The Uber Psychologist: Enhancing Compassion

By Maverick McGovern

"In The Uber Psychologist, author, psychologist and Uber driver, Maverick McGovern delivers colorful descriptions of his thought-provoking interactions with more than one hundred riders in the Charlotte area. The brief stories are fascinating. One leads to another and another, and I found it hard to stop reading, reminding me of eating potato chips; you just want more! McGovern's examination of the Stoic philosophy and how one can practice its Virtues demonstrates how attitude can affect powerful changes in how a person meets whatever challenges they have to face in life, from the tragic to the annoying and everything in between. As he states in the book, adversity is simply an opportunity to practice one's virtues."
Susan Stackler
Librarian/Retired School Teacher

• Language: English
• Publisher: BooxAi
• Release date: Jun 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9789655781854

Book preview

Prologue

W hy don’t you try driving for Uber? Mick asked me.

What’s that?

You pick people up in your car where they live or work and drive them to where they need to go. It’s like driving a taxi-cab.

That was 2016. Mick was my friend who I met in 1965 when we lived at an orphanage, the Milton Hershey School. He had a tendency to give advice and encouraged me to try out for the swim team when I was 11 and to learn about mindfulness meditation decades later, both of which became life-changing for me.

I’ll give it a shot. I’m broke and it can’t hurt.

Cardinal Innovations, a Managed Care Organization, had recently terminated a contract I had with them as a psychologist, and I felt desperate to make money to support myself. Losing a job and being broke wasn’t anything new, and I have joked that I probably have the North Carolina record for losing the most jobs as a psychologist. It’s a joke, just not the funny kind.

I discovered that to get started I needed to download an Uber app. Not being tech savvy was an understatement so I had to swallow some pride and find a woman, T, young enough to be my granddaughter to help me with that simple task. Once accomplished, I was ready to find an Uber Green Light Hub where a gentleman provided the stepwise instructions for how I would accept riders, pick them up, drive them while showing respect and politeness, drop them off and rate them, knowing they would also rate me. Having a Master’s degree in clinical psychology, I felt I might be capable of managing the job. Plus, I would be my own boss, which, having problems with authority figures throughout my career, would be a significant advantage.

I felt humbled by the specter of driving for Uber after having worked as a psychologist for 33 years and publishing a successful book entitled A Suicide Note of Hope, More Than a Memoir.

That book was prompted by being wrongfully fired at a mental health center because of an administrator who wanted to get rid of me, and that firing triggered suicidal ideation. I was in despair. In the book, I began writing a suicide note and, with each chapter, I became less suicidal, until I finally talked myself out of it. The transformation was connoted by the titles of the first and tenth chapters, Goodbye and Hello respectively. I found redemption by reframing suicidal thoughts as a good thing and not a bad thing in that they are signals that something does need to die in one’s life; it’s just not the person that needs to do so. Essentially the book is about growth and inspiration. It also gave me a mission to do whatever I could to help reduce suicide.

While anticipating driving for Uber, an exciting idea dawned on me that gifted me with a sense of alacrity. I could carry copies of my book in the car and share my story and book with interested riders when appropriate. If they wanted to buy an autographed copy from me, I would be happy to oblige them. They could either pay cash or put the cost of the book on their Uber app as a tip. It would be fun to see how many copies I could sell and, in the process, possibly be helpful to people, as the book has been described as inspirational and helpful. Most importantly, selling the book to them would help in my mission to reduce suicide, and I felt that mission to be one of my most important goals in life.

I began driving in Greensboro, NC and noticed the diversity of riders while also appreciating the similarities. One of my first trips was a young, Black male who wanted me to drive him to his job at McDonald’s. I asked him if there was anything I could do to make his ride better, and the question seemed to perplex him. Since he had a quiet disposition, I decided to be quiet, and when I dropped him off, I said, I hope you have a great day my friend. His affect told me he appreciated my comment with him simply saying, You too. I noticed later that he tipped me $5.00 and was surprised a young man working for minimum wage at McDonald’s would be so generous. Then I realized that tip was his gratitude for the kindness and respect I showed him; I also realized I could practice the virtues that once led me to become a psychologist by driving Uber.

For the next four years, I pick up an incredible assortment of riders, mostly in Charlotte and in areas ranging from the dangerous hood to upper-crust districts with billion-dollar homes. Occasionally I have passengers who say they like to read, are interested in looking at my book and inspired by how I talked myself out of suicide in my note which became a memoir and source for personal empowerment. Many are impressed with my mission to reduce suicide, and the first chapter of this work is entitled The Death of Suicide. Essentially, I purport that suicide could be eliminated as a problem by applying three different strategies. A surprising number buy the book from me, and they receive an autographed copy.

