Lonely Hearts, Lonely Nights: Wells-Ackman, #2

By Nikki N Calvert

After his sister's death, John Wells' whole world fell apart.  He'd not only lost a sister, he'd lost the only anchor, left in his life.  His sister had kept their abusive upbringing at bay.  Without Jessica, John had to face his past before he could live the life his sister had desperately wanted for him, a family of his own to love.

Now, four years later, John had faced his past and was tired of being alone.  He wanted a wife and children, a family to love and call his own.  John's biggest fear; he'd fail without Jessi's guiding hand.  Then he met someone who turned his whole world upside down.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nikki N Calvert
• Release date: Aug 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386644279

Book preview

Chapter 1

Lewisson Cemetery

THE CHURCH PARKING lot was deserted as John parked his car, early on a Saturday morning. He sat alone, staring out the window towards the cemetery. John hadn’t been back since the day of his sister’s funeral, five years ago. Jessi. How he missed her. Madison and Mike had been back many times, bringing flowers, sharing their grief and memories. Madison had been Jessi’s best friend, her confidant and her champion. Mike, John’s friend, had been Jessi’s lover. No. He had been so much more than that to her. Mike had given her a life, if ever so briefly.

Shaking the past from his thoughts, he opened the car door stepping out into the early morning air. It was barely daylight, but he had a lot to share with Jess. Charles, Mike’s grandad, had suggested he come here and talk to his sister, to tell her what was in his heart. At first John hadn’t been open to Charles’ suggestion, had even laughed at Charles’ idea saying, She can’t hear me. Charles had smiled sadly, before saying, Trust me, she can hear what’s in your heart and you will feel in your own heart, her understanding. Share your thoughts, your very life with her, son. You need to be at peace with Jessica. It’s holding you back, John. Go first thing in the morning, share your heartache, your triumphs and your happiness. Don’t start another day of your life with doubts or regrets.

Letting out a ragged sigh, John leaned back into his car for the flowers he had brought with him. His thoughts raced as he walked slowly through the cemetery. John stopped in front of his parents monument to put flowers on his Mother’s grave. He had none for his father. There was no guilt for the slight. John had forgiven his father, Hank Wells, for what he had done to him as a child. But for what his sister Jessi had endured, no way in hell could he forgive the bastard. There was no excuse for what he’d done to Jess.

John kneeled in front of Jessi’s headstone, tracing her name with his fingertips, before placing flowers in the single vase. He felt an overpowering tightness in his chest and throat. Closing his eyes, John took a deep breath. He turned to lean his back against the stone bearing his sister’s name.

Hey Sis, it’s me. I mucked up my life and I need to tell you all about what I’ve done, since you left. But, first I need to say how much I miss you and how much I still love you. Damn Jess, I wish you were still here with me.

John pressed his thumb and forefinger into his eyes, his voice raw with emotion. Ah shit Jess, why did you send me away that night? I should have been there telling you how much I loved you, telling you good-bye. Damn you Jess, you shouldn’t have taken that away from me or Mike, either. It wasn’t fair, Jess. It wasn’t fair.

John choked back a sob as his chest heaved with a deep shuddering breath. A bitter laugh escaped his lips. We were raised with deceit though, weren’t we. Kept everything to ourselves. Never completely honest, not even with each other. Share nothing with no one, that was our motto, right? Damn it, we were wrong, Jess! We should have told Mom everything. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Oh God Sis, Mom! She should have defied him and found some way to help you. I know she was the best mom she could be, truly I do. But, she should have done more for you.

John ran his hand over the back of his head before looking up at the sky. He needed to get a grip on his emotions. He chuckled out loud. Sorry about that, Sis. When Charles suggested I come bare my soul to you, I don’t think he meant for me to rant and rave like a dumbass. Made you smile, didn’t I? I can feel it in my heart. You're smiling and there’s a twinkle in your eye while you're saying, You’ve got that right, you are a dumbass.  Ah Jess, I do miss not being able to talk to you and share my life with you. We all miss you. There was pain and regret in his voice.

John stared straight ahead, sightless, as he thought about their lives together and how he had gone on without her. Sighing, he tried to settle himself more comfortably against Jessi’s headstone. What he had to share with his sister might take awhile.

