Lakayana of Today

By Yaw Obeng-Mensah

Please look for part two of this book
Lakayan and the Seven Holy Wars.
Inside, read open letter to the devil regimes
[e-mail]

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491808528

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© 2014 by Yaw Obeng-Mensah. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/15/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0851-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0853-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0852-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013914709

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1     The Nickname, Lakayana

Chapter 2     The Exile In Takyiman

Chapter 3     The Cultivation Of Marijuana

Chapter 4     The Bad Debt Chamber

Chapter 5     The Battle At The Eighteen

Chapter 6     The Tour Of West Africa

Chapter 7     The Rebound Of The Eighteen

Chapter 8     The Sermon at the Kajetia

Chapter 9     The All-Night Vigil

Chapter 10   Lakayana and the Press

Chapter 11   The Sting Satires of Lakayana

THE FABLES

1.     The Speechless Mouth

2.     The Ungratefulness of Humankind

3.     The Evangelist

4.     The Unbearable Insult

5.     The Power Drunk

6.     The Arbitrator

7.     The Unrepentant Alhaji

8.     Whom the Cap Fits Knows It

9.     No Situation is Permanent

10.   The Proper Thief

11.   Jubilating over an Appointment

12.   Legalize It!

13.   Equal Right and Justice

14.   Tighten Your Belt

15.   The Eligible Bachelor

16.   Your Want is Not My Want

17.   Refusing Bread and Wine

18.   Sexual Harassment

19.   Behind the AK-47

20.   The Soft Money

21.   The Stupid General

22.   Appeal for Funds

23.   Over the Bar

24.   Giwa the Outstanding Worker

25.   The Inward Prayers

26.   Freedom Fighters

27.   A Farmer’s Complaint

28.   Struggling for Fame

29.   David and the Tankers

30.   The Noisy Leaders

31.   The Transparent Box

32.   The Unopposed Candidate

33.   Life in London

34.   The Coming of the Golden Stool

35.   Blending and Distilling Liquors

36.   The Human Pickax

37.   Expecting a Baby without a Partner

38.   The House of Food

39.   The Castle in the Air

40.   Adopting a Name

41.   Praying for a Long Life

42.   The Barred Hunter

43.   The Palm Tree and the Death

44.   The Devil Tree

45.   Walking on Hot Coals

46.   The Open Love: The Walk-in Fathers

47.   A Victoria’s Secret

48.   Publicity

49.   The Discipline Master

50.   The Journalist

51.   The Seditious Publication

52.   The Jewish Farmer

53.   Over Invoicing

54.   The Displaying of Intelligence

55.   Crying for Mercy

56.   Many Are Called

57.   Killing Softly

58.   The Announcement of Death

59.   Negligence of Duty

60.   An Agreement is an Agreement

61.   The Investigator

62.   The Owner Claims the Head

63.   The Exploitation of Gold

64.   Mama Knows Best

65.   The Choir Master

66.   Equality

67.   The World Peace

68.   Education Not Investigation

69.   Finding Treasure in the Church

70.   The Worried Albino

71.   The Dollar Power

72.   Time Tells

73.   Man Should Not Live by Bread Alone

74.   Attempt to Kill his Savior

75.   The State Downfall

76.   Be Consistent

77.   Once Bitten Twice Shy

78.   Vowing for Nothing

79.   The Ants and the Cola

80.   The Dirty Money

81.   Creating a Name

82.   The Hypocrites

83.   The End of a Grasshopper

84.   The Foolish Man’s Anthem

85.   Varieties of Water

86.   Unplanned Venture

87.   The Dark Cloud

88.   The Musicians

89.   The Inhuman Act

90.   The Locked Jaw

91.   Breeding a Child

92.   The Disgraced Officer

93.   The Soccer Player

94.   The Language of Peace

95.   The Kumasi Tenants

