Choices Made: Always

By Christine McMahon

The exciting finale in the Choices Made Series - Choices Made: Always

Torn between his life in Paris that has brought him great notoriety and success in everything, except his personal life, Jamy dreads returning to Missouri, a place that has brought him untold sorrows, and the one place his son, JamyNick wants to go.

Missouri has Linde, ex-girlfriend, mother of his son, and one of those hurts that plague his memories. Telling JamyNick his mother was abusive to him doesn’t stop his pleas to meet her. Jamy dreads the return, but knows that until JamyNick can face his mother on his own terms, there will be no peace. He has changed during the ensuing years, has Linde? In a small corner of his heart, he still loves her. Could their return be the beginning of the family he has always dreamt of, or will he be alone – Always?

The Choices Made Series:
Choices Made: The Street Years
Choices Made: Fathers and Sons
Choices Made: Missouri or Misery
Choices Made: Always

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christine McMahon
• Release date: Aug 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301621392

Christine McMahon

Christine McMahon has always taken pleasure in a good story and the craft of writing, but didn’t pick up the challenge of a novel until shortly after her mother’s prediction of a beautiful little boy entering her life.It is said people nearing the end of their lives not only see those gone before them, but also see the futures of those close to them. One evening, a month before Christine’s mother died of cancer, her mother, Rose, asked her, ‘Who is that beautiful little boy standing next to you?’Of course, there was no one there, but after her mother’s death, she found herself with pen in hand, beginning Jamy’s story.What Midwest Book Review said of Book 1 - printed version:“Choices Made: The Street Years is the debut novel of Christine McMahon and clearly establishes her as a gifted storyteller, able to take her reader into a gritty world of drug addiction, poverty, and life on the street.”Christine and her husband Joe live in rural Wisconsin along with their champion Rhodesian Ridgeback, Moy, and her new buddy, Taigh.Choices Made Series:Book 1 - Choices Made: The Street YearsBook 2 - Choices Made: Fathers and SonsBook 3 - Choices Made: Missouri or MiseryBook 4 - Choices Made: Always (Final in Series)

Book preview

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 32

CHAPTER 33

CHAPTER 34

CHAPTER 35

CHAPTER 36

CHAPTER 37

CHAPTER 38

CHAPTER 39

CHAPTER 40

CHAPTER 41

CHAPTER 42

CHAPTER 43

CHAPTER 44

CHAPTER 45

CHAPTER 46

CHAPTER 47

CHAPTER 48

CHAPTER 49

CHAPTER 50

CHAPTER 51

CHAPTER 52

CHAPTER 53

CHAPTER 54

CHAPTER 55

CHAPTER 56

CHAPTER 57

CHAPTER 58

CHAPTER 59

CHAPTER 60

CHAPTER 61

CHAPTER 62

CHAPTER 63

CHAPTER 64

CHAPTER 65

CHAPTER 66

CHAPTER 67

CHAPTER 68

CHAPTER 69

CHAPTER 70

CHAPTER 71

CHAPTER 72

CHAPTER 73

CHAPTER 74

CHAPTER 75

CHAPTER 76

CHAPTER 77

CHAPTER 78

CHAPTER 79

CHAPTER 80

CHAPTER 81

CHAPTER 82

CHAPTER 83

CHAPTER 84

CHAPTER 85

CHAPTER 86

CHAPTER 87

CHAPTER 88

CHAPTER 89

CHAPTER 90

CHAPTER 91

CHAPTER 92

CHAPTER 93

CHAPTER 94

CHAPTER 95

CHAPTER 96

CHAPTER 97

CHAPTER 98

THANK YOU

ADDITIONAL TITLES BY AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A writer can read and proof many times and not catch everything, no matter how diligent. Marge, who edited Choices Made: Missouri or Misery, has once again assisted me in editing my book. I greatly appreciate her time and talent in making this work something to be proud of.

Thank you, Marge, for all your help and patience!

CHAPTER 1

1982 – Christmas – Paris, France

In his apartment overlooking the gallery, CeCe squinted until the lights on the Christmas tree blurred into bright spots of color. Tinsel sparkled; packages begged to be opened. The mantel clock chimed three times, keeping rhythm with his heart that beat out of sync since taking on The Heart of MacGregor. It seemed as though, in the complete knowledge of Gregor and Athdara's love for one another, his own heart remained out of touch with life, three beats instead of four, never quite finding the right tempo. And, there had been Anaïs.

Throughout the weeks preceding the Christmas season, CeCe – or Jamy, as he was becoming accustomed to hearing from his old friends and family who called – struggled with the unspoken words that came in accusatory looks from JaNi. In the long hours before dawn on Christmas morning, he sipped his whiskey and lemon, alone.

It's been ten years since Granges gave me that hot car and Midnight Angel for my eighteenth birthday. Ten years, since I asked Linde to marry me and she walked out on us. Ten years since I left that life behind so I could give JaNi a better life. But now, no matter what I do, JaNi slams the door in my face. I'm losing him.

Ian was right, things stick to you.

I never talked of Linde or said bad things about her, as some of the fathers do about their ex's, but somehow to him she's become the savior and me the devil. What do I do? What do I do?

CeCe fingered one of the many earrings that dangled from those that comprised his earring. Kathryn's name and their night together invaded his mind. A night spent not in sexual pleasures, but in small kisses and cuddling, had never happened to him before. It held him on the brink of what could have been. When he boarded the plane home from the foray into Scotland for his opening reception at an art gallery, she waved goodbye and his life continued in its own frenzy. His letters to her went unanswered until he no longer sent them. The sadness it caused him, and his worry over JaNi, kept him up nights. Pouring another whiskey, he swirled the amber liquid in his glass.