Things didn’t go the way you thought they would after your death, Jess. They didn’t go the way I thought they would either. Kimmi and Mike showed up at the hotel that night you sent me away. It was bad Jess, really bad. I learned Kimmi had a dark side and so did I. She accused you of unspeakable things, Sis. I ... I lost myself, Jess. If Mike hadn’t been there ... shit Jess, I put my hands around her neck and squeezed. I just wanted her to shut up, take it back, something! I should have known better. It changed everything. She hurt Mike too, with her foul mouth. But he kept it together, unlike me. Poor Mike. I ... I just blurted out you were dying, no easing into it. God Jess, he was devastated. It was a fucking mess. None of us were thinking straight. I ran out of the hotel room, Mike and Kimmi hot on my heels. It was a long agonizing drive to the hospital. I tried my best to explain everything to Mike. He felt cheated and betrayed, by both of us. And he was Jess. What we did to him was so unfair. It was wrong, he deserved better. Mike figured out you sent me on a wild goose chase that night, so I wouldn’t be there when you died. That hurt, Jess.

John let his head loll, as his memories of the night Jessi died brought a wave of pain rushing through him. He had been all alone, no living family. He had felt utter despair. Madison, her husband Pete and her brother Alexander had taken care of everything for him. He could barely function. The rest of the night was still a blur to him. He didn’t even remember leaving the hospital with Madison and Pete. The next thing he could remember was Mike getting in Pete’s car, when they got back to Lewisson. He remembered agreeing to go with Mike to his Grandad’s house. Going back to the apartment he’d shared with Jess was out of the question. It was no longer a home without Jessi.

Raising his head, John rolled his shoulders as he looked around the cemetery. Where to start, he thought. Well Sis, get ready for a story that will make you say, Oh Johnny, why? about a million times. No more secrets, Jess.

Smiling ruefully, he began his story of life without Jessi.

Chapter 2

Madison glanced back at John once again, as they stopped in front of the Ackman’s home, just as dawn was breaking. John hadn’t said a word on the drive back. Her husband squeezed her hand gently, shaking his head ever so slightly. How had he known she was about to say something? Sighing, she watched as Mike got out of his sister’s car and walked towards them. He looks broken, she thought, just like John. 

After he shut the car door and settled into the backseat next to John, Madison said, We’ll drop you off at your apartment, unless you want to go to our house, also.

No, take us both to the lake. My grandad’s place.

Madison turned to look at John. He nodded his agreement. Well, okay then, she said, as Pete put the car in gear.

When they drove up to Charles’ home, Pete put a hand on Madison’s arm. Stay here with John and Mike, while I talk to Charles. I think that’s best. He glanced back at Mike to get his approval. At his nod, Pete got out of the car. The front door opened, as he started up the porch steps. Mr. Ackman, I’m Pete Mitchum, he said, extending his hand out to Charles.

Yes, I remember you. You married Doc Mason’s daughter. What brings you out here so early? Not good news, I’m guessing,  he said, looking past Pete, trying to see who else was in the car. And please call me Charles.

I think maybe we should sit down, before I tell you why I’m here. Pete held his hand out indicating the chairs, by the front door.

As the two set down, Charles said, How bad is it, son?

Pete’s gaze slid back towards the car, before answering, Bad. Real bad. I have Mike and John with me, sir.

Why? What’s going on? Charles demanded, becoming suspicious of Pete’s demeanor.

Jessica Wells, died last night Charles. I have two broken men out there. And they wanted Madison and I to bring them here, to you.

Charles was in shock. He leaned forward, then sank back into his chair. He ran a hand over his face, thinking dear God those poor boys. Tell me what happened. Was it a car accident?

Pete shook his head. No. There’s so much about Jessica you don’t know, sir. She wasn’t who you thought she was. I can’t explain it all right now, so I’ll make this brief. Jessica was born with a heart condition. She wasn’t expected to live much past childhood. How she survived this long is beyond belief, but she did. Her family kept it a secret. Doc Mason and his children were the only other people who knew. And of course me. Pete paused, giving Charles time to absorb what he’d been told.