96.   Beware of Friends

97.   A Cry at Dawn

98.   The Revenge

99.   The Controversial Exit

100.   The Chicken Thighs

101.   The Danger Zone

102.   The Thumbprint Revolution

103.   The Unwanted Liberty

104.   Peace Begins at the Breakfast Table

105.   The Diamond Winners

106.   Fear Women

107.   The Heavy Sentence

108.   Watch and Pray

109.   Safety First

110.   Filling the Pews

111.   Justice Delayed

112.   As Silent as the Dead Sea

113.   Underrating a Hunter

114.   The Stepchild

115.   Give Peace a Chance

116.   Struggling Man

117.   The Pitiful Bird

118.   Beneficial Purposes

119.   The Rejected Boy

120.   Now I Know

121.   One Man One Car One House

122.   The Deserving Punishment

123.   The United Front

124.   The Unfit Sportsman

125.   Peace First

126.   The Curfew

127.   The Cowards

128.   Who is Free?

129.   Help from Above

130.   A Blacksmith’s Request

131.   The Magical Display

132.   The Coffin Maker

133.   Searching for Food

134.   Manna from Heaven

135.   Seniority

136.   The Quiz

137.   The Congregation

138.   The Virgin Wedding

139.   The Bad Advice

140.   Confessing before Man

141.   Humility

142.   The Marriage that Never Was

143.   Guiding the Lips

144.   The Ransom Life

145.   The Deferred Hope

146.   The Crushed Spirit

147.   The Easy Fortune

148.   The Charming Speech

149.   Changing an Attitude

150.   The Jealous Master

151.   The Dishwasher

152.   Crossing the Border

153.   The Tripartite

154.   Thou Shall not Drink

155.   Probity and Accountability

156.   The Boxer

157.   The Beginning of a Character

158.   The Race for the Sea

159.   The Amazing Race

160.   The Economic Wizard

161.   The Apology

162.   The Fact-finding Visit

163.   Cry Freedom

164.   The Fugitive

165.   When a Woman Loves a Man

166.   The Irrelevant Charges

167.   Brother’s Keeper

168.   The Thief of Amour

169.   The Untruthful Hunter

170.   The Mafias

171.   The Exit of a Bride

172.   The Warrior Tribe

173.   The Poultry Farmer

174.   Hijacking a Corpse

175.   The Bamboo Monument

176.   The Old Profession

177.   A Test through Fire

178.   The Tornado

179.   The Tax Invaders

180.   The Cold War

181.   A Transfer by Life

182.   What Went Wrong

183.   The Macho Men

184.   The Master’s Bedroom

185.   Making Money in the USA

186.   Declaring a King

187.   Hatching a Ploy

188.   The Pitiful Contractor

189.   The Greatest Festival

190.   The Ridiculous Instruction

191.   Kettle Condemning Pot

192.   Beg, Steal, or Borrow

193.   The Fretful Woman

194.   Passing an Act

195.   The Transfusion

196.   Speaking in Parables

197.   Help Wanted

198.   The Easter Retreat

199.   A Family Pastime

200.   The Midnight Movers

201.   The Honors of a Cockroach

202.   The Second Herman

203.   The Statesman

204.   The Tribal Marriage

205.   Charging Exorbitantly

206.   The Deadly Sore

207.   Safety First

208.   Encouraging Smuggling

209.   The Supreme Court Judge

210.   Embracing Death

211.   The Vainglory

212.   The Cheapest Lady

213.   The Missionary

214.   The Toothless Dog

215.   The Gutter Religion

216.   The Untouchables

217.   A Purple Heart

218.   Man Should Go to the Mountain if…

219.   The Wise Man, the Strong Man, and the Dropout

220.   The Violent People

221.   The Soul Dance

222.   The Stubborn Child

223.   The Greedy

224.   The Vampire Bat

225.   The Liaison Officer

226.   The Master of Disguises

227.   The World of Our Own

228.   The Economic Statistician

229.   Trillion Here, Trillion There, Trillion Everywhere

230.   The Happy Birthday

231.   The Sanction

232.   The Covered Trench

233.   Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina!

