boring.

Yes, it is, Caz, she agreed, frowning. My dad was working. At least he just did short little hops, not overnight flights. He’d be home for dinner.

She seemed to be getting used to my new name. Back home we’d gone to see a therapist named Miss Linda. We’d talked all about comfort zones and next steps. I had always preferred to wear Adidas pants and hoodies and board shorts, and so I’d officially packed away the sundresses and barrettes for good. Mom had helped me stuff everything into a giant garbage bag, and then we’d dropped it off at the Salvation Army. Sometimes people have to do brave things.

Summers were cooler in Washington State than at home in Ontario. I was also still getting used to the green money. I worried that one day I would accidentally give someone twenty bucks for a bag of chips.

The weather was cool, and it was spitting rain. The TV newscasters were calling it Junuary. I looked up the forecasts on the Internet, and at home it was nothing but sunbursts. But I didn’t really want to go back, not after what had happened.

I trudged downstairs to our rec room. My dad had promised he’d get us a Ping-Pong table for the new house, and a foosball table too. I could invite my friends over, he said. If I ever made any friends. I turned on the TV to watch a DVD of the Blue Jays in the playoffs and plunked myself onto the couch, pulling my cap down on my head and folding my arms over my chest. What was the point of anything without baseball?

Caspar, no, my mom called from the kitchen.

No, what? I asked. She was probably going to tell me to get outside. We’d been in Redburn for five days. I’d stayed inside almost the whole time, like some strange person on one of those reality TV shows.

No more TV. Out, she said. Take J.R. for a walk. Go find the park. It’s close, and it’s got a ball diamond. I can’t believe you haven’t checked it out yet.

J.R. eyed me. He looked kind of sad himself, the way golden retrievers can. He was no longer a puppy, even though he acted like it. The initials were short for Jackie Robinson, the great baseball player. My dad had told me all about him. J.R. seemed confused that we had moved. I guess all the smells were different.

You want go out, buddy?

He did. He trotted to the front door, his fluffy tail dusting the furniture as he went.

Caz, my mom said as she poured herself, like, her eighteenth cup of coffee. If you meet people in the neighborhood, say hello.

I will, I will, I muttered. J.R. looked so happy to go out that I nearly felt happy too. I’d be just another boy in the neighborhood. A boy with a secret. But maybe all boys had secrets.

The rain had let up a bit, and sun tried to burn through the gray beard of clouds. Redburn was a suburb of SeaTac, which was a suburb of Seattle. We were in a sub-suburb. We’d moved here because Redburn was a small, friendly place, my mom said, close to my dad’s job at the airport. Wikipedia had told me that Redburn has a population of sixteen thousand. It said nothing about baseball teams.

J.R. and I walked for a couple of blocks, past all the parked minivans and lawns as green as billiard tables, and I watched my sneakers move forward. When we lived in Toronto, I never spent much time at home—or alone—because I was usually at practice or at school. Since I had no friends to play catch with in Redburn, I’d been throwing a baseball against my rebounder net, over and over. It helped settle my busy brain.

J.R. and I headed to the local park, following my mom’s instructions. J.R. acted like he was a puppy again, bouncing along and smelling the flowering bushes. We’d had J.R. for most of my life. My mom used to have a framed photo of me from kindergarten on her dresser. I was wearing a pink dress, my arms wrapped around J.R., who was about a year old. That might have been the last time I wore pink—or a dress, for that matter. Not without a fight anyway. When we unpacked in Redburn, I asked her to put the picture away. I didn’t want to see old photos from before.

I sat down on a bench, regretting that I hadn’t brought my glove. My hand felt bare without it. I wished my dad would come home to play with me. I stood up to boot a baguette lying on the ground out of the reach of J.R., who would have downed it in a second. He was getting a bit chunky, Mom said. Someone must have dropped it when they were having a picnic, because the trash can was full of paper plates and empty wrappers.

J.R. sniffed around the bench while I stared at the empty ball diamond. Someone had weeded it. It was ready to go. I wondered when summer ball started. Tryouts were already under way back home in Toronto.

You play? I heard a voice say. The voice belonged to a boy. He looked about my age, but he was a bit shorter. He had a sprinkling of freckles on his nose and wore a navy-and-teal Seattle Mariners cap.

I felt my Jays cap. I owned two, but today I was wearing my favorite—it had mesh at the back to keep your head cool. Not that you needed it in this kind of summer weather.

Yeah, I play, I said. Oh, I was supposed to say hello, I remembered. I couldn’t tell if he was nice or not. I wished people just came with signs that told you whether they were friend or foe, because I really needed a friend.

I’m Hank Ottenburg. Then he kind of fake coughed into his hand while muttering something.

What?

You heard me. I’m the best hitter there is around here.