There’s more, Charles. Jessi didn’t tell Mike about her condition. He had no idea until last night. Jess asked Madison and I to help her. She wanted to die alone. She thought to spare John and Mike the pain of watching her die.

Charles had tears in his eyes, as he listened to Pete. He knew how much pain his grandson must be in. John, too. Life could play cruel tricks on the unsuspecting. Did they get to say their goodbyes?

No, sir. Jessi passed away about twenty minutes before they got to the hospital.

I see. Charles’ shoulders slumped. Shaking his head he mumbled, Those two boys must be heart broken.

Yes, they are. I know I’m leaving them in capable hands with you, sir. Now I need to get my wife home. She also has suffered a loss. Jessi was her best friend, Pete said, as he stood up.

They watched Mike, John, and Madison step out of the car. Madison embraced each of them. When Pete saw his wife begin to shake, he ran down the steps, taking her into his arms. He murmured soothing words as he helped her back into the car. Pete turned to talk to John and Mike, only to find Charles had followed him. He had an arm around each of the men, offering comfort.

Pete put a hand on John’s shoulder saying, Madison and I will be back around six to discuss arrangements with you. He met Charles’ gaze. We will bring some food  with us, so don’t worry about fixing dinner. Call if you need anything before then.

Charles nodded. Pete gave Mike’s shoulder a pat, before getting in his car. Madison reached for her husband’s hand and held on tight as she wept. They watched Charles lead Mike and John into the house. It was a heart wrenching scene. Charles ushered them into the living room. He felt his heart constrict, at the pain he witnessed on their faces. If only his Miranda were here, she would know what to do and say. They sat in silence, each with their own thoughts.

Finally Charles broke the silence. I could fix you something to eat if you want. They shook their heads no.

I think I’ll go upstairs and lay down for awhile. I need to be alone, John said, standing up.

Mike and Charles’ eyes followed John as he trudged up the stairs. When he was out of sight, Mike’s eyes met and held his Grandad’s.

She’s gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye or tell her how much I loved her. He sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he dropped his head. I didn’t even know Grandad. I didn’t even know. Not even a hint that something was wrong with her. If I’d only known ... his voice trailed off. Mike jerked his head up, to stare at his grandad, again. Someone should have told me. If I had known, I could have had more time with her. It wasn’t enough time Grandad.

It never is Mike. It never is. You could have spent years with Jessica, even a lifetime and it would not have been enough. Charles chose his next words carefully. I’m not going to pretend I knew Jessica better than you, but from what I know, I think if you had known about her condition, she would never have let you into her life. Be thankful she let you in, before she died Michael. You will always have those memories to cherish, instead of regrets of never knowing her love. Go upstairs and rest for a while. I’ll call your parents and let them know what happened. I’m sure they will want to come out and be here for you.

Mike shook his head, as he stood up. No need. Kimmi was with me last night. She will tell Mom and Dad. When he got to the stairs, he looked back at his grandad, tears in his eyes. I can’t go back to my apartment. Can John and I stay here with you?

Of course. This is your home Michael.

Charles waited until he heard the bedroom door close upstairs, before leaving the house. He made his way down to the lake where he had a small row boat. The oars hitting the water was a soothing sound for Charles. He stopped when he  reached the middle of the lake. This was where he felt the closest to his deceased wife, Miranda. He came here often to spend quiet time with his memories of her. Today was different. Today he cried for his grandson and John. Wiping his eyes, he turned his gaze upwards. Miranda my love, I’m at a loss on how to help those two young men. I wish you were here to help me. You always knew what to say to ease everyone, no matter what their plight may be.

Deep in thought, Charles rowed himself back to shore. Slowly he made his way up to the house. When Jason and Sarah hadn’t shown up by noon, he called their home. Jason answered on the third ring.

Why haven’t you come out yet? Mike needs his family here with him. I don’t know how to handle this all on my own.

What are you talking about, Dad? Why would Mike need us? Kimmi’s the one having a hard time, Jason said, confused by his father’s call.

Didn’t Kimmi tell you what happened?

Kimmi’s been locked in her room since yesterday. When we ask her to unlock the door so we can talk, she tells us to go away. It sounds like she’s crying again. His worry was evident in his voice.