234.   The Covered Trench

235.   The Born-again

236.   Water Finds Its Own Level

237.   The Fallen Chief

238.   Miners and a Civil Case

239.   The Public Convenient Places

240.   Removing a Wedge

241.   Gambling with Life

242.   A Coward in a Cave

243.   Building a City

244.   The Counterintelligence

245.   Searching for Light

246.   The Teenage Pregnancy

247.   The Fine Weather

248.   The Hanging Garden

249.   The Mystery Boundary

250.   The Crazy Pig

251.   The Multimillionaire

252.   Who to Trust

253.   The Disgusting Food

254.   The Three Honorable Dogs

255.   Mother of All Bleaching

256.   The Wicked Disease

257.   The Hijacking

258.   The Accusing Fingers

259.   The Cold War

260.   The Big Trio

261.   The Uncompromised Advice

262.   The Forest Reserve

263.   The Missing Cart and the Grain

264.   The Ordained People

265.   The Mystic Stones

266.   The Three Sure Numbers

267.   The Emergency Trial: Buried with Disgrace

268.   The Suspect Dinner

269.   The Resolution of Apes

270.   The Naked Robbery

271.   The Nation of Freedom

272.   The Kalabule Golf Championship

273.   The Alleged Criminal

274.   Swearing to Die

275.   The Stupid Inquiries

276.   The Five Comedians

277.   The Casual Laborer

278.   The King Should Go

279.   The Wolf Gang

280.   The Gift of a Butcher

281.   The Financial Knockout

282.   Struggling for a Lover

283.   The God of Our Ancestors

284.   Searching for a Father

285.   The Attempted Murder

286.   The Will of a Worm

287.   A Miss Tiger

288.   The Obligations of a Woman

289.   Die another Day

290.   Working around the Clock

291.   The Limousine Owner

292.   The Underrated Crab

293.   The Cheap Labor

294.   The King’s Pets

295.   Snail and the Tortoise

296.   A Tangible Reason

297.   A Careful Rat

298.   A Bachelor found a Wife

299.   A Father and Son

300.   The Assault in a Palace

301.   A Deserted Soldier

302.   The Controversial Chicken

303.   The Soaked Seagull

304.   The Secret Service

305.   The Expensive Soccer Player

306.   The Failed Butcher

307.   The Poison Ivy

308.   The Hunger Strike

309.   The Disguised Flames

310.   Two Heads Meeting

311.   The Decaying Teeth

312.   The Newborn Zebra

313.   The Weapon for the Weak

314.   It is too Rude

315.   The Beauty Pageant

316.   And So What

317.   Breast-feeding

318.   The Original Friends

319.   The Gimmick of Politicians

320.   The Fox Fur

321.   The DNA Kids

322.   Attempt All Questions

323.   A Village Demonstration

324.   A Negative Attack

325.   The Latest Resolution of the Animal Kingdom

326.   Crying Peace

327.   The Last Hours of Freedom

328.   The Exile of a Porcupine

329.   A Sin City

330.   The Secondhand Bible

331.   Domestication

332.   The White-collar Thieves

333.   Animals First

334.   The Heart Desires of a Couple

335.   Freedom for All

336.   A Drunkard Student

337.   The Cold-blooded Battle

338.   The Blood Tonic

339.   The Prestigious Appointment

340.   The Worried Reverend Minister

341.   The Independent Council

342.   Where Have All the Men Gone?

343.   Swearing Under Oath

344.   The Missing Nose

345.   A Landlord and his Tenant

346.   Lamentation of Wisdom

347.   The Secret of a Giant

348.   Invitation to All Friends

349.   The Two Disabled Men

350.   Paid to Lie

351.   The First Lady

352.   Uncompromised Schedule

353.   The Pleasant Seat

354.   Have You Heard the News?

355.   A Camel and his Master

356.   The Absolute Power

357.   The Warlords

358.   The Three Superpowers

359.   The Seaweed and the Whale verses Humankind

360.   Immersed in Defiled Water

361.   The Blood Gang

362.   She Went, She Saw, and She Touched

363.   Cash and a Case

364.   The Hot Seat

365.   A Pastoral Letter

366.   The Mafia and the Violent Monsters

367.   A Response to a Call

368.   From the Kitchen to the Ballroom

369.   A Breach of Contract

370.   The Bell Toll and the Deep Voices

371.   The Killer Disease

372.   A Devil Academy

373.   The Three Wise Men

374.   Longing for Medals

375.   The Indecency Hearing

376.   The Slaves and their Masters

377.   The Prosecuting Fingers

378.   A Wild Breast

379.   Barter

380.   Winning the Souls

381.   Holy War

382.   The Disqualified Judges

383.   The Illegal Immigrant

384.   The Perished Immigrants

385.   The Hallelujah Chorus

386.   Mission Accomplished

387.   Cry in the Rain

388.   Diviners and Mediums

389.   The Degree of Death: The Death of Dignity

390.   Playing Discord in Music

391.   The Madness Act

392.   The Queen of the Wells

393.   The Killing Institute

394.   The Vision of Lakayana

395.   Changing of the Baton

396.   The Gay Priest

397.   You Have the Right to Remain Silent

398.   The Cleaner

399.   The Climate Change

400.   The Synthetic Teeth

401.   What Death Fears

402.   The Salt Prophet

403.   The Dirty Pair of Shoes

404.   Pain at the Pump Station

405.   The Three Volunteers

406.   The Hydro Treaties

407.   One on One

408.   The Stupid Veto

409.   Who is Perfect?

CHAPTER 1

The Nickname, Lakayana

Lakayana was my pupil in Primary Four. His given name was Papa-Arkoh. But because of his behavior, he was nicknamed Lakayana after a man we read about in the class textbook. To give a vivid account of Papa-Arkoh and how he came to be named Lakayana after the Oxford English Course Reader Four, I shall reproduce part of the story here.

*    *    *

Lakayana was a man who wandered about. One day, he came across a yam on a school compound. While taking the yam home, he was met by a woman who anxiously asked him to show her the yam. Unfortunately for the woman, the yam fell and broke into pieces. Lakayana, who looked very worried, was given a pot to replace the yam. On his way home, Lakayana was seen by a man who requested to examine the beautiful pot. The pot also fell and broke into pieces. Lakayana was compensated with an axe.

Lakayana ran into a woodcutter and offered him his axe, which the woodcutter was to return after completing his work. The careless woodcutter broke the axe. What would the woodcutter say to this inconsistent Lakayana to convince him not to be mad? The man promised to give Lakayana a spear to replace his axe. Lakayana, who had longed for a spear, became overexcited and composed a song, which went like this:

See me, Lakayana, with my spear,

The spear that an old man gave me,

An old man who broke my axe,

The axe that a man gave me,

The man who broke my pot,

The pot that a woman gave me,

A woman who broke my yam,

The yam that I found on a school compound.

Papa-Arkoh, who was like Lakayana, was brought to school one day by his mother. The mother told the teacher, Teacher, a report reached me that Papa-Arkoh is spending too much money. I went to search for him in his absence and found two pounds in his pocket. I inquired about where he got the money. He said that he got it from the school compound. This is not the first time! Some time ago, I saw him with a ten-shilling note. When I questioned him, he said that he’d found the money on the school compound. Sir, incidents of Papa-Arkoh finding money at the school compound are becoming rampant! I have, therefore, brought him here for you to influence him to speak the truth, or I shall let you put him on the table and give him twelve lashes.

After Papa-Arkoh’s mother laid out her allegation against Papa-Arkoh, the teacher questioned him, asking how he’d come about the money, some of which he had spent; two pounds remained. Papa-Arkoh said he’d originally had three pounds and that he’d found it on the school compound.

The teacher asked Papa-Arkoh how he’d gotten the first ten shillings that his mother had talked about.