I thought I'd be free, when I took on The Heart of MacGregor. Even Sam calling to wish me a Merry Christmas gave me a headache. Every time I talk to him, he urges me to come back to resolve the inheritance problems. I don't want to go back there; my life is here, in Paris!

Mr. Pierce says the government tax office wants inheritance taxes going back to 1958. How can they want that? I didn't inherit anything until a few months ago, now they say I owe them millions! Millions! I didn't even know MacGregor had millions!

All the bumper crops that were sold off in the fall didn't even dent the pay owed the men. Mr. Pierce said the tax people were going to take that money, except James didn't deposit the money into the MacGregor account. He paid the men cash, keeping no record of it. It only managed to incite the tax collectors.

Mr. Pierce said they took all the money from the account, over two million, and we still owe the value of MacGregor. If the taxes aren't paid, the government will take everything and evict all the families. And now, he tells me, that there should have been millions more in the account, except the banker has skipped town and the bank has failed. Along with all of Adelaide's conniving, the banker was running two sets of books, one for the clients, and one for himself. How can this happen?

Now, I have the dilemma of bailing them out or ignoring them and letting them lose their homes.

What I thought would be an end to my ties to the land have only bound me tighter, once again the chained dog being dragged back into captivity.

I just want my freedom.

Oh, God. Where do I start with JaNi? How do I get free of MacGregor?

Sitting with his head in his hands, pushing faces and facts through filters in his mind, he moved through the maze slowly, analyzing each fragment of information. He bolted upright.

Syl sent my stuff. All the stuff I kept it in the bus depot lockers when I lived on the street. Pictures Nick took. Boxes and boxes of photographs of our life.

He rushed from the room into his bedroom, where the boxes still sat in the corner. He pulled out a packet and flipped through the pictures that Nick had taken of them during those years.

We were just kids and didn't know a thing about life. I didn't even know having sex could make babies. I didn't know a thing. How do I get JaNi to understand without hurting him?

From the pictures, Nick, Linde and an infant, JamyNick, peered out at him, as did his old self, dressed in jeans, and a dark shirt, with an Italian stiletto switchblade strapped to his arm.

BACK TO TOC

CHAPTER 2

The studio's darkness welcomed him as he made his way through the familiar surroundings. Switching on the bright overhead light at the center of his work area, he felt like a child in the safety of the womb. Around him darkness prevailed, but here at the center, CeCe worked frantically. He had plenty of sketch books in the studio and grabbing tape, he began organizing his life's story. Nick had taken pictures of their time together and now pictures would save him, he hoped, at least from the nemesis of Linde.

I'm going to make sure JaNi knows the truth; then, he can ask all the questions he wants. He's at an impressionable age. He doesn't believe I'm infallible anymore.

CeCe rifled through the pictures, organizing, dating, and making quick notes. When he had the essence of his life in the sketchbook, he went to his room and opened his private safe. From it, he took a small piece of paper, folded often, as he once carried it in his wallet, as well as a document that Mr. Pierce had sent him a few years back. He hadn't told anyone, including Henri, of that communication and once the work had been completed, he never contacted Mr. Pierce until his visit in St. Louis in September. Now he had the evidence that Linde did not want to be in JaNi's life.

It's selfish of me to show him all of this, but I love my son and I don't want to lose him. Everyone else chose their path in life. I chose him first. I will not lose him!

* * *

Hearing JaNi stir, CeCe met him with the book in hand. I have something for you, JaNi, he said.

You never let me open Christmas presents until after breakfast, JaNi answered, the edge in his tone remained from the prior evening.

This isn't a Christmas present. I've never shown you any pictures of your mother and I think it's time you saw some. Nick took the pictures. He even used a timer, which was a new innovation, to get all of us in the pictures. Would you like to see them?

When JaNi didn't respond, he said, Pictures of our life, JaNi. Pictures of what happened to us. CeCe held the book that grew heavy with his anxiety. He hoped what he had to say would not fall on deaf ears.

Why are you doing this?

JaNi?

You never showed me before. Why now? Is it because Uncle Nick is telling me things that you don't want me to know about? About you cheating on Mother?

His heart skipped some beats. He knew well that look in his son's eyes, the same dove grey color as his mother's, that could turn to the harshest steel grey. He knew the look, and the feeling. He also knew that stubbornness could hurt JaNi, as it had hurt him. A deeper understanding opened up for him, now that he knew it was Nick's comments that had taken root in JaNi's impressionable mind. He had to dig out the seeds of discontent that could destroy his relationship with his son, just as his own stubbornness had wreaked havoc on his relationship with his dad. I will answer all your questions. Come.

CeCe set the book on the coffee table as they took their places. "When we left St. Louis, my things were left there. I didn't have any pictures of your mother here.

"My things were in storage in Syl Anderson's basement, the same house where Granddad rents a room. When I gave Granddad our address, Syl sent the boxes. I didn't open them until last night. I thought if you saw the pictures, it might help you understand what happened.

My life was hard, JaNi, and I don't expect you to understand it. You're young, but I was only a boy myself when you were born, so I guess you can handle this. I know you need answers. When I was a boy, I needed answers and no one gave them to me. I don't want to cheat you out of the answers you deserve. I'll do the best I can.

Seeing JaNi give him a sideways glance put him on edge; he forged on.

CeCe opened the book to a picture of his own mother, taken one Christmas. I had just turned fourteen. A few days later, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I don't have any pictures of her after this one. The next year, she died on my fifteenth birthday. She was buried on Christmas Eve day.