A caveat is in order about my first book and mission to reduce suicide. While every author wants to sell their book, that is not the primary reason for which I mention it in The Uber Psychologist. I do so because reducing suicide continues to be my mission, and A Suicide Note of Hope, More Than a Memoir is one of my best vehicles for doing so. My hope is that you will not be sidetracked by my mentions of the riders who buy the book in this one. Selling it and advancing my mission, though, was, admittedly, one of the most salient initial reasons I had for driving for Uber.

Chapter two is entitled Riders, Customers and Robust Experiences, and descriptions of experiences with 74 are included. As one might expect, the experiences are a panoply of our culture as well as other countries, ranging from a suicidal co-ed who buys my book to a federal judge to a topless dancer to a writer for The Atlantic to a professional basketball player and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Truly I feel blessed and grateful to have personal connections that are meaningful, even if for a brief moment in time. In addition to riders, I include material about tragedies from 2019, including how aspects of COVID-19 impacted the Uber experience, as well as the murdering of George Floyd. I had never seen a video so horrible or witnessed a crime so heinous and I felt disgusted an officer in blue, who was supposed to serve and protect the public, would appear so arrogant while murdering an innocent Black man. I finally understood the Black Lives Matter movement was in opposition to the inordinate police violence inflicted on Black men and women. I began wearing a shirt, I Can’t Breathe" which most of my Black riders appreciated.

In addition to the Chauvin horror, our country was further divided by the 45 th occupant of The White House, who was a malignant narcissist and a pathological liar with delusional disorder. He was solely responsible for thousands of deaths from COVID as well as The Big Lie and the insurrection on January 6. It is my intention that the reader will have a take away for each rider, ranging from interesting to heartfelt to humorous to meaningful.

The pervasive hatred, including my own, reminded me of a term, Transcendental Love, I came up with some years ago, and Chapter 3 is about that. It is similar to Christian love, or agape, in that it involves loving all human beings regardless of their trespasses, flaws, and differences. Transcendental Love, which means going beyond the mundane to love all sentient beings, is different than Christian love in that there is no need to believe in a deity to practice it. Agnostics, Atheists, Pantheists, Buddhists, and all others who do not believe in a deity can practice Transcendental Love, and the chapter details how to do so. My decision to include it is based on the hope that love will override hate if it is shared, discussed, and practiced enough. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and harnessing it more effectively might be the solution to most of our global problems.

Chapter 4 is entitled Meditations and Clinical Hypnosis, and if I were to say there was one skill or practice that has empowered me to live an exceedingly difficult life since the age of 19, it would be meditation. It has helped me overcome depression, manage anxiety, get through college and graduate school, survive the stress intrinsic to the professional life of a psychologist and has helped me to deal with the ups and downs of driving Uber for almost six years. While I have practiced different forms, in recent years I have practiced Mindfulness Meditation and feel Mindfulness has become a way of living. In addition to meditation, I have been fortunate to learn the skill of clinical hypnosis and describe a simple, safe self-hypnosis and illustrate a hypnotic process I developed for empowerment called PRACTICE, an acronym for Pacing, Relaxation, Assertiveness, Confidence, Thinking Rationally, Imagery, Comic Relief, and Empathy. Both meditation and hypnosis facilitate a state of consciousness, and I like to say Take care of your mind, and it will take care of you. It’s my hope that readers will benefit on several levels from this chapter, primarily by learning about and practicing meditation and hypnosis.

Uber requires drivers to put their license plates on the right side of their windshields, and mine reads STOIC, which sparks reactions from some riders. I tell them I first learned about Stoicism from Dr. Albert Ellis, one of the greatest psychologists of the last century and the founder of Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy, a version of which is Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Ellis liked to quote Epictetus, a Stoic, who lived from 50 AD-135 AD and said, Men are disturbed not by things but by the views they take of them. Essentially, the Stoics said our feelings are not caused as much by external events and other people as by our own thinking about them. To those riders who seem interested, I share another quote by the Stoic, Marcus Aurelius, who said, A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it. Knowing our thoughts cause our feelings and behavior is exceptionally empowering because it puts us in control, in the driver’s seat, of our own life. A small, but significant number of riders seem to appreciate my descriptions of Stoicism. Many are also piqued upon hearing Susan Fowler, who wrote Whistle Blower: My Journey to Silicon Valley and Fight for Justice at Uber is an avid Stoic as it helped her fight harassment made towards her at Uber.