Young Arkoh replied that he had found the ten shillings on the school compound. The teacher asked, Are you a Lakayana to find fortunes always on the school compound? Are you becoming a thief? Why did you not show your fortune to any of the teachers and instead take the money away against the school rules? And why did you fail to show it to your parents?

The teacher ordered four big boys to come forward to put young Arkoh on the table. When he had given the boy six strokes, he let Arkoh stand up to tell the whole truth about the money. But young Arkoh still insisted that he found the money on the school compound. Hence, he was called Papa-Arkoh Lakayana, after the man who always found fortunes on the school compound.

Eventually, the boy’s real name, Papa-Arkoh, gave way to Lakayana, a nickname that became popular in the whole town.

Lakayana grew to become a Confucianist, a thief, a schemer, and a slanderer, and he was associated with all sorts of criminal offenses—though he looked very calm and gentle.

I had heard of Verle, the clever thief popularly known as Black Shirt. I always compared Lakayana to Black Shirt, wondering who would be the second to the other.

Lakayana was unlike the Black Shirt, as the latter used to steal at night and was never seen by anyone. Notorious, Lakayana was known in Kumasi City as the chief of pocket pickers during the daytime. Anyone staying in Kumasi City had heard of or known Lakayana personally. His name was on the lips of everyone, and children composed songs using his name when playing. The ungodly man that he was, he used to go to court to defend criminals by false witness. When Confucianist Lakayana was in middle school, he stirred up troubles among other pupils so they’d fight just to please himself.

He once told his friends that it was very interesting to see young women fighting. Are you not aware of that? he asked. You see, when young women are fighting, one will be seriously knocking the other around, and her opponent will grab her panties. I have gotten wind that such an incident will happen sooner or later, he continued.

From there, Lakayana went to a certain fine lady and told her, Madame, our young women’s prefect, who is a friend of your husband, is always insulting you to us—saying some filthy words about you! I am here to inform you, but exercise patience and try not to fight with her. You just warn her about this when she is returning from school, and you are warned not to disclose my identity to her. Otherwise, no information shall reach you again.

Thank you, said the lady.

From there, Confucianist Lakayana went to school and told the young women’s prefect, Irene, do you know the beautiful lady behind the market whose husband works at the G.N.T.C. Department Store?

Irene stood there silently and tried to imagine which beautiful woman Lakayana was talking about. Yes! I have seen her. She is Sister Lydia.

Very good. You know her, said Lakayana. "This very afternoon when I was coming to school, Sister Lydia was fighting with her husband, Mr. Jackson, about his friendship with you. She said she’d come to the school and beat you up and make you naked. But you are a school prefect, and it would be a disgrace to be naked in public. The woman will come with the pretext of questioning you and, when you’re not looking, she will hold your upper garment and slap you and tear your dress into pieces. She even said that she will put a pepper solution into a syringe and spill it into your eyes.

My advice to you, Lakayana continued, is that if you see this lady coming close to you in public, you should not waste time and get peppered. Get into action quickly and slap her. By so doing, you have won half the battle. Try to loosen her. Even if she wears a corset, try to remove it, so that her bad intentions will turn on her. A word to the wise is enough.

Confucianist Lakayana went to his friends and told them that the women’s fight he talked about the previous day would happen around four thirty or five o’clock, and anyone who wanted to see the stupidity of women should be there at four thirty p.m.

Sister Lydia, after hearing the news that her husband was a friend to the young women’s prefect, could hardly control her temper, but she wanted to get the facts. She went to the G.N.T.C. Department Store and questioned Mr. Jackson, but he denied the allegation. Mr. Jackson asked for the source of the information, but Lydia refused to disclose it.

Instead of going home, she heeded the advice of Lakayana and went to ask Irene why she had been insulting and saying filthy words about her. She found a corner of a house where there was some shade to wait for Irene.

The school closed about four p.m., and all the pupils were leaving for their respective homes. Irene, who was aware that Sister Lydia would confront her, was intentionally, the last to leave the school compound with two other mates. But, Irene was so clever that she did not tell the young women what would take place in due course.

Lakayana and his friends followed in a hidden and safe place side-by-side with the young women’s prefect and her friends to the spot to see the battle begin.

Sister Lydia, who did not know the young women’s prefect personally, inquired of one of the boys. He described her and told Lydia that Irene was still at the school. Sister Lydia stood watching, and when Irene passed by, she clapped her hands to call the attention of Irene. She signaled for her to stand still. When Irene saw Lydia, she did not do what Lydia had said. This was concrete proof that Irene had been intimate with her husband.

Sister Lydia rushed to Irene and greeted the other two young women and said, Please, dear Sister, a minute to see Irene.

What can I do for you? said Irene.

Of course, Sister Lydia never knew that a fight would ensue between the two. Her intention was to warn Irene to stay away from her husband, but according to the information Irene had received, Lydia was to beat her and make her naked. So Irene took Lakayana’s advice. She slapped Sister Lydia with a striking blow—and followed it with more slaps, making Lydia half blind. Irene started loosening Lydia’s clothes, which was not difficult for her to do. The whole place was surrounded by people, and there arose quite an uproar. Some elderly people came to rescue Sister Lydia and send her home.