Oh dear God, you don’t know.

Know what, Dad?

Jessica Wells died last night. Mike and John are out here with me. It’s a real mess Jason. You and Sarah need to come out here now. Right away.

Jason had sunk down into the chair, unable to comprehend what his father was telling him. Jessica was dead? Dear God, his son must be heartbroken.

Jason, did you hear me?

Yes. Yes, I heard. We’ll be there soon, Dad. What happened?

I’ll explain when you get here, son. Hurry.

Jason was yelling for Sarah, even before he had hung up the phone. Racing upstairs he found her coming out of their room, to see why he was yelling. Seeing his expression, sent dread through her.

What is it Jason? Sarah asked, her face pale.

Dad just called. We need to get out there now. Jessica died last night. Mike and John are at Dad’s.

He left Sarah standing in shock, as he went to his daughter’s bedroom door. Jason pounded on her door, yelling, Kimmi open this door. John needs you. Jessica died last night. Kimmi, did you hear me?

Daddy stop yelling. I know about Jessica. I was there last night, she told him through the locked door.

Jason was shocked. You were there? Open the door Kimmi!

I can’t Dad. You don’t know what I’ve done. Just leave me alone.

Kimmi honey, it can’t be that bad. Please, come out and go with us. Mike and John need us, he coaxed.

I can’t Dad. I’m sorry, but I just can’t. Please just leave me alone! she called out, sobbing again.

Sarah touched his arm. Leave her be Jason. We’ll sort this out later. Right now, our son needs us more.

Jason glanced back at Kimmi’s door, as he followed Sarah. He wasn’t sure he agreed with his wife.

Chapter 3

Pete and Madison arrived with pizza shortly after six. Mike opened the door letting them inside. Madison thought he looked like hell. They followed him into the kitchen, where Charles sat drinking a cup of coffee.

Where’s John? she asked.

Still upstairs. He hasn’t come down all day. Charles sighed, before adding, He wouldn’t even agree to see Jason and Sarah. They just left not too long ago.

I’ll tell him you’re here. I’m sure he will come down and talk to you, Mike spoke up wearily, walking away.

Once he was out of hearing Charles asked, What’s going on with Kimmi? I know she was there last night, but refused to come out here today. All Mike will say is it’s best she stays away from John and him for a while. Jason and Sarah didn’t even know she was gone last night.

Madison and Pete exchanged a quick glance, before she answered, We don’t know what happened. Jessi sent John back to the hotel on a false errand. When he came back, Mike and Kimmi were with him. We didn’t realize something was wrong until we were leaving to come home. Neither one of them were speaking to her. Mike didn’t even want to drive her home. After a whispered fight, Mike agreed to drive her home. He asked us to pick him up at his parents house. That’s all we know. And that she had been crying, a lot.

I see, was all Charles had time to say, as Mike and John came down the hall.

Both men plopped down onto chairs at the table. Mike picked up a slice of pizza and wolfed it down. He hadn’t even realized he was hungry. He offered John a slice, but he just shook his head. Madison saw him turn the food down. She put several slices on a plate, setting it down in front of him. The look John gave her, should have singed her. It didn’t faze her.

You haven’t eaten for a couple of days, John. Eat or I’ll have Pete help me shove it down your throat. Jessi made me promise to watch over you. Don’t make me a failure or she will come back to haunt me.

A weak lopsided smile appeared on John’s lips. She would and you would deserve it for keeping everything from me.

She nodded in agreement, as John began to eat. It took him awhile, but he did manage to eat a couple of slices. Pushing the plate away, John’s eyes lifted to Madison’s gaze.

Okay, start talking, he said tiredly, leaning his elbows on the table, before covering his face with his hands. There can’t be much left to tell me.

She made all the arrangements herself, John. It’s all taken care of. She didn’t want you to go through the pain of funeral arrangements. Her stone is already next to your Mother’s. All they need to do is enter the date of her death.

Madison gave John time to get over that shock, before they told him the rest. She couldn’t tell if he was hurt or mad that Jessi had taken everything out of his hands. Slowly he lowered his hands from his face and stood up without looking at anyone. He strode to the back door, leaning against it’s frame, as he stared out across the backyard.

