Beyond the Rhetoric: "The Truth Will Set You Free"

By Ronald Ziffer

The author, Ronald Ziffer has been an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous since March of 1987. He has been deeply involved in all levels of the AA program, while doing a great deal of service in the AA community. The book is a true reflection of Ron's journey through countless meetings and fellowship acquaintancesduring his first twenty yearsin the program. It is an accurate representation ofthe thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of hisconsummate AA experience. While some may find him somewhat controversial, they certainly can not denounce the courage and fortitude it took to break his anonymity and write this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 9, 2008
• ISBN: 9781467859233

Ronald Ziffer

Ronald Ziffer is a college educated, career salesperson, who has had a colorful, but less than illustrious journey through the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous. His decision to write this book was a reflection of many bottled-up emotions that he needed to openly express as a means of coming to terms with his bittersweet relationship with the fellowship.

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Contents

Introduction

Beyond The Rhetoric

To Nereida for all her support.

Introduction

Beyond The Rhetoric is a book written about my twenty year journey in Alcoholic Anonymous. It is a concise and candid look at the people and events that shaped my thoughts and feelings in AA and how they impacted my life during this period. It is a rather candid analysis of what really goes on in the meeting rooms and how it truly differs from the appearances that are given off by people who try to build this program as something more than it is.

As much as the true essence of my viewpoint can be targeted to my own personal frustrations, hopefully one can appreciate the honesty and forthrightness that comes with breaking my anonymity and talking openly about issues the majority of AA members would not dare speak about, in or out of the rooms. I don’t know how much of a breakthrough will be achieved by this individual piece. For me, this was intended to be nothing more than exercising an opportunity to unleash some negative energy that has apparently built up inside of me over a long period of time. The majority of people in AA who read this book will probably disagree with much if not most of my assessment of its inner workings. Few however will be courageous enough to proceed beyond the shell of their own anonymity to debate the information in this book. I believe I have risen above any and all standards of political correctness to say what’s on my mind. In future years, I’m hoping this book will have an overall positive effect for people to come out of their own closets and question their own uncomfortabilities with the system. For the true alcoholic, AA may be the best game in town, but let’s not forget that our most important commodity is change. It all starts from within.

Beyond The Rhetoric

It was the fall of nineteen eighty six. It was a great time to be a New Yorker. The Mets had just won the World Series in miraculous fashion. The Giants and Jets were both steamrolling into the playoffs, with a real possibility of meeting in the Super Bowl. The yuppies were buying suspenders faster than the mills could produce them. Everybody was buying coops and condos in anticipation of flipping them at exponential pricing. Crocodile Dundee was the folk hero. And I was attending my first AA Meeting!

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On a rather warm Saturday evening in early December, I reluctantly and quite cautiously entered a smoke-filled church basement in Richmond Hill (Queens), the neighboring town to Kew Gardens. The only woman in the room was the one who was speaking. The guys sitting in the room looked like they were either ex-cons or just hopped out of an OTB parlor. I found a seat close to the door, in anticipation of making a quick and inconspicuous getaway. As I settled in and absorbed my surroundings, I was feeling a lot better.. I was hearing some things that were really making sense. They call that identification. I stayed till the end of the meeting and made connections. That was the unofficial beginning of my AA journey.

After the meeting was over, a few of the guys came up to me and offered hugs and handshakes. I found it somewhat odd, but strangely endearing. Why were these guys befriending a total stranger. A man named George walked me to my car and offered his phone number. It was my first point of contact and it felt really good.

I went home after the meeting, feeling very uplifted. I was a bit concerned that my story did seem somewhat mellow compared to the stories I heard in that room. After all, my alcoholic saga was not one filled with violence, larceny, promiscuity or womanizing. I drank alone in a room with loud music and long cigars. I touched no one and no one touched me. I was God’s lonely man, and I believed it to be my fate. As much as the imprint of that meeting was very powerful, the seeds of denial remained and I was to drink for another three months. I was still in control of the timing and geography of my drinking, so I was not convinced I was an alcoholic (or so I thought).