She was beautiful, Papa, JaNi said, as he delicately stroked his index finger across the picture.

Hearing a softer tone to his son's voice, gave him hope. Now, he needed to tread carefully so as not to alienate him. Yes, she was. I loved her very much.

That night, after her funeral… he began his story, telling of his rape and the degrading months that followed. When JaNi remained quiet, not even offering solace to his father, he became worried that his son didn't believe him or that he didn't understand the gravity of his words. He pressed on, realizing JaNi didn't want to know about him; he wanted to know about his mother.

He pointed at pictures, showing JaNi the dates on them, and explaining what life had been like. The pictures of his arms covered in bruises from heroin needles tore at him, but he knew that if he left anything out, Nick could counter his explanations and he could lose JaNi's trust.

A few pages into the book, JaNi's mother appeared as a pretty girl with a smirk on her face.

Why is she making a face, Papa?

I don't know, he answered honestly.

CeCe pointed out the outfits Linde wore and in one picture, the amount of clothes laid out on their bed. Your mother liked shopping, no matter what the cost. She forgot how poor we were.

JaNi defended her quickly. Her parents had money; it must have been difficult for her to be cautious with her spending.

Yes, it was, he said, remembering how often they fought about money.

Turning more pages, an infant appeared in the photos, but in each, CeCe held the baby, not Linde. JaNi touched the photos and looked at each carefully. Another page turned and JaNi exclaimed, Oh, Papa, you were hurt!

Yes. I sold drugs to get money and I had to pay the dealers. I took the money to them, but some was missing. They beat me because they thought I cheated them.

You always tell me not to do drugs and you were a pusher. You were very involved. JaNi's voice pierced Jamy's resolve.

Should I go on? I don't want him to know all this. Damn Nick for telling him about our lives.

It's not his fault. It's mine. The choices made were all mine; now I have to live with the consequences.

I always knew I was wrong, JaNi, but circumstances drew me in deeper. It took me a long time to pull myself out of the mess. It was very difficult.

I don't approve of your illegal activities, Papa, they were dishonest. Criminal. After the scolding, JaNi's youthful curiosity got the best of him, he asked, Where did the money go? Did one of the gang steal it?

It took a minute for CeCe to answer, as the realization that JaNi wasn't a totally naïve boy hit home. Your mother and I argued over money a lot. I put her on a budget; she didn't like that. She took the drug money and went shopping. She didn't care that I could get hurt.

JaNi's silence led to his own as he watched his son process the information.

I need to go slowly, let him think it through. Don't rush him.

JaNi turned the page to other photos Nick had taken during his father's convalescence, but didn't pursue conversation. Page after page turned. Threadbare clothes changed to nicer things as his money increased with the drug deals, but still there were pictures of him bearing wounds from fights as he defended his territory. A photo of CeCe leaning against the car Granges had given him for his eighteenth birthday with a smiling Linde in his arms belayed their troubled relationship.

The clock marked the quarter hour, then the half, before JaNi said, Mother looks very happy here, Papa.

Jamy's heart beat a three-quarter rhythm. She liked the car. It was pretty cool. She didn't know how to drive, but I took her for rides in it a few times.

Very few times. That was my delivery and pick up car. I didn't want her implicated if I got caught. Who would have taken care of JaNi?

A picture of JaNi with a scar on his abdomen brought other questions. Each answered patiently, CeCe added, "While you were recuperating from your surgery, I quit dealing and stayed home with you. It gave me time to think about where my life was going, and it wasn't a good life. I knew I didn't want my family in such danger; I needed to get us away from there. I started planning our escape with Syl Anderson. I had it all figured out.

I told your mother and Nick that we were getting out. I planned to find a job to help Nick get his career going. Then, when he found work, I'd pursue my dreams to be an artist. Your mother didn't like the idea of being married to a poor artist. On the day we were going to move to Isaac's house, she disappeared.

Disappeared?

Well, not exactly. Some neighbors said that they saw her leave in a fancy car. After I got you cleaned up and fed, I found a note she left.

She left me with a neighbor and went away?

I don't want to tell him, but if I change the truth in any way, Nick can say I lied.

No, JaNi. She left you alone in our apartment. CeCe held the next page closed. JaNi, I kept the note she left. I don't know if you're ready to see it. It's not nice.

I'm not a baby, Papa. I want to know the truth!

"The truth is, I love you, JaNi, more than anything. I have since the moment I knew of your existence. I would like to keep this page closed. I think you know enough for now. You will have more questions and I promise I'll answer them truthfully. I only ask that we don't involve anyone else. Ask me first and I'll answer. If you want to know more, you can ask Syl Anderson, the man who sent these. He knew me during those years. He knew Nick, your mother and all the other people in the pictures.

Your Granddad didn't know what was happening. Isaac knows I was trying to get away from it, as does Gene, but Syl knows the most. Here's his phone number in America. You have my permission to call him and ask any questions you like.

Why can't I talk to Nick about it? JaNi asked.

Nick didn't like your mother and I don't want him saying anything bad about her. He doesn't understand how things were between us. She gave you your life. She gave me, you.

JaNi took the paper and looked at the number written there. CeCe could see he was deep in thought and let him sit quietly for a few more minutes. I love you, mon petit fils.

Why are you telling me all this now? Why not before? JaNi challenged.

"I had a hard life, JaNi. I made a lot of bad decisions. No man wants his son to know how screwed up his life was. I've tried in the years since leaving there to make better choices. Ian said the things you do stick to you and you can't wash it off. I hoped that I could hide it, but I knew I couldn't hide it forever. I wanted to be able to wait until you were much older before telling you.

