Machete Betty and the Office Sharks

By Neptune Flowers

Tim is in the A team, professionally trained to investigate allegations of the potential mass hypnosis of the nation... But Tim is bored and horny. Who wouldn’t be? The office is full of idiots, and summer just keeps getting hotter and hotter. Reality starts to blur, screensavers come to life, and before he can say jiggyjig, he finds himself cavorting with a chain-smoking foul-mouthed merman.

Tim’s training is forgotten as he becomes immersed in fishy hedonism and office shenanigans. Can he save the day? Or will the team be forever lost in shameful acts of bouncybounce?

Find out in this tail of office boredom and surreal fun.

Warning! This story does not reflect realistic relationships with mermen or sharks.

Part of Seasons of Love Anthology.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beaten Track Publishing
• Release date: Jul 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781786452399

Neptune Flowers

Neptune Flowers is a British author, best known for short stories and pub poetry.

Book preview

Machete Betty and the Office Sharks

Machete Betty and the Office Sharks

Neptune Flowers

Part of

Seasons of Love

Anthology

Beaten Track Logo

Beaten Track

www.beatentrackpublishing.com

Machete Betty and the Office Sharks

SMASHWORDS EDITION

First published 2018 by Beaten Track Publishing

Copyright © 2018 Neptune Flowers at Smashwords

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/NeptuneFlowers

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All rights reserved.

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

ISBN: 978 1 78645 239 9

Beaten Track Publishing,

Burscough. Lancashire.

www.beatentrackpublishing.com

Tim is in the A team, professionally trained to investigate allegations of the potential mass hypnosis of the nation… But Tim is bored and horny. Who wouldn’t be? The office is full of idiots, and summer just keeps getting hotter and hotter. Reality starts to blur, screensavers come to life, and before he can say jiggyjig, he finds himself cavorting with a chain-smoking foul-mouthed merman.

Tim’s training is forgotten as he becomes immersed in fishy hedonism and office shenanigans. Can he save the day? Or will the team be forever lost in shameful acts of bouncybounce?

Find out in this tail of office boredom and surreal fun.

Warning! This story does not reflect realistic relationships with mermen or sharks.

Part of Seasons of Love Anthology.

***

Genre: contemporary LGBT fiction, humour

Keywords: surrealism, British, romance, LGBTQ+, mermen, mayhem, humour

Advisory: mature content

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Seasons of Love

About Neptune Flowers

Beaten Track Publishing

Chapter One

Monday, it was bloody boiling, the air stale with sun and apathy, both weighing heavy on my limbs and eyelids. Even the screensaver fishes seemed sluggish, limping past the coral reef like they couldn’t be bothered. I watched the same shark for a while flirting with a dolphin, too tired to wonder about the possibility of sharkphin babies. The night before, I’d had a dream about Jaws and being chased through the ocean, both terrifying and exhilarating.

Around my desk, it was much like being inside the screensaver image. Particles of dust floated in the air like debris in water, and my colleagues’ voices were muffled and booming. My head was swimming.

Eventually, I