The Provider

By Barry Cooper

The Provider is the go-to manual when you need to figure out how to manage the varying situations faced in your pursuit of successful co-parenting. With effective tips and concrete strategies learned through BCooper's personal journey, The Provider is a safe space and sounding board where men can share the challenges and triumphs of their experiences. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barry Cooper
• Release date: Jul 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781732609518

Book preview

Introduction

Everything we have been through in life is a reflection of the choices we’ve made. I believe that if we want the struggles we face to change, we must first change our views.

You have just opened this book, I hope, with much curiosity in your heart and mind. There are very few individuals who have ever tried to tackle such a complex topic dealing with love, hate, validation, and understanding. For many of us, such questions like the previously stated have left us frustrated and confused about how to approach the idea of co-parenting. Many of us never had a true positive representation of how to be great parents, so we’ve recycled the negative traditions we gleaned from to raise our children. To say that I’ve always done the right thing as a father would be a lie. However, I feel blessed that I have been able to undergo this journey and learn from my mistakes. Now, it’s time to share and build with you, my brothers, and learn ways to decrease the stress and division that can come with co-parenting.

I understand that many will read and receive this book for various reasons. The book could’ve come from a bitter mother of your child, or a caring loved one; perhaps you’re in search to find answers on your own. No matter the intention, good or bad, holding this book now makes you, my brother, a soldier for change. Making this thing we call parenting work. We must ask ourselves challenging questions and be prepared for the answers to be as equally challenging to accept. My mother would always say, Anything worth having is worth fighting for so today, my brothers, we fight. We are going to fight through our pain and our egos to ensure that our children’s needs are met. And by the end of this book, I hope that you have that same sense of pride and enthusiasm for life and fatherhood.

Throughout the book, I am coming from a place of real, so real, that I couldn't resist putting these words down on paper, in hopes that another man’s journey wouldn’t be as difficult as mine. And while it was tough, I’ve been able to self-reflect on the process. The self-reflecting aspect is really what makes this journey so difficult. It’s very easy for us to focus on what our child’s mother does, that we fail to look in the mirror to see how we contribute to our interactions with them.

My Brothers, hard decisions have to be made. The first decision you can make is to give up! Walk away! Like many fathers have done so many times. Or, blame the mothers of our children for making our experience as a dad difficult. The next decision we can make is to say to ourselves, I’m willing to sacrifice for my child and nothing else matters but their happiness. And be the best you for your children.

You may ask, how do I begin or take my fatherhood to another level? I say, by reshaping your legacy and giving your son/daughter the things you’ve never had access to. Also, forget about those who try or have tried to stop you from achieving your goals. Today my brother, we are going to remove the perception that has plagued us for generations. The day of the deadbeat dad is over! And we will be our BROTHER'S KEEPER! You’re now in possession of this book, and the fact is, you and I know that we all want to be the best at fatherhood.

Throughout our journey together, my tone will come across very straight forward. The reason for this is because we play a critical role for our children, which cannot be taken lightly. I’ve learned over the years that it’s best to hear the truth, whether liked or not. Every word that we take in will be the vitamins needed to make our thought process stronger and healthier. After surrounding myself around strong thinkers and working on my emotions by doing affirming self-talk, I’ve become a better father and a better listener. I’ve become better at providing for my children, and ultimately a better man. I was able to stop and appreciate the positive things and learned from my mistakes. I know that each of you can reach the level of growth. When I talk about growth, I’m talking about areas that only you think about and never talk about with others. We have questions, hurt, anger and resentment towards our experiences as fathers. Some of us may have opened this book and haven’t seen our children in a very long time. Whatever we may be going through or have gone through, can certainly weigh on our subconscious and be the wall blocking us from our purpose.

My writing this book was designed to open up the minds and hearts of people who read this. And, bring emotional healing and logical thinking. I purposely created The Provider to be a short read because I believe that being practical is more important than just being heard. Throughout this book, there are other brothers and sisters who have contributed their thoughts so that we can cover all aspects and approaches to being better for our children.