Madison decided to push on. Jess wanted her funeral over quickly, so you could move on. It’s Monday morning at ten o’clock, no visitation. She also wanted a closed casket, no photos. It’s a done deal and everything has been paid for in advance.

That bit of news had him glancing over his shoulder, before he turned back around to continue staring out the back door. Who’s paying for my sister’s funeral? Is it you and Pete? If so, I’ll pay you back. Taking care of Jessi is my responsibility, even in death.

No, not us John, she said gently. Jessi paid for everything herself.

He spun around demanding, How? She had no money.

Madison looked towards her husband for help. He smiled and squeezed her hand. Pete leaned to lift his briefcase up off the floor, next to his chair. Placing it on the table, he quickly opened it, to remove some documents. Pete took the time to close the case and set it back down on the floor.

Clearing his throat he spoke formally. I have legal papers for you to look over and sign. Jessi transferred everything she had into your name a couple of weeks ago. When your parents died, there was a life insurance policy on both your parents. They were for more than Jessi told you. I convinced her to invest the majority of the money. She made a considerable profit. Jessi would bank part of her profits and reinvest the remainder. The only withdrawal was for her funeral expenses, the rest is yours.

Madison gave him a tentative smile, John, Jessi wanted you to have enough money to take care of yourself and a family. To live the way she thought you should. No scrimping to make ends meet. Jess wanted the best for you, honey. She loved you so much.

John gave them his back again, saying nothing for the longest time. I know she loved me, but she didn’t trust me enough to plan her funeral. She thought I couldn’t handle it, didn’t she? She thought I would break like a fragile piece of glass, didn’t she? She didn’t think I was strong enough for the job, right? His voice had risen in volume, until he was nearly shouting.

Madison held her hand up to stop Mike from saying anything to John. Shaking her head she mouthed, ‘Not yet,’ before turning her attention back to John. That’s not true John and you know it. I know you’re hurting, but don’t say things you will regret later. She made her own plans, not because she thought you couldn’t handle it. She did it because she thought Mike would need your support and you his. She was giving you time to grieve together.

Charles watched his grandson, as he stood and walked over to John. Mike stood behind John, waiting for him to turn around. When he did, Mike put a hand on John’s shoulder. She was right, I do need your support right now. And I think you need mine. After Madison and Pete are gone, I think we should walk down to the lake. We need to talk, buddy. John nodded and Mike moved away to lean on the kitchen counter.

John moved closer to the table. He observed Madison and Pete exchanging a glance. What else, he wondered. Shit there’s more, isn’t there? John groaned, propping his hands on the table.

Not exactly, Pete hedged. It’s about the money she left you.

What about it?

It’s quite substantial, he answered, glancing at his wife again.

Just spit it out and quit dancing around it, Pete, John bit out, rubbing the back of his head and neck. You’re giving me a headache.

It’s a little over a million dollars, John, Madison blurted. John collapsed into a chair. Mike whistled, while Charles’ eyebrows shot up in shock. Pete glared at his wife. Madison shrugged.

Pete pressed on saying, I would have broken it to you a little gentler, but what’s done is done. Over the last eight years, Jess made some very wise choices. She had a really good advisor and listened to him. All though, he said with a smile, I think Jess was a natural. She knew how to play the game and she played it well.

Jesus Christ, John whispered.

I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but she was one hell of a sister, wasn’t she? Madison said, pride in her voice for Jessi’s accomplishments.

If she had that kind of money, why did we live the way we did? Jess working two jobs, scrimping to just get by. She could have used some of it to make it easier on herself, maybe find some kind of medical treatment .... John trailed off, as Madison shook her head.

There was nothing to be done, hon. You know that. She didn’t use it for two reasons. I already told you it was for your future. The other reason was that she liked the closeness she shared with you struggling over the finances. You know you loved helping Jessi plan, pay the bills and figure out how much was left over for shopping. Jessi knew how much that meant to you, John. She couldn’t take that away from you.