"I've hurt myself more than anyone, but I wanted better for you and to do that, I had to make a new life. I hope I've done that for you. We have a good place here, plenty of food and clothes. You go to a good school. I wanted you to have a good life, good friends, a chance to be free of where I came from. I didn't want anyone here to know about my past. They might hold it against us. I wanted them to know us in our new life, not the old one.

There's not much more I can say other than promise that I will answer your questions truthfully.

Did you cheat on Mother?

Yes.

JaNi faced his father. Why? It would hurt her. Why did you hurt her?

Do you remember the photograph of my injuries after she took the money to shop?

Oui.

Do you remember the year Ian died and how sick I was – in bed for weeks?

Oui. You couldn't get up or anything. You couldn't eat anything until I gave you a bon-bon. I helped you get well.

"It was like that. I was hurt badly, lying in bed all beat up, when she told Nick and Syl that she was in love with a man named David. It broke my heart. I never cheated on her before then, but I did after. I stopped sleeping with her. I couldn't be with her anymore, knowing she didn't love me.

I hurt and— Jamy's voice broke, as the memories flooded in. "A man doesn't like hearing the girl he loves saying she loves someone else. I can't excuse what I did. I was a kid trying to live in a man's world. I didn't know much about how relationships worked. I didn't know much of anything, other than how to get by day by day in a dangerous place. I made one bad decision after another.

I'm sorry for the things I've done, but I'm not going to crawl in a hole because of it. I've forgiven myself for my mistakes. I've worked hard to get past them and I'm not going to keep punishing myself over it. You have to find your way through this, JaNi. I'm not going to spend any more time apologizing for my life.

I want to turn the page.

I wish you'd wait until you're older, but I won't stop you, CeCe said.

JaNi turned the page and unfolded the note. He read:

Chance,

JaNi said, It says Chance. Why did she call you that?

Chance is my middle name. Jamy Chance MacGregor.

I didn't know that, JaNi said.

Everyone knows me as CeCe Chaumbers, which is the name I took when I left the old life behind. I couldn't use my real name here because I didn't want the drug dealers I worked for to find me. I changed my name so we could start a new life.

Do I have a different name?

Maybe you don't remember it. Ian called you by it. JamyNick, remember? Jamy saddened that JaNi was already forgetting Ian and realized that in the context of JaNi's life, it had been a long time since his death."

I think I do.

JaNi began again,

Chance,

I met an old friend not long ago, someone who understands my needs in life. I'm getting out of this dump and going with him. You have dreams, but so do I. I'm going after mine. Keep your cheap Cracker Jack ring. Keep your kid. I'm eighteen in a few days and free. Free of you. Free of my parents. Free to do whatever I want. No one can stop me now.

Linde

P.S. At least you were a good fuck.

JaNi's voice wavered. Her language was crude, Papa. I never hear you say words like that word she wrote.

Jamy didn't answer; he saw JaNi was rereading the note.

He asked, Was the old friend David?

No, it was one of David's friends. I think he took her to David. Your mother married him. I don't know when, just know that she did.

JaNi fingered the note as a tear slipped down his cheek. He turned to the next page, where a copy of a document received from Mr. Pierce was taped. What's this, Papa?

CeCe put his arm around his son's shoulders and explained. After Ian died, I called his attorney and asked him to go see your mother. I worried that if anything happened to me, there wouldn't be anyone to take care of you. I wanted to make Henri your guardian, but needed to know how your mother felt about it. I needed to know if she wanted you. She signed this paper saying she didn't want you. After I received it, I went to an attorney and made out papers so that Henri would raise you if anything happened to me. I didn't want you to ever be alone like I was. He's my best friend and I know he loves you. Your mother told Mr. Pierce that I was never to contact her again.

JaNi closed the book and hung his head. Why did she even have me? She never holds me in any of the pictures. She didn't want me, did she? She didn't want me.

We were fifteen years old, JaNi, only a little older than you are now. I didn't even know having sex made a baby. Nobody told me about raging hormones. We were very stupid, but when we found out we were going to have you, our lives changed. We got off drugs so we could have a healthy baby. She took long walks and ate healthy things. She worked very hard to make sure you got a good start in life; that's all some mothers can do. I'm grateful for that. I thank her for that. You were born very healthy.

Why did Nick say stuff to me? He made me very angry at you. I wanted my mother. He said you hurt her.

When I broke away from the drug deals, I got shot. Nick took care of you while I was in the hospital and during my months of recuperation. When I was able to take care of you again, you came to live with me. He got angry; he loved you and wanted to keep you.

JaNi's eyes opened wide in a panic. Keep me? He's not my father, you are! He rubbed his forehead. I don't think I feel good.

CeCe surrounded his son with a hug. JaNi, I've learned that hard times can make us stronger. Isaac gave me some of the best advice I've ever received.

What was that, Papa?

Face your fear and you can conquer it. I've had to do that many times and each time I grow stronger. I was afraid to talk to you about my life, but I had to. I faced it. Now, we can be truthful about things. That's always a good way to be.

Papa, I think I want to meet my mother. I could show her my school reports. I could recite her a poem by Burns. Maybe if she saw me, she would want to know me.

CeCe looked into his son's eyes and saw the same need he felt when he had asked his mother about the father missing from his own life. As much as he didn't want to venture to America, he knew, for JaNi's sake, he must. When I see Henri later, I'll talk to him about rearranging my schedule. We'll go to St. Louis and ask Mr. Pierce to organize a meeting with her. Now, let's set this topic aside and open some presents. Le Père Noël received good reports about a boy this year and might possibly have rewarded him with a trinket or two.

A trinket? I behaved exceptionally well. I hoped for more than a trinket!