Along the lines of Stoicism, some riders like a quote I share with them from my first book, I live for my philosophy as my philosophy helps me to live. In that regard, I delve more deeply into Stoicism in chapter 5, Stoic Learnings, in which I review Albert Ellis and his REBT before launching into appraisals and reviews of four different books by Stoic authors: Sharon Lebell, William Irvine, Donald Robertson, and Massimo Pigliucci. I find that the most salient feature that runs through these works is the enlightening perspective that while we do not have control over the external world, despite our futile attempts to do so, we do have control over our virtues and how we decide to implement them in our daily lives. It is the practice of virtues, both because they are intrinsically moral and beneficial that helps us to be happy.

Chapter 6, Stoic Talk is a term I’ve invented to apply to a counseling approach I plan to do by Zoom based on the Stoic philosophy, elements of REBT, and especially on the application of virtues, both to solve psychological problems and to enhance our happiness. In addition to the four Stoic Cardinal Virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance, I list 46 more virtues with corresponding maxims that I call Granite Statements, because they are rock solid. I describe how these virtues can be applied to everyday problems and experiences.

Chapter 7, A Stoic Leader, focuses on how a leader, whether it be a president, senator, governor, mayor or any other kind of leader would practice Stoicism in their roles. It begins by describing how the ideas and messages of three books would be embraced and advanced by the Stoic leader, including: A Mindful Nation by Congressman Tim Ryan, His Truth Is Marching On, John Lewis and The Power of Hope by Jon Meacham, and Think Again, The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant. While the Stoic Leader doesn’t have control over external conditions, she realizes she does have control over her virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance, or moderation. These virtues can be utilized with particular problems of society, with discussion about how the Leader would do so with the death penalty, the minimum wage, the global warming and the climate crisis, homelessness, police reform, and voting rights. A comment is also made about how to better help veterans.

Reflecting on my friendship with Mick, beginning at an orphanage in 1965, who recommended I try driving for Uber, it seems obvious that it is a story in itself, and, hence, chapter 8 is entitled My Friend Mick. He befriended me at age 11, just after my father died, and as I had no mother, brothers, or sisters, I needed that friendship. Mick recommended I try out for the swim team at that time, and as I was suffering depression from the loss of my father, swimming was exactly what I needed; competitive swimming became a lifetime change for me. I mention Mick’s inadvertent role in my decision to run away from the orphanage, which was also a life-changer, and go on to describe his role in helping me financially during times of need. In later years, he influenced me to explore Mindfulness Meditation by recommending a book, Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and this provided a landmark event in my life. In 2016, Mick suggested I begin driving for Uber, and, of course, this became a tremendous experience for me, having completed more than 11,000 trips as of this writing and having sold 328 books and still counting. When I disclosed to him that I weighed 196, with his reply of chubby, he also recommended I try Intermittent Fasting. After losing 40 pounds in four months, I became able to jog again, not having done it for ten years due to plantar fasciitis.

Mick’s generosity, friendship, and altruism have been indispensable in my life, and he has given me the opportunity to practice gratitude. Unfortunately, our personality characteristics prompted a set-to, and in the aftermath of his recommendation of IF, Mick said he wanted to distance himself. While I chose to practice acceptance of his decision and tolerance for his behavior, I also used Stoicism to practice virtues of understanding and forgiveness, gratitude for all he has done over the course of a lifetime, and love for him as he has been like a brother.

In chapter 9, Return from Exile, I begin by explaining my attempt to exact justice, one of the four Stoic Cardinal Virtues, with Uber, only to realize their decisions were out of my control, and, therefore, a Preferred Indifferent, the Stoic term for external events that are out of our control. I had not driven riders for two months, and, after Uber’s background check as well as insufficient business due to COVID, it was time to start driving again. While I also realized COVID was out of my control, I knew I could use the virtues of courage and reason by wearing a mask, insisting my riders do so and also by getting fully vaccinated. I write about 12 more riders including an oncologist from Nigeria, a young Black man who refuses to wear a mask, a Trump supporter who derogates Joe Biden, a discontented truck driver who I eventually cheer up and who buys my book, a transgender woman, a professional wrestler, a professional basketball player and a woman who only has two months to live. Amazingly, this woman pings me for another ride four months later. I have the opportunity to practice my virtues with all of these riders, including acceptance and tolerance, understanding and kindness, appreciation, honesty, compassion and gratitude. In my processing, I conclude: Every problem is an opportunity to practice your virtues.