John made a choked sound, somewhere between a sob and a laugh. God, she knew me so well, didn’t she? It made me feel worthy to help her, you know? I couldn’t hardly wait till I would be able to get a job and shower her with all the things she could never afford. How ironic, that she was planning the same thing for me.

Suddenly, John shoved his chair back, standing. He went to Madison, dropping to his knees, laying his head in her lap. Oh God Madison, she was all I had left to keep everything at bay. What will I do without her?

Madison laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, as John began to cry. No one noticed Mike slipping out the back door.

Chapter 4

Jessi’s funeral was over and John sat alone in Madison’s backyard. He had told them all he needed time alone to think. Madison and her brother, Alexander, stood by the window watching over him. Pete and Trina, Alexander’s wife, sat together speaking quietly behind them. Alexander glanced over his shoulder, before facing the window again.

Trina thinks I should ask John to come stay with us. What do you think?

Madison shook her head. Pete and I offered him a place here, when he told us yesterday he wasn’t returning to the apartment, but he declined. Mike asked John to stay at the lake with him and Charles. He accepted Mike’s offer. She turned to face her frowning brother. Madison slid her arm around his waist, saying, It’s a good place for him. Charles is a caring man. He can help them through their grief. He’s been there himself, when his wife died a few years ago. It’s a long road, but Charles knows the way. Besides, the lake is a very tranquil location. I think John will do well there.

What about the apartment and Jessi’s belongings?

Pete and I will take care of all that. John said he didn’t want anything from the apartment, except his clothes. We took those to him yesterday. I’m thinking we will put everything in storage for awhile, in case he changes his mind.

Alexander nodded his approval of her plan as he continued to stare at John through the window. John had no idea he was being watched so closely. He was thinking about Jessi’s funeral. There had been an overwhelming amount of mourners. He hadn’t expected that many people. Jess had touched more people with her beautiful voice, than she could ever have imagined. He lost track of how many people said they would miss her voice. All he could do was nod as he thought, not as much as I will. Thank God, for Pete and Madison. They stayed by his side, making the appropriate responses. Mike and his family stayed close by, also. Except Kimmi. John had asked Mike to keep his sister away. True friend that he was, Mike had come through for him.

John was waiting for the axe to fall. Once Kimmi told her parents what he had done to her, he figured Jason would have him arrested. Without Jess, he didn’t much care what happened to him, anyway. It was time to take matters into his own hands. Tomorrow he would end this. Tonight, when they returned to Charles’ house, he would tell Mike to set up a meeting for the next night. John wanted Jason, Sarah, and Kimmi, along with Charles and Mike to be there. He would also need Madison and Pete there, on his side. Especially Pete. He couldn’t wait any longer for Kimmi to drop the bombshell.

JOHN WATCHED JASON, Sarah, and Kimmi file into the living room the next night, settling themselves onto the couch. Mike and Charles had already opted for the two chairs, while Madison and Pete were entrenched on the loveseat. John had placed a kitchen chair next to Pete and settled himself there to wait. He noticed Kimmi kept her head down, avoiding eye contact.

Jason let his gaze travel around the room, lingering on Madison and Pete. They were the most composed, so they knew something. He could tell his father was in the dark, just like he was. Mike was nervous. He knew something, but from the glances he kept sending John’s way, Mike didn’t know the whole story. They all waited in silence for John to tell why he had gathered them all together tonight.

John stared straight at Jason, taking a deep breath, he calmly began. I wanted you all here, so I would only have to tell this story once. Some of you know bits and pieces, but none of you know it all. Please let me get through this without questions. Pete is here not only as my friend, but as my legal council. By the end of the night Jason, I’m positive you will contact the police and have me arrested. When John saw Jason’s shocked expression and knew he was about to speak, he held his hand up to forestall him. Please Jason, just hear me out. Jess is gone and I’m not living with lies any more. I hope you will all keep what I’m about to tell you, just between us. You all deserve to know the beginning, to fully understand the ending.

Jason settled himself back onto the couch. Okay John, I’ll keep my silence until you’re done, but I can’t imagine you doing anything illegal. I don’t think anyone in this room believes you did.