Ummm, CeCe released his arms from around his son and took him under the chin, and what about your sassy mouth, eh?

Oh.

I'll take that as an acknowledgement of wrong doing and perhaps an apology?

I'm sorry, Papa. I don't know what happens. Stuff just comes out.

CeCe laughed for the first time in weeks, Yes, I know. I think it has to do with hormones. Soon they will be raging through your body; then who know what will come out of that mouth of yours. Come on; let's open some presents before the hormones doom your Christmas.

JaNi threw his arms around his father and kissed his cheek, then ran through their living quarters, shouting, Joyeux Noël! Merry Christmas!

BACK TO TOC

CHAPTER 3

December 29, 1982

CeCe dropped onto the couch in Henri's office in the gallery during a respite from guests and JaNi, who went to play with the neighbor children. He waited while Henri finished a phone call.

He listened as Henri repeatedly said, Oui. Oui. Non, ce n'est pas possible. No, every night is booked for the next two weeks and then he prepares for his trip to America. No. Oui. Au revoir, Lizzette.

Lizzette?

She's in love with you again since she's between boyfriends right now. You're all I've heard about all morning. That's why I came in, even though you said you'd open the gallery. She's driving me crazy wanting to know all your deepest secrets.

I only danced with Lizzette once at the party.

The other ladies complimented her on being with the most eligible bachelor in all France. The layout with photographs of the two of you in the morning society section fed her hopes.

Thank you for telling her I'm not available. She called twice this morning and I told her the same thing. Good to have our story straight.

You look troubled, what's going on? Henri asked.

I'm emotionally tired, Henri. It's not been that long since the trouble with Anaïs – that tore me up. Perhaps the trip to America will clear my brain. I need to get it all behind me.

Time will resolve the trouble with Anaïs. Going there won't solve anything, CeCe. Missouri has not been a friend to you. Bad things happen there. I don't like you going. Invite his mother here. Call the attorney. Tell him to handle things, that's what you pay him for, Henri reasoned.

"Bad things happen here, too, Henri. Maybe it's good for me to go for a while. I can clear everything up more quickly in person and if JaNi meets his mother, opening some communication, we can come home. They can correspond long distance.

The Titian restoration project should be complete in mid-January; we'll go after your birthday party on the twenty-eighth and stay a month. You'll have to rearrange my classes; it can't be helped. Double up on the classes in April. Do an early morning, then mid-afternoon. Two a day.

CeCe, that's a lot. You're exhausted after one, Henri counseled.

I enjoy working hard. Just take care of it, all right?

Oui. I'll reschedule everything, but I have serious reservations; more than that, a feeling of dread.

Actually, with your cousin Lizzette calling every few hours, I think leaving is a good idea. CeCe lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply, setting off a fit of coughing.

Concerned, Henri jumped from his chair and clapped his friend on the back. Are you all right? You sound terrible.

Stop hitting me. That hurts, CeCe complained.

I'm serious about that cough. You've had it for weeks and it isn't better.

CeCe shrugged his shoulders. Too many cigarettes. Really, Freneau, you don't know your own strength. You bruised me! He laughed.

Fine. Laugh over my concern for you. Henri sat next to him on the couch and threw an arm over his shoulder in camaraderie.

Ah, mon ami, CeCe laughed, I'll miss you more than anything while we're gone.

And I'll miss you, Henri said, then pushed him away, mon ami.

BACK TO TOC

CHAPTER 4

January 29, 1983 – St. Louis, Missouri – International Airport

CeCe stepped out of the terminal doors to a heavy snow. JaNi followed, looking up in amazement at the fat flakes covering the city in a blanket of white. Streetlights reflected off piles of snow as the wind carried them up in swirling fairy forms. Papa, I've never seen such big snowflakes. Are they always like this?

No, JaNi. More often they get ice storms which are much more dangerous. This is bad enough. I hoped for clear weather. That was some landing, wasn't it?

I thought we were going to crash! I can't wait to tell Grandfather!

Taxi! CeCe waved at the cab cruising the street. After getting their things in the trunk, they set off. CeCe instructed the driver to take them past the Arch before heading to Paul's office.

As JaNi craned his head out the window, he said, This is quite impressive, but I think the Eiffel Tower is more fantastic.

CeCe smiled. As JaNi's voice hinted a bit at homesickness, he remembered the times his mother and Paul brought him to view the Arch while under construction. JaNi, I watched the Arch as it was built. I was just eight years old when it began in 1963 and they finished it before I turned eleven in 1965. It is quite an engineering feat. They had so many workers, and massive cranes, well, it was amazing. And, do you know what else?

What? JaNi asked, as they edged past the structure nearly lost in the snowfall.

Grandfather got me inside the Arch before it was dedicated. He talked to some people he knew to get us in early because he was leaving for a mission and wouldn't be around for the dedication. The memory amazed him as he had entirely forgotten it until now. Pretty cool, huh?

Grandfather can do all kinds of things. He's an agent, you know!

Yes, I know, CeCe said, sadly. First and always an agent. I'm well aware.

I want to forgive and forget, but memories charge up from nowhere and I get angry, or sad. I need to conquer my emotions regarding the past, but how? Now that I'm here, maybe confronting them will help.

Gazing out of the taxi window, the drifting snowflakes mesmerized him. St. Louis was not unlike the stage with its snowflake ballerinas that had concluded Henri's birthday celebration the previous evening. Always favoring white and winter settings, Henri's family had arranged for a private ballet troupe to entertain them. The scent of Chanel No. 5 filled his senses, as did the image of the young ballerina, and her kisses. Enthralled with his artistic ability he doubted oil painting was the ability that impressed her when she only briefly looked at a painting before kissing him. He spent too much of the night with her, causing them to nearly miss their flight. While preparing for the trip and finishing the Titian, he had put his personal life on hold, but the young lady reminded him, he was a man, a man who enjoyed his pleasures. A frown crossed his features as he too, dozed. As wonderful as the night had been, her kisses had not been able to reach the emptiness deep inside his heart.