Although Lydia was beaten and naked, she was not disgraced as would happen to some women who were in the habit of wearing dirty bola panties. The nakedness made people like Lydia more because she was a true lady. The correctness in Lydia’s nakedness cooled the crowd down. They stopped the catcalls at once because they had observed something beautiful.

When the fight came to an end, the matchmaker, Lakayana, went to congratulate the young women’s prefect for a good performance.

Irene’s mother went to Mr. Jackson to sound a warning to him; if, in the future, his wife, Lydia, fought again with her daughter, she would summon her to queen mother.

Nobody knew the factual cause of the fight between Irene and Lydia except Lakayana.

In town and at school, if one heard fighting going on, Lakayana had been the matchmaker.

One day, Lakayana was nowhere to be found; he was neither in school nor at home. For three consecutive days, he was not seen, so his father reported the case to the police. The parents of Lakayana were in bed at night when they heard a noise in the room. At first, the parents did not take notice of it. But again, the noise came from under the bed. The father knew that it might be a mouse, for the noise came intermittently.

He decided to see what was there. When he bent down, he saw his son—there lay Lakayana fast asleep. He was wobbling the buckets and pans kept under the bed. Lakayana, whose father was a storekeeper, had laid an ambush to detect where the store keys were kept so he could steal his father’s money.

Lakayana entered high school and was very clever indeed—and calm. If someone was told that Lakayana was a bad boy, he or she would never believe it. In high school, Lakayana was a boarding student, and he stole shoes and sent them to Kumasi to sell to secondhand dealers. The money raised from the sale of the stolen shoes was used for hotels! Lakayana managed to steal four school typewriters and send them to Kumasi for sale. From the money he got, he went to stay at the Supreme Hotel. He found a young woman and introduced himself to her. He told her that he was called Lakayana and that he worked at the auditor general department in Accra and had been sent to Kumasi to audit some corporations and firms; he said he’d be heading back to Accra in a week’s time.

Lakayana called for five bottles of cold beer and some roasted chicken. He and the young woman drank and ate the meat heartily. Really, Lakayana’s appearance and his movement testified to his appointment as an auditor. Nothing indicated that he was a student. He had sufficient money in his pocket to entertain the fair lady.

When Lakayana learned that the young woman had fallen deeply for him, he played a little romance with her. And when they could drink no more, the young woman, Janet, asked Lakayana to relax with her in their hotel room. On the bed, Lakayana had an erection, and the young woman saw it. She asked Lakayana in a playful way, Please, what is this?

Lakayana pretended not to know what she was talking about.

The young woman opened the zipper on the flap of his trousers and held Lakayana’s genitals. Please, I mean this thing.

Lakayana replied, That is my posh car.

When the object in the hand of Janet had become very warm and radiated, Janet took away her frock and put her panties under the pillow without Lakayana’s command. Lakayana put his hand on the smooth skin of Janet’s body near her thighs and said, This may be a good garage for my posh car.

As time went on, Janet demanded that Lakayana should park the posh car in her garage.

Young Lakayana proved to the lady that he was a competent man. He jerked nicely, and the lady, too, appreciated his good performances.

After the first round, Lakayana asked the lady, Mama, how do you find my work?

Oh, there was no blemish, she answered. Lakayana, how was the place? she asked.

It too was glorious, exclaimed Lakayana.

Are you sure? continued the young woman.

Indeed. I love the place because it is too glorious, Lakayana declared.

Then, God bless you.

The affair of Lakayana and his lady was a balanced game. Both of them loved each other dearly.

*    *    *

Lakayana completed High School with good grades but refused to enter college. His father asked him what he intended to do.

Please, I can’t tell for it will come by itself, Lakayana replied.

Lakayana’s nephew, who had access to his grandpa’s chamber, was asked by his uncle to try and get him the store and the safe keys. One evening, when Lakayana’s father had closed the store and was taking a cool breeze on his veranda, Lakayana’s nephew was sent to his grandpa’s chamber and brought the store and safe keys to his uncle.

Lakayana went to his father’s store and told the watchman that he had been sent by his father to collect two blankets from the store. Once Lakayana went to the store with the keys, the watchman knew that it was true that he had been sent by his father. Moreover, he was coming for blankets, which the father might need, so the watchman helped Lakayana open the store doors. When Lakayana entered the store, he went behind the counter and opened the safe. There was plenty of money in bundles, each in different denominations. Lakayana had his father at heart and took only two thousand pounds, with the hope that he could go back and take more when he was short of money. He knew his nephew could bring him the keys at any time.

Lakayana did not waste time in the store, which might raise the watchman’s suspicions. He came out with two blankets. He locked the door with the five big padlocks. Lakayana was satisfied with what he had taken so he went home. He called his nephew to give him back the bunch of keys, so the boy could return them to their place. But, very sadly indeed, Lakayana had left the bunch of keys on the counter and locked the doors with the padlocks. For the first time, Lakayana was downhearted and became worried and pale.

What must I do? he asked himself. Whatever happens, my father will detect the theft at the store tomorrow. Therefore, I have to leave this house and find a place to live.

If Lakayana had known his chance in the safe was his only opportunity, he would have taken away the whole sum of money in the safe.