"Re-ally? I asked. And what position do you play?"

I do it all, but I’m known as a hitter. Actually, I’m known as The Hitman.

Hank the Hitman. I tested it out, trying not to laugh. The last thing I needed was to earn an enemy my first day out. I had a definite feeling Hank was making things up as he went along.

You can call me Slugger, he said.

I think I’ll call you Hank, I said. I’m Caspar Cadman. You can call me Caz. You know, like Yaz. Yaz was the nickname of Carl Yastrzemski. When you’re as good as Yaz, you become the answer to a trivia question. Answer: Legendary left fielder for Boston Red Sox. Aka Captain Carl. Greatness personified.

Caz, hand me that baguette. Hank squinted, even though the sun was thin and lemonade pale.

You hungry? I asked. I wasn’t sure about Hank yet. Poor J.R. thought I was going to throw the bread for him, like a stick. A string of drool streamed out the side of his mouth.

Just do it, Hank said.

That sounds familiar, I said, but Hank didn’t laugh. I tossed him the baguette, which was now coated with dirt. Who brings a baguette to a ballpark anyway? Ballparks are for hot dogs. What kind of place was this?

Now throw a rock at me, said Hank, holding the baguette like a bat.

What?

Not at me, but like a pitch.

I picked up a smooth stone from the ground and lobbed it underhand at Hank. He swung at it, lips pursed in concentration. He missed it. He wasn’t even close. J.R.’s ears perked up, his shiny eyes fixed on the bread.

See that? Hank said.

See what? You missed it.

But my cut, man, my swing.

Maybe they should call you Swinger Hank then, I suggested. This kid was weird, going all braggy-pants when he really couldn’t hit.

Look, said Hank, tossing the bread into the wire wastebasket by the bench. He made that play at least. Maybe he was better at basketball. I’m willing to let you be on my crew, but I need to know one thing.

I waited. Hank had a crew?

Do you like the Texas Rangers?

"I detest the Texas Rangers," I said. Nana Cadman says the key to relationships is honesty. A Texas Ranger pitcher once grabbed a Blue Jays rally towel at a Toronto game and pretended to use it to wipe his butt. Not cool. The Houston Astros were fine. Rangers,

Reviews for My Life as a Diamond

[pammycats · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

My Life as a DiamondBy: Jenny ManzerI received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.This was a fantastic, well-written book with an important topic.I love watching baseball (Houston Astros!!!) but don’t love reading play-by-play accounts of games (any sport really). So normally, I would steer clear of a book that is clearly baseball-centric. However, I very much wanted to read this book because of its interesting premise - a boy (who was born a girl - Cassandra, Cassie to Caspar, Caz) moves to a new city and wants to make new friends all while guarding his secret. As a society, we have moved into a period of adjustment where we are transitioning from one set of ideas into a greater understanding of people as individuals. Change is not easy but books like this help.I also was very keen to read another book by Jenny Manzer who wrote, Save Me, Kurt Cobain. Pros:1. The writing is whip smart. The author has a dry wit and finds the funny in life even in the face of drama and heartache. For instance, mom placing a “shoes for sale” sign over a pile of shoes left lying around. Why didn’t I think of that?2. The “diamond” in the title does not refer to a baseball field but rather to the process of making diamonds. Diamonds are created when carbon is put under enormous pressure. The result is an immensely hard, crystal clear rock. Wow, what a concept for a young person to think about. As parents, we are eager to protect our children from “the world”. The idea of a “diamond” though is that living through these hard times can help create our best selves. I love this thought as it can help kids (people) hold their heads up high in the face of embarrassment or failure.3. Caz is super brave (core of steel) to make this change. His decision and follow through felt real. However, the author does not shy away from showing the difficulties that follow such a decision. How will people react when they know? How and who will I tell? Which bathroom should i use? How do I respond when people I love and/or respect react badly or even slowly (like grandma and grandpa)? 4. So, number three (above) talks about how all of this affects Caz but I appreciated that the author also reflects on how this affects others. Mom and Dad are fully supportive of Caz but have to process a little grief at loosing their daughter. They also are scared for Caz. Every parent wants life to be kind to their child but Caz is on a difficult path and this is so hard for his parents. Why can’t the world see my wonderful child? 5. Near the end, Caz is outed by someone (I’m not giving anything away as this is in the description). I loved that entire scene because it just showed a myriad of reactions by different characters. Not everyone is understanding but some are. The author manages to capture these feelings just perfectly. 6. In the “Acknowledgment” section in the back, there are a ton of resources for people. I really appreciate this sort of well-researched thoughtfulness as it is so supportive.Con:My only criticism is that the book doesn’t talk much about puberty and the many problems this will provide for a trans teen. This book is aimed at kids age 9 and above and so perhaps this is appropriate. Perhaps the author really is just shining a spotlight on this one moment in time - the start of this whole process. Perhaps, like the main character, it is enough.Conclusion:No, the world isn’t perfect. Not everyone will love me. However, there are moments and people who will fill your world with glory so appreciate them