* * *

CeCe and JaNi entered the lobby area of the BNDD offices and announced themselves to the receptionist. With a curt, 'follow me', they followed her past the desks of agents and the clutter of paperwork that buried them even this late in the day on a Saturday. Down the hallway, they trekked to a room CeCe remembered as the meeting room. It was here he had confronted Paul after the New Years' Eve beating he had taken from him. He shook off the memory of Paul's hand slamming into his face. Seeing Paul as the door to the room opened, he smiled.

Dad, we're here.

And we almost got killed getting here. Our plane almost crashed! JaNi shouted.

Instantly Paul's smile faded, You guys okay?

Very seriously, JaNi said, as he strutted around the desk to where Paul had jumped from his chair, We made it. We were really cool the whole time. Everyone else was screaming, but not us. We were cool like you were when you jumped out of planes and stuff.

CeCe looked at his son knowing exactly how he felt. When he was the same age, he bragged of Paul's exploits to his classmates in much the same manner. We're fine, just a rough landing. We took a little more time as we went past the Arch. I told him how you got Maman and I in before the dedication.

You remembered that. I pulled quite a few strings to pull that one off. It's a good memory for me, too. Paul said, and grabbed JamyNick into a hug then moved to CeCe and hugged him. Come on; let me show you cool guys around while you tell me about that landing.

* * *

Jamy, the weather's not good to be driving that far. You could get into an accident, Paul said.

I know we're barely here, but I need to be in Juxton by eight in the morning. We can leave around five and we should have plenty of time if I take it slow. The highway should be good; the snow stopped hours ago. We're heading south so it should actually be better there.

You just got here. We'd all like to talk for a while. Syl and Suzanne have barely seen you and Nick is coming in a while. Juxton can wait. Tomorrow's Sunday and they'll all be heading to church. You won't be able to conclude any business on a Sunday. Stay. Call Sam and tell them to postpone it a day.

Dad, Jamy said, as his exasperation edged into his voice, I need to be there at eight. I need to settle the issue of MacGregor. The taxes have are due the thirty-first. I need time to meet with the MacGregors, sign papers and all the things necessary for me to rid myself of the place. I need tomorrow for that so they can take care of the financial issues on the thirty-first. It can't wait.

Sensing the tension build among the guests, Jamy took a long drag of his cigarette, taking the moment to calm himself. Staring at the cigarette paper burning slowly as the smoke drifted into the air, he said, I have responsibilities that cannot wait. Once I wrap up the business, we are returning here; we can visit more then. I cannot change the tax date.

Brushing his hand through blond hair tinged with gray at his sideburns, Paul conceded, I know. I'm just worried about the drive. A truck with four wheel drive would be safer. I've got a buddy who has a half ton pickup. Let me call him. I can give you a couple of quick pointers on how the four wheel drive works. I'd feel better about you going.

Jamy looked up from his cigarette, saying, I'd appreciate that. Thank you.

As Paul headed to the phone, tensions eased and the conversation jumped from topic to topic in the hurry for Syl, Suzanne, Gene and Isaac to catch up on the past. When Nick arrived, they covered all the topics again until their jaws ached. The timing proved excellent, as Paul's friend arrived with the truck. Jamy donned his mink coat to take his first driving lesson from Paul.

When Paul was satisfied they could make the drive, they parked the truck. Paul said, I remember the Christmas you would have been sixteen. I checked with the driver's licensing bureau to see if you had applied. I didn't know your circumstances, but thought about how boys love getting their licenses. I know Granges bought you a car later… His words drifted off.

I never had a license. I was in no position to get my picture taken with all I was involved with back then. Ricco taught me how to drive his brother's car. It was a stick shift; I wasn't any good at it. The car from Granges was an automatic and pretty easy to drive as long as you held onto the wheel. It had a lot of power and a cool paint job. All the guys on the street were jealous of me, but they shouldn't have been.

Why not? Cool car and all?

Cool came with a price, a big price. Jamy took the key out of the ignition and sat for a moment, then said, I worked for everything I had back then, but the work was no good. Now, every Christmas, I donate money to a Parisian charity for street kids. If it keeps one kid from having to make the choice of taking a helping hand from a charity or shaking hands with a man like Granges, it's worth it. I can't save them all, I know that, but one kid getting help, when he needs it, will make a difference. Thanks for the driving lesson.

BACK TO TOC

CHAPTER 5

I think Grandfather should have given you two driving lessons, JaNi said, as he rubbed the moisture from the side window of the truck to look outside. You crashed us.

Not crashed. We didn't hit anything, Jamy answered. Stay inside while I take a look.

Exiting the truck, a blast of snow fell onto him from the overhanging branches of an evergreen tree. Another foot and they would have crashed into the wide trunk of the giant. The snow, banked from the plows that had traveled the road earlier, saved them, but now the truck was wedged into that same snow bank.

Climbing back into the cab, he said, Must be what they call 'black' ice, he muttered. The roadway looked clear. Well, this vehicle has four-wheel drive. Let's see if it works, okay?

I guess so, answered JaNi, who rubbed his hand on the foggy window again.