Lakayana bathed and put on nice clothes. He informed his parents that he was going to see a film at the Odeon and that he probably wouldn’t return home to sleep, as he would put up with his friend. He took nothing with him except a wrapped parcel, probably the money, and left the house.

*    *    *

Lakayana’s father prepared to go to the store the following morning. He searched his room but could not find the bunch of keys. He asked his wife if she had come across them, but the question nearly brought on a quarrel.

The wife countered with a question. I have my separate room. Why do you ask me about your keys?

The man was confused and did not know what to do. It was nearly ten a.m., and Lakayana’s father had not gone to the store, so one of his watchmen came to find the cause. The shopkeeper explained that the store and safe keys were missing.

Please, Papa, ibi yaka yaka! Ask him, the watchman, who was a foreigner, replied in broken English. He tell ‘im say ibi, you sent him for blankets yesterday night. So the keys, dey for him?

Then I am dead! said the father.

Lakayana was nowhere to be found. The father hired a carpenter and forced the door open. The money safe was the first place that the father went. He found the bunch of keys on the counter; he opened the safe and counted the money. He was short by two thousand pounds.

*    *    *

In the evening, Lakayana’s parents expected him to return home, but he did not.

CHAPTER 2

The Exile In Takyiman

Lakayana left his parents in Kumasi and took exile in Takyiman, a famous market center in the Brong Ahafo Region. Lakayana became popular in three month’s time. All the beautiful women in town belonged to him, and the young women fought over him like cocks fighting over their loved ones.

When Lakayana arrived in Takyiman, he studied the atmosphere and the environment. Two months passed, but he did not have an affair with any young woman. Lakayana had a view of some young women who had moved in together and were friends. There were six young women, and they were very beautiful and attractive. Confucianist Lakayana tried to flirt with all the six friends; he decided that these young women would know his supremacy.

Lakayana called one of the young women and told her that he was living alone, adding that he wanted to have her as a friend and, if possible, marry her. The young woman, Lucy, had spotted Lakayana in town and already loved him, so there was no difficulty in winning her over. She agreed to stay with Lakayana. The first time Lucy came to Lakayana’s house, he made it plain to her that he was impotent but still loved her; he would stay with her and take good care of her and they would live nicely as a married couple, but she should be careful not to tell anyone about his impotency. About four consecutive times, Lakayana put up with Lucy but had no affair with her. This idleness proved to her that Lakayana was, indeed, impotent.

A young woman who had discovered something very strange would never let it remain a secret. She exposed everything to the five other young women. But they did not believe what she told them.

Lakayana believed that the plan he had executed was working nicely, so he called a second young woman to his room and proposed love to her. Again, Lakayana told her that he was impotent, but she should not tell anyone else. He gave Dede, the second young woman, an amount of money and allowed her to go without any affair.

During a conversation between the six friends, they all freely discussed their boyfriend. Lucy, who still complained about the impotency of Lakayana, her new boyfriend, was supported by the second young woman, Dede. Although she did not give direct confirmation, she usually said, Lucy might be correct. She could not reveal that she had gone to test. She supported Lucy solely through unconditional clauses. Probably it might be true was her anthem.

When Lucy was not present, Lakayana called the third young woman, Esi, and disproved every allegation about him. Esi’s intention was to sleep with Lakayana and demand money or blackmail him about his impotency. The plan did not favor Esi. Lakayana had done a good job on her.

The fourth young woman, Araba, was, one afternoon, invited to Lakayana’s room. The young woman, being aware of Lakayana’s impotency, was the first to play with Lakayana’s ears and had the view that Lakayana would fail to make love to her—and that would cost him a great sum of money. Confucianist Lakayana disrobed the young woman outright.

Please, you are wasting my time; if you don’t love me, let me go, said Araba.

Lakayana capsized Araba on the bed with her buttocks looking up. Lakayana penetrated nicely and satisfied her. He allowed the young woman to go and warned her not to let anyone hear of his good works.

The next day, Lakayana sent for a young young woman, the fifth young woman, Akwele, inviting her to his house. Knowing that Lakayana was impotent, she ran quickly to attend the call, for there was nothing fearful; only gifts were given to the lucky ones. When Akwele entered the room, she found Lakayana in front of a table counting money in bundles. Lakayana stopped counting the money and gave his seat facing the bundles of money on the table to Akwele.

Not a single word he said entered the ears of Akwele; her attention was on the money. This was a trap set by Lakayana, and it worked! He said, I would have given you more money, but I am afraid your friend, Lucy, might hear of it.

How can she know? asked Akwele.

Lakayana went very close to her and put his hand into her blazer and started squeezing her breast.

You see that you are disturbing me? If you don’t fling me, I will take some of this money away, Akwele said. What a wrong thing to say!

Don’t worry, madam, I shall satisfy you, Lakayana assured her. He loosened Akwele’s clothes and put her on the bed. Akwele was surprised to see Lakayana coming at her like a soldier going to the battlefront. He gave her a lovely fling.

Lakayana pardoned her, telling her she should go to her house and come back in the evening for money after he had finished counting it. He warned her that he would deal with her drastically if the story was revealed in town.

The sixth young woman, Ataa, was invited to Lakayana’s house one morning. Seeing that there were some people in the house, Lakayana asked her to wash his bedsheets for him. When she had finished washing them and had hung them on the clothesline, she entered Lakayana’s room and sat on his bed. Ataa claimed that she had been cheated for washing the bedsheets that were meant for some other people’s business.