A brief synopsis of the events leading up to my first meeting would be in order. I was thirty-seven years old when I first attended AA. For some reason, I told everybody I was thirty-six. Like one year really mattered! I was living with my terminally ill mother, who was deteriorating very rapidly, and I had just suffered the loss of an older brother, who was killed in a car accident in Florida. I was in emotional free fall and using booze as my escape hatch. I restricted my drinking to after seven PM., and pretty much held myself to it. I was in that purgatory place where I wanted to stop drinking without admitting to be alcoholic. I was extremely conflicted, but somehow open to change. I was having trouble fighting my way out of the abyss of my uniqueness. I needed to try something and AA seemed quite convenient.

Once I got hold of a meeting schedule, I saw that there was a meeting one block from my house. It met twice a week. I attended meetings, on and off, through January and February, but more for recreation than recovery. It was a nice place to have coffee and cake and meet new people. I was noticing however, that my denial was progressively chipping away, and I was beginning to see AA as a way of life and not just a social outlet.

On March the second of nineteen eighty-seven, my denial came to a screeching halt. I woke up in a White Castle parking lot in Bayside at six-thirty in the morning with a splitting headache and nausea. Somehow, I drove the six miles back to Kew Gardens and got right into bed. My mom, who was bed ridden, never knew I was gone. She repeatedly called out my name. I yelled out across the hall that I wasn’t feeling well. Fortunately, she accepted it at face value and backed off. Two aspirin and a half bottle of Pepto somehow got me up and about. I called George and arranged to meet him at a meeting. It was on this day, I became a bona fide AA member. George and I went to an afternoon meeting in Ozone Park, had ice cream sundaes in Jahns, and mapped out my immediate future in AA. The journey had begun for real. It was now official.

I started attending AA meetings every night of the week. I was amazed to find that there were ten meetings in my immediate area, with half in walking distance. If sobriety was in the cards for me, I certainly had no excuses to avoid it. I was told to go to ninety meetings in ninety days and to get a sponsor. That was, and still is, the protocol and formula for the newcomer’s success. I had no trouble following whatever was necessary. I had no place else to go, and nothing else to do. I believed that I was in for the long haul, and AA at the center for everything that was to be down the road in my life.

Literature is a big part of the AA process. All newcomers are encouraged to read Living Sober, which is an easy reading book, instilling an abundance reassurance to the self-doubting alcoholic. In those days, the book cost a buck and a quarter, which was twenty-five cents more than the buck we threw in the basket. Now the book is five bucks and people are still throwing a buck(if that) in the basket. Go figure! There are certain things that happen in AA, which have always seem to baffle me. I guess that’s part of the reason I decided to write this book. As this book and my thoughts begin to unfold, I am sure some of the information disseminated will draw reactions of controversy from some of its’ readership. My opinions reflect my own personal experiences, spanning over twenty years in program. I have remained fully sober and clean for that entire length of time. I do not preach AA gospel! I do however, have strong insights that I choose not to minimize in the interest of maintaining superficial diplomacy. I do love AA! A good many people who have challenged my beliefs have come and gone. I am still here. Enough said!

When I hit thirty days of continuous sobriety, my mother and I agreed that it was okay to take a part-time job. I was starting to feel really good about myself, and needed to become more productive within the limitations of my situation. I began working as a four hour a day telemarketer, setting appointments for a graphic design firm. It was a posh office and I was receiving a high hourly rate. I didn’t feel like the typical phone jockey that people make fun of and hate. It was somewhat prestigious! I also started getting to meetings in Manhattan and meeting different AA members.

A daytime meeting I started attending was called Fog Lifters. The crowd looked like wealthy over achievers, who probably made more in a day than I was making in a week. I was intimidated but somewhat encouraged