Turning the ignition key, the truck rumbled to a start. Shifting the levers, he engaged the four-wheel drive and slowly pressed the gas pedal, rocking the truck a bit then on the next rock, he gunned the gas. The truck jerked violently and spun in a circle before settling back on the roadway, Jamy turned to his son, laughing, There. I'm becoming an expert already.

A wide-eyed JaNi, said, I don't think so. If you get us to the meeting in one piece, I'll decide.

Humph. You're kind of ungrateful. I could have made you walk the rest of the way. I did get us out of it.

Okay, okay, you're a fantastic driver; can we go?

Someone is tired.

I have to go to your meeting, but I want to see my mother. I don't know why we have to wait. Everything else is more important than my meeting with Mother.

Easing over the next icy patch, Jamy answered, If that were true, we wouldn't be in America at all. I'd be home doing all those portraits making a lot of money and making love to a beautiful woman, not listening to a crabby child.

JaNi scrunched up his face and glared at Jamy.

Glancing sideways and seeing the face, Jamy said, You know your face will get stuck like that one of these days and you will only have yourself to blame. Knock it off; I'm trying to drive.

I think the word you said, trying, is correct. You're trying, but you aren't doing very well. You crashed us.

If I can't concentrate, we'll crash again. That's it!

Okay, okay, you don't have to say 'that's it'. Okay, my face is normal. Okay?

Jamy briefly rolled his eyes, then saw the Juxton Town Hall a short distance ahead. He could see other cars and trucks in the parking lot and glanced at the dashboard clock. Eight-fifteen. Look your relatives are there. Get yourself together; we want to make a good first impression.

Okay, okay, how's this?

Jamy glanced at his son and belted out a laugh. I said get it together, not become the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Your smile is so big I can see every one of your teeth. They'll think you are crazed.

I was just trying it on, you know, JaNi laughed. He made a fantastic impression on Alice.

Jamy laughed again as he edged the truck into the lot and turned it off. Let's go and get this business out of the way.

JaNi jumped out of the car and ran forward just in time to see Jamy step out onto a patch of ice and fall. Laughing, he pointed at his father and shouted, I'm going to tell everyone that you can't drive and you can't walk. He darted toward the building.

I'll get you! Jamy picked up some snow and tossed it in his son's direction then chased him into the building. They clattered up the wooden stairs, calling out jests. As the two of them cleared the doorway, they were laughing heartily, as Jamy grabbed JaNi and tossed him into the air.

The presenter stopped talking at the disturbance and all eyes turned toward them. Jamy set his son down and whispered, Oops. Best get serious.

BACK TO TOC

CHAPTER 6

Advancing on the crowd of people bundled in winter coats seated in front of a man giving a presentation, Jamy said, Bonjour, Monsieur Pierce, please forgive us for being late. We had a bit of a drive. Giving a slight bow, he moved to the coat rack. Slipping off his full length mink, he heard some talking in the crowd, but nothing distinct. They moved to the edge of the group and took two places just as the boiler in the basement rumbled to life sending a draft of cold air toward the group before it settled in to warm them.

Though ignoring their stares in the hopes that Mr. Pierce's presentation would again draw their attention, he felt their eyes on him.

I think I look fine. It's wasn't supposed to be a formal occasion, but I suppose they dressed for Sunday even if they weren't headed for church. Suits, I wouldn't have guessed all the men would wear suits. My lord, the women must be freezing in those dresses. I'm always amazed at what women suffer through in the name of propriety. Nylons and heels in winter. My white linen shirt is no comparison to their suits, but that is of no consequence. Perhaps I should have put some socks on. Hummm. I suppose my long hair is a topic of conversation, though I had a haircut before I came. Theirs don't even touch their collars, um; the ladies' hair doesn't even pass their shoulders. I thought mid-back was short enough! Well, I am in the height of style in Paris and Juxton is only a short stop in my venue, and of no concern.

As he turned to see if JaNi settled in comfortably, his earring caught on the edge of his collar and gave a bit of a pull. He shook his great mane of Scot red hair as the earring slipped loose, dangling once again at his shoulder. Meeting James' gaze, he felt the heat of it burn into him.

I suppose he has an opinion of my earring, but I must remember why I am here and that is to rid myself of MacGregor. James will soon have what he wants, if he can come up with the cash. I certainly am not going to bail him out of the consequences of his mother's greed. He can have it all.

Reaching into his satchel, Jamy took out a sketch pad and pencil then began occupying his time while Mr. Pierce, Ian's attorney, who acted as his own attorney in the family matters, continued with his presentation of the current state of affairs on MacGregor. Jamy had seen the presentation before, while helping organize it through phone calls and faxes from Mr. Pierce. A moment later JaNi elbowed him, Papa, there is a boy over there who looks about my age. Can I meet him?

Shhh. Later, he answered, as they settled in.

The presentation explained what the property and cash values were when he should have inherited it and what happened during the ensuing years when Adelaide controlled the property. All of the investigations into bank accounts and land had brought the conclusion that MacGregor's debt occurred because of the banker's destruction of his bank through embezzlement. MacGregor had no way out until the banker and the funds were located, perhaps not even then.

He glanced up as Mr. Pierce changed the slide to the current debts which included businesses in town, workers on MacGregor and family members who had loaned money to others to keep things going. Members of the crowd shuffled while men stripped off their suit jackets as the boiler worked hard to warm the barn of a building. Mr. Pierced spoke of the debt owed the federal government for the inheritance taxes and penalties, from not having paid them in 1958, twenty-five years of a nasty mess.

Mr. Pierce turned to the last slide. He said, That brings us to the final total owed on MacGregor, three hundred fifty thousand and change.