[carolee888 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I knew as soon as I saw this that I would love it. No, I do not love baseball. I remember being thrown into game without a clue of what goes on in this. I am very nearsighted and the ball always managed to elude my outstretched hands and smack me right on the nose, over and over again. My gym teacher actually stopped and gave me pointers on how to stand, how to hold the bat and enough confidence to hit a home run with the bases loaded. I was very confused that day, it never happened again. Reading all the play by play stuff about baseball was a chore for me but reading about Caz Cadman was a wonderful experience.Here is a fellow, originally named Cassie and designated as a female on his birth certificate who loved everything about baseball and always felt he was a boy. One day in Toronto, he decides that his name should match his gender identity. He renamed himself and had his long braided hair cut off. While reading this book, I felt great empathy for this boy whose gender identity was the opposite of what his body was. It is very easy for me to understand. When I was five year old, my pediatrician pulled a stupid prank on me. He told me that he had to tell me that I was not a girl but a boy instead. My mother said that I screamed very loud, cried and could not be consoled. He laughed! I have never felt that it was funny. We never returned to him. A person's gender identity is very personal and should never be fodder for jokes. If you read this book, you can imagine how I felt about a character in this book named Kyle.I highly recommend this book for all children.

[mantra_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

My Life as a Diamond is a nice little book. I think it would be a really nice story for young people. Personally I do believe this topic, along with many others, should be introduced toyoung people, it helps them understand how we're all different and might help them feel better about themselves or friends of theirs. I really like the way it's framed aroundbaseball. Most stories like this I'm aware of deal with MTF, very few comparatively deal with FTM. For you people, this is a really nice little intro to the other side of things. Recommended.

[bostonian71 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I applaud this book's message, especially given the pushback against rights for transgender folks in some quarters. I do wish there was more depth and complexity to the writing, both on the baseball end (the critical game lurches from being totally awful to being totally awesome, which can happen but feels a little forced here) and on the interpersonal end (same). It'd be interesting to see if transgender readers felt this was true to their experiences; the author herself is cis, and while she has done research it's not clear if she had talked to transgender kids during that process, or had more than one transgender kid review the story before publication.

[mrsdruffel · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

*I received an advanced reading copy via Library Thing for review purposes. If you have read GEORGE by Alex Gino, you are going to love this book. Cassie loves baseball. When her family moves from Toronto, Canada, to a suburb outside of Seattle Washington, Cassie decides to cut her hair and go by Caspar. Caz for short. The boy she knows she is and has always been. Joining her new team for the summer as a boy, life and baseball couldn't be going any better. But a boy on their rival baseball team will not leave Caz alone. What happens if Caz's secret is discovered?Beautifully written, MY LIFE AS A DIAMOND, is a perfect read for grades four and up. Being under 200 pages makes this book accessible to many students. Baseball fans will adore it and relate to Caz's love of the sport. Reading about others who may be different from oneself will foster acceptance and a sense of safety in our schools. Other children may see themselves for the first time in this book. Our world needs more love and understanding for each other more now than ever. Thank you, Jenny Manzer, for writing this book. It is a must-have for every school and classroom library. MY LIFE AS A DIAMOND comes out September 18th, 2018. Pre-order your copy now.

[jwyss-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I received a free copy of My Life as a Diamond by Jenny Manzer in exchange for an honest review.This book is an easy read. The book cover is very attractive and gives a glimpse of what the story could be. A child facing the baseball stands with a ball in one hand and a cut off long hair braid in the other. The title is clever and so are the chapter headings that all refer to baseball. They all can be read as a metaphor. The language is simple and can be read by younger children. It is a simple story of a girl transitioning to a boy. The story is not too complex and does not delve too deeply in to the transgender issue. It is a good book to introduce children to the concept without overwhelming the young reader. The story has a happy ending of acceptance from most of her teammates. Cassandra is now Caz and Caz has friends who accept him for who he wants to be.

[tessa.johnson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book. It started off a bit slow and I was surprised that it jumped so quickly into announcing Caz's gender situation, but I think overall the book was tender and kind and exciting! Caz is a 10yr old boy who just wants to play baseball, and forget about the fact that he spent the first 9 years of his life as a girl. He has the chance at a fresh start in a new town with a new team, but how can he enjoy the game without feeling like an outsider? While this book is about a transgender character, it didn't feel like it was ONLY about that. The dynamic between the players, the family dynamic, and the thrill of the game all shone through. I will certainly be buying a copy of this book for my elementary school library collection.*** I received this book through the Early Review program ***