But you and Lucy are the same, aren’t you? he asked.

But, and she paused.

But what? Lakayana asked. All right, I shall put you on new bedsheets, and Lucy shall come and wash them with a vengeance.

He dressed the bed nicely and carried Ataa from the chair to the bed without any further protest because she thought Lakayana was impotent. He jabbed her nicely and let her go with a strong warning—Don’t tell anybody!

One market day, Lucy informed Lakayana that she was taking four gallons of kerosene to her grandmother at her village and should be back in three day’s time. When Lakayana heard this news, he was excited because his room would be free.

In the evening, he sent for the second young woman, Dede, who once proposed love, but he’d refused to have an affair with her. When Dede had come, Lakayana told her, You and my girlfriend, Lucy, are the only people who know my secret—that I am impotent—and I am happy, too, that ever since I exposed the secret to you, no one else in the town has heard it. I am very grateful to you. You are the kind of person I would like to have in my company. I am going to treat you well, as I have been treating my girlfriend, Lucy, but try not to let her see you because she would be jealous of that. I am going to help you progress and improve yourself as I have been doing for Lucy. Only promise me that everything shall be a secret. You are to come here this evening to sleep till daybreak. And, when coming, try to prepare me a nice dinner.

In the evening, Dede came with food placed in a basket and covered with four towels. She prepared fufu with palm nut soup, which Lakayana liked very much, and a china plate full of jolof rice with beef. Dede brought the food in order to gain higher involvement with Lakayana for the day, for sex was not on her mind. She had observed the weakness of damned Lakayana. While Lakayana was eating, Dede sat beside him and talked like a parrot just to win more marks for the night to enable her to get enough money the following morning.

After Lakayana had finished eating, Dede dressed the bed well and made another bed on the floor for herself. Lakayana inquired why she had prepared two beds. Dede replied that she wanted to have a sound sleep. Then come and sleep on the bed, and I will sleep on the floor, said Lakayana.

Dede was on the floor at midnight when Lakayana approached her and said, Please, madam, I am feeling like a man.

Please don’t come and disturb me, said Dede.

But, to her surprise, she felt the radiation of Lakayana’s hot object. Probably the posh car was parked in Dede’s garage, for later she screamed for help. She was released and both of them were satisfied.

When Lakayana had finished five of the young women, it came time for his real girlfriend, Lucy. Lucy did not frequent Lakayana’s house because there was nothing of interest. Even when she needed something, she sent a child to collect it.

One afternoon, Lakayana invited Lucy to his room. As Lucy entered the doorway, Lakayana embraced and kissed her. But Lucy showed no sign of affection. He held Lucy’s breast.

She struggled to free herself.

Oh, Lucy, this time I have had medicine for my disease, so try to treat me well, Lakayana said.

Ever since you came to Takyiman, have you ever traveled? From where did you get the cure? Lucy inquired.

Lakayana took off his trousers and walked over to Lucy at the table. When Lucy saw his erection, she had the feeling of it. If all women were as obedient as Lucy, how peaceful the world would be and how pleasant a married life would be.

She followed Lakayana to the bed and took away her clothes without instruction from him. Experienced, he displayed sensibility and technique.

*    *    *

Famous Lakayana had stayed in Takyiman for about seven months and spent the whole sum of money he’d stolen from his father’s safe. When he was left with thirty pounds, he realized that he should have invested or done business with the money. He used the remaining thirty pounds to buy some provisions and a gambling bowl and set a table. He began operating a gambling operation, which paid him nicely. Lakayana, considering his position and his status in the town, looked down on the operation of the gambling bowl, so he hired two reliable boys to run the work for him.

On market days, more than two hundred people gathered around the gambling table expecting to win prizes, whilst some, too, would be betting high and low at the back. Curious people, too, stood by to see the prize winners. As the gambling was in progress and receiving patronage, troublesome Lakayana went behind them and picked their pockets.

One market day, a stockman who had brought to the market ten sheep and four goats, went to Lakayana Square after selling the stock. He went to amuse himself, though he did not patronize the gambling bowl. When the stockman saw the sun was sinking, he decided to go back to his cottage. Preparing to buy his last item and leave the scene, the stockman could not find the money in his pocket.

What is this? My money is missing, the stockman screamed.

Many people gathered around him. Lakayana, who was there, asked the man the amount he was missing. Four hundred pounds, he replied.

Then, this has become a bad debt, said Lakayana (He would later count the money at home and it was exactly four hundred pounds.) May the Gods and spirit of this town help this stockman to bring more money to market and feed the poor ones, Lakayana prayed.

There were soon many reports of lost money at Lakayana Square, the gambling spot. But, no one could find the thief. Nobody suspected that fine and gentlemanly Lakayana was the thief.

*    *    *

A fine lady, who was a hairdresser, loved famous Lakayana but did not know how to approach him. The lady adopted a means and invited Lakayana to her salon. Please, young man, where do you come from? asked the hairdresser.

Please, madam, I am from Akokoaso in Ashanti, replied Lakayana.