The crowd moaned and a few sharp whistles escaped through clenched teeth. Unrest carried through them. Some of the men got up, paced near their chairs while stroking their chins or running work-hardened hands through their hair; women held worried looks and impatient children.

Mr. Pierce continued, Mr. Jamy would now like to make a statement.

Jamy slipped his drawing tools into his satchel, still slung on his shoulder, and moved to the front of the group. He waited until everyone settled back in their seats. To his right were James and his family, then John, Sam, Luke, MaryEllen and Jack. Each family grouped together with children, and in some cases, grandchildren, as all were asked to attend. Jamy knew his statements would catch their attention.

For those who do not know me, I am Jamy, he said, as his name slid out as Shamy. My son's name is JamyNick, he said, again with an accent that sent the name from his lips as ShamyNeek. He is seated there, he waved an open hand toward JaNi, who stood and made a slight bow. You have seen the presentation—

Hold on, someone shouted, we don't understand you. You're talking weird shit.

Jamy, Mr. Pierce said, your accent is making it a bit difficult to understand you, perhaps if you spoke slower.

Jamy bowed slightly acknowledging the suggestion and began more slowly, enunciating his words carefully. For those who do not know me, I am Jamy, he said, as his name slid out as Shamy, again. My son's name is JamyNick. He said it slowly, but with difficulty in trying to get the J to sound less like an 'sh' and the ick less like an eek. He is seated there, he pointed to JaNi who stood and made a slight bow, only this time rolled his eyes and pulled his mouth into a mock grin.

"You have seen the presentation and the gallant efforts by Mr. Pierce in wading through the documentation. As you have noticed, he has taken all the cash, stocks and bonds available from the now defunct Bank of Juxton and the Chicago International Bank, and paid down the debt to the federal government, but they are expressing an interest in putting a lien against the property for the remainder, or having us sign it over to them. This does not pay the debt to the local people or repay monies borrowed from other family members.

I know you are all concerned because it is your homes we are talking about. In understanding that, Mr. Pierce and I have discussed alternative solutions. I made one statement to him that I hold to, and it is this, he paused, so they were certain to hear him clearly, "I do not want MacGregor; I never have.

That said, MacGregor is for sale—

The place erupted with shouts and cat calls as men stomped their polished wingtips on the wide planked flooring. Children grabbed their mothers as the shouts turned angry. What about our homes? Where are we supposed to go? You long hair freak, you can't take our homes away! Put your purse down and get down here and make us give up our homes. I dare you!

Jamy held up his hand for quiet, as JaNi bolted from his seat to stand slightly behind him, then finished his sentence, to the children of Ian MacGregor. For sale, to the six children of Ian MacGregor.

"Mr. Pierce has made up this map of MacGregor and each area is marked off with a dollar value that was attained by reviews with local realtors, including John. The total sum of dollars is equal to the amount owed. We must act on this today. There are additional taxes due tomorrow, and if not paid, the county of Juxton will attempt to foreclose. This will complicate matters extensively, so all decisions must be made today.

Mr. Piece has talked with the Bank in Millville, as the Juxton bank is now closed due to lack of assets, and they have agreed to loan you the money for the purchases at a very good rate of thirteen and three-quarters percent. Their normal loans are sixteen percent. The standard rules apply concerning missing payments and possible foreclosure. There are forms on the table with all the pertinent information on them already preapproved for the loans. When you have decided on what areas of MacGregor you want to purchase to alleviate the debt, you just need to check off the parcel numbers and total the amounts. As we want this concluded today, it will be necessary to keep moving ahead. I will let Mr. Pierce continue.

Jamy and JaNi returned to their seats as Mr. Pierce repeated most of Jamy's statements, then said, "We can take a few questions, but otherwise I'll give you all thirty minutes to talk it over. After that, I would like to know who is interested. This doesn't mean that you need to know what parcels you want, but rather if you will be involved. It will help to know who I need to work with, and whether six or some other number will divide MacGregor.

Please take note that Jamy will retain ownership of the Pristine Forest, and the cabin located there, up to and including the MacGregor River. He does not want MacGregor House so that parcel is available. I have already received a check, Mr. Pierce held up a piece of paper, for the amount owed on the Pristine Forest and that will defray part of the total amount. As stated in the wills, Jamy is to take all of his grandfather's and father's personal possessions as his own. He will remove these items from MacGregor House as soon as possible. Are there any questions?

The crowd's whispers rose and fell likes waves when Sam stood and called out, I want to know why Jamy's turning his back on us. I asked him to come here to help us. All he's doing is bailing out. Why?

Mr. Pierce looked to Jamy who rose, saying, Sam, this is not our home. My son and I live, work, and attend school in Paris, France. That is our home. Actions of past owners, not myself, incurred the debt on MacGregor. I ask for nothing, but what my father intended: the Pristine Forest and the personal possessions he and Grandfather left me. I'm willing to pay its worth toward the debt. It is reasonable for all of you to purchase your homes and the land you want for yourselves as a means to pay down the debt. The debt, after my payment, is three hundred and thirty thousand. Divided by six would mean mortgages averaging fifty-five thousand, give or take, depending on how much land or which houses you buy. The rate Mr. Pierce has negotiated at the bank is a good one. You can each have your own place and not be reliant on the will of someone else when it concerns your home. Again, I repeat, it is reasonable.

Sam asked, How can you say it's reasonable when we don't have any money toward down payments. Some of us have jobs so we have incomes and can make do if we don't buy much of it, but how about James and Luke, who work the land? It'll be months before they see anything of an income and they could lose their places by then. Answer me that, Jamy.

Jamy looked at Sam, saying, "James and Luke work the land, but they have sons and daughters who can work at other jobs. It is reasonable