John covered his mouth with his hand, staring down at the floor, for a moment. Dropping his hand he lifted his head with a resolute gleam in his eyes. By now you all know Jessi was born with a heart condition. Doc Mason did what he could, but then there was my father. He was ashamed to have a daughter he considered a weakling. He wouldn’t let my mom or Doc Mason seek medical advice, since Doc didn’t hold out much hope for her. There was never a time that I can remember, that I didn’t know about Jess. I grew up knowing and knew we weren’t allowed to talk about it. Our Dad drilled it into us, that no one could know about Jessi’s condition. He didn’t want people to feel sorry for him because his daughter was a freak of nature. Yeah, that’s right, he called her a weak assed freak of nature. I lost count of how many times he belittled her, calling her names. I think he enjoyed making her cry. You know, Jess beat him there, too. She learned to cry without showing any visible signs, no noise, no shaking, no red eyes.  Nothing, except she couldn’t stop the tears. So, she always turned her back on him, that way he didn’t see her tears. With a flick of her wrist, she would wipe the tears away, then turn around and smile. He would be furious, because he hadn’t made her break down.

John didn’t look at anyone in the room, as he paused for a moment. He couldn’t bear to see their expressions. But night rolled around and Jess would cry her silent tears, again. Ever since I can remember, I would crawl into bed with her and ... and I’d hold my arms out and she would roll into my embrace. I held my beautiful big sister in my arms offering her the only comfort she ever received, because ...  because we never told our mom what was said and done while she was at work. She never knew how bad it was. Oh, every once in a while he would slip up in front of our mom and call Jess a weak assed kid, but she thought it just slipped out because he was drunk. I can’t believe she loved that bastard.

John hung his head in shame. He didn’t see Madison grab Pete’s hand. Or how Jason was clinging to his wife’s hand. There was a sadness in Charles and Mike’s eyes, while Kimmi had turned her head away from all the pain in the room. She knew there was more to come.

There’s another reason my Dad hated Jessi so much, me. A rueful laugh escaped John as he shook his head. I thought Jessi was jealous of me because Dad liked me better. What a foolish kid I was. Sometimes ... sometimes when he was drunk he would call me to him and ask me to sit with him ...  Madison buried her face in Pete’s shoulder to keep from crying out. he would rub my arms and call me by the special name he had given me. He would kiss my cheeks and tell me how much he loved me and how much he missed me. Jess always pulled me away, before anything else happened. After the third time she told him she would tell Mom if it happened again. I didn’t understand. Jessi finally had to explain it to me. He never touched me again, but his eyes followed me. He hated her for keeping me from him. Oh God, we should have told Mom, but we didn’t. I always thought it was my fault. Jess did her best to make me realize it was him not me.

John shook his head. Now came the hard part. He didn’t want to tell. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else, but there could be no more secrets. Jessi didn’t know everything though. I never told her the secret. Only my Dad and I knew the secret. It was his special name he called me. I didn’t fully understand the name’s significance until the night my parents died. When no one was around he always called me by my special name. One day he explained how he came up with a special name for me. He said my name started with a J like a jaybird and I was his son. He called me Jason. He called me Jason. John’s voice cracked on a sob when he heard the cry from Sarah and Madison’s choked sob. John lifted his watery eyes to Jason. The anguish he saw was almost his undoing. I’m sorry, but I just can’t keep it to myself any longer. He said I reminded him of you when you were young. Christ, I’m screwing this up. I need to tell you what happened the night my parents died.

He heard Madison say, Oh my God, under her breath.

My Dad was falling down drunk and my Mom was at work. I called Jessi to come get me, because I was scared to be alone with him. All hell broke loose when Jess got there. John took them back, to that night. He could still remember it word for word.

JESS STORMED IN JUST as Hank, her bastard of a father, was popping open another can of beer. Her lip curled in disdain as she glared at him.

Well, looky here, it’s my weak assed slut of a daughter. Don’t think you're moving back  here bitch, so take your weak ass self out of my house.

Go to hell, you old bastard. I’m here for Johnny. He’s afraid to be here alone with you. I’m taking him to my place.

Hank gulped his beer and opened another one, just as Johnny came out of his room. Are you afraid of me boy? Johnny glanced at his sister.

"Leave him alone. God,