I have learned that a good father is one who is consistent. He is a man that stands by his word, thinks about the consequences of his actions on a daily basis and strives for nothing but the best for himself and his children. A good father is a friend, a confidant, an educator, a creator, and a master of his own destiny! There are other things that you can add to your personal list as we take this path together, but let it be known that you’re not alone and that all of our dedication and hard work will help to decrease the unnecessary stress. Here is the time to establish your own definition of a good father, and smile with pride to see the changes in your daily life after you’ve taken the steps you’re about to read. In the end, the best gift you will obtain is the ability to finally find YOUR INNER YOU. The inner you that may be lost due to situations and forced circumstances that have possibly shaped you into the person you are right at this present time. It’s time to move into the positive emotional and mental realm that we were destined for. This will allow us to deal with the miscommunication, the child support cases or custody battles. This space will allow us to better cope with any changes that may accrue. Once we have done that then everything else will fall in line. Always remember who you are shapes who your children are and who they will become.

When we think objectively we decrease our own stress levels which would normally push us away. Always remember that there is no one perfect way to tackle this subject but we are learning how to decrease the stress of the co-parenting dynamic so that our children will always have access to us.

So, here’s to all of the fathers out there! While our paths may not be easy, we are at least in a place where we can put everything out there and lay it on the line so that we can dig deep within. I am my Brother’s Keeper! And it is through us that our generation will grow.

Love and Peace,

Barry Cooper

A Quick Reflection

As I sit in this lobby the tension between the custodial and noncustodial is so thick that you can almost choke off the hate in the air...

Lawyers run from petitioner to responded trying to keep every client optimistic about their negative situation

While Referees call the shots up in this court

Slamming the hammer on any fouls that are presented

Everyone feels as if the calls are not going their way

But hindsight is 20/20

and there is no instant replay in this game

Frustrations so high forcing verbal shells to fly

all over these halls

like 50 caliber machine gun...

Shredding every inch of baby mama’s character

As she tosses bombs of slander

of how much of a deadbeat she truly thinks you are

People this means war!

man fights to maintain his integrity

she feels justified about every cent of that 17 percent

So we fight to prove who's right leaving casualties Of baby's

who don't want to choose between their mommy and daddy

They just want to be emancipated

From being emotional property!!!

They just want to be loved

by the 2 people who share their same blood

but it can't be!!!

Because mommy and daddy can't agree!!!

Their feelings for each other were always conditional!

But what about the residual

affects that this child has to bear

they don't care who they with

as long as love is in the air

But you see brothers and sisters

we allow the burning love for our child

to be the heat which fuels our hate towards one another

And brooking family's become

brooking communities

which leads to baby having baby's

and sons becoming men before their time!

Older sisters losing out on their childhood because mama has to make the ends meet where daddy can't!!!

Because he's too busy adjusting to this weekend warrior syndrome

because this one-sided judicial a system saw it fit that that's all he gets

now isn’t that some bull shit!!!

But what can we do

for most of us; it was a night of passion that turned into 9 months of hell

being blinded by our lust!

She thinking that having this baby would be enough

To teach this untaught boy how to be a man

And all he wanted was to be in the bosom of a woman who wasn't mama

But now he is stressed by baby mama

While our kids have to endure the drama!!!

Got damn...

Chapter 1

Building the Foundation with our Children

The foundation is the underlying principle that we govern by, and build each day upon. Every lesson taught or moment shared is what rest upon the foundation we set.

As a former barber, I’ve had the best access to various conversations men have among themselves. Through this experience, I realized that men are just as concerned about their relationships with their children, as women are. I’ve seen many men, bring their sons and daughters to the barbershop. The pride and joy they had on their faces were priceless and you could tell they felt good about being with their children, which was just amazing! However, the one thing that stood out, was this underlying disconnect of being a parent. This subconscious notion, that we were performing a job versus living our lives with our children. Men would say, yea I got the kids or I’m babysitting and without realizing it, we have detached ourselves from being a parent, all in an effort to protect our manhood. Take it from me my friend, there’s nothing weak about asking yourself