I am a native of this town; I am called Juliet, said the hairdresser. I have heard so much about you and how you have been handling ladies. Recently, two young ladies fought over you when collecting water from the public tap. Why are you such a womanizer? You are too young at this stage to go after ladies. My advice to you is that you do away with every young lady who is troublesome and always demanding. Stay with only one professional person and be free, else you may run away from this town without a shirt or trousers. My younger brother, who is in college, looks the same as you, and I regard you as I regard him. I shall see to it that you turn over a new leaf. Juliet added, Do you hear?

Yes, madam, replied Lakayana. He thanked the lady and left the salon.

On the street on the way to his house, Lakayana’s heart beat faster than a man running a marathon. Then he said out loud to himself, What is this un-benevolent advice for; is this woman my mother? Did she take part in healing my wound when I was circumcised? Why is she depriving me of my liberty?

Lakayana got home and unwrapped one big kaya. He lit the kaya and smoked it and slept without worries.

One evening, Lakayana was checking his income for the day’s work when he heard a knock on the door. He invited the visitor in; it was Juliet, the hairdresser. She was welcomed and given a chair.

Dear, brother, ever since I called you at my salon, I never saw you again, and I have come this evening to see how you are doing, the lady delivered her message.

Thank you, mama, for paying me a visit, and since you advised me, I have done away with young women, and I am staying alone, said Lakayana.

Yes, that is very nice of you. I like those who heed advice. I even thought I would meet your numerous young women here, but you have demonstrated to me that you are an obedient brother. But this does not mean that you should stay single. One man, one car—find one professional lady and stay with her, Juliet advised.

As the conversation was going on, a knock came at the door.

Come in, said Lakayana.

In came a young lady. Angrily, Lakayana asked her. What are you after? Have I not warned you not to come here anymore? Leave the room, else I will beat you.

Please, Lakayana, I—

The young woman wanted to talk, but Lakayana shut her down and didn’t listen to any more pleading. He drove her away. Lakayana was proving to Juliet that he was not dealing with young ladies anymore.

Lakayana, you are very powerful. You sent this young woman away without allowing her to make any comment, the lady declared. I like smart guys like you.

Madam, if I had applied my triple powers that would have been a serious affair, said Lakayana.

What powers have you applied? asked Juliet.

That was infanticide power.

The madam broke into hysterical laughter. Lakayana, you are very funny; I never knew. When you are free, come to my salon to entertain me. She left the room and Lakayana slammed the door behind her.

Lakayana, whose conscience told him that he had mistreated the young lady, ran after her the next day. Instead of apologizing, he threatened her, saying, I have warned you several times not to come to my house in the evenings when I have seen you in the afternoon. Did you not come to me yesterday afternoon as you were returning from market? Why did you come again, in the evening? If I had not exercised some patience, I would have been offended. You came to disturb me. I shall take from you two dozen eggs and one full bottle of schnapps as compensation before we reunite, Lakayana declared.

The poor lady pleaded and apologized and, after Lakayana accepted the apology, she walked away with a fellow friends.

In three days, the lady sent, through her mate, two dozen eggs and a bottle full of schnapps, covered with a nice knitted tablecloth designed by the young woman herself.

Tell your friend to see me this evening, said Lakayana.

All right, the friend replied and off she went.

The lady reported to Lakayana’s room as scheduled, and the reunion was a happy one. Lakayana drank half of the schnapps.

Did you see the woman you met here the previous night? Lakayana asked.

I saw the figure but did not recognize her, answered the young woman.

She is the woman of the big hairdressing salon, the Salon of Twin Sisters, explained Lakayana.

Yes, I do know her. What was she about? the young woman inquired.

Oh, she needs some financial help; she has twice been here before.

Did you give it to her? asked the young woman.

Frankly, I declined to do it because I don’t know her character, answered Lakayana.

How much was she asking for?

Just fifty pounds, replied Lakayana.

The young woman commented, I am very surprised that this woman is asking for a help of fifty pounds. Her husband is in Kumasi. He is an industrialist; he owns the Dragon Match Factory and the Lucky Rings cigarette factory in Accra. It was last year that the woman returned from London, where she was trained as a hairdresser. I wonder why she would be so demanding for such a small amount of money from you. Also, she has three Toyota taxicabs operating in Kumasi. The cabs come here every Sunday to render accounts.

I see. Then the woman wanted to test me, to find out my financial position, replied Lakayana.

The topic of the hairdresser was put off, and Lakayana drank his schnapps. He was not in the habit of putting up with young women and let the lady go back to her house. He slammed the door after her and went to sleep.

About nine a.m. the following day, he went to the Salon of Twin Sisters.

Good morning, madam, he said.

Good morning, dear brother, Juliet responded. Here is a seat for you.

I have wanted to visit you very often, but I know you are busy, and that prevented me from coming.

But I am under no one’s control, not even customers. I am not obligated to attend them, remarked Juliet.

But do you know that duty comes before pleasure? asked Lakayana.

Yes, I am aware, but attending to a visitor too is a duty, for rejecting a visitor is not good etiquette.

A visitor should be received at home, not at business places, don’t you think? he suggested.

So you are prepared to go home as you have suggested?

Maybe! answered Lakayana.

This should be in the affirmative because you have stated a rule that a guest should be received at homes and not at business places. Juliet opened