Chapter 1

The Death of Suicide

But in the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

Albert Camus

Men are disturbed, not by things but by the views they take of them.

Epictetus

Iself-published A Suicide Note of Hope, More Than a Memoir in 2016, and it is so titled because I begin writing a suicide note but then talk myself out of it, making the book inspirational and often cliff-hanging. The book is based on true events, with the first chapter, Goodbye, detailing being fired at a job as a psychologist as the precipitator to my despair and suicidal ideation. Rather than completing suicide, I write about my tragic childhood which was chaotic albeit adventurous.

Throughout the book I write about my resilience that helped me survive traumas before writing about skills that helped me personally, such as meditation, assertiveness, and cognitive skills and that eventually helped me as a psychologist. I also write my achievements as a marathon runner and triathlete and how endurance athletics helped me combat depression. At the beginning of each chapter I note that I feel less suicidal. I reframe suicidal thoughts as a good thing and not a bad thing in that they are signals that something does need to die in one’s life; it’s just not the person who needs to do so. This reframe could have a profound benefit for people as it can help them to grow and make invaluable life transformations.

The tenth and final chapter is titled Hello and together with the first, provide bookends, telling a transformational change that begins with hopelessness and ends in happiness. I sell it to friends and acquaintances, Uber riders, get it in bookstores and libraries, and sell on Amazon where it received 49 five stars out of the first 49 ratings. I am happy the number of sales surpasses the average number of sales for a first-time author. I am especially pleased to receive an excellent review from the previous mayor of Charlotte, Jennifer Roberts and am surprised the book is doing better than expected.

I have always wanted to help people because without the help of a few people, I would never have lived passed the age of 18. I realize A Suicide Note of Hope is about much more than me, and I have decided to make it my mission to help reduce suicide. In so doing, I have learned that it is a tall order.

Suicide is a taboo subject in most of western civilization, and most people feel too ashamed to talk about their suicidal thoughts because of the taboo. Additionally, most other people feel too uncomfortable to listen to suicidal people and become critical, judgmental, or avoidant, which only exacerbates the alienation of the sufferer. When people don’t talk about it, they feel more worthless and depressed and are more likely to suicide. As a consequence, the taboo against suicide, ironically, makes it more likely for people to commit it.

As an aside, I should note the phrase commit suicide is considered a misnomer by the American Association of Suicidology because it implies something morally wrong or criminal. People commit sins and commit crimes. Consequently, when someone feels suicidal, they are likely to feel more suicidal due to the connotation of commit. If I happen to use the term, it is because it is part of the common vernacular, and it should be kept in mind that I consider the Association to be correct in their admonition.

I became aware that in writing my book I model how it is not only acceptable but healthier to talk about suicidal feelings. After all, I tell the whole world I feel suicidal, without shame, and explain the reasons for it, sometimes in deep detail. Hopefully, by reading it more people will feel better able to express their suicidal feelings, and more people will feel comfortable listening to them. I have had many people say that if I could help save one life, it would be worth it, and I hope I have helped more than one person.

I get the idea that it could be immensely helpful for folks to have a resource at their immediate disposal for times of despair when they feel like ending it all. It would be ideal if they could conveniently carry something in their wallets or purses that they could read whenever necessary. I have cards made with Life Reminders at the top and on the front and back have these statements printed:

Suicidal thoughts are signals that something in one’s life does need to die. It’s just not you. Explore what needs to die.

I can accept this anxiety and I can tolerate this pain.

Hope and help are just around the corner.

By ending your life you will not be able to experience the relief you are seeking. You can find relief from your pain in this life.

There is another option you haven’t discovered yet. Always more than one option.

Find someone who can listen. 800-273-talk (8255)

Find someone to teach you self-soothing techniques.

Do not listen to anyone who judges you or says you shouldn’t feel this way. You feel this way for a reason.

I feel the energy to embark on my mission to help reduce suicide and post the cards on Facebook where a psychologist from Washington DC describes what I am doing as groundbreaking. It seems the reframe of suicidal thoughts as being a good thing and not a bad thing in that they are signals that something in one’s life does need to die could be lifesaving in itself. In that sense, suicidal thoughts are gifts for transformation.

As an example of what may need to die in one’s life, I cite our clinging